JB steps up. Again!

Hey OG, hi, may need a place to stay for an hour or two, if I get stuck could I call you?

(an hour later - when I see the text!)
Sorry love, only just got this. Of course. You welcome any time x

Thank you, managed to escape, at my mums now, was being chatted up! Aaargh. If I'm gonna date I'd ask you first x

Lol, you say the nicest things! Just hurry up and be ready :-) x

OG, honey, nearly there. Spent most of tonight talking about you, ha. Will be moving to (st near me) in next 10 days, dare you to come for dinner.

Really? How come you talking bout me? And who to? Oooh! House move eh? Exciting :-) Let me know when you're cooking! x

Yes, really, to (mate1) and my bud (mate2). Was sober at the time. I want a strong woman with her own views, a smile to melt hearts with, and a kiss to inspire dreams, apart from that I'm easy!

Lol, will let you know if I come across one :-) Take care hun, hopefully see you soon xx

Should have been you x

Well you never know your luck. One of these fine days JB... x

One of these fine days, just maybe. x

Later, on the wonders of FB...

His status update...
This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap.
My comment...
... We've got to get out while we're young, because tramps like us, baby we were born to run... (Well drive in my case if I'm really honest!) x
Reply...
You will marry me! x
Me...
Lol, you'd be a brave man to take me on for life! x
Him...
Yeah, brave, my middle name. Think I may be fit for the task ahead, ha. x

I will certainly never understand men!

Random

Bizarrely I recieved the following text from an unknown number this afternoon...

"Hi babes hows your sex life, there is a space in my bed tonight all u need is your toothbrush babe, just bring u, no night cloths needed."

I have no idea who it was, though if I had to put money on someone it would be M. That said, its been eons since I've heard from him so unlikely. Whoever it was obviously wasnt impressed that I responded with "Who is this?" and didnt reply. Either that or somebody is very embarrassed to have got a wrong number...

Response

sun 9 sept
2.28
Oh dear! So what did i do to deserve that?
2.37
Please don't treat me like an idiot. you know so why bother asking? And why now? I'm sure you've known for days not just come across it! You don't want me so you should be happy i'm stopping it. You get to be proved right about leaving because i didn't love you enough. Happy now?
2.56
Why the fuck would i ask if i already knew? I don't know. And what the fuck is all that for?
3.16
Why do you text me DM? honestly, why does this continue?
3.30
i love you, but you're not coming home and i can't keep hoping and wishing. it's easier to be mad at you than it is to miss you as much as i do
3.52
Why couldn't you have said that the first time and cut out all the bull shit? If that's the way it needs to be then so be it. Take care OG.
4.05
Bull shit?! nice. i can't do this by text but you should really start being honest with yourself instead of all this
4.20
stick with your canadian Number givers. Far easier texting i'm sure!
4.55
i'm sorry. you're off tripping round the world having the time of your life and i'm here. without you. loving you. missing you. and i wish it would stop. the whole thing is just wrong
5.50
I'm just doing what i know best, the thing i know i can get right. This isn't about me is it? It's about you and not coming home because you tell me to. I was far happier with "go off and do what you have to, then come home" but if this is the way you want it, then that's fine.
9.44
You should know me better than that by now, but if that's what you truly think this is about then i can't change that. Wrong though it is. I'd like to tell you to forget it but i'm still here responding! And i'm still here waiting. I don't know when that will stop but i'm scared it will. That you'll push
me away properly and forever. And soon. I don't want that.

Update

11.51pm

Hi ya. I got your message. I don't think calling would be a good idea. I was in Paris, London and Cambridge last week. I felt close enough to be able to reach out and touch you. The tequila wasn't helping either! I'm ok, "no worries, Sheila"

12am

Ok. I'll write it off as you being pissed then? you always feel that close to me. no matter how far you go. I'd give pretty much anything for you to reach out.

1am

You're a bloody muppet to throw this away you know. Bloody hurry up, go do what you need to do, and come home before I die of old age!

1.15am

Muppet. (pic attached) Don't forget this face. You'll be seeing it again someday!

An admission

I couldn't sleep last night. Nothing new there. So, instead was in my bed reading The Forsyte Saga, which I've had for weeks and not really managed to get my teeth into. For some reason I had taken my mobile up with me, which I rarely do, so was still awake when it beeped at me at 2.43am.

DM - I love you. I miss you and I want to come home to you. You make me feel the way no other can. There, I've said it. But I can't make it happen. I have to keep moving on. I can't allow myself to look back no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I want what's back there. It's time...

I have to say it took me by surprise, though not. I've always believed that he loves me, though that belief has been sorely tried over time.

I replied - You can't move on forever honey. No matter how much you try. I want you to come home to me. It's where you ought to be x

A short while later, with no response from him (although bizarrely a missed call from a number I don't recognise showing on my phone though I didnt hear it), I text again - You and I will always be right together. Don't waste another year fighting that. I still miss you every single day!

I've heard nothing more since then. And stupid though it is, for some reason I'm worried. I don't know what he meant by "It's time...", and although it seems he left long ago there is such a part of me shouting out 'don't leave me, don't leave me'.

A while ago a rang him. It rang but went to ansamachine so I left it, before ringing again, getting the ansamachine again and then leaving a very short message to say I wanted to know he's alright.

I don't know what this means. I don't know if it means anything. But I know that last night I went to sleep wishing he was here, and this morning I felt his absence.

Letting go

The reply came Monday morning -

I dont know OG. I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted to talk to you. It causes more heartache than it should, it's not such a good idea.

It upset me, but realistically I didn't expect it to say anything else. I didn't expect anything to have changed. And however much I think of him every day, I can't keep going round and round this eternal communication circle, and I don't want any more heartache for either of us. So instead of ignoring it, I took some time and finally replied -

You're right. It does. I wish it didn't and all was cool and easy. I wish you loved me enough or I loved you less. But pointless wishes. It is what it is I guess. Keep your friends reunited up to date and take care of yourself x

It's sad, but that really is the crux of it, and what I've been saying for a long time now.

However, this morning I wake to another text -

You can keep up to date at www......... and find user DM, or facebook.com and my full name. All you need to know. Take care. DM xxx

So, it seems as if we've both accepted an ending. With non-contact contact I guess. I won't be checking those sites though, I don't want to be wondering about which of his online friends are developing into real life friends or more, and I don't want to know the details of his daily life - if I could cope with that then I'd be going down the friends route. It's too much information for me, and won't help me move on and leave all this behind me. It's enough for me to know where he is, how he's doing generally, and that I can get in touch if I need to at some point in the future. I'd like to think that day will come, but for now... time to let go and move on.

Lesson

Until tonight I haven't actively contacted DM at all since the end of May, before he cancelled on me whilst he was home. Over 2 months. A record for me.

In that time he has proactively contacted me 3 times: a couple of weeks afterwards by text, a few weeks after that by email, and last weekend by text. I ignored the first, responded to the second with a long email explaining that we have no future as friends only, and replied to the third initially ready to listen to what he has to say, and then annoyed that I should agree to speak to him only for him to be too busy (in my head going out on some hot date!!!) by the time I did.

This weekend, I half expected him to contact me again. He hasn't. I should know that predictability has never been a component in this post-relationship relationship.

So fool that I am I texted him to ask "So what did you want to talk to me about?". An hour later now and no response. So, for the second Sunday night in a row I am unable to sleep due to the sick feeling I have from trying (and failing) not to imagine him meeting with, laughing with, planning with (and worse!) some girl that isn't me!

I guess I'll learn one of these days!

Ah bless!

Been feeling fine about the SG thing really, not a jot of regret, or of hankering for a repeat. Just completely cool with the situation. That said, it was nice to recieve this out of the blue today...

Hiya pickle, hope you're good. I hope we can still be friends. I have bured (??bored/buried?? - anyone??) myself this week for the connection we made. I hold it in my heart. I hope we can still chat from time to time Are we cool?

How do, chicken. Course we cool, you daft sod :-) Glad to hear you're working hard (for some reason I thought he meant buried himself in his work?! Doh!). My new gardener came but not anywhere near as sexy ;-) Happy to chat anytime x

Thank you.

All well and good, but for goodness sake man! It was just a bloody shag!!

What's left to say...?

If I call, will you talk to me?

Yes

It's a bit too late now. I have to go out soon. I'll call you another time if that's ok?

Don't bother. You obviously have far more important things to do with your time. I don't know why you bothered even asking.

Because I wanted to talk to you. I sent that text hours ago, I presumed you didn't want to talk due to lack of a reply.

I answered 20 mins after I got it. About 40mins ago. If you wanted to talk to me that bad you'd let other stuff wait.

A late night text. Or two...!!!

How funny! Had the most bizarre text conversation with SG last night, (again!!) well mostly him texting really as I sparked out at 1am. His typing wasn't quite as exact as mine, so I'm guessing some alcoholic beverages had been consumed!

Hi ya hun! I have a question? Can you tell me the truth? (12.10am)

Hey you. How you doing? So what's the question? (12.30am)

Can a man be at one with himself with one? Or should I not lust? Does my head, my heart or my cock tell me what is true? (12.37am)

Blimey! Bit late for philosophical debates! Will try to answer. If you mean can a man be at one with himself with just one woman, then yes, if its the right woman. Everybody lusts, its natural, to a certain degree! Always your heart. Something up? (12.50am)

Nothin up. Just up. I'm just thinking on. Are you ok? Am reading a good book at the moment. Bit over my head but good still. Have you spoken to Bea? (1am)

I am a man. Lust is my want. I want it and want it in return. I have a fetish that you know of! (1.50am)

Are you still there? (1.56am)

I hope to think what you're wearing! If I don't hear from you can I call you? (2.12am)

Missed call (2.28am)

OG... (2.51am)

Missed call (3.01am)

This morning...
Sorry SG, sparked out about 1am so didn't know anything else til this morning. Just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. Are you okay? Will text you later from work.

Lunchtime today...
Hiya hun, can I catch you when I catch you. Have had a death in the family. Don't want to talk to anyone. Text you soon x

He really is a very strange kettle of fish!!


Didn't stop me dreaming about us sneaking into a room at his house during a BBQ and snogging the life out of each other though!! Hehehe!

Gardener's delight

I briefly mentioned SG (and the lack of gardening - damn him) yesterday, but the text conversation was a little more detailed than that, so am finally getting round to posting that too.

After the last bout of flirty texting, I hadn't heard from him for a while, and was fully expecting that when we picked up contact again "those conversations" would be relegated to the annals of history, never to be mentioned again. It seems I was wrong...

Hello SG. Hope you good. Long time no see! Just wondered if you could come do garden. Grass is ridiculously long, hedge too, and ivy climbing in my kitchen window! I get paid on Friday so now might be a good time :-)

Hi ya gorgeous. What you wearing?? Tee hee. No but really, what you wearing..?? I am all good. Very busy. Big soz but I am no longer doing soft landscaping. Meant to text you to let you know. I am shit, sorry! Are you good? What you been up to? xxx etc.

Are you still talking to me or have I pissed you off??? (8.21pm)

Course not! I'm at work, and driving. Will text properly later x

Nice. xx (8.25pm)

I know you're at work but I can text you if that's ok? I have just got out of the bath after a very long, very heavy day, and am wearing not a lot at all. Tee hee xxx (8.50pm)

Just stopped for two minutes. You bloody tease :-)

What time do you knock off? I thought you liked to be teased ;-) (9.02pm)

About 11pm. And I do!

Will set my alarm, I'm very tired, and will get some kip. Me too. Am dry now and am chilling in my dressing gown. Nothing on but that! (9.12pm)

I'm between the sheets now, all clean and content! Well almost! Text you later. Don't work too hard. xxx (9.26pm)

Hiya. Have just been told to get up. Hope you're okay and nearly home. Text me when you are. x (11.12pm)

I woke up with a bit of a handful!! (11.19pm)

Not sure what to do. Scratch my itch or wait??? What do you reckon...???? (11.31pm)

I'd scratch! Only just on my way back and not sure I should be encouraging you! You on your own tonight?

Yep, on my own! I think I will wait if that's ok with you?? Drive careful. Are you alone too? (11.40pm)

Suppose I am a pest! If you want me to piss off, just say the word?? xx (11.49pm)

Am finally home! So what's brought all this on SG? You're so never gonna be able to look me in the eye when you see me next...

Why do you say that? Will you me? (12.09pm)

I mean no harm to anyone. Suppose I am a flirt. I just like to feel like I might be attractive to someone. Male thing I suppose. (12.15am)

I know. And no harm done to me. Nothing wrong with a bit of flirting, but would hate you to feel bad when I see you. And of course you're attractive! To lots of people actually! x

You're not that good a girl!!! I know. But yes, you're right as usual. I should just go to sleep and see you when I see you. I do often think of when I text you late one night, you told me you were in bed and wearing a silky camisole. Can I keep that image? I use it a lot!! (12.28am)

You're right... I'm certainly not that good a girl ;-) But the reason I'm so sensible is because I actually like you a whole lot, and would hate to make you feel bad. Even if it's not until the 'morning after' :-) So the occasional harmless flirt is fabulous, but am being careful. You certainly can use that image as often as you like! Along with any others you can come up with! Have to admit I may have a few of you myself ;-) And no, I'm not telling! x

Cheers pickle. Catch you soon. Have to be up in 5 hours. Sweet dreams. xxx (12.40am)

Ok. Get some sleep. Always a pleasure to catch up. Oh, and rubbish boy... what about my garden :-( You'll have to find me a new sexy gardener :-) Night x

Do my best! x (12.42am)

Won't be the same though :-) Catch you soon. etc xx

Really not sure how I feel about this now. Part of me is flattered. Part of me feels sorry for him. And part of me is a little offended. Most strange behaviour!

By the by

Think I may have pissed M off!

He has text every weekend since the last time I saw him, (and once in the week too), and I have either been busy or have not been up for seeing him. For various reasons. I always reply though, and ask how he is, etc etc and explain what the score is.

Last weekend he texted 3 times over the space of an hour and tried to call me also, concluding with "so you don't want anything to do with me then?". I was in bed and had my phone switched off, and didn't bother to respond the next day.

Last night he texted again "So aren't you talking to me anymore then?", so I responded telling him of course I was still speaking to him, had been in bed last week, etc. After a couple of these "how are you" type texts he asks if I fancy a booty call before I go away. I was in the process of covering my head in nit lotion (delightful children!!) at the time, so replied telling him that, and then received yet more texts enquiring if I had somebody else, etc etc and culminating in telling me he had "got the message".

I tell you, if women went around behaving like that - we'd be called bunny boilers!!

Contact continues

12th April (by text)
Bea had a dream on Sunday that we were getting married. She didn't know we'd spoken when she told me. Don't you think that's funny?

What! Funny that we'd be getting married or that she dreamt about it! I might be dropping by the uk this w'end on my way to Cape Town!

Funny that she dream't it. Cape Town eh? For work or pleasure?

Both. It's not confirmed yet.

Very nice! They'd better hurry up if it's next week though. And if you do come via here I'm free Saturday night...

That sounded very much like you making a firm decision! We're not going to Gretna Green tho.

Lol. Deal. Don't stand me up this time though!

13th April (by text)
I just heard I won't be going to Cape Town next week, sorry! I have to be in Chicago week after next and have to prepare my presentation. Will be back there soon tho.

Ok. Bummer though!

Phone call update

I have to give you that much. It was great talking to you again. Why can't it as simple as great conversation. Will call again soon. Sleep well.

Lol at "give me that much!" I'm so honoured :-) It could be as simple as great conversation and great sex! It's your choice to make it complicated. But I'll leave you to argue why it has to be that way for another day... Night DM x

Phnah, phnah

Bloody, bloody, bloody men!!

Am a tad pissed off and disappointed today, due to the fact that Jay, who has been telling Lena all week about how much he likes me and to bring me over to The Nun last night, where he then proceeded to tell me how pretty I was looking, and kept flitting over to talk to me and Fran, has told Lena this morning that he is not ready for anything as his head is still too fucked up from his ex-girlfriend and he's off to Australia for a month shortly. And now he mentions this!!

Although I did like him, I only spent a very short time in his company, so am not massively bothered, I'm just annoyed with the whole misleading situation, and concerned that Lena may have made me out to be a completely smitten kitten, as well as slightly overplaying his intentions.

So, in order to ensure my reputation remains intact and to prevent any awkwardness should I choose to frequent that drinking establishment again, I texted him this evening to put the record straight -

Hi there, it's OG. I was going to ask you on the date of your life :-), but as Lena's told me the score I thought I'd just let you know all's cool, as no doubt our paths will cross again sometime and I don't do awkwardness. Have a good time in Oz, I'm off to Vegas in a few weeks myself. Take care and no doubt I'll see you around sometime.

I haven't had a reply, but to be honest, I don't really need one. I've said my piece, been honest and upfront, saved some face and cleared any potentially murky air. And so life resumes as normal...

And so it continues...

This morning I came down from the usual fighting of children out of bed and into clothes, to a text on my phone. I was expecting it to be a fellow mother asking for a lift to school, but to my surprise it wasn't. It was from DM.

We were talking about you saturday night. They were asking why I didn't marry you too! That's funny don't you think?

Pretty random, but after my heartbeat had slowed down, and I had considered it on the way to school and work, I was reasonably calm about it and not feeling too much of anything one way or another. So I replied with what had been my initial reaction on reading it:

What did you tell them? It's because you're a twat :-)

Text sent and I went about my business. Not really expecting a reply, and certainly not for a while due to the time difference. Felt pretty okay with things at this point. I had kept it pretty light, and it kind of felt a bit like we used to banter, which is one of the things I miss the most. In fact, I was congratulating myself on how unaffected I was, and how I wasn't overanalysing things but was fairly naturally just keeping it the kind of contact I would have with any number of people I know. I didn't react as I would have done a month or so ago, by trying to drag something meaningful out of it, but just accepted what it said, no more no less. And I was genuinely okay with that.

Although I still believe he's the only man I've ever loved, I'm no longer hankering for something that isn't going to happen, I'm no longer spending emotional time and energy trying to fix it, and I've also given up trying to find some deep reason for everything he says to me, because I know he's not coming back. So on the whole I'm pretty much okay with the situation now. But today, more than that, I was even thinking how the emotional meltdown a few weeks ago must have done me some good, and that perhaps knowing he's not coming back for 5 years means I can finally also let go of all the heavy shit that there now seems to be between us, that is so far removed from how we were as a couple that I don't even know how it got to be like this! (Call that over confident mistake number one!!)

Earlier than expected, mid afternoon, a reply came through:

Obviously, I told them it's because I was a twat. (All good so far, I'm happy with this. He hasn't taken offence and is acknowledging the banter!) They are trying to set me up with their friends and were asking what it takes to make it work for me. Not so good. Really really not so good.

A lot of replies went through my head, but in the end I held off from the natural caustic responses such as "well your ex wife for a start" or "well certainly not me!" or "like you even know!", and instead went with mildly sarcastic, but also true:

Yeah, well I wish I knew!

Obviously I was in the middle of work, so couldn't dwell on it too much, so I did what any non-self-respecting-female-fuck-up does, I pushed that sick, empty, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that was getting bigger by the hour down as far as it could go, ignored the whispering in my head, and got on with dealing with work. And then I got the kids from school, took them to pizza hut and stuffed as much food down into that hole as I could.



Now though, after sitting down to write this post the sick, empty, sinking feeling is still there. And this post has been difficult to put into some kind of sense. Really really difficult. It's already had about a dozen edits, because I'm not sure how I feel emotionally, how I should feel, or even if I should feel anything at all. And I'm not sure what he expects to get from me. My blessing? I've tried to do that, and I genuinely do wish him well, but I can't share that part of his life.

I've considered the fact that one day we may move on from the mire of heavy crap we seem to have got bogged down in, and perhaps we could pick up some of the old good stuff. The banter that I mentioned. The jokes. The occasional sharing of stupid insignificant events. I'm sure he would be happy to do that. To dip in and out of my life occasionally like so many other ex boyfriends that I am glad to continue to catch up with. I even entertained the idea this morning! (Call that over confident mistake number two!!)

And in a way I'm glad he text, and glad to know that complete strangers to me have picked up what he can so easily overlook, it gives my feelings some validation. But it also makes me sad. Sad that I don't get to share those times with him, sad that he still can't see what other people seem to, sad that it bothers me what he says abot me to people I don't even know, and sad that one day it will all be too late.

One thing I do know though, is that it still makes me feel sick. Actually, physically sick to the stomach to think of him laughing about new girlfriends, planning new relationships, being with another woman, loving someone in the future that isn't me. I wish it didn't, but right now it does.

It will pass, of course it will, but that feeling is why we won't ever be just friends, much as I wish we could.

An ex file

I was talking to my friend Molly yesterday about MC (http://adayinthelifeoftheordinarygirl.blogspot.com/search/label/MC ), my ex-boyfriend from a few years ago (the alcoholic). I hadn't seen her for ages and we were just generally catching up, and she just asked if I'd seen him or been in contact lately and how he was doing etc. (She was married to an alcoholic before her current marriage, and he died in January at just 35yrs old so that was the precursor to the conversation). I haven't seen him or been in touch with him for probably well over a year now, which I told her, and that I didn't really see the point in us keeping in touch as we'd tried to make a go of it a second time around and having a relationship just proved to be too much of a strain on his alcoholic recovery, and there was too much water (and Tennants Super) under the bridge for it to translate into a friendship.

After we broke up I spent months paranoid I'd get a call to say he was dead, but now though I do occasionally wonder how he's doing, and if I see his mate out I always ask after him, that's as far as it goes. Until yesterday I hadn't thought about him for ages.

This afternoon I got a text from an unknown number -
Hiya, wot u up 2 nowadays? hows the kids? give em my love x

Hello. They're good thanks. Who's this?

M. got difrent number now, just sortin me contact details out. wot u up 2 then? x

Ah. which M though (the same name as CM and M!!) ? I'm all good. Busy working etc. and have just booked to go to Vegas in May. Yay. How bout you?

Piss head M ur nitemare ex boyfriend! no1 just incase u ad anover nitemare boyfriend caled M since! why u off 2 vegas u gettin maried? x

Blimey, haven't heard from you for ages. Lol, I've had 2 Ms since you. Not as much of a nightmare though :-) Not getting married, don't know why everyone always asks that? Just a holiday. Going to see ATM and hubby. How's everything with you then?

I'm cool, things tickin over ok. getin by, as u do! wot u doin now, u workin in "nearby town" still? how's X an Y? bet Ys a typical kevin the teenager now ent he? and i reckon Xs calmed down and not 2 bad now she bit older... u happy then? x

Working in "local town" now for NHS. Never worked in "nearby town"? Am loving it. X is a bit calmer now, still X though! Y not too much a kevin yet, just every now and then! Happy? Yeah, I guess, pretty much. Glad your doing ok, your a good bloke.

U just sent the same mesage as last time! email or im me, M@.com

Random! Very, very random!!

...And on...

Sun 4th March - 2am
OG - Please don't reply, there's no point, you made that clear when you came back last time. But I want you to know that I love you more than anyone I've ever loved .

DM - You're having a laugh aren't you? You really think I wouldn't reply after saying something like that? Does it make you feel better me knowing that?

OG - I didn't think you'd reply because it's old news really. Do I feel better? Not really. I don't know why I want to make sure you know. I just do.

DM - Only when you've been drinking though, hey? You'll regret it in the morning. I didn't know that, or didn't believe it!

OG - I haven't been drinking. And the only thing I regret is that you didn't know it or believe it. Why is it so hard for you to accept that someone loves you?

OG - I just want you, on the shittest days, to be able to hold your head high and say "I don't care, because somebody fucking loves me! And out of all the people in the world, she picked me!". And if I can't have you then I guess that's all I want. So that's why I text you. Rightly or wrongly.

Woke later on Sunday morning to:
DM - I really wish life were that simple, it isn't. I thought M loved me like you say you do, she ended up leaving me. I don't know what true love feels like.

OG - I know you won't let it be that simple, but I still want you to know that I've never left, even after all this. And if I never see you again I need to know you believe me

Sunday night
OG - Vegas to SFO. 1hr 26mins. $173. Your birthday. Your call. Think about it.

DM - Nice idea, must admit I thought about going to Vegas myself but always said I'd never go there. Not my type of place, you know what I mean. And it really wouldn't help or do any good. We would have met the last time I was in the UK if it was going to.

OG - Not your kind of place? When did you get so narrow minded? Just for once can't you just go with it and say "fuck it! I will!". What's the worst that can happen!

Woke Wednesday 7th March to:
DM - Narrow minded! What with Vegas being the gambling city of the US! I don't think so.

DM - And the immortal question, what's the worst that can happen! God only knows.

OG - Good morning, ray of sunshine and joy! The worst... a wedding in a sleazy Elvis Chapel of Love? Finally getting some closure? Sometimes it's worth the risk.

Mashed potato

I love mashed potato! And my belly is currently full of it (and a few sausages and beans). Yum yum!!!

Woke up late this morning, (although I was probably in bed earlier than on a week night) but not feeling too bad. Didn't sleep particularly well, and was having random mixed up dreams most of the night, though I don't remember now what was in them. M texted in the night as well, woke up to two texts from him just saying "hello you, how are you?", and another fifteen minutes later saying "i'm not your ex" or something like that!! (He shares the same name as CM). Can't really be bothered to respond to middle of the night texts! Text me in the daytime if you're that bothered about how I am!!

Last nights comedy was pretty good, although it was all black comedians (well, one asian) which can mean a bit of repetition, as they all tend to talk about beating of children, and the food, and parents and their childhoods. Of the five on last night, only one was really not great, the others were all pretty good so much chuckling was done!

After the comedy we went to a hometown pub for an hour, to catch up with Meg Ryan's friend T who was djing there. It was okay, nothing particularly exciting happening (aside from a bloke being passed out and having to be taken off in an ambulance by the paramedics) but a few glasses of wine were consumed by myself (Meg was driving), and some dancing occurred. Didn't feel pissed until I got home, but I hadn't eaten since a Pot Noodle at lunchtime!

So another weekend over. Not sure what I'm up to next weekend yet. Was planning a trip to Blah on Friday, but Meg can't do Fridays because of her childcare arrangements (they're not great for me either because of 9am Saturday morning ballet classes), so not sure now, might have a chat with Vi and postpone to the following weekend.

Also need to be watching my pennies if I decide I'm going to bite the bullet and go ahead with my plans for Vegas. I've got until Thursday to make a decision. Talking of which... how much do you all reckon I will need for spending money for 8nights in Vegas...?

The Facts

Saturday 27th Jan 07
DM – I’m in town for a couple of weeks. What happens now is your call.

OG – You’re a fucker DM! Why does it always have to be down to me? By “in town” you mean where?

DM – Because you’re the one making a big deal of it. I’m in the UK with a car, why does it matter where?

OG – It doesn’t really. I wasn’t aware I was making a big deal of it anymore? If you want to see me then I’m happy to do so. Your call now

DM – Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.

Sunday 28th Jan 07
(With a pre-planned babysitter and no immediate plans (long story)…)

OG – Are you busy tonight?

DM – Yeah, sorry. Meeting with S and D for dinner. I’m in Paris until Thursday. Next weekend is open!

OG – Ok. Will have to be Sat then. I’m busy Fri. Enjoy Paris

(frustrated crying scene deleted).


1 week, 4 sunbeds, 0 calories, 1 haircut, 300 aimless driving miles, and 3 zillion cigarettes later…

Saturday 3rd Feb 07
@ 2pm
OG – Are we meeting tonight?

@ 4pm
DM - Don’t know.

OG – Well make a decision…

@5.30pm
OG – I don’t know why you bothered contacting me to then do this, but it’s obviously more to do with you than anything to do with me. You know where I am and you could come fix it anytime, but you haven’t. So I’ll make it easier for both of us… I give up! You can say I didn’t love you enough. You get to be right. Happy now? I hope you find what you’re looking for, but that’s obviously not me, so please don’t contact me again