Soon to be officially mine! Fingers crossed!!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
Venus enters your sign just before we enter the New Year. Venus is the planet of creativity as well as procreativity. It is the planet of art and design as well as love and romance. It may be that you are about to win admirers for your talents. Or it may just be that you're getting a fan club that doesn't much care what you do as long as you're you. Venus is also the planet of sensual indulgence. Life is about to fill with ways to thoroughly enjoy yourself. This is not just an experience you deserve; it's one you need. For too long, happiness has had to come second to obligation. The question now, is not what can you have? It's how much can you cope with?
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Traditions
After a hectic week of preperations (and too many meals for any one person!) I have been remarkably prepared this year. For the first time that I can remember, all my presents (excepting the ones for X and Y from Santa) were wrapped by Friday - as opposed to all my wrapping being done Christmas Eve, usually until about 2am!
Since Y was born, although we put our decorations up about a week or so before Christmas, we have always left putting our tree up until Christmas Eve. When the kids were small it was great for them to go to bed with the normal decorated house, and wake up with the whole shebang - tree, lights, presents! As they've got bigger, it's become a part of our Christmas Eve preperations, and the single most important family tradition we have. Sourcing the tree, getting it home, setting it up, decorating it, putting the presents out. This year I had actually bought the tree yesterday, and done most of my shopping, so today, apart from a trip to Sainsburys for a few extra bits, has been spent making Christmas crackers, sorting out the tree, watching Christmas family films, visits from Disco and then later Bea, eating nibbles and generally not much else. Which I have to say, has been lovely.
So, now both of my babies are settled in their beds, the house is clean (for the most part), the tree is up, and apart from the pile of presents for the stocking and the one present each from Santa that needs to be wrapped (you have to, of course, buy different wrapping paper and keep it hidden so no suspicions!) there is little else for me to do!
Tomorrow I am off to my sisters in Oxford, to spend Christmas afternoon and evening with my mum, her partner, my two brothers, my sister and of course, X and Y, followed by Boxing Day with my dad and partner, and then away to mate Mick's from Thursday to Saturday. All of which I am looking forward to. But, to be honest, sitting here clean from the bath, in just the tree and window lights, with "20 Years of Christmas Number 1's" on the telly and everything nearly ready for tomorrow is probably the best part of my Christmas.
Long may the tradition continue.
Since Y was born, although we put our decorations up about a week or so before Christmas, we have always left putting our tree up until Christmas Eve. When the kids were small it was great for them to go to bed with the normal decorated house, and wake up with the whole shebang - tree, lights, presents! As they've got bigger, it's become a part of our Christmas Eve preperations, and the single most important family tradition we have. Sourcing the tree, getting it home, setting it up, decorating it, putting the presents out. This year I had actually bought the tree yesterday, and done most of my shopping, so today, apart from a trip to Sainsburys for a few extra bits, has been spent making Christmas crackers, sorting out the tree, watching Christmas family films, visits from Disco and then later Bea, eating nibbles and generally not much else. Which I have to say, has been lovely.
So, now both of my babies are settled in their beds, the house is clean (for the most part), the tree is up, and apart from the pile of presents for the stocking and the one present each from Santa that needs to be wrapped (you have to, of course, buy different wrapping paper and keep it hidden so no suspicions!) there is little else for me to do!
Tomorrow I am off to my sisters in Oxford, to spend Christmas afternoon and evening with my mum, her partner, my two brothers, my sister and of course, X and Y, followed by Boxing Day with my dad and partner, and then away to mate Mick's from Thursday to Saturday. All of which I am looking forward to. But, to be honest, sitting here clean from the bath, in just the tree and window lights, with "20 Years of Christmas Number 1's" on the telly and everything nearly ready for tomorrow is probably the best part of my Christmas.
Long may the tradition continue.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The little things
Today, whilst doing his Christmas shopping after school, by himself, Y (at 14yrs old) bought a Big Issue from our local seller. I have to say, this makes me unbelievably proud!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Reverse countdown
Blimey, it seems I have so much to write that it feels like an onerous task instead of enjoyable blogging! As such, I may just precis in order to get it all down (well that and the fact that I'm a rubbish writer!).
Wednesday...
Went to the award ceremony in London, which was spiffing! The place is a small conference centre thing, right next to Westminster Abbey, in a place called Dean's Yard. Yard being an ironic term, as it has it's own security gates to get into this private square, with a large (and I mean large) lawn in the centre, conference centre on one side, Westminster Abbey opposite, and then residential/business premises either side, with Big Ben visible over the rooftops on the right hand side. It was amazing to be honest. Just so peaceful, you would never have guessed you were right in the middle of London!
So, we did the ceremony, had lots of pictures taken, got our certificate and then headed off to Harrods for a look around. After some browsing and buying (browsing only from me!) three of us headed to a little pub in Knightsbridge while the other three headed off to H&M! We finally got on a train home about 7pm, and I eventually arrived home, absolutely shattered, around 8.30pm. It was a good day though!
Thursday...
Blah, blah, blah. Work, work, work.
Friday...
Blah, blah, blah. Work, work, work.
Saturday...
After a hectic day of swimming lessons (X), junior league bowling (Y), and the horrors of town in the run up to Christmas, Saturday night I was out with Bea to see a band in a nearby town. Interestingly, SG was scheduled to be joining us but I was expecting him to bottle it and back out at the last minute. Lo, and behold, though, he turned up as planned, with wife and wife's friend as well.
This is the first time I had seen him since July, when we shagged, and we haven't even had a great deal of text or phone chat, so I was a little unsure how he'd be. Things seemed to be fine though, with no obvious atmosphere, and about half way through the night he rang me in the bar whilst he was outside for a fag, so we managed to get some time alone. To talk, before you think it!
He'd had a bit of "dutch courage" by this point, but basically he said how good it was to see me, that he was glad we were all cool, that although he loved his wife what had happened between us had been really special to him, that he still thought about me a lot, that he'd never done anything like that with anybody else and it mean't a lot to him, and ya de ya de yah. To be honest, it was quite nice to hear, and I do believe absolutely genuine, although I would have been cool without it. It was quite clear that he'd felt bad about it, but that he didn't regret it, and that he didn't want me to have felt bad about it. At that point, Bea came out looking for us, so the conversation veered quickly elsewhere, and we didn't really get a chance to chat again.
They (SG, wife, wife's friend) left not long after, at about the point I whispered to him "You'd better get going soon, because I'm starting to get the horn", which saw him dashing up and trying to usher 2 drunken women home! We had several hugs goodbye though, and whispered reassurances that everything was cool, and I was pleased with how it went. I miss catching up with him to be honest, not to mention the added bonus of the eye candy of him and a bit of a flirt.
That turned out to not be all though, as texting resumed not long after he left, which I will leave for the other blog. Needless to say, nothing physical happened, but although I was convinced it was unlikely to again, now I'd say it may take a time for him to get his head round things, but there is a stronger likelihood that given the right situation it might just repeat itself. Who knows! I'm not that bothered either way really, though seeing him has kickstarted my libido again I must say, and I'm pretty sure I'd revisit the situation!
Sunday...
After a late night of texting, I had a very lazy day yesterday, only venturing out for Macdonalds and to have a quick peek at how "my" house building is getting on! Ended up not being able to get to sleep last night though - partly a very long lie-in and partly a head full of horniness!
Monday...
Woke up this morning to X telling me that the cat had been bleeding all over the sofa, and on further investigation it seems to be the same place as the abcess he had a month ago. Don't really know what to do about it, as I took him to the vet's last month and he had a weeks worth of antibiotics and it seemed to have cleared up. He hasn't scrathed all the fur off yet, and there is no obvious swelling or pus, like last time, so I will just see how he goes over the next couple of days.
Spent today, at work, visiting some of the parlours in my hometown and Saturday night's local town, which is always eye opening, so work was good. Had a call this morning from the Mortgage Broker to say I needed to get a form filled in by the local housing association about the property, which seems a bit premature, as I haven't actually been offered it yet! Also to tell me I need to send it with a cheque for £190 valuation fee. Oh joy! Then, bloody ironically, the new housing association that has taken over all the council's housing stock rang me this afternoon to offer me a house transfer! Sodding typical! So, now I don't really know what to do.
The transfer they have offered me is in an area I wouldn't particularly want to live in, but it is a 3 bedroom and is, apparently, "a very, nice, clean and tidy house". I think I might go and see it, and try a bit of delaying tactic until I hear from the shared ownership housing association. I really want to proceed with the house buying thing, but if that falls through then I will be kicking myself that I refused a transfer. It's just so annoying that they've decided to offer it to me now, instead of 6 months ago!!
Wednesday...
Went to the award ceremony in London, which was spiffing! The place is a small conference centre thing, right next to Westminster Abbey, in a place called Dean's Yard. Yard being an ironic term, as it has it's own security gates to get into this private square, with a large (and I mean large) lawn in the centre, conference centre on one side, Westminster Abbey opposite, and then residential/business premises either side, with Big Ben visible over the rooftops on the right hand side. It was amazing to be honest. Just so peaceful, you would never have guessed you were right in the middle of London!
Thursday...
Blah, blah, blah. Work, work, work.
Friday...
Blah, blah, blah. Work, work, work.
Saturday...
After a hectic day of swimming lessons (X), junior league bowling (Y), and the horrors of town in the run up to Christmas, Saturday night I was out with Bea to see a band in a nearby town. Interestingly, SG was scheduled to be joining us but I was expecting him to bottle it and back out at the last minute. Lo, and behold, though, he turned up as planned, with wife and wife's friend as well.
This is the first time I had seen him since July, when we shagged, and we haven't even had a great deal of text or phone chat, so I was a little unsure how he'd be. Things seemed to be fine though, with no obvious atmosphere, and about half way through the night he rang me in the bar whilst he was outside for a fag, so we managed to get some time alone. To talk, before you think it!
He'd had a bit of "dutch courage" by this point, but basically he said how good it was to see me, that he was glad we were all cool, that although he loved his wife what had happened between us had been really special to him, that he still thought about me a lot, that he'd never done anything like that with anybody else and it mean't a lot to him, and ya de ya de yah. To be honest, it was quite nice to hear, and I do believe absolutely genuine, although I would have been cool without it. It was quite clear that he'd felt bad about it, but that he didn't regret it, and that he didn't want me to have felt bad about it. At that point, Bea came out looking for us, so the conversation veered quickly elsewhere, and we didn't really get a chance to chat again.
They (SG, wife, wife's friend) left not long after, at about the point I whispered to him "You'd better get going soon, because I'm starting to get the horn", which saw him dashing up and trying to usher 2 drunken women home! We had several hugs goodbye though, and whispered reassurances that everything was cool, and I was pleased with how it went. I miss catching up with him to be honest, not to mention the added bonus of the eye candy of him and a bit of a flirt.
That turned out to not be all though, as texting resumed not long after he left, which I will leave for the other blog. Needless to say, nothing physical happened, but although I was convinced it was unlikely to again, now I'd say it may take a time for him to get his head round things, but there is a stronger likelihood that given the right situation it might just repeat itself. Who knows! I'm not that bothered either way really, though seeing him has kickstarted my libido again I must say, and I'm pretty sure I'd revisit the situation!
Sunday...
After a late night of texting, I had a very lazy day yesterday, only venturing out for Macdonalds and to have a quick peek at how "my" house building is getting on! Ended up not being able to get to sleep last night though - partly a very long lie-in and partly a head full of horniness!
Monday...
Woke up this morning to X telling me that the cat had been bleeding all over the sofa, and on further investigation it seems to be the same place as the abcess he had a month ago. Don't really know what to do about it, as I took him to the vet's last month and he had a weeks worth of antibiotics and it seemed to have cleared up. He hasn't scrathed all the fur off yet, and there is no obvious swelling or pus, like last time, so I will just see how he goes over the next couple of days.
Spent today, at work, visiting some of the parlours in my hometown and Saturday night's local town, which is always eye opening, so work was good. Had a call this morning from the Mortgage Broker to say I needed to get a form filled in by the local housing association about the property, which seems a bit premature, as I haven't actually been offered it yet! Also to tell me I need to send it with a cheque for £190 valuation fee. Oh joy! Then, bloody ironically, the new housing association that has taken over all the council's housing stock rang me this afternoon to offer me a house transfer! Sodding typical! So, now I don't really know what to do.
The transfer they have offered me is in an area I wouldn't particularly want to live in, but it is a 3 bedroom and is, apparently, "a very, nice, clean and tidy house". I think I might go and see it, and try a bit of delaying tactic until I hear from the shared ownership housing association. I really want to proceed with the house buying thing, but if that falls through then I will be kicking myself that I refused a transfer. It's just so annoying that they've decided to offer it to me now, instead of 6 months ago!!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
Whose fault is it? Do you even for one fleeting moment think the blame for current strife might actually lie at your own door? You can disabuse yourself of that self-denigrating notion straight away. Of course, in one way, you must take responsibility for the way in which you react to a particular set of circumstances. But that is precisely what you have already done. You have behaved with almost impeccable integrity. To claim cosmic responsibility for the creation of such factors in the first place, is to imbue yourself with a ludicrously exaggerated sense of power and importance! It ain't your fault, but it is up to you to fix it. And this week, you will.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Spooked
I hate having a bath at night time! Or more particularly, I hate having a bath at night time when everybody else in the house is asleep! It properly freaks me out!!
That said, I am now clean, pink and shiny, all ready for our work trip to London for the Home Office award we won recently. Yippee do! Nothing like a free trip to London and a nice bit of nosh!
In house news... I have been accepted by the regional housing agency as being eligible for shared ownership. Woohoo! One step down and just two more to go!
Other than that, not much to report really! Saturday night was spent with the work colleagues having some fabulous Spanish tapas and other assorted culinary treats - resulting in us all being too stuffed to go dancing, and instead having to be rolled home! And that's about it, I'm afraid! Perhaps I should rename myself "Dull Girl" for the foreseeable future...!
That said, I am now clean, pink and shiny, all ready for our work trip to London for the Home Office award we won recently. Yippee do! Nothing like a free trip to London and a nice bit of nosh!
In house news... I have been accepted by the regional housing agency as being eligible for shared ownership. Woohoo! One step down and just two more to go!
Other than that, not much to report really! Saturday night was spent with the work colleagues having some fabulous Spanish tapas and other assorted culinary treats - resulting in us all being too stuffed to go dancing, and instead having to be rolled home! And that's about it, I'm afraid! Perhaps I should rename myself "Dull Girl" for the foreseeable future...!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Teenagers!
Y has got the arse, and is now being deliberately annoying by randomly wandering around the house doing nothing in particular, and saying "nothing" whenever I ask what he's doing. This may be due to me adding a password to the pc, which means he can't use it unless I'm here - as a result of some stupid emails he has been sending, not to mention the fact that I get fed up of getting home at 6pm every night to find him sat glued to the computer, where he's been since getting home at 4pm - sometimes without having even got up to put the light on! He's now, very intensely, reading the failed delivery card that came through the door from parcelforce!! He's usually a great kid, but when he's horrid, he's certainly horrid! Oh, and X is having one of those "I can't sleep Mummy" evenings. Give me strength...
Had a late start to work this morning, due mainly to a lack of motivation in getting my arse there - not helped by the fact that I've got several large pieces of work to do that I just cannot get in the mood for - so after an early bath with posh shampoo and conditioner, followed by Creme de la Mer face scrub and Estee Lauder face cream, I decided to go via the Beauty Salon and get a sunbed and an eyebrow wax at the same time. All good except for the fact that she bloody scalped me!!! I now have thinner eyebrows than Barbie! I was also going to get a new tattoo, but they were closed today for some reason. Damn inconsiderate I reckon!
In house news, I have now sent my completed mortgage application off, and got the number for a recommended solicitor - so nothing to do now but wait I guess. One good piece of news is that The Broker rang this evening to check I had posted everything and mentioned that my rate may end up being lower than I've been quoted for! Something to do with being eligible for some new scheme or other - no complaints here, anything less extortionate is fine by me!
Had a late start to work this morning, due mainly to a lack of motivation in getting my arse there - not helped by the fact that I've got several large pieces of work to do that I just cannot get in the mood for - so after an early bath with posh shampoo and conditioner, followed by Creme de la Mer face scrub and Estee Lauder face cream, I decided to go via the Beauty Salon and get a sunbed and an eyebrow wax at the same time. All good except for the fact that she bloody scalped me!!! I now have thinner eyebrows than Barbie! I was also going to get a new tattoo, but they were closed today for some reason. Damn inconsiderate I reckon!
In house news, I have now sent my completed mortgage application off, and got the number for a recommended solicitor - so nothing to do now but wait I guess. One good piece of news is that The Broker rang this evening to check I had posted everything and mentioned that my rate may end up being lower than I've been quoted for! Something to do with being eligible for some new scheme or other - no complaints here, anything less extortionate is fine by me!
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Rushing by
Well I'm officially a whole year older since the last time I posted!
Went out for all you can eat Chinese with X,Y, work colleagues and partners on Friday night, which was both delicious and muchly pleasant. Last night was spent bowling followed by drinks (with a bit of dancing thrown in) at the local dive, accompanied by my sister Lottie and friends Bea, Lily, her sister Daisy, Gerii, Disco and Joy. It was a really nice night, although my bowling skills left a lot to be desired, and great to catch up with folks.
I also had some great presents, including Thorntons chocolates and a cactus from X, a silver heart necklace from Y, 2 series of Charmed on dvd from my mum, £20 from my dad, expensive salon hair products from work, Garnier face products from Disco, a new silver watch from Bea, and a funky Roxy handbag all the way from New Zealand (via Australia!) from JRTC! Not to mention the Creme De La Mer facial scrub and Estee Lauder face cream I treated myself to!
Alas, none of the following face products, phone or jewelry on my 'far too expensive to ever actually obtain' list were forthcoming, but one can but dream!
The housebuying is still on track - though still incredibly early days unfortunately, and as it stands right now...
- the application to the regional housing association to register for a property has been completed and sent off
- the application to the local housing association for that particular property has been completed and sent off
- a mortgage company have agreed a 2yr fixed (extortionate due to poor credit) rate mortgage that will skint me but is affordable
- my sister has agreed to lend me £2k, to be paid back when my Alliance yearly saver is up next January
I now need to complete the mortgage application form, get a mortgage guarantee certificate and send that in to the local housing association, and then wait to see if I'm eligible for shared ownership, and finally, if I'm then offered the house. Not too many hoops to jump then! The good thing about everything being brought forward is that they look at offering the houses around 8-12 weeks before they are built, which works out as the end December/beginning of January - so not too long to wait for either good or bad news.
Went out for all you can eat Chinese with X,Y, work colleagues and partners on Friday night, which was both delicious and muchly pleasant. Last night was spent bowling followed by drinks (with a bit of dancing thrown in) at the local dive, accompanied by my sister Lottie and friends Bea, Lily, her sister Daisy, Gerii, Disco and Joy. It was a really nice night, although my bowling skills left a lot to be desired, and great to catch up with folks.
I also had some great presents, including Thorntons chocolates and a cactus from X, a silver heart necklace from Y, 2 series of Charmed on dvd from my mum, £20 from my dad, expensive salon hair products from work, Garnier face products from Disco, a new silver watch from Bea, and a funky Roxy handbag all the way from New Zealand (via Australia!) from JRTC! Not to mention the Creme De La Mer facial scrub and Estee Lauder face cream I treated myself to!
Alas, none of the following face products, phone or jewelry on my 'far too expensive to ever actually obtain' list were forthcoming, but one can but dream!
The housebuying is still on track - though still incredibly early days unfortunately, and as it stands right now...
- the application to the regional housing association to register for a property has been completed and sent off
- the application to the local housing association for that particular property has been completed and sent off
- a mortgage company have agreed a 2yr fixed (extortionate due to poor credit) rate mortgage that will skint me but is affordable
- my sister has agreed to lend me £2k, to be paid back when my Alliance yearly saver is up next January
I now need to complete the mortgage application form, get a mortgage guarantee certificate and send that in to the local housing association, and then wait to see if I'm eligible for shared ownership, and finally, if I'm then offered the house. Not too many hoops to jump then! The good thing about everything being brought forward is that they look at offering the houses around 8-12 weeks before they are built, which works out as the end December/beginning of January - so not too long to wait for either good or bad news.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Stars for the month ahead
Only bores and buffoons know the answer to everything. Truly interesting individuals lead lives full of uncertainty. Doubts are a measure of depth. Insecurities a sign of sensitivity. The wisest people on this planet are aware of this. That's why, as fast as they clear up one mystery, they start to investigate another. They fear that life, otherwise, will become too tedious. Think of the angst that currently wraps your tortured soul as clear proof of your wit, charm, style and grace. And enjoy it while it lasts. Your journey from here to the holiday season brings a real solution to a big problem. Let's hope that doesn't make things too dull!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Virtuous
Still no mortgage quote yet.
The Broker rang yesterday evening to let me know that she was waiting on a decision from a lender, but as they close at 5pm she should get it today. Spoke to her again this evening, and apparently The Lender is currently inundated with applications so mine has not been processed yet. She has been assured it is 'near the top of the pile', and is hopeful it will be done tomorrow, and if not then she will continue to chase them for it.
Wish I just had the numbers, so I could at least see whether I can a) afford it, b) the housing scheme people think I can afford it, and c) I could just get my application sent off so I can then forget about it until after Christmas.
Ah well, I guess "patience is a virtue"...!
The Broker rang yesterday evening to let me know that she was waiting on a decision from a lender, but as they close at 5pm she should get it today. Spoke to her again this evening, and apparently The Lender is currently inundated with applications so mine has not been processed yet. She has been assured it is 'near the top of the pile', and is hopeful it will be done tomorrow, and if not then she will continue to chase them for it.
Wish I just had the numbers, so I could at least see whether I can a) afford it, b) the housing scheme people think I can afford it, and c) I could just get my application sent off so I can then forget about it until after Christmas.
Ah well, I guess "patience is a virtue"...!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Growing up
I have survived the winter bug - just! Felt awful all last week and in the end succumbed to a day off on Friday, at the peak of feeling crappy. As a result, I didn't get out on Saturday night either (a combination of illness and lack of babysitter), but am fighting fit once again!
In other news, my plans for house buying next November have just become a little scuppered, as the last plot on the estate I want is now going to be completed in MARCH!!!! So, as a result I am now having to bring everything forward 8 months, keep everything crossed and not spend a bloody penny after christmas! Will be worth it though, if I get it, because I really, really, really want this house!
Mortgage broker is ringing tomorrow with figures and offers, so fingers crossed I will be sending my application in in the next few days and then will just have to wait and see....!
It's a bit scary to be honest, I feel all grown up!
In other news, my plans for house buying next November have just become a little scuppered, as the last plot on the estate I want is now going to be completed in MARCH!!!! So, as a result I am now having to bring everything forward 8 months, keep everything crossed and not spend a bloody penny after christmas! Will be worth it though, if I get it, because I really, really, really want this house!
Mortgage broker is ringing tomorrow with figures and offers, so fingers crossed I will be sending my application in in the next few days and then will just have to wait and see....!
It's a bit scary to be honest, I feel all grown up!
PS. This is not the house I want (obviously, it's not built yet!), but the picture I am using everywhere - for motivation!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
The dictionary defines a paradox as, 'A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true.' Situations, though, can be every bit as paradoxical as statements. When we face such circumstances, we can either try to square the circle or we can shrug our shoulders. It is easier, by far, to ignore a paradox than to try to understand one. This is because life itself is beyond reason. We feel, the entire time we are here on this planet, as if we have been - and will be - here forever. Yet we know that's not true! There's plenty in your world this week that makes no sense. Ignore that. Just relish the magic within it.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
I wonder
I am trying to see whether it really is possible to get a free ipod. If anybody wants to help me out, please click here and register your details. I am most intrigued!
Will update on the outcome - assuming anybody does of course!
PS. If you dont want to risk being inundated with spam email as a result, just set up a new email and use that to register.
Will update on the outcome - assuming anybody does of course!
PS. If you dont want to risk being inundated with spam email as a result, just set up a new email and use that to register.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Winter
Spent the afternoon and evening today at work colleague Angel's for her birthday bash. Has been a lovely chatty day, and even managed a quick flirt with a rather attractive man who was having a fag outside the pub over the road at the same time I was smoking on Angel's doorstep. Wish I'd invited him into her porch!
Finally left at about 8pm, with a very tired X and a drive home in the snow!! Snowing indeed!
Finally left at about 8pm, with a very tired X and a drive home in the snow!! Snowing indeed!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
Have you ever got into the car and started to drive, only to realise that you have inadvertently left the parking brake on? For a while, you can't work out why your vehicle is so sluggish. Then suddenly, it becomes obvious. Sometimes, we make a similar error with the vehicle of our life. We begin to wonder why we just don't seem to be getting anywhere and we feel frustrated because progress is so slow and sluggish. Then it dawns on us. We are holding ourselves back. We are letting ourselves be weighed down by irrelevant fears. There will be a Full Moon in your opposite sign at the end of the week, that will help you pick up a lot more speed.
Quality
Just got back from a night out with Ava, and had a bloody great night playing with boys! Not in "that" way of course, but just generally taking the piss, winding them up and having a rare old laugh at their expense.
I have to say, men are so incredibly easy to wind up, in the nicest possible way of course, and Ava's one of those friends that when we're both on form and together, we play off each other really well.
Highlights of the evening included:
- Much chuckling about the boy in the biggest coat in the world
- A double act of staring and giggling at Lego boy, who finally succumbed to the attention and then got a bit scared on being told by me that we were just "discussing how fuckable you are"
- Spotting a particularly young specimen, tapping him on the shoulder, smiling widely, and then giving him granny double cheek pinch - and getting away with it
- Chatting, laughing and dancing for ages with a very funny but unattractive Hook and his very attractive though incredibly drunk mate Peter
- Watching a really cute guy fall off the kerb as we were just about to drive home, who then asked if we were offering lifts, to be told we'd witnessed his mini vacation!
Just what the doctor ordered!
I have to say, men are so incredibly easy to wind up, in the nicest possible way of course, and Ava's one of those friends that when we're both on form and together, we play off each other really well.
Highlights of the evening included:
- Much chuckling about the boy in the biggest coat in the world
- A double act of staring and giggling at Lego boy, who finally succumbed to the attention and then got a bit scared on being told by me that we were just "discussing how fuckable you are"
- Spotting a particularly young specimen, tapping him on the shoulder, smiling widely, and then giving him granny double cheek pinch - and getting away with it
- Chatting, laughing and dancing for ages with a very funny but unattractive Hook and his very attractive though incredibly drunk mate Peter
- Watching a really cute guy fall off the kerb as we were just about to drive home, who then asked if we were offering lifts, to be told we'd witnessed his mini vacation!
Just what the doctor ordered!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Well well well
After one of the shittest starts to the week in a very long time, I found out yesterday that my team have won a regional home office award. Fucking hoorah!!!
I am absolutely thrilled, and it couldn't have come at a better time.
Put it this way, when I first opened and read the letter I thought "Mr MP, I could bloody kiss you!", this was closely followed by the thought... "In fact, this is so great, I'd even let you fuck me up the arse!"
Happy days!
I am absolutely thrilled, and it couldn't have come at a better time.
Put it this way, when I first opened and read the letter I thought "Mr MP, I could bloody kiss you!", this was closely followed by the thought... "In fact, this is so great, I'd even let you fuck me up the arse!"
Happy days!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Getting sorted
It may be a bit early for new year's resolutions, but one of the things I am determined to do next year is to buy a house - or at least be in the best position I possibly can be!
There is no possible way that I can afford to buy by myself in the current housing climate, and as no rich knight in shining armour appears to be on the horizon, my best option is "affordable housing" (a paradox if ever I've heard one!) - or shared ownership as it's traditionally called. To buy a new 3 bed house in my area, I'm looking at around £140-£150k, around a £70k mortgate and the remaining 50% in rent. At a rough guess this is likely to cost me, in total, around £650 month.
Before I can go down this route though, I need to:
1. Repair my horrific (though not so bad as it was) credit history
2. Save around £2000 for legal/moving costs
Being absolutely hopeless with money, neither of these is an easy task, but I have been working on the first and this is a much more acheivable target than saving - particularly as money always "seems to burn a hole in my pocket" (to quote my parents!). However, I have just taken a big step towards the second, by applying for (and being accepted!) an Alliance & Leicester Premier Savings Account. This is a fixed term account, which means that I can't withdraw any money at all from this account until a year after my first payment. Perfect!! So, as of 2nd December 2008, at a rate of £250 month saving and 12% interest, I shall be the proud owner of £3195 in savings, and well on my way to my very own (half share) house!
Now, I'm off to write a PPI claim letter!
PS. If you decide to follow me and want to open an account, please let me know via email, and then we can both get an extra £40!
There is no possible way that I can afford to buy by myself in the current housing climate, and as no rich knight in shining armour appears to be on the horizon, my best option is "affordable housing" (a paradox if ever I've heard one!) - or shared ownership as it's traditionally called. To buy a new 3 bed house in my area, I'm looking at around £140-£150k, around a £70k mortgate and the remaining 50% in rent. At a rough guess this is likely to cost me, in total, around £650 month.
Before I can go down this route though, I need to:
1. Repair my horrific (though not so bad as it was) credit history
2. Save around £2000 for legal/moving costs
Being absolutely hopeless with money, neither of these is an easy task, but I have been working on the first and this is a much more acheivable target than saving - particularly as money always "seems to burn a hole in my pocket" (to quote my parents!). However, I have just taken a big step towards the second, by applying for (and being accepted!) an Alliance & Leicester Premier Savings Account. This is a fixed term account, which means that I can't withdraw any money at all from this account until a year after my first payment. Perfect!! So, as of 2nd December 2008, at a rate of £250 month saving and 12% interest, I shall be the proud owner of £3195 in savings, and well on my way to my very own (half share) house!
Now, I'm off to write a PPI claim letter!
PS. If you decide to follow me and want to open an account, please let me know via email, and then we can both get an extra £40!
Sometimes
It doesn't happen very often, in fact, considering, it's a bloody miracle it doesn't! But occasionally, like today, it would be so fucking great to get home after a shit day and have somebody say "you sit down and put your feet up, I'll sort the kids out and do dinner". I don't really get lonely, and I don't have any major aspirations for an "other half" (other than the obvious one!). Sure it would be nice, but it's really not high on the agenda at the moment. But today, today it would have been nice.
Work is shit at the moment! Fucking public sector! I am sick of having to scrabble around for pots of money to keep a service that at first sight seems to be an unnecessary and specialist service, but that in actual fact fits a vast array of health, crime, drugs, housing, community and young people targets both locally and nationally! How any service can develop, grow and improve when fighting the battle of public funding year on year begging is fucking beyond me!
Rant over.
Work is shit at the moment! Fucking public sector! I am sick of having to scrabble around for pots of money to keep a service that at first sight seems to be an unnecessary and specialist service, but that in actual fact fits a vast array of health, crime, drugs, housing, community and young people targets both locally and nationally! How any service can develop, grow and improve when fighting the battle of public funding year on year begging is fucking beyond me!
Rant over.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You can take a teetotaller to a bar but you can't make them drunk. This week, we need to look at what's allegedly impossible and keep looking at it until we see a route to success. The world is full of people who think they know where their own limits lie and what their companions are restricted by too. How do they know this? It is a moot point. Just as a positive prediction can easily give rise to a self-fulfilling prophecy, so a pessimistic belief can turn into a miserable reality. You can do what you think you can do this week. You can't do what you think you can't do. So think positive.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Hibernation
It's about all I'm good for at the moment! Not low, but just feel generally wiped out and can't be arsed. Don't know if its old age or crappy weather, but whatever it is I seem to have lost all energy at the moment, so just taking it easy.
I'm reading blogs and comments but just not able to reply anything remotely constructive, let alone post anything even remotely interesting. Am there in spirit though and am sure I will buck up again soon.
I'm reading blogs and comments but just not able to reply anything remotely constructive, let alone post anything even remotely interesting. Am there in spirit though and am sure I will buck up again soon.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Stars for the month ahead
Some people get a real thrill from being pessimistic, critical or unhelpful. The more petty-minded they can be, the happier they can grow. Such characters have a particular dislike of people like you. You embody all the qualities that they secretly envy but pretend to despise. You are ambitious and adventurous. You have courage and clarity. You see the big picture. How satisfying it must be to stop you in your tracks by enforcing an archaic rule or unnecessary regulation. How they must chortle when they see you stumble. Don't rise to their bait in November. And don't give ground to your own inner critic. A true triumph is imminent.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Best laid plans
Well so much for my girly night out last night! Lily couldn't make Saturday in the end, so she came round for a gossip and catch up on Friday night - and we put the world to rights! Saturday, first up to cancel was Bea - now attending some hippy tribal earth drumming thing (don't ask!!), secondly Meg text to say she'd had too hard a night Friday so was recovering, and finally Gerii got stuck at the football and was going to be too late. So, babysitter duly cancelled and a night in front of the telly and catching up on blogging beckoned instead. Or rather tried to!
I'd just got settled down in front of the pc, ready to catch up on all my comments and all my regular blogs when we had a powercut. Whole street, in complete darkness. Two minutes later, after a cautious trip upstairs by the light of my mobile, and a couple of decorative candles have been retrieved from the bedroom and landing. Of course, the power then immediately came back on. Television reset, computer rebooted and back to business. Five minutes later, blackout again! This pattern repeated itself about 5 times over the course of an hour - with the power cut lasting no longer than about a minute each time, but enough to make me give up the idea of the pc!
Today has been the usual late start, followed by floating fun and a roast chicken dinner, and now back to school tomorrow. Hoorah!
I'd just got settled down in front of the pc, ready to catch up on all my comments and all my regular blogs when we had a powercut. Whole street, in complete darkness. Two minutes later, after a cautious trip upstairs by the light of my mobile, and a couple of decorative candles have been retrieved from the bedroom and landing. Of course, the power then immediately came back on. Television reset, computer rebooted and back to business. Five minutes later, blackout again! This pattern repeated itself about 5 times over the course of an hour - with the power cut lasting no longer than about a minute each time, but enough to make me give up the idea of the pc!
Today has been the usual late start, followed by floating fun and a roast chicken dinner, and now back to school tomorrow. Hoorah!
Men!
M texted me in the early hours of the morning a couple of Sundays ago. Maybe last Sunday - to be honest I don't remember! A simply "Hello", no doubt a precursor to a potential booty call. I ignored it at the time and replied simply the next morning with "Hello" also. He didn't respond, I was neither surprised or bothered. That's a boat thats long since sailed!
Last night, around 12.30am I get a further text from him - "Hello havent spoke 2 u in ages how r u". I ignored it again, and turned my phone off as I was already in bed. This morning, to be polite, and as it seemed more than just a potential booty call, I replied " Hello yourself. I did reply to your text the other weekend but didn't hear back. I'm fine thanks. Working too hard and not been out for ages so very dull! How are you doing?". Yet again, nothing! Too fucking rude.
Last night, around 12.30am I get a further text from him - "Hello havent spoke 2 u in ages how r u". I ignored it again, and turned my phone off as I was already in bed. This morning, to be polite, and as it seemed more than just a potential booty call, I replied " Hello yourself. I did reply to your text the other weekend but didn't hear back. I'm fine thanks. Working too hard and not been out for ages so very dull! How are you doing?". Yet again, nothing! Too fucking rude.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
The world is full of people who are paid for using only a small portion of their brain. Workers, for example, who are required to assemble components, not to design or market those objects; who are expected to focus on one key administrative area regardless of their potential to be helpful in another department. 'Do your job, and don't do more than your job or less than it.' That's an unimaginative ethos, fostered in a thousand faceless firms. You are capable of much more than you are currently supplying; at work, at home, in pretty much every area of life. If you have something to give, give it in the right spirit and it will be received in the same way
Friday, October 26, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I do have a social life, honest!
It struck me this evening that social happenings seem to be a little short of late. So, to reassure you that I am not a completely boring old fart I thought I'd just clarify that I do, indeed, have a social life! In fact, the reason I've been content to stay in the last couple of weekends is because last weekend was my last free weekend until next year!
So, the social diary for the remainder of 2007...
Sat 27th Oct - Curry, wine and catch up, home town - Lily, Gerii, Bea, Meg. (This was intended to be a Lily and I catch up event, but as Gerii text me to congratulate Y on being a boff, which she could only have got from Lily, I felt obliged to respond about this Saturday in case Lily had mentioned it. This, of course, then results in having to ask my other girlie mates too! And Lily hasn't even confirmed yet, bless her!)
Sat 3rd Nov - Fancy dress party, home town - for vague acquaintance BC and Smiler's brother-in-law's 30th birthdays. (And no, I have no idea what I will go as!)
Sat 10th Nov - Drinks for Disco's birthday, local town - an assorted gathering of weird and wonderful no doubt.
Fri 16th Nov - Drinks and catch up in home town - Ava (she's a bit of a loner!!)
Sun 18th Nov - Angel's (work colleague) Birthday party, her posh home, not so local town - other work colleagues and random people I don't know.
Sat 24th Nov - Engagement Party for She and He, local town - the Disco weird and wonderful clan I'm sure, and who knows who else!! (I'm very excited about this as I've spent the last year saying "so, He, when you going to pop the question...?")
Fri 30th Nov - Pre-birthday (pour moi) evening eating, local town - X and Y, work colleagues
Sat 1st Dec - Birthday celebration (pour moi again!) of some description, local town - anybody I can muster!
Sat 8th Dec - Work Christmas do, local town - venue to yet be organised by my good self!! (local casino current favourite but any suggestions welcome!)
Fri 14th Dec - Sun 16th Dec - Catch up (and maybe a little shopping) trip, Manchester - Mick, X and Y
Sat 22nd Dec - Xmas meal and disco, home town - assorted parents from school. (I have no idea why on earth I said I would go on this - especially not at £35 a pop!!)
Christmas Day - sister's, Oxford - me, X and Y, sister, smallest younger brother, mum, mum's partner, maybe biggest younger brother and girlfriend
Boxing Day - dad's, local village - who knows?!
27th to 30th Dec - Butlins, Skegness - me, X and Y. (Yay!! If I get round to booking it of course!!)
New Years Eve - yet to be decided!!
I may need some recovery time in January...!
So, the social diary for the remainder of 2007...
Sat 27th Oct - Curry, wine and catch up, home town - Lily, Gerii, Bea, Meg. (This was intended to be a Lily and I catch up event, but as Gerii text me to congratulate Y on being a boff, which she could only have got from Lily, I felt obliged to respond about this Saturday in case Lily had mentioned it. This, of course, then results in having to ask my other girlie mates too! And Lily hasn't even confirmed yet, bless her!)
Sat 3rd Nov - Fancy dress party, home town - for vague acquaintance BC and Smiler's brother-in-law's 30th birthdays. (And no, I have no idea what I will go as!)
Sat 10th Nov - Drinks for Disco's birthday, local town - an assorted gathering of weird and wonderful no doubt.
Fri 16th Nov - Drinks and catch up in home town - Ava (she's a bit of a loner!!)
Sun 18th Nov - Angel's (work colleague) Birthday party, her posh home, not so local town - other work colleagues and random people I don't know.
Sat 24th Nov - Engagement Party for She and He, local town - the Disco weird and wonderful clan I'm sure, and who knows who else!! (I'm very excited about this as I've spent the last year saying "so, He, when you going to pop the question...?")
Fri 30th Nov - Pre-birthday (pour moi) evening eating, local town - X and Y, work colleagues
Sat 1st Dec - Birthday celebration (pour moi again!) of some description, local town - anybody I can muster!
Sat 8th Dec - Work Christmas do, local town - venue to yet be organised by my good self!! (local casino current favourite but any suggestions welcome!)
Fri 14th Dec - Sun 16th Dec - Catch up (and maybe a little shopping) trip, Manchester - Mick, X and Y
Sat 22nd Dec - Xmas meal and disco, home town - assorted parents from school. (I have no idea why on earth I said I would go on this - especially not at £35 a pop!!)
Christmas Day - sister's, Oxford - me, X and Y, sister, smallest younger brother, mum, mum's partner, maybe biggest younger brother and girlfriend
Boxing Day - dad's, local village - who knows?!
27th to 30th Dec - Butlins, Skegness - me, X and Y. (Yay!! If I get round to booking it of course!!)
New Years Eve - yet to be decided!!
I may need some recovery time in January...!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Down and up
Went to bed early last night with a splitting headache and 2 paracetamol. Unfortunately the paracetamol didn't work, and I woke feeling like the top of my head was in a vice at 5.30am. Just about managed to stagger downstairs and take some more paracetamol, and back to bed until 8am. Fortunately, headache had eased when I got up, but by the time I got to work at 9.30am, it was coming on again. The rest of the day was spent dosing up on the pain relief, and fortunately it seems to have cleared for good now.
My bad head was exacerbarated also by a really awful night of confused dreaming - it is all very complicated when I try and recall it now, but the upshot of it was that at 5.30am, when I woke, I had been dreaming that DM had just died, whilst with me.
I've done quite well with the DM thing the last couple of months - no contact from either of us since 9th September, lots of successful "not thinking about it, not thinking about it", and generally accepting it's done and trying to forget all about it. Last night really bothered me though. This evening I decided to hell with it and text him -
"I dreamt last night that you died. Stupidly I know need to know you're ok"
He replied, pretty quickly -
"You know, it's funny. Pierre has been visiting this week, as your text arrived, we were just talking about a dream he had last night and it's meaning. I'm fine."
Closely followed by -
"Pierre just said that, in France, if someone dreams about someone else dying, it extends their life by 7 years!"
I got what I needed from it; I feel relieved that he is okay and stupid that I doubted it - though he didn't comment on that at all. It upset me though. Just that contact made me teary, which is why I stopped having the contact in the first place. It just reminds me that I miss him.
On a brighter note, got home from work to a letter from school informing me that Y has been identified as a Gifted and Talented pupil! I am so proud I can't tell you!! This means he is in the top 10% of his year group, and also that he will get more challenging work and possibly more extra-curricular activities. He wasn't too pleased to hear that!
My bad head was exacerbarated also by a really awful night of confused dreaming - it is all very complicated when I try and recall it now, but the upshot of it was that at 5.30am, when I woke, I had been dreaming that DM had just died, whilst with me.
I've done quite well with the DM thing the last couple of months - no contact from either of us since 9th September, lots of successful "not thinking about it, not thinking about it", and generally accepting it's done and trying to forget all about it. Last night really bothered me though. This evening I decided to hell with it and text him -
"I dreamt last night that you died. Stupidly I know need to know you're ok"
He replied, pretty quickly -
"You know, it's funny. Pierre has been visiting this week, as your text arrived, we were just talking about a dream he had last night and it's meaning. I'm fine."
Closely followed by -
"Pierre just said that, in France, if someone dreams about someone else dying, it extends their life by 7 years!"
I got what I needed from it; I feel relieved that he is okay and stupid that I doubted it - though he didn't comment on that at all. It upset me though. Just that contact made me teary, which is why I stopped having the contact in the first place. It just reminds me that I miss him.
On a brighter note, got home from work to a letter from school informing me that Y has been identified as a Gifted and Talented pupil! I am so proud I can't tell you!! This means he is in the top 10% of his year group, and also that he will get more challenging work and possibly more extra-curricular activities. He wasn't too pleased to hear that!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
De-forestation
What is it about trimming your undercarriage (literally the UNDER carriage) that means I have wetter knickers than usual all bloody day. Like I don't suffer enough with the "juicy lucy's"!!
Murphette's Law
Well, as expected, the fact that I was prepared for shagging mean't, of course, that no offer was forthcoming! Typical!!
In fact, I haven't even had a response from SG, which I'm a tad miffed about I have to admit. I suspect he will text/call when he is next in a safe environment (ie. at work and away from the wife!), as he told me once before that he sometimes deletes texts without even reading them when he's with her, as she has a tendency to read his phone. Like I'm not discreet enough to ensure that anything I text always sounds merely light and friendly!!
In other news, it was my dad's birthday yesterday, so today we had family lunch with him, his partner, her grandson, my brother D, his new girlfriend A, me and X (Y at his dads). While I'm glad that he has found someone after my mum buggered off, his partner Minnie does my bloody head in!!!! She is such a bloody moaning cow! (Says me, lol). One of the choicer snippets of conversation today...
Minnie - need to know what you all want for Christmas.
Me - haven't really thought about it to be honest. Oh, actually I do know what I want...
Minnie (interrupting) - well just remember that I'm not working now!
FFS!!! That really pisses me off. Last year for Christmas I asked for some new saucepans, the year before I asked for a new washing basket. Yeah, I know, I'm the queen of asking for really expensive presents aren't I?!
So, I told her that I wanted a new cordless phone, to be met with the kind of look that said "How much?!", which I quickly quantified with - "you can get them for about £15 you know". Her reply... "Yes, well, they're bound to be no good though!". I tell you, I was that close to saying "Do you know what, don't fucking bother then!!".
In fact, I haven't even had a response from SG, which I'm a tad miffed about I have to admit. I suspect he will text/call when he is next in a safe environment (ie. at work and away from the wife!), as he told me once before that he sometimes deletes texts without even reading them when he's with her, as she has a tendency to read his phone. Like I'm not discreet enough to ensure that anything I text always sounds merely light and friendly!!
In other news, it was my dad's birthday yesterday, so today we had family lunch with him, his partner, her grandson, my brother D, his new girlfriend A, me and X (Y at his dads). While I'm glad that he has found someone after my mum buggered off, his partner Minnie does my bloody head in!!!! She is such a bloody moaning cow! (Says me, lol). One of the choicer snippets of conversation today...
Minnie - need to know what you all want for Christmas.
Me - haven't really thought about it to be honest. Oh, actually I do know what I want...
Minnie (interrupting) - well just remember that I'm not working now!
FFS!!! That really pisses me off. Last year for Christmas I asked for some new saucepans, the year before I asked for a new washing basket. Yeah, I know, I'm the queen of asking for really expensive presents aren't I?!
So, I told her that I wanted a new cordless phone, to be met with the kind of look that said "How much?!", which I quickly quantified with - "you can get them for about £15 you know". Her reply... "Yes, well, they're bound to be no good though!". I tell you, I was that close to saying "Do you know what, don't fucking bother then!!".
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Passing it up
After an early night, I feel a bit better this morning.
I love my job, and my team - and I'm lucky that both the team and the senior management level are always really positive about the service and my work. I just seem to be unable to catch up at the moment, and after a day of flying round like a mad thing yesterday I had an incident with two staff members that upset me. It was something and nothing, to be honest, I was less than tactful - they were both offended. We did discuss it later by phone, and allis sorted now, but it just really got to me, on top of all the other work, and I would hate for any of my team to feel underappreciated - that's what upset me the most I think. Anyway, I have it more in perspective now, so will continue the battle and then look forward to over 2 weeks off at Christmas!
Sexy Gardener rang last night, and despite the wine (perhaps because of?!) I ignored his call. He may have just been ringing to pass the time of day, but at 9pm on a Friday night - I doubt it was chatting on his mind!
Not sure how I feel about it really. I had written it off as an itch that had been scratched, and whilst not denying the possibility of a revisit, I had thought it was unlikely, or would be a while (now I think about it, it's been 3 months today!). There's also a suspicion that the first time was fabulous, and a repeat performance may not live up to that, so I should quit while I was ahead.
So, as a result of all the above, I just couldn't be bothered to get into the conversation, let alone the action, last night - especially considering that the house was a mess, the bed needed changing, I've put on half a stone since then and feel like shit, oh, and I have the equivalent of a small forest growing in my knickers!
I've text just now, saying I missed his call and hope all is well, so will wait and see. I might just be persuaded tonight...
I love my job, and my team - and I'm lucky that both the team and the senior management level are always really positive about the service and my work. I just seem to be unable to catch up at the moment, and after a day of flying round like a mad thing yesterday I had an incident with two staff members that upset me. It was something and nothing, to be honest, I was less than tactful - they were both offended. We did discuss it later by phone, and allis sorted now, but it just really got to me, on top of all the other work, and I would hate for any of my team to feel underappreciated - that's what upset me the most I think. Anyway, I have it more in perspective now, so will continue the battle and then look forward to over 2 weeks off at Christmas!
Sexy Gardener rang last night, and despite the wine (perhaps because of?!) I ignored his call. He may have just been ringing to pass the time of day, but at 9pm on a Friday night - I doubt it was chatting on his mind!
Not sure how I feel about it really. I had written it off as an itch that had been scratched, and whilst not denying the possibility of a revisit, I had thought it was unlikely, or would be a while (now I think about it, it's been 3 months today!). There's also a suspicion that the first time was fabulous, and a repeat performance may not live up to that, so I should quit while I was ahead.
So, as a result of all the above, I just couldn't be bothered to get into the conversation, let alone the action, last night - especially considering that the house was a mess, the bed needed changing, I've put on half a stone since then and feel like shit, oh, and I have the equivalent of a small forest growing in my knickers!
I've text just now, saying I missed his call and hope all is well, so will wait and see. I might just be persuaded tonight...
Stars for the week ahead
There are easier things you could be doing. You have set yourself some very exacting goals. Are you, perhaps, being just a little overly ambitious? OK, OK. I apologise for even suggesting that. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Of course, you have to do what feels right. Of course, too, you have to do things the hard way if the 'easy way' involves a compromise you can't feel proud of. For this, you don't need to be criticised, you need to be congratulated. You also need to be encouraged to continue. For you have further to go along a difficult road. Your task remains tricky, but by no means impossible!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Sigh
I feel like crap.
I feel like I'm drowning at work at the moment. Supporting the whole team, responsible for the success or failure of the whole service, proving to the powers that be that we are performing - and all with no support from my line manager, who I haven't seen for about 3 months due to her workload.
I usually cope with the pressures of work pretty well, but today has just been too much and I'm having a massive crisis of confidence. I just can't deal with it right now.
One glass of wine later and I feel a little better. Remarkably pissed actually, but also better. Think I might finish the bottle and then hope to just pass out!
I feel like I'm drowning at work at the moment. Supporting the whole team, responsible for the success or failure of the whole service, proving to the powers that be that we are performing - and all with no support from my line manager, who I haven't seen for about 3 months due to her workload.
I usually cope with the pressures of work pretty well, but today has just been too much and I'm having a massive crisis of confidence. I just can't deal with it right now.
One glass of wine later and I feel a little better. Remarkably pissed actually, but also better. Think I might finish the bottle and then hope to just pass out!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Concentrate
Governor's meeting tonight. Deputy Head was presenting a report on exam results.
I have to confess, I didn't really hear a word of it - I was far too busy imagining more interesting things to be doing with him!
I have to confess, I didn't really hear a word of it - I was far too busy imagining more interesting things to be doing with him!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
What a week
Phew! That's about all I can say about this week! Yet again it's flown by.
Work has kept me busy as usual, with a hectic day on Thursday that included a call to the ambulance service for a client, not to mention having to nab a police officer, and then some lurking behind our front door waiting for an opportune moment to escape home! In the midst of this I have to field a call from school about Y, who is currently struggling with raging teenage hormones and "first love" experiences, followed by the trip to Manchester which started with leaving home at 7pm (an hour late - as per usual!) and finished after a last minute wrong turn, with finally arriving at hotel at 10pm.
As a result of this I didn't get to catch up with Mick as planned, but instead settled for pizza at the hotel before a couple of hours gossip with Bride from work (who came with me) and then in bed by midnight. The conference was good, (although would have been better if I'd been speaking!), but by the time we fought through the rush hour traffic and had travelled 3 junctions the wrong way up the M6 before being able to turn around, it was 9.30pm before I collected X from her dad's and arrived home!
Fortunately the rest of the weekend has been quieter, and I decided not to go out last night for Straight Mate's birthday, due mainly to lack of funds and guilt about babysitters 3 nights in a row (especially considering I have evening engagements next Tue, Wed and Thurs!). Instead, yesterday was the usual swimming lessons (X has moved up a group and now starts half an hour earlier!), followed by collecting Y from Meg's and an hour or so of catch-up, into town for obligatory pocket money spending, and an afternoon and evening in front of the telly!
Today, as a reward for filling their treat cards, we went to see Mr Bean's Holiday, which was amusing and pretty much what you'd expect from a Bean movie, followed by "floating fun" at the pool - where I'm sure I was getting the eye from some bloke - KFC and then The Princess Bride followed by The Addams Family on tv before bed!
I'm sure there is probably much more exciting things to say, but this week it will have to be elsewhere I'm afraid!
Work has kept me busy as usual, with a hectic day on Thursday that included a call to the ambulance service for a client, not to mention having to nab a police officer, and then some lurking behind our front door waiting for an opportune moment to escape home! In the midst of this I have to field a call from school about Y, who is currently struggling with raging teenage hormones and "first love" experiences, followed by the trip to Manchester which started with leaving home at 7pm (an hour late - as per usual!) and finished after a last minute wrong turn, with finally arriving at hotel at 10pm.
As a result of this I didn't get to catch up with Mick as planned, but instead settled for pizza at the hotel before a couple of hours gossip with Bride from work (who came with me) and then in bed by midnight. The conference was good, (although would have been better if I'd been speaking!), but by the time we fought through the rush hour traffic and had travelled 3 junctions the wrong way up the M6 before being able to turn around, it was 9.30pm before I collected X from her dad's and arrived home!
Fortunately the rest of the weekend has been quieter, and I decided not to go out last night for Straight Mate's birthday, due mainly to lack of funds and guilt about babysitters 3 nights in a row (especially considering I have evening engagements next Tue, Wed and Thurs!). Instead, yesterday was the usual swimming lessons (X has moved up a group and now starts half an hour earlier!), followed by collecting Y from Meg's and an hour or so of catch-up, into town for obligatory pocket money spending, and an afternoon and evening in front of the telly!
Today, as a reward for filling their treat cards, we went to see Mr Bean's Holiday, which was amusing and pretty much what you'd expect from a Bean movie, followed by "floating fun" at the pool - where I'm sure I was getting the eye from some bloke - KFC and then The Princess Bride followed by The Addams Family on tv before bed!
I'm sure there is probably much more exciting things to say, but this week it will have to be elsewhere I'm afraid!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
By now, you know how it works. You turn to this page hoping for insight. Instead, you get to read an odd mixture of metaphor and analogy... from which you have to 'infer' a meaning. This week, at the risk of breaking with tradition, I want to get a little more specific. You're about to go 'up' in the world. Respect and recognition are on their way to you. You've got power over a key situation, whether you know it or not. Something that once seemed inexplicably impossible now looks obviously feasible. Tough times may come again but right now, the happy tide is coming in. Sorry to be so precise. I'll try to be vaguer next week!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Foundation
Song of the moment! Line of the year... "I said I'd rather be with your friends mate, cos they are much fittah!"
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Keeps on rolling
So the rest of the week, and the weekend too it would appear, have rolled on by and here we are again, poised on the brink of a fresh new week!
During my brief period of R and R (I didn't go back to work last week), I have done precisely... bugger all! Well, unless you include copious amounts of watching crap tv, eating crap food, and kipping on the sofa in the daytime of course!
Had a good long catch up call with Meg on Thursday night, and not only caught up on the gossip but also managed to clear the air in terms of feeling a little neglected by her lately. I understand the reasons why - she has her own stuff to deal with at the moment - but either way, friendship needs to be a two way street and her side of the road has been a little devoid of passing traffic just lately. We managed to discuss it and sort it out though, which is great, and hopefully we're on for a girly night this weekend for Straight Mate's birthday (money allowing!).
Last night saw myself and the hen night crew (sans wigs thank goodness!) celebrating the wedding of said Bride-to-be, which was held in a beautiful old country house-cum-hotel nearby. The food was good, the drink expensive, the jazz band great, and I had the opportunity of dragging my fabulous Vegas bought dress out of the wardrobe for it's second showing this year. After a £10 dry cleaning bill no less!! It was a good night, although no decent single men in attendance unfortunately, and another weekend of spinsterdom over.
Still haven't heard anything from Space, and not expecting too now, though M did make a surprise appearance by texting me "Hello" in the early hours of this morning! I chose to ignore it though - been there, done that, not about to go there again!
Back to work tomorrow - to madness no doubt after having 3 days off, and a conference (read overnight stay in hotel!) to look forward to in Manchester on Friday. Not sure how I'll cope with all the excitement!!
During my brief period of R and R (I didn't go back to work last week), I have done precisely... bugger all! Well, unless you include copious amounts of watching crap tv, eating crap food, and kipping on the sofa in the daytime of course!
Had a good long catch up call with Meg on Thursday night, and not only caught up on the gossip but also managed to clear the air in terms of feeling a little neglected by her lately. I understand the reasons why - she has her own stuff to deal with at the moment - but either way, friendship needs to be a two way street and her side of the road has been a little devoid of passing traffic just lately. We managed to discuss it and sort it out though, which is great, and hopefully we're on for a girly night this weekend for Straight Mate's birthday (money allowing!).
Last night saw myself and the hen night crew (sans wigs thank goodness!) celebrating the wedding of said Bride-to-be, which was held in a beautiful old country house-cum-hotel nearby. The food was good, the drink expensive, the jazz band great, and I had the opportunity of dragging my fabulous Vegas bought dress out of the wardrobe for it's second showing this year. After a £10 dry cleaning bill no less!! It was a good night, although no decent single men in attendance unfortunately, and another weekend of spinsterdom over.
Still haven't heard anything from Space, and not expecting too now, though M did make a surprise appearance by texting me "Hello" in the early hours of this morning! I chose to ignore it though - been there, done that, not about to go there again!
Back to work tomorrow - to madness no doubt after having 3 days off, and a conference (read overnight stay in hotel!) to look forward to in Manchester on Friday. Not sure how I'll cope with all the excitement!!
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
They say the definition of insanity is to 'keep doing the same thing' whilst expecting a different result. If you want your life to become more sane and less stressful, you've got to change some of what you keep on doing. You're not single-handedly creating the situation that you find yourself in, but you're certainly shaping it to some extent. You can't control anyone else's behaviour, but you can at least modify your own. That's all you need to do. Alter an attitude. Break a habit pattern. Try a new approach. Experiment with a different plan. Then suddenly, all that seems so exasperatingly impossible will begin to become pleasingly feasible.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
R & R
Well the day started pretty well - with me fucking long-term boyfriend Mika whilst holding a shiny, shiny, sharp, sharp knife to his throat!! Only to be woken a few seconds later by X telling me she felt sick. Oh real life is so much duller!
It was a bit of a random dream actually;
a) I don't fancy Mika a jot (he was a bit of a DM/Mika/SG mix actually)
b) I have never considered using a knife in sexual activity
c) It was fucking hot!!
The crux of it all was really about trust. About me saying, to someone who loves and trusts me, "Prove how much you trust me - let me do this" and them letting me, and also finding the fear arousing.
Weird, but pleasant weird.
X had "recovered" by 10am - I think it was the realisation that no school means no Brownies - so I took her in, called in sick myself, cancelled necessary appointments and am having 2 days of rest and relaxation at home. I feel like I need it at the moment.
Besides, who knows what daydreaming might bring...
It was a bit of a random dream actually;
a) I don't fancy Mika a jot (he was a bit of a DM/Mika/SG mix actually)
b) I have never considered using a knife in sexual activity
c) It was fucking hot!!
The crux of it all was really about trust. About me saying, to someone who loves and trusts me, "Prove how much you trust me - let me do this" and them letting me, and also finding the fear arousing.
Weird, but pleasant weird.
X had "recovered" by 10am - I think it was the realisation that no school means no Brownies - so I took her in, called in sick myself, cancelled necessary appointments and am having 2 days of rest and relaxation at home. I feel like I need it at the moment.
Besides, who knows what daydreaming might bring...
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Straight
Well the Complex clan are now officially the straightest haired clan in "Somewhere in England"! Y is getting to that age where he likes to have his unruly mop of hair straightened (his one teenage trait so far), and so after swimming, showering and hair washing today, I set to work with the miracle of modern hair appliances and he has gone to bed with the mop duly tamed! Of course X had to get in on the action, so she is also now sleek and shiny, and my straightened coiffure completes the set.
Went out last night with Bea and Geri to a local pub in the same village as The Nun. However, whilst The Nun is on the wine bar side of things, The Dandelion is just the opposite! A typical spit and sawdust kind of place - complete with the very faint whiff of spilt beer and sweaty men, and full of tractor driving locals. That said, the people are always pretty friendly and easygoing, and last night they had a good pub band on, playing a range of songs including such wide ranging classics as 'Purple Rain', 'Chasing Cars', 'Maggie May' and 'Freebird'. There was much caterwauling, some dodgy dancing and lots of making fun of boys, so a pretty successful night.
In other news I have spent, spent, spent this weekend - and am now broke of course! But have bought some new clothes for me, some DS games for X and Y (for having reached their 100 star reward charts), paid all the bills for the month and have food in the house to last us at least a week - so may now have no money but a pretty successful spending!
Not sure what's happening with Space. We have still been emailing and last night I emailed him through MySpace with my email address, but I've heard nothing from him at all today - and I see another female friend has been added to his friend list in the last couple of days, so who knows! I'm not entirely sure about pursuing it anyway, and the problem with online interaction is that you can know too much about their other online activity - which doesnt make for trusting beginnings! I'm just going to let things lie and wait for him to respond before I contact him again, whilst continuing to see where it takes me without investing anything significant in terms of emotion and time. A most sensible plan methinks!
Went out last night with Bea and Geri to a local pub in the same village as The Nun. However, whilst The Nun is on the wine bar side of things, The Dandelion is just the opposite! A typical spit and sawdust kind of place - complete with the very faint whiff of spilt beer and sweaty men, and full of tractor driving locals. That said, the people are always pretty friendly and easygoing, and last night they had a good pub band on, playing a range of songs including such wide ranging classics as 'Purple Rain', 'Chasing Cars', 'Maggie May' and 'Freebird'. There was much caterwauling, some dodgy dancing and lots of making fun of boys, so a pretty successful night.
In other news I have spent, spent, spent this weekend - and am now broke of course! But have bought some new clothes for me, some DS games for X and Y (for having reached their 100 star reward charts), paid all the bills for the month and have food in the house to last us at least a week - so may now have no money but a pretty successful spending!
Not sure what's happening with Space. We have still been emailing and last night I emailed him through MySpace with my email address, but I've heard nothing from him at all today - and I see another female friend has been added to his friend list in the last couple of days, so who knows! I'm not entirely sure about pursuing it anyway, and the problem with online interaction is that you can know too much about their other online activity - which doesnt make for trusting beginnings! I'm just going to let things lie and wait for him to respond before I contact him again, whilst continuing to see where it takes me without investing anything significant in terms of emotion and time. A most sensible plan methinks!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Stars for the month ahead
They say 'If you kiss enough frogs, one of them is sure to turn out to be a prince.' Why stop there? Why not get fresh with the frog spawn? Tantalise the tadpoles? Cover all the bases, why don't you? You may, though, be better advised to wait until a frog turns up in your life, speaking English and gesticulating wildly. The words, 'Kiss me, it'll be worth your while,' are usually a good clue. Even so, you are not assured of success. This world is full of frogs making false promises. Now, here's a question. Why, this month, are you even interested in frogs when right now there's a very real prince (or princess) who needs to undergo no process of transformation.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Roll on the weekend
Well the rest of the week since I last posted has just flown by! With nothing of any excitement to report I am afraid!
I worked right through until 8.30pm on Wednesday night, and then a full day yesterday followed by outreach from 8-11pm, so am pretty worn out right about now and looking forward to the weekend off. In fact I'm seriously considering booking a couple of days off while the kids are at school just so I can lounge around and do absolutely nothing!!
In between working my time has been spent lurking on all your blogs (I have been reading, just not commenting), and emailing Space. He is managing to keep up with some really bantering emails (of the old me in finest form), which is both a surprise and extremely enjoyable, (it's been a long time since I've felt inspired to communicate with someone that way), and even hinted at a meet. I look forward to the banter and his pics are pretty good, though variable as pics are, but I'm not sure I'm ready to take any further steps with things right now. Will just have to wait and see!
I worked right through until 8.30pm on Wednesday night, and then a full day yesterday followed by outreach from 8-11pm, so am pretty worn out right about now and looking forward to the weekend off. In fact I'm seriously considering booking a couple of days off while the kids are at school just so I can lounge around and do absolutely nothing!!
In between working my time has been spent lurking on all your blogs (I have been reading, just not commenting), and emailing Space. He is managing to keep up with some really bantering emails (of the old me in finest form), which is both a surprise and extremely enjoyable, (it's been a long time since I've felt inspired to communicate with someone that way), and even hinted at a meet. I look forward to the banter and his pics are pretty good, though variable as pics are, but I'm not sure I'm ready to take any further steps with things right now. Will just have to wait and see!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Endings and beginnings?
In other news, my beloved summer handbag (acquired from Vegas airport for a snip of $10) has alas been consigned to the great handbag heaven in the sky. Due to an unfortunate but irrepairable seperation of one handle from bag body :-(
Gone but not forgotten...
As for new beginnings... After sending a random "friend request" to somebody (we shall call him Space) on MySpace, I have spent a very pleasant evening sending and receiving both amusing and interesting emails from what appears to be an intelligent, attractive (if pictures are to be believed), amusing and local man. So, watch this space....
Monday, September 24, 2007
Henny hen hens
A quick catch up...
Friday was spent a little less tired than the previous few days, and I managed to be up until just gone midnight. Woohoo! Started a new (fabulous book), which kept me engrossed through Friday evening and then Saturday afternoon.
Saturday morning the usual swimming pool run, complete with raging spat with X which resulted in me having to go outside for a cigarette to stop me bursting into tears in the changing rooms. Fortunately her mood improved after swimming and we headed into town for the obligatory spending of a whole British pound pocket money. The afternoon saw X at a party (Y was at his dads this weekend) from 1-3pm, which left me enough time to nip to Sainsbury's, run the bath, grab some lunch, and bath, wash and dye my hair before picking her up again. An hour or so reading for me and DVD watching for her, a visit by Bea (who fabulously lent me £20 and straightened my hair) and then X's dad came to collect her for the evening at 5.45pm, leaving me plenty of time to don clothes and make-up before heading for the dogs.
We had arranged to meet the others (all from local town) at a hometown place for the minibus to pick us up, and arrived to find that the hair straightening had all been in vain as along with the obligatory hen partys sashes, curly afro wigs had been supplied!
Off we set, all 18 of us, driving for an hour before arriving at the greyhound racing track. Needless to say, much giggling occurred, a delicious 3 course meal was eaten (we were in the VIP section), several alcoholic drinks were partaken of, various placings of wigs was undertaken, and losing/winning of money transpired. All in all it was a really good night.
See for yourself (for 24hrs anyway)...
(apologies for quality of photo's - more due to wobbliness of photographer than camera phone I must say!)
Thursday, September 20, 2007
No better
I feel like I'm doing nothing but moaning at the moment, but I'm still feeling absolutely worn out.
I had a quick flick round Blogland last night (apologies for my lack of commenting by the way, I will catch up soon) and was in bed by 10.30pm, which is practically unheard of for me. I was meant to be doing outreach tonight, but a colleague offered to do it for me, which I'm so pleased about now as it's not even 9.30pm and I'm exhausted already.
I need to have recovered by the weekend as I've a hen night on Saturday, which I'm sure will be a long one! Better get off to bed!
I had a quick flick round Blogland last night (apologies for my lack of commenting by the way, I will catch up soon) and was in bed by 10.30pm, which is practically unheard of for me. I was meant to be doing outreach tonight, but a colleague offered to do it for me, which I'm so pleased about now as it's not even 9.30pm and I'm exhausted already.
I need to have recovered by the weekend as I've a hen night on Saturday, which I'm sure will be a long one! Better get off to bed!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Shattered
Too tired to post properly, so a quick summary:
- last night, Bea visited to update on first date with Perry
- this morning, trip to orthodontist for Y to have his braces removed
- late morning, slight (accidental) flirting with another non-fanciable man (though more so) Finn
- this afternoon, hectic hectic time at work until 6pm followed by run to Sainsbury's
- this evening, dinner then awaiting X's return from friends for tea
- 7pm call to say X will be back at 8pm
- 8.30pm call to say X and friend watching film, 20mins to go
- 9pm X arrives home over-tired and full of coke
- 9.30pm X finally asleep after 20 minutes of raging tantrum exacerbated by Y
For some reason I know feel absolutely exhausted and fit for nothing but bed!
- last night, Bea visited to update on first date with Perry
- this morning, trip to orthodontist for Y to have his braces removed
- late morning, slight (accidental) flirting with another non-fanciable man (though more so) Finn
- this afternoon, hectic hectic time at work until 6pm followed by run to Sainsbury's
- this evening, dinner then awaiting X's return from friends for tea
- 7pm call to say X will be back at 8pm
- 8.30pm call to say X and friend watching film, 20mins to go
- 9pm X arrives home over-tired and full of coke
- 9.30pm X finally asleep after 20 minutes of raging tantrum exacerbated by Y
For some reason I know feel absolutely exhausted and fit for nothing but bed!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Supermum
So the weekend is already over!
Yesterday was the usual Saturday routine in the morning, X's swimming lesson (no SPM to ogle this week!), followed by the weekly visit to the library, then into town to the sweetie kiosk so X can spend an hour (it feels like) deciding what £1 pocket money can be spent on, a walk back to the car via the chip shop for chips for the kids, and off home again. The afternoon was fabulously peaceful though as X went off to daddy's at 2pm and didn't return until nearly 8.30pm, so Y and I spent the afternoon playing his new game for the Wii (mostly him) and reading (mostly me), and tackling the cleaning (both of us) so the pig sty as was would miraculously transform into a house respectable enough for someone (Lily) to visit!
Lily arrived about 8.30pm, just before X, so it was a bit like a madhouse for a couple of hours; trying to obtain and then order an indian takeaway, whilst also avoiding Lily and Y flailing arms around in a manner likely to cause injury to any innocent telephone call making individual, during a particularly intense bout of Wii Tennis, and trying to calm an over-hyped and excitable X!
Fortunately things calmed down eventually and after indian takeaway had arrived and been munched and X had gone to bed (at 10pm!) we managed to get a good few hours of gossiping in until all of a sudden it was 1am! (Y had gone to bed at 11.30pm by the way, I'm not that bad a mother!). So, an hour of reading later and off to the land of nod.
Was woken this morning to the sound of darling children's voices (read: squabbling over who was playing what on the Wii), right in the middle of a lovely, lovely dream about Robbie Williams! Not rude before you think it, just lovely chatting and being excited to be chatting. I probably woke up before the rude bit came along. Damn children!!
Amazingly for me (considering it was only 10am and a Sunday) I decided after a few minutes of trying (and failing) to recreate the Robbie dream that I might as well get up, so pottered downstairs and let the day begin with boiled eggs and soldiers. Spent much of the rest of the day washing, drying and putting away (well mine, the kids do their own) mountains of laundry (it was perfect washday weather today) in between bouts of reading on the sofa, some flapjack making with X and Y this afternoon, and then a barbecue dinner, before tidying up, hoovering (again!), bathing and bed! And now peace reigns. Aaah!
Yesterday was the usual Saturday routine in the morning, X's swimming lesson (no SPM to ogle this week!), followed by the weekly visit to the library, then into town to the sweetie kiosk so X can spend an hour (it feels like) deciding what £1 pocket money can be spent on, a walk back to the car via the chip shop for chips for the kids, and off home again. The afternoon was fabulously peaceful though as X went off to daddy's at 2pm and didn't return until nearly 8.30pm, so Y and I spent the afternoon playing his new game for the Wii (mostly him) and reading (mostly me), and tackling the cleaning (both of us) so the pig sty as was would miraculously transform into a house respectable enough for someone (Lily) to visit!
Lily arrived about 8.30pm, just before X, so it was a bit like a madhouse for a couple of hours; trying to obtain and then order an indian takeaway, whilst also avoiding Lily and Y flailing arms around in a manner likely to cause injury to any innocent telephone call making individual, during a particularly intense bout of Wii Tennis, and trying to calm an over-hyped and excitable X!
Fortunately things calmed down eventually and after indian takeaway had arrived and been munched and X had gone to bed (at 10pm!) we managed to get a good few hours of gossiping in until all of a sudden it was 1am! (Y had gone to bed at 11.30pm by the way, I'm not that bad a mother!). So, an hour of reading later and off to the land of nod.
Was woken this morning to the sound of darling children's voices (read: squabbling over who was playing what on the Wii), right in the middle of a lovely, lovely dream about Robbie Williams! Not rude before you think it, just lovely chatting and being excited to be chatting. I probably woke up before the rude bit came along. Damn children!!
Amazingly for me (considering it was only 10am and a Sunday) I decided after a few minutes of trying (and failing) to recreate the Robbie dream that I might as well get up, so pottered downstairs and let the day begin with boiled eggs and soldiers. Spent much of the rest of the day washing, drying and putting away (well mine, the kids do their own) mountains of laundry (it was perfect washday weather today) in between bouts of reading on the sofa, some flapjack making with X and Y this afternoon, and then a barbecue dinner, before tidying up, hoovering (again!), bathing and bed! And now peace reigns. Aaah!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
Have you any idea how important you are? On a planet where billions of seemingly similar people all jostle for position, it is easy to feel small and insignificant. Why should you matter more than any of those other grains of sand on the shore? Never mind why you should, the fact is, you do! You are made of exceptional stuff. Though you may not use them very often, you have powers that far exceed those of most ordinary mortals. Don't you dare compare yourself to others this week! Their standards are not yours. Their expectations must not become yours, either. You deserve what you now have a chance to get. A tremendous triumph!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Weird Science
Had a funny little interaction today that got me wondering.
I may have mentioned, or may not, that I sit as a Hospital Manager for the local mental health trust in my county. Basically this means that I sit as a lay person, on a panel with two other lay people, and make a decision about whether people should remain under a mental health section or not. It's voluntary work, but work that I love, mainly because I believe to wrongly deny somebody their liberty is one of the most awful things society can do to a person. Particularly a mentally unwell and vulnerable person.
Anyhoo! I had a hearing this morning, with two of the other HM's, one of whom shall be called HCO. HCO and I have sat on a couple of hearings together, and always manage to get into healthy and extended debate about the outcome! This was particularly realised a couple of weeks ago when we had a really, really difficult to decide case, and verified today at another very close call case.
Now the thing about HCO is, that he is not remotely attractive to me. Really. Not remotely. I am sure he is pretty average looking for a late 30's male, and lots of women may think that. I am not one of them. He seems a nice bloke, relatively amusing at times, clean and presentable, but very straight (as in "proper"), if you know what I mean, and really not my cup of tea - shallow girl that I am!
The strange thing is, that today, after the heated (but always pleasant) debate and the decision finalising, I found myself, ever such a little, flirting with him! What??! Seriously, I realised and went "Woah! What is that all about?"
So what is that all about? I'm sure I'm not attracted to him physically, but for some reason all afternoon (and if I'm honest even now as I'm typing this out), I've had a little smile on my face at our exchanges this morning. Weird. Pleasant!! But definitely weird!
I may have mentioned, or may not, that I sit as a Hospital Manager for the local mental health trust in my county. Basically this means that I sit as a lay person, on a panel with two other lay people, and make a decision about whether people should remain under a mental health section or not. It's voluntary work, but work that I love, mainly because I believe to wrongly deny somebody their liberty is one of the most awful things society can do to a person. Particularly a mentally unwell and vulnerable person.
Anyhoo! I had a hearing this morning, with two of the other HM's, one of whom shall be called HCO. HCO and I have sat on a couple of hearings together, and always manage to get into healthy and extended debate about the outcome! This was particularly realised a couple of weeks ago when we had a really, really difficult to decide case, and verified today at another very close call case.
Now the thing about HCO is, that he is not remotely attractive to me. Really. Not remotely. I am sure he is pretty average looking for a late 30's male, and lots of women may think that. I am not one of them. He seems a nice bloke, relatively amusing at times, clean and presentable, but very straight (as in "proper"), if you know what I mean, and really not my cup of tea - shallow girl that I am!
The strange thing is, that today, after the heated (but always pleasant) debate and the decision finalising, I found myself, ever such a little, flirting with him! What??! Seriously, I realised and went "Woah! What is that all about?"
So what is that all about? I'm sure I'm not attracted to him physically, but for some reason all afternoon (and if I'm honest even now as I'm typing this out), I've had a little smile on my face at our exchanges this morning. Weird. Pleasant!! But definitely weird!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Media Darling
Ouch! Just burnt my knee with a bloody fag. Muppet that I am!
In other news, I am currently my local area's media darling, after two rapes and an attack with gun on clients in the last two weeks. I have given 3 comments to newspapers this week, had a team member do a radio interview, and today been asked by local TV to do an interview (which I had to decline due to work appointments)! Oh the life of a celebrity!
Other than that little piece of excitement, not a bad day today, with dreaded annual fire safety training this afternoon, which turned out to be remarkably more enjoyable than expected as the bloke doing the training appeared to be warming up for the fat bloke comedy spot at his nearest working men's club! He was quite amusing though, and the session was much better than these things are usually.
And now, the delectable Pierce Brosnan is doing his thing on television, which is just the ticket to give me lovely James Bond dreams at bedtime. What more could a girl ask for...?
In other news, I am currently my local area's media darling, after two rapes and an attack with gun on clients in the last two weeks. I have given 3 comments to newspapers this week, had a team member do a radio interview, and today been asked by local TV to do an interview (which I had to decline due to work appointments)! Oh the life of a celebrity!
Other than that little piece of excitement, not a bad day today, with dreaded annual fire safety training this afternoon, which turned out to be remarkably more enjoyable than expected as the bloke doing the training appeared to be warming up for the fat bloke comedy spot at his nearest working men's club! He was quite amusing though, and the session was much better than these things are usually.
And now, the delectable Pierce Brosnan is doing his thing on television, which is just the ticket to give me lovely James Bond dreams at bedtime. What more could a girl ask for...?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Time flies
Blimey! How is it Wednesday already? Don't know where the week has gone!
To recap on the weekend, which seems so long ago now that I can't remember all I was going to post, a simple resume -
The good - a night out with Bea, flirting with cute (but inconsequential) boy from local city, dancing in local dive to typical local dive music
The bad - getting home and missing Him, engaging in a pointless text conversation with Him (at his instigation bizarrely), not getting to sleep until 5am as a result
The strange - CBI boy and mate behaving most bizarrely after a few too many beers, bumping into lots of people I haven't seen for simply ages, spending much of the night in a working men's club
Since then, a peaceful and lazy Sunday, an average work Monday, a very busy Tuesday including work all day, governor's meeting early evening and outreach until 12am, and here we are. Wednesday already!
Today was a good day though, as I found out that we (the work team) have been shortlisted for a national award that I applied for a while back. Yay!! So we're off to some kind of local ceremony for shortlistees next week.
So there you have it. Such exciting times...
To recap on the weekend, which seems so long ago now that I can't remember all I was going to post, a simple resume -
The good - a night out with Bea, flirting with cute (but inconsequential) boy from local city, dancing in local dive to typical local dive music
The bad - getting home and missing Him, engaging in a pointless text conversation with Him (at his instigation bizarrely), not getting to sleep until 5am as a result
The strange - CBI boy and mate behaving most bizarrely after a few too many beers, bumping into lots of people I haven't seen for simply ages, spending much of the night in a working men's club
Since then, a peaceful and lazy Sunday, an average work Monday, a very busy Tuesday including work all day, governor's meeting early evening and outreach until 12am, and here we are. Wednesday already!
Today was a good day though, as I found out that we (the work team) have been shortlisted for a national award that I applied for a while back. Yay!! So we're off to some kind of local ceremony for shortlistees next week.
So there you have it. Such exciting times...
Response
sun 9 sept
2.28
Oh dear! So what did i do to deserve that?
2.37
Please don't treat me like an idiot. you know so why bother asking? And why now? I'm sure you've known for days not just come across it! You don't want me so you should be happy i'm stopping it. You get to be proved right about leaving because i didn't love you enough. Happy now?
2.56
Why the fuck would i ask if i already knew? I don't know. And what the fuck is all that for?
3.16
Why do you text me DM? honestly, why does this continue?
3.30
i love you, but you're not coming home and i can't keep hoping and wishing. it's easier to be mad at you than it is to miss you as much as i do
3.52
Why couldn't you have said that the first time and cut out all the bull shit? If that's the way it needs to be then so be it. Take care OG.
4.05
Bull shit?! nice. i can't do this by text but you should really start being honest with yourself instead of all this
4.20
stick with your canadian Number givers. Far easier texting i'm sure!
4.55
i'm sorry. you're off tripping round the world having the time of your life and i'm here. without you. loving you. missing you. and i wish it would stop. the whole thing is just wrong
5.50
I'm just doing what i know best, the thing i know i can get right. This isn't about me is it? It's about you and not coming home because you tell me to. I was far happier with "go off and do what you have to, then come home" but if this is the way you want it, then that's fine.
9.44
You should know me better than that by now, but if that's what you truly think this is about then i can't change that. Wrong though it is. I'd like to tell you to forget it but i'm still here responding! And i'm still here waiting. I don't know when that will stop but i'm scared it will. That you'll push
me away properly and forever. And soon. I don't want that.
2.28
Oh dear! So what did i do to deserve that?
2.37
Please don't treat me like an idiot. you know so why bother asking? And why now? I'm sure you've known for days not just come across it! You don't want me so you should be happy i'm stopping it. You get to be proved right about leaving because i didn't love you enough. Happy now?
2.56
Why the fuck would i ask if i already knew? I don't know. And what the fuck is all that for?
3.16
Why do you text me DM? honestly, why does this continue?
3.30
i love you, but you're not coming home and i can't keep hoping and wishing. it's easier to be mad at you than it is to miss you as much as i do
3.52
Why couldn't you have said that the first time and cut out all the bull shit? If that's the way it needs to be then so be it. Take care OG.
4.05
Bull shit?! nice. i can't do this by text but you should really start being honest with yourself instead of all this
4.20
stick with your canadian Number givers. Far easier texting i'm sure!
4.55
i'm sorry. you're off tripping round the world having the time of your life and i'm here. without you. loving you. missing you. and i wish it would stop. the whole thing is just wrong
5.50
I'm just doing what i know best, the thing i know i can get right. This isn't about me is it? It's about you and not coming home because you tell me to. I was far happier with "go off and do what you have to, then come home" but if this is the way you want it, then that's fine.
9.44
You should know me better than that by now, but if that's what you truly think this is about then i can't change that. Wrong though it is. I'd like to tell you to forget it but i'm still here responding! And i'm still here waiting. I don't know when that will stop but i'm scared it will. That you'll push
me away properly and forever. And soon. I don't want that.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Strange
A strange weekend. Some good, some bad and some just odd, but at present I am absorbed in reading of the good old fashioned paper kind and cannot tear myself away to blog properly. Never fear though, halfway there!
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
Years ago, there was a best selling book called, Everything Is Negotiable. It was a nice idea. You can go through life doing deals with people. Wherever there appears to be a blockage or a fixed point, you can find some way to bend the rule or free the obstacle if you look sensitively enough at the situation. Is that always true in every circumstance? Well, I'm not here to expound the philosophy. I just want to tell you that, this week, you can get involved in some very productive discussions. This may require you to put aside your pride... and your prejudice. You may have to talk to someone you'd rather not engage with. But, boy, can you get results.
Invisible (and freckled)
I somehow managed to drive to work in an invisible car this morning. Or at least that's what it felt like as I drove along the dual carriage-way only to be cut up or blatantly ignored 3 bloody times in the space of the 15 minute drive!
By some miracle I arrived at work safely, where I managed to continue the last two days experience of very productive working up until about 1pm where I just lost the will to work, so spent the latter two hours completely unproductively before finishing at 3pm to pick up X and friend from school and the obligatory McDonalds run followed by a trip to the park to enjoy the evening sunshine.
Finally packed said friend off home at just after 8pm, and had not long been in before Bea arrived fresh (though sweaty) from an evening exercise class, for a quick couple of hours of chat before I finally managed to get some peace and quiet in my own house, not to mention sate the endless blog/internet addiction.
And that's that! First week back to school/work/normality over!
There was a high point of excitement mid-afternoon when as I was checking my reflection in the toilet mirror whilst washing my hands I thought I had a new freckle. Turned out to be a chocolate smudge!
By some miracle I arrived at work safely, where I managed to continue the last two days experience of very productive working up until about 1pm where I just lost the will to work, so spent the latter two hours completely unproductively before finishing at 3pm to pick up X and friend from school and the obligatory McDonalds run followed by a trip to the park to enjoy the evening sunshine.
Finally packed said friend off home at just after 8pm, and had not long been in before Bea arrived fresh (though sweaty) from an evening exercise class, for a quick couple of hours of chat before I finally managed to get some peace and quiet in my own house, not to mention sate the endless blog/internet addiction.
And that's that! First week back to school/work/normality over!
There was a high point of excitement mid-afternoon when as I was checking my reflection in the toilet mirror whilst washing my hands I thought I had a new freckle. Turned out to be a chocolate smudge!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Hormones
Damn those menstrual hormones!!
I was sneakily checking my bank online at work today and realised that a £5 charity DD had bounced (yes times are hard at present) as I had forgotten about it and not transferred the money in to cover it. That may be bad enough, but the bank (Natwest if you're interested) had charged me £38 on the spot for the pleasure - thus resulting in an unauthorised overdraft of £36! No notice or anything! What the fuck!!
So, I rang "customer service", somewhat irate to calmly but firmly complain about the bastardness of said bank and action, only to find about three minutes into the conversation that I was bloody crying! Jeez, the embarrassment. Fortunately, there was nobody else in my office at the time so I didn't have to a) face them, b) let them know how poor exactly I am, c) pretend everything was okay so as not to feel guilty when faced with colleagues embarrassed on my behalf!
Got the charge taken off though!
I was sneakily checking my bank online at work today and realised that a £5 charity DD had bounced (yes times are hard at present) as I had forgotten about it and not transferred the money in to cover it. That may be bad enough, but the bank (Natwest if you're interested) had charged me £38 on the spot for the pleasure - thus resulting in an unauthorised overdraft of £36! No notice or anything! What the fuck!!
So, I rang "customer service", somewhat irate to calmly but firmly complain about the bastardness of said bank and action, only to find about three minutes into the conversation that I was bloody crying! Jeez, the embarrassment. Fortunately, there was nobody else in my office at the time so I didn't have to a) face them, b) let them know how poor exactly I am, c) pretend everything was okay so as not to feel guilty when faced with colleagues embarrassed on my behalf!
Got the charge taken off though!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Short but sweet
One early morning rise to deposit X and Y at school and one full (and very productive) day at work, and I'm knackered! I've also got that horrible, achy, draggy, bloated period due feeling, which might be a factor.
A memorable work conversation today though:
Client: Need to sort out a dentist, I bit into a biscuit the other day and the cap from one of my back teeth dropped off (opening mouth and demonstrating black, jagged toothy point)
Staff: Oooh, that looks quite sharp, is it catching on your cheek.
Client: No, but I was giving a blow job the other day and caught it on his cock. There was fucking blood everywhere.
Staff: (Wincing) Did you give him a refund?
Client: (Laughing) Like fuck did I!
I truly love my job.
A memorable work conversation today though:
Client: Need to sort out a dentist, I bit into a biscuit the other day and the cap from one of my back teeth dropped off (opening mouth and demonstrating black, jagged toothy point)
Staff: Oooh, that looks quite sharp, is it catching on your cheek.
Client: No, but I was giving a blow job the other day and caught it on his cock. There was fucking blood everywhere.
Staff: (Wincing) Did you give him a refund?
Client: (Laughing) Like fuck did I!
I truly love my job.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Happy Ending
This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Wake up in the morning,
Stumble on my life.
Can't get no love without sacrifice.
If anything should happen,
I guess I wish you well.
Mm A little bit of heaven,
With a little bit of hell.
This is the hardest story that I've ever told.
No hope, no love, no glory.
A happy endings gone forever more.
I feel as if I'm wasted,
And I'm wasted everyday.
This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Two o'clock in the morning,
Something's on my mind.
Can't get no rest,
Keep walking around.
If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong,
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on.
This is the hardest story that I've ever told.
No hope, no love, no glory.
A happy endings gone forever more.
I feel as if I'm wasted,
And I'm wasted everyday.
This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Little bit of love...
This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like its forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
Enough now.
The end.
Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)
Bought this album last week and am loving, loving, loving it! Cheesy, happy, pure pop at it's finest.
As for this one, both song and video just make me smile :-)
As for this one, both song and video just make me smile :-)
Monday, September 03, 2007
Deaths and Births
Well I've calmed down a bit since yesterday, though I'm still pissed off - not upset though, just mad, which is better. I know that logically he actually hasn't done anything wrong, after all we're not together and when I went out in May I knew he'd been internet dating, I just didn't expect to have the reality face me like that, and I still don't like the cocky manner he commented that to a near stranger. Exactly the reason I wasn't going to check his sites, and so I've bloody learnt now! Unfortunately, emotions don't tend to be led by logic!!
To explain the move, it wasn't a gut reaction, more that yesterday was the straw that finally pushed me to finally start anew. This blog has been sitting and waiting to be born since the end of May, as the following (unpublished) OG post may explain...
17th May
"I don't know whether I will ever get to publish this post. Although I suspect it's very likely.
I have been off work today, mainly because I had a lot of stuff I needed to process, and I needed to give myself time to do that. So I have spent much of the day driving, and thinking, and thinking, and driving.
I have just emailed DM. My final thoughts I guess - a practical solution to the situation, rather than an emotional one. I have done the emotional so many times already. I don't know whether it will be enough, but I do know that I've now done and said all I can possibly do. That helps. A little.
And now? Now, I've been planning. Planning for a future with him, but also planning for a future without. I can feel the end drawing ever nearer, as much as I don't want it to, and although when I went to San Francisco I knew it wouldn't be make or break, I have a feeling that the next time I see him (in just over a week), it will be. So I'm making plans for the worst.
It helps me be in control. It helps me to resolve.
I started writing this blog a long time ago now, or so it feels, and I wrote it for me; to help me deal with the situation, to learn about myself, to remember, and to either move things forward or end them. I also wrote it for him; to help him understand me, to say the things I needed to say, to make him remember, to either move things forward or end them. I'm glad I did, but it has become a double edged sword just lately, and is one of the things that helps continue the connection between us.
I blog, he reads, I know he reads. And so it continues.
I love that he does, but if he and I must stop, then this blog must also stop, me wanting him to read must also stop. It really is that simple. He can't continue to be a part of my life from afar, and I can't continue to be a part of his on the sidelines. It may not have seemed it for the last couple of years, but at heart I'm a main player kind of girl."
So, the time has finally come for me to start anew, hopefully with lots of adventures along the way...
To explain the move, it wasn't a gut reaction, more that yesterday was the straw that finally pushed me to finally start anew. This blog has been sitting and waiting to be born since the end of May, as the following (unpublished) OG post may explain...
17th May
"I don't know whether I will ever get to publish this post. Although I suspect it's very likely.
I have been off work today, mainly because I had a lot of stuff I needed to process, and I needed to give myself time to do that. So I have spent much of the day driving, and thinking, and thinking, and driving.
I have just emailed DM. My final thoughts I guess - a practical solution to the situation, rather than an emotional one. I have done the emotional so many times already. I don't know whether it will be enough, but I do know that I've now done and said all I can possibly do. That helps. A little.
And now? Now, I've been planning. Planning for a future with him, but also planning for a future without. I can feel the end drawing ever nearer, as much as I don't want it to, and although when I went to San Francisco I knew it wouldn't be make or break, I have a feeling that the next time I see him (in just over a week), it will be. So I'm making plans for the worst.
It helps me be in control. It helps me to resolve.
I started writing this blog a long time ago now, or so it feels, and I wrote it for me; to help me deal with the situation, to learn about myself, to remember, and to either move things forward or end them. I also wrote it for him; to help him understand me, to say the things I needed to say, to make him remember, to either move things forward or end them. I'm glad I did, but it has become a double edged sword just lately, and is one of the things that helps continue the connection between us.
I blog, he reads, I know he reads. And so it continues.
I love that he does, but if he and I must stop, then this blog must also stop, me wanting him to read must also stop. It really is that simple. He can't continue to be a part of my life from afar, and I can't continue to be a part of his on the sidelines. It may not have seemed it for the last couple of years, but at heart I'm a main player kind of girl."
So, the time has finally come for me to start anew, hopefully with lots of adventures along the way...
Fuck you, you fucking fuck!
I am absolutely, spittingly fucking furious!!
Yes, I know I have no right to be, and yes I know that it is completely my own fault, and yes I know that I am a complete fuck up. But I don't care. I am mad. Fucking mad!!
Against my better judgement, I did something I said I wouldn't do, which was to check one of the sites that twat gave me of his. And what do I read as a simple, innocuous comment to one of his online "buddies" -
Vancouver fucking rocks! If you've never been, you should go. People make a place great for me, and the Canadians are great! I would love to make the most of the three phone numbers I came home with, but alas.....!
Three fucking phone numbers??? Three!!! How fucking dare he be texting me one week how much he loves and misses me, and then off to fucking Vancouver living it up with god knows who. And what makes me most fucking angry of all, is to just drop it into some fucking comment box, that I may well read and he knows I may well read, in an almost boastful fashion. Well, fuck you!!
OG has gone, Complex Girl has arrived!!
Oh and I checked his Facebook friends too. A new addition from Vancouver!! She looks like a slut!
Yes, I know I have no right to be, and yes I know that it is completely my own fault, and yes I know that I am a complete fuck up. But I don't care. I am mad. Fucking mad!!
Against my better judgement, I did something I said I wouldn't do, which was to check one of the sites that twat gave me of his. And what do I read as a simple, innocuous comment to one of his online "buddies" -
Vancouver fucking rocks! If you've never been, you should go. People make a place great for me, and the Canadians are great! I would love to make the most of the three phone numbers I came home with, but alas.....!
Three fucking phone numbers??? Three!!! How fucking dare he be texting me one week how much he loves and misses me, and then off to fucking Vancouver living it up with god knows who. And what makes me most fucking angry of all, is to just drop it into some fucking comment box, that I may well read and he knows I may well read, in an almost boastful fashion. Well, fuck you!!
OG has gone, Complex Girl has arrived!!
Oh and I checked his Facebook friends too. A new addition from Vancouver!! She looks like a slut!
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Sugar rush
Have been to Ava's daughter's birthday party this afternoon, and eaten more sweet kebabs than is good for any one person!
Both X and Y have now gone to their dad's, to not return until tomorrow evening, and I am having a bit of down-time before I head off to Disco's tonight, for a housewarming party/barbecue to which all the other flat residents in the block have been invited. Must say I'm not very enthusiastic at the moment, but sure I will buck up once I get my arse in gear and get over there. Besides, who knows what new faces the night may bring...
Both X and Y have now gone to their dad's, to not return until tomorrow evening, and I am having a bit of down-time before I head off to Disco's tonight, for a housewarming party/barbecue to which all the other flat residents in the block have been invited. Must say I'm not very enthusiastic at the moment, but sure I will buck up once I get my arse in gear and get over there. Besides, who knows what new faces the night may bring...
Stars for the week/month ahead
Your September Forecast: Would you like the good news, or the slightly less than wonderful news? No, that's not a euphemism. I really don't have any bad news - even though I know that you are half-expecting some. I suppose, if you keep fervently anticipating a disaster of some kind, you may just create one. But I think you will need to try very hard - for your cosmic climate is generally favourable. I foresee a vast improvement in the nature of a close relationship (that's the good news) plus a sudden upheaval that forces you to think on your feet (that's the slightly less than wonderful news). But you can only emerge triumphantly from this challenge and from all you now face.
Friday, August 31, 2007
One year on
It's been a year today since I started blogging.
It seems like such a long time ago, and yet it also seems like yesterday.
A whole year. Who knew.
It seems like such a long time ago, and yet it also seems like yesterday.
A whole year. Who knew.
Restless
Sleeping. Dreaming of your return, of happiness. Of you leaving, of sadness. Waking to the reality of the latter.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Stuffed
After a lazy morning after a terrible night of mixed up DM dreams, I finally dragged myself out of bed, fed the kids breakfast and then begrudgingly paid several bills I've been putting off for far too long. A quick lunch and then we all set out to local retail park for a fun filled afternoon of shopping for boring school shoes. The dreaded shoe shopping was relatively harmless, thank goodness, and X and Y were both happy with new football and basketball respectively. Not to mention the fact that I just had to get these gorgeous little things for X...
Unfortunately they didn't have them in my size, so instead I had to settle for these fabulous old things instead....
More money could have been spent but Y, sensible money boy that he is (not an OG gene for sure!) refused to let me buy a gorgeous green bag for a mere snip of £18, may have to sneak back for that tomorrow :-)
To end the day, this evening I have been out for a meal with a load of work colleagues for a leaving do for one of them, not from my team fortunately. About twenty of us went to a lovely Italian restaurant in work town, and a good time was had by all. The food was delicious, and very reasonable, and in fact I did really well as I had 3 courses - olives, pizza and chocolate cake, which came to £15. Even better we just divided the bill, so I only had to pay £13, including the tip!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
BBQ King
Our new barbecue area - "built" with initiative!
gone now!
gone now!
Food!! Pre-cooking of course!
Y (in typical "Mum, put the camera away" pose), the new Jamie Oliver!?
gone now!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Dream Catch Me
From something old to something New(ton Faulkner). If you haven't checked out his music, then go and do so straight away - amazing voice, great lyrics, guitar talent abounds, and amongst his other songs, I am just loving this right now.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Weekends, weekends
Sorry for the delay in posting. I met the man of my dreams on Friday night and have only just staggered out of bed after a 2 day marathon sex session!
Actually, that may of course be a complete lie, but nice to dream eh?!
Friday night was good, despite the lack of above result, although town was so, so quiet it was ridiculous. Ava and I had a really good catch up though, not to mention much giggling at the freakazoids that seem to inhabit our town, and positive hysterics at the fact that I must have been wearing a sign on my forehead that said "freakazoids apply here". Seriously, the amount of (completely unwanted) male attention was ridiculous. I wouldn't mind if it had been "cute in the community" rather than "care in the community", but alas my little town is seriously lacking in attractive men. Amusement nonetheless though!
Yesterday was spent in the usual Saturday way... ogling at SPM whilst smiling encouragingly at X demonstrating breast stroke legs to the rest of her swimming class, bless her, followed by trip into town, back in time for the new non-sexy gardener, then off to Sainsbury's to spend too much on scrummy, yummy weekend food. Cheese and crackers this weekend!
I worked a late floater session last night, from 10pm-1am, which was absolutely dead, so ended up having a really late lie in this morning before off for Sunday "floating fun" down the local pool. The weather has been glorious again, so we decided to buy a couple of disposable barbecues and a few burgers and sausages, drag the kitchen table and the deckchairs out onto the newly cut back garden, and enjoy the sun while Y had his first try and barbecue cooking (and did a pretty good job of it actually). Rounded the day off with Madagascar on DVD, and bed for the kids, and here I am.
It may not sound like a fabulously exciting weekend (erm... it wasn't!), but sometimes a weekend of catching up with mates, spending time with the kids and enjoying the sunshine is just fine by me. Though if, of course, the original option had stood...
Actually, that may of course be a complete lie, but nice to dream eh?!
Friday night was good, despite the lack of above result, although town was so, so quiet it was ridiculous. Ava and I had a really good catch up though, not to mention much giggling at the freakazoids that seem to inhabit our town, and positive hysterics at the fact that I must have been wearing a sign on my forehead that said "freakazoids apply here". Seriously, the amount of (completely unwanted) male attention was ridiculous. I wouldn't mind if it had been "cute in the community" rather than "care in the community", but alas my little town is seriously lacking in attractive men. Amusement nonetheless though!
Yesterday was spent in the usual Saturday way... ogling at SPM whilst smiling encouragingly at X demonstrating breast stroke legs to the rest of her swimming class, bless her, followed by trip into town, back in time for the new non-sexy gardener, then off to Sainsbury's to spend too much on scrummy, yummy weekend food. Cheese and crackers this weekend!
I worked a late floater session last night, from 10pm-1am, which was absolutely dead, so ended up having a really late lie in this morning before off for Sunday "floating fun" down the local pool. The weather has been glorious again, so we decided to buy a couple of disposable barbecues and a few burgers and sausages, drag the kitchen table and the deckchairs out onto the newly cut back garden, and enjoy the sun while Y had his first try and barbecue cooking (and did a pretty good job of it actually). Rounded the day off with Madagascar on DVD, and bed for the kids, and here I am.
It may not sound like a fabulously exciting weekend (erm... it wasn't!), but sometimes a weekend of catching up with mates, spending time with the kids and enjoying the sunshine is just fine by me. Though if, of course, the original option had stood...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Stars for the week ahead
You don't have to hurry. For a while, at least, the pressure is off. You have passed a milestone. You have reached a resting place. Your situation may be far from ideal, but it is safe and stable enough. You can draw breath. There is no crisis to manage. Unless, of course, you want to create one. That's always your prerogative. Resist that urge, though, and you'll find that this week, life brings you something sweet. A comforting experience. A reassuring sensation. A hopeful discovery. A taste of contentment. Don't reject light relief because you feel a situation is too serious. Soon you will see why you do not have as far to go as you fear.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Off out
Off to paint the local town red tonight with Ava. Well, probably not red, but hot pink at least!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Porn
Occasionally, I watch a bit of porn. No big deal. In this day and age, a lot of people do.
I am, however, a bit particular about the type of porn I watch, due largely to the industry I'm now in, and stay very well clear of anything asian, anything that looks exploitative, and anything that looks like the woman isn't really having a good time. I may be kidding myself, but I like to watch something that looks like both parties are having a good time.
As such, amateur porn is probably my number one choice. It may not be full of beautiful, taut, golden skinned bodies, or full of the slick moves and threesome/foursome/any and every hole's a goal of a professional porn clip, but usually it's much more true to life, much closer to the ordinary sex life, and most importantly, much more likely to be a true consensual act.
However, after doing some perusing tonight I came across a couple of amateur clips, which while sharing massive similarities - home shot by themselves, mid-twenty yr olds, pretty obvious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, aware of the camera a little, similar sex acts, etc - also were just so different in the way the whole experience appeared to be!
During one I was thinking "If I ever end up in a relationship where that is our sex life then shoot me now" because there was absolutely zero chemistry, a complete lack of enjoyment almost, some very cumbersome positioning, not to mention a complete lack of fluidity to the whole thing. During the other, I was thinking "that could pretty much be me" - give or take a lb or two, a distinctly quieter sound, the obvious chop and change of position for camera, oh and better looking men of course.
So, after that philosphical trip through online porn this evening, I leave you to decide which is which. Enjoy...
(PS. please don't click on these if you are under 18, easily offended, in front of children/parents, or at work!)
Clip A
Clip B
I am, however, a bit particular about the type of porn I watch, due largely to the industry I'm now in, and stay very well clear of anything asian, anything that looks exploitative, and anything that looks like the woman isn't really having a good time. I may be kidding myself, but I like to watch something that looks like both parties are having a good time.
As such, amateur porn is probably my number one choice. It may not be full of beautiful, taut, golden skinned bodies, or full of the slick moves and threesome/foursome/any and every hole's a goal of a professional porn clip, but usually it's much more true to life, much closer to the ordinary sex life, and most importantly, much more likely to be a true consensual act.
However, after doing some perusing tonight I came across a couple of amateur clips, which while sharing massive similarities - home shot by themselves, mid-twenty yr olds, pretty obvious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, aware of the camera a little, similar sex acts, etc - also were just so different in the way the whole experience appeared to be!
During one I was thinking "If I ever end up in a relationship where that is our sex life then shoot me now" because there was absolutely zero chemistry, a complete lack of enjoyment almost, some very cumbersome positioning, not to mention a complete lack of fluidity to the whole thing. During the other, I was thinking "that could pretty much be me" - give or take a lb or two, a distinctly quieter sound, the obvious chop and change of position for camera, oh and better looking men of course.
So, after that philosphical trip through online porn this evening, I leave you to decide which is which. Enjoy...
(PS. please don't click on these if you are under 18, easily offended, in front of children/parents, or at work!)
Clip A
Clip B
Concern
My tits seem to be getting smaller!!! Unfortunately the rest of me does not appear to be following suit!
On the bright side though, went for my asthma review at doctor's today, and I'm only 1kg heavier than I was in March 2006 (a relatively skinny time I remember).
So, how come I felt skinny then and feel like a heifer at the moment?
The answer, obviously, is that it's just magically moved itself from boobs to hips/thighs/stomach/arms/chin. Amazing how far 2.2lbs and a bit of boob can spread!
On the bright side though, went for my asthma review at doctor's today, and I'm only 1kg heavier than I was in March 2006 (a relatively skinny time I remember).
So, how come I felt skinny then and feel like a heifer at the moment?
The answer, obviously, is that it's just magically moved itself from boobs to hips/thighs/stomach/arms/chin. Amazing how far 2.2lbs and a bit of boob can spread!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Return
I have returned! Refreshed, revitalised, renewed. Well, maybe not quite but not bad! I have to say it was touch and go for a while as to whether I would continue with blogging, but for now I'm continuing, with the writing at least. Comments may still be lacking for a while.
A fair bit has happened in the last week and a bit, and I will backpost soon, but for now, know I am back on form.
A fair bit has happened in the last week and a bit, and I will backpost soon, but for now, know I am back on form.
Update
11.51pm
Hi ya. I got your message. I don't think calling would be a good idea. I was in Paris, London and Cambridge last week. I felt close enough to be able to reach out and touch you. The tequila wasn't helping either! I'm ok, "no worries, Sheila"
12am
Ok. I'll write it off as you being pissed then? you always feel that close to me. no matter how far you go. I'd give pretty much anything for you to reach out.
1am
You're a bloody muppet to throw this away you know. Bloody hurry up, go do what you need to do, and come home before I die of old age!
1.15am
Muppet. (pic attached) Don't forget this face. You'll be seeing it again someday!
Monday, August 20, 2007
An admission
I couldn't sleep last night. Nothing new there. So, instead was in my bed reading The Forsyte Saga, which I've had for weeks and not really managed to get my teeth into. For some reason I had taken my mobile up with me, which I rarely do, so was still awake when it beeped at me at 2.43am.
DM - I love you. I miss you and I want to come home to you. You make me feel the way no other can. There, I've said it. But I can't make it happen. I have to keep moving on. I can't allow myself to look back no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I want what's back there. It's time...
I have to say it took me by surprise, though not. I've always believed that he loves me, though that belief has been sorely tried over time.
I replied - You can't move on forever honey. No matter how much you try. I want you to come home to me. It's where you ought to be x
A short while later, with no response from him (although bizarrely a missed call from a number I don't recognise showing on my phone though I didnt hear it), I text again - You and I will always be right together. Don't waste another year fighting that. I still miss you every single day!
I've heard nothing more since then. And stupid though it is, for some reason I'm worried. I don't know what he meant by "It's time...", and although it seems he left long ago there is such a part of me shouting out 'don't leave me, don't leave me'.
A while ago a rang him. It rang but went to ansamachine so I left it, before ringing again, getting the ansamachine again and then leaving a very short message to say I wanted to know he's alright.
I don't know what this means. I don't know if it means anything. But I know that last night I went to sleep wishing he was here, and this morning I felt his absence.
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