I do not know what is up with me at the moment!! I have been carrying some low level horniness around for a while, but thats nothing new, and it comes and goes, but I woke up this morning as horny as anything, with some very fresh images in mind, and after a bit of awake/asleep/awake-ness, I "dealt with the issue" had a post orgasm nap and then was up and in the bath at 10am. All a good start to a lazy Sunday I am sure you are thinking...
I just woke myself up from afternoon dozing watching the tv with the realisation I was dry humping the sofa!!
Showing posts with label sexy ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexy ramblings. Show all posts
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, October 30, 2009
Nocturnal naughtiness
God damn time of the month! I am so horny this evening!!
I have had several rather pleasant, though equally a tad strange, dreams - involving various (known and unknown) men the last few nights, which must have been the lead up to monthly horn - nothing specific or really raunchy, but pleasant enough that I've woken in the morning with a lingering of kisses in my mind and that desperation to shut my eyes and recapture the sleepy moment.
Tonight, the subtle might not cut it!
I have had several rather pleasant, though equally a tad strange, dreams - involving various (known and unknown) men the last few nights, which must have been the lead up to monthly horn - nothing specific or really raunchy, but pleasant enough that I've woken in the morning with a lingering of kisses in my mind and that desperation to shut my eyes and recapture the sleepy moment.
Tonight, the subtle might not cut it!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
De-forestation
What is it about trimming your undercarriage (literally the UNDER carriage) that means I have wetter knickers than usual all bloody day. Like I don't suffer enough with the "juicy lucy's"!!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
R & R
Well the day started pretty well - with me fucking long-term boyfriend Mika whilst holding a shiny, shiny, sharp, sharp knife to his throat!! Only to be woken a few seconds later by X telling me she felt sick. Oh real life is so much duller!
It was a bit of a random dream actually;
a) I don't fancy Mika a jot (he was a bit of a DM/Mika/SG mix actually)
b) I have never considered using a knife in sexual activity
c) It was fucking hot!!
The crux of it all was really about trust. About me saying, to someone who loves and trusts me, "Prove how much you trust me - let me do this" and them letting me, and also finding the fear arousing.
Weird, but pleasant weird.
X had "recovered" by 10am - I think it was the realisation that no school means no Brownies - so I took her in, called in sick myself, cancelled necessary appointments and am having 2 days of rest and relaxation at home. I feel like I need it at the moment.
Besides, who knows what daydreaming might bring...
It was a bit of a random dream actually;
a) I don't fancy Mika a jot (he was a bit of a DM/Mika/SG mix actually)
b) I have never considered using a knife in sexual activity
c) It was fucking hot!!
The crux of it all was really about trust. About me saying, to someone who loves and trusts me, "Prove how much you trust me - let me do this" and them letting me, and also finding the fear arousing.
Weird, but pleasant weird.
X had "recovered" by 10am - I think it was the realisation that no school means no Brownies - so I took her in, called in sick myself, cancelled necessary appointments and am having 2 days of rest and relaxation at home. I feel like I need it at the moment.
Besides, who knows what daydreaming might bring...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Porn
Occasionally, I watch a bit of porn. No big deal. In this day and age, a lot of people do.
I am, however, a bit particular about the type of porn I watch, due largely to the industry I'm now in, and stay very well clear of anything asian, anything that looks exploitative, and anything that looks like the woman isn't really having a good time. I may be kidding myself, but I like to watch something that looks like both parties are having a good time.
As such, amateur porn is probably my number one choice. It may not be full of beautiful, taut, golden skinned bodies, or full of the slick moves and threesome/foursome/any and every hole's a goal of a professional porn clip, but usually it's much more true to life, much closer to the ordinary sex life, and most importantly, much more likely to be a true consensual act.
However, after doing some perusing tonight I came across a couple of amateur clips, which while sharing massive similarities - home shot by themselves, mid-twenty yr olds, pretty obvious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, aware of the camera a little, similar sex acts, etc - also were just so different in the way the whole experience appeared to be!
During one I was thinking "If I ever end up in a relationship where that is our sex life then shoot me now" because there was absolutely zero chemistry, a complete lack of enjoyment almost, some very cumbersome positioning, not to mention a complete lack of fluidity to the whole thing. During the other, I was thinking "that could pretty much be me" - give or take a lb or two, a distinctly quieter sound, the obvious chop and change of position for camera, oh and better looking men of course.
So, after that philosphical trip through online porn this evening, I leave you to decide which is which. Enjoy...
(PS. please don't click on these if you are under 18, easily offended, in front of children/parents, or at work!)
Clip A
Clip B
I am, however, a bit particular about the type of porn I watch, due largely to the industry I'm now in, and stay very well clear of anything asian, anything that looks exploitative, and anything that looks like the woman isn't really having a good time. I may be kidding myself, but I like to watch something that looks like both parties are having a good time.
As such, amateur porn is probably my number one choice. It may not be full of beautiful, taut, golden skinned bodies, or full of the slick moves and threesome/foursome/any and every hole's a goal of a professional porn clip, but usually it's much more true to life, much closer to the ordinary sex life, and most importantly, much more likely to be a true consensual act.
However, after doing some perusing tonight I came across a couple of amateur clips, which while sharing massive similarities - home shot by themselves, mid-twenty yr olds, pretty obvious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, aware of the camera a little, similar sex acts, etc - also were just so different in the way the whole experience appeared to be!
During one I was thinking "If I ever end up in a relationship where that is our sex life then shoot me now" because there was absolutely zero chemistry, a complete lack of enjoyment almost, some very cumbersome positioning, not to mention a complete lack of fluidity to the whole thing. During the other, I was thinking "that could pretty much be me" - give or take a lb or two, a distinctly quieter sound, the obvious chop and change of position for camera, oh and better looking men of course.
So, after that philosphical trip through online porn this evening, I leave you to decide which is which. Enjoy...
(PS. please don't click on these if you are under 18, easily offended, in front of children/parents, or at work!)
Clip A
Clip B
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Vibe arrives
Woke up horny this morning, so was glad my new vibe had arrived a couple of days before and could be roadtested!
My mastubatory fantasies tend to take one of two basic forms. There are several variations, but generally I am either laying back, spread wide being completely submissive, or I am on top dominating the action. This morning's was the latter, and as usual with most of my mastubatory shenanigans, involved a real life experience, in this case SG. I was imagining the scene last week, though this time as a follow on from that, so similar but with some subtle twists...
He knocks the door. I have been expecting him, and am fresh and fragrant in a beautiful, black, sheer chemise and g-string. I open the door, and as he enters I push the door shut with one hand and him against the wall with the other. I kiss him deeply, long and hard, leaving no time for polite conversation or chit chat. After a few minutes I edge him towards the living room, and back until he is sitting on the sofa with me straddling his lap. More kissing, still no speaking, until I can feel him hard beneath me and my pussy responding by grinding up and down against the swell of is jeans. I stand. Look down at him. "Take them off. Take it all off". He stands and strips, while I stand before him watching.
Once he is naked I resume my position, slowly moving myself, more gently now but wetter and warmer, up and down his hard cock. My hands on his head, in his hair, holding his head still and moving away ever so slightly. Feeling him push towards me and teasing him with my lips, sometimes only lightly brushing him, other times leaning in deep and hard. All the time, grinding slowly onto him.
When I feel he cannot take the kissing any longer I slide down in front of him. Take his cock in my hand and begin to move up and down, slowly and gently, and then with more and more pressure, but all the time keeping him at a level and only allowing the pleasure to increase as I wish. I move my mouth down. Let it hover there for just a few seconds. Let him feel my warm breath over him, and his body tensing in anticipation. I take a long, slow lick from the base of his cock right to the very tip and swirl my tongue ever so gently around the head of it. Tasting. Teasing. I repeat this a few times before I encircle the whole head with my mouth, not quite touching, but close enough for him to be aware of how close I am to enveloping his length entirely in my mouth.
And when he (and I) can take the wait no longer, I slowly close my mouth around him and slide my lips back up the entire length of him, before dropping down again. I can feel him pulse in my mouth, hear the groan that comes from the core of him, and my own desire increase at the same time. Down and up, down and up, warmer, wetter, faster, firmer. I keep up a steady rhythm until I can feel he is almost ready to come, and then I withdraw. Go back to licking the length, sliding my tongue around the head, replacing my mouth with my hand, loosely. I feel him come down a little, his breathing becomes deeper again, the tension begins to lessen. And then I start again, as before, enveloping his beautiful, warm, pulsing hard cock in my mouth, and softly sliding down and up, down and up. This time, when he tenses and I feel that pulse in the hand which is clasping the base of him, I let him enjoy it. Let him tip over the edge until he is cumming in my mouth, and groaning, and arching, hands in my hair.
I ride the wave with him, not stopping the motion until he is spent, and then gently moving slower and gentler away from him when I am sure he has finished, before removing my mouth and continuing to stroke his now soft cock with my hand. I stand, and remove the g-string. I sit back across his lap, my now wet pussy resting firmly on his soft cock nestling between my lips, and kiss him gently and deeply. Letting him taste himself in me.
A few minutes later and my body is impatient. His recovering. I replace my mouth with my breasts, holding them for him to suck, encouraging him to suckle each in turn, whilst my now bare pussy is teased by the presence of his cock so tantalising close beneath me, in just the right position to stimulate my clit between my damp lips. He sucks and licks with glee, replacing my hands with his own and revelling in the softness of them. I feel him grow hard again, and eventually I can wait no more.
I raise my hips enough to allow him to slip into me, and slide down the full length of him with a gasp. With my hands on the back of the sofa for leverage, and his hands and mouth full of my breasts, I concentrate only on moving up and down on him as I wish, pushing my pelvis forward so my clit is stimulated by his pelvis as I move. "I'm going to fuck you" I whisper in his ear. The words slipping out. "I'm going to fuck you and I'm going to cum all over you". His mouth at my breasts sucks harder and I hear him groan in his throat with pleasure while his pelvis pushes up towards me. I begin to fuck him in earnest now. A regular rhythm. Slow and deep but increasing in speed as I near an orgasm. The words trip from my tongue. "Fuck that's good... your cock is so fucking hot... keep sucking me and let me cum all over you". Both our breathing becomes more ragged, and our tongues clash as I pull his head off my breasts and kiss him hard and deep. I begin to feel the pressure build inside me, and then I am pushing down on him, hard, feeling the tension build and build before the final release that leaves me gasping, and my cutn pulsating around him. The aftershocks continuing for several minutes, stimulated by him suddenly thrusting up into me and whispering "Fuck, I'm cumming!"
I slowly come round. New vibe in hand, pussy soaking and smile on my face. Definitely a good way to start the day!!
My mastubatory fantasies tend to take one of two basic forms. There are several variations, but generally I am either laying back, spread wide being completely submissive, or I am on top dominating the action. This morning's was the latter, and as usual with most of my mastubatory shenanigans, involved a real life experience, in this case SG. I was imagining the scene last week, though this time as a follow on from that, so similar but with some subtle twists...
He knocks the door. I have been expecting him, and am fresh and fragrant in a beautiful, black, sheer chemise and g-string. I open the door, and as he enters I push the door shut with one hand and him against the wall with the other. I kiss him deeply, long and hard, leaving no time for polite conversation or chit chat. After a few minutes I edge him towards the living room, and back until he is sitting on the sofa with me straddling his lap. More kissing, still no speaking, until I can feel him hard beneath me and my pussy responding by grinding up and down against the swell of is jeans. I stand. Look down at him. "Take them off. Take it all off". He stands and strips, while I stand before him watching.
Once he is naked I resume my position, slowly moving myself, more gently now but wetter and warmer, up and down his hard cock. My hands on his head, in his hair, holding his head still and moving away ever so slightly. Feeling him push towards me and teasing him with my lips, sometimes only lightly brushing him, other times leaning in deep and hard. All the time, grinding slowly onto him.
When I feel he cannot take the kissing any longer I slide down in front of him. Take his cock in my hand and begin to move up and down, slowly and gently, and then with more and more pressure, but all the time keeping him at a level and only allowing the pleasure to increase as I wish. I move my mouth down. Let it hover there for just a few seconds. Let him feel my warm breath over him, and his body tensing in anticipation. I take a long, slow lick from the base of his cock right to the very tip and swirl my tongue ever so gently around the head of it. Tasting. Teasing. I repeat this a few times before I encircle the whole head with my mouth, not quite touching, but close enough for him to be aware of how close I am to enveloping his length entirely in my mouth.
And when he (and I) can take the wait no longer, I slowly close my mouth around him and slide my lips back up the entire length of him, before dropping down again. I can feel him pulse in my mouth, hear the groan that comes from the core of him, and my own desire increase at the same time. Down and up, down and up, warmer, wetter, faster, firmer. I keep up a steady rhythm until I can feel he is almost ready to come, and then I withdraw. Go back to licking the length, sliding my tongue around the head, replacing my mouth with my hand, loosely. I feel him come down a little, his breathing becomes deeper again, the tension begins to lessen. And then I start again, as before, enveloping his beautiful, warm, pulsing hard cock in my mouth, and softly sliding down and up, down and up. This time, when he tenses and I feel that pulse in the hand which is clasping the base of him, I let him enjoy it. Let him tip over the edge until he is cumming in my mouth, and groaning, and arching, hands in my hair.
I ride the wave with him, not stopping the motion until he is spent, and then gently moving slower and gentler away from him when I am sure he has finished, before removing my mouth and continuing to stroke his now soft cock with my hand. I stand, and remove the g-string. I sit back across his lap, my now wet pussy resting firmly on his soft cock nestling between my lips, and kiss him gently and deeply. Letting him taste himself in me.
A few minutes later and my body is impatient. His recovering. I replace my mouth with my breasts, holding them for him to suck, encouraging him to suckle each in turn, whilst my now bare pussy is teased by the presence of his cock so tantalising close beneath me, in just the right position to stimulate my clit between my damp lips. He sucks and licks with glee, replacing my hands with his own and revelling in the softness of them. I feel him grow hard again, and eventually I can wait no more.
I raise my hips enough to allow him to slip into me, and slide down the full length of him with a gasp. With my hands on the back of the sofa for leverage, and his hands and mouth full of my breasts, I concentrate only on moving up and down on him as I wish, pushing my pelvis forward so my clit is stimulated by his pelvis as I move. "I'm going to fuck you" I whisper in his ear. The words slipping out. "I'm going to fuck you and I'm going to cum all over you". His mouth at my breasts sucks harder and I hear him groan in his throat with pleasure while his pelvis pushes up towards me. I begin to fuck him in earnest now. A regular rhythm. Slow and deep but increasing in speed as I near an orgasm. The words trip from my tongue. "Fuck that's good... your cock is so fucking hot... keep sucking me and let me cum all over you". Both our breathing becomes more ragged, and our tongues clash as I pull his head off my breasts and kiss him hard and deep. I begin to feel the pressure build inside me, and then I am pushing down on him, hard, feeling the tension build and build before the final release that leaves me gasping, and my cutn pulsating around him. The aftershocks continuing for several minutes, stimulated by him suddenly thrusting up into me and whispering "Fuck, I'm cumming!"
I slowly come round. New vibe in hand, pussy soaking and smile on my face. Definitely a good way to start the day!!
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Horny
I have done nothing all day but sit at the computer and watch porn!!!
And nice as it's been, those self-induced pleasure bubbles just aren't the same when you're not sitting on a cock!!
(Sorry ATM, please disregard above!)
And nice as it's been, those self-induced pleasure bubbles just aren't the same when you're not sitting on a cock!!
(Sorry ATM, please disregard above!)
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Libido alert
I am in such a state of fucking horniness at the moment it's quite untrue. I spent 2 days with DM with my tummy in a twist and my groin pulsing and soaking, having to avoid him physically when we were alone because I couldn't trust myself not to take the tiny step towards pushing things one step further, and if I had I know I wouldn't have been able to halt it. Now I am home that ache to touch him, taste him, and slide myself onto him hasn't gone away. In fact, it's got worse!
It was so physically difficult to be with him and not touching him, I just feel the need to connect, physically, with him almost constantly, even just basic touching, not counting the incredible desire for something sexual. It's just a physical pull that is almost tangible between us. I'm sure the rest of the world can see it from afar! And whilst it may not be as bad for him (I don't know), I'm pretty sure he's the same too, and that neither of us would be able to spend a great deal of time in close proximity without touching each other in some small way.
Even when we have done "friends" in the past, and then again, over the last couple of days with him, he reaches for me (almost!) as much as I reach for him. Holding hands, linking arms, hands on legs, hugs, small gestures that are so natural to us but are more than most people do with recognised loved ones, let alone just "friends"! I was glad of the public surroundings, glad to be able to indulge in contact with him and keep it under control.
Nobody has ever affected me like he does. Just looking at him has always made me want him, and still makes me want him now, and although he isn't here to look at in the flesh, just thinking about being close to him is enough to have me horny, and no amount of wanking and cumming is taking that away right now.
It was so physically difficult to be with him and not touching him, I just feel the need to connect, physically, with him almost constantly, even just basic touching, not counting the incredible desire for something sexual. It's just a physical pull that is almost tangible between us. I'm sure the rest of the world can see it from afar! And whilst it may not be as bad for him (I don't know), I'm pretty sure he's the same too, and that neither of us would be able to spend a great deal of time in close proximity without touching each other in some small way.
Even when we have done "friends" in the past, and then again, over the last couple of days with him, he reaches for me (almost!) as much as I reach for him. Holding hands, linking arms, hands on legs, hugs, small gestures that are so natural to us but are more than most people do with recognised loved ones, let alone just "friends"! I was glad of the public surroundings, glad to be able to indulge in contact with him and keep it under control.
Nobody has ever affected me like he does. Just looking at him has always made me want him, and still makes me want him now, and although he isn't here to look at in the flesh, just thinking about being close to him is enough to have me horny, and no amount of wanking and cumming is taking that away right now.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Insatiable
I have a million (well about 3!) posts started at the moment. None of which I can finish without being distracted by my currently raging libido.
Since my return, I have a pretty much constant and very much arousing running commentary of sexual images running through my head, and no amount of "scratching" (and trust me, I'm scratching!!) is helping to relieve the itch!
Thank God I'm back at work on Wednesday, or I might just do myself an injury!!
Since my return, I have a pretty much constant and very much arousing running commentary of sexual images running through my head, and no amount of "scratching" (and trust me, I'm scratching!!) is helping to relieve the itch!
Thank God I'm back at work on Wednesday, or I might just do myself an injury!!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
The beat goes on...
I had a wank last night.
Not such a big deal you may say, but my libido has been out of the window just lately, and I tried (and failed) to wank a couple of nights ago, so to manage successfully last night (albeit with the aid of porn!), feels like quite an achievement.
However, orgasm over, it brought with it such an emotional longing for DM that I realised that however much I wish it had, in fact, none of how I feel about him has gone away; I'm just not letting myself feel much of anything anymore. Anything particularly emotional is now avoided, and even the run of the mill emotions are just that: run of the mill! Having always been an emotional high octane dramarama kind of girl, I'm beginning to get used to the dulling of the senses. Though it's not good for my sex drive I'm sure.
It's been a month since our last contact. Since I told him not to contact me again. A month exactly. That is until I reneged on all of that last night...
Middle of the night texts were sent, and replied to.
I wanted to text him and I did. No excuse other than that. No regrets that I did (other than in hearing cyber space sighing in impatience at me!). I slept fitfully, with mixed up dreams of reconciliations and endings, and woke with him still in my head this morning.
The bottom line is, I don't want a boyfriend. I want him. I want every moment of my life, good and bad to be shared with him. And I want him to know that. And if he doesn't want me I can live with that, I have done for months, it's hard and painful but that's the way life is sometimes. You just get on with it eventually.
But what I can't bear the thought of, is that he doesn't know that I loved him so. That I do still love him. I just want him to believe that. Truly truly believe that.
I just don't know what I have to do to prove it!?
Not such a big deal you may say, but my libido has been out of the window just lately, and I tried (and failed) to wank a couple of nights ago, so to manage successfully last night (albeit with the aid of porn!), feels like quite an achievement.
However, orgasm over, it brought with it such an emotional longing for DM that I realised that however much I wish it had, in fact, none of how I feel about him has gone away; I'm just not letting myself feel much of anything anymore. Anything particularly emotional is now avoided, and even the run of the mill emotions are just that: run of the mill! Having always been an emotional high octane dramarama kind of girl, I'm beginning to get used to the dulling of the senses. Though it's not good for my sex drive I'm sure.
It's been a month since our last contact. Since I told him not to contact me again. A month exactly. That is until I reneged on all of that last night...
Middle of the night texts were sent, and replied to.
I wanted to text him and I did. No excuse other than that. No regrets that I did (other than in hearing cyber space sighing in impatience at me!). I slept fitfully, with mixed up dreams of reconciliations and endings, and woke with him still in my head this morning.
The bottom line is, I don't want a boyfriend. I want him. I want every moment of my life, good and bad to be shared with him. And I want him to know that. And if he doesn't want me I can live with that, I have done for months, it's hard and painful but that's the way life is sometimes. You just get on with it eventually.
But what I can't bear the thought of, is that he doesn't know that I loved him so. That I do still love him. I just want him to believe that. Truly truly believe that.
I just don't know what I have to do to prove it!?
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Drunken texts - you gotta love them!
Especially when you're on the receiving end!!!!
As I mentioned, I had drunk text SG at about 5.30am Saturday morning, saying ... "Hello. bit birthday drunk but you really good bloke. and got some money for you. bye x". (I was quite relieved that it was just that, and that I had retained enough self control to not text 'Hello, you are one fit bloke and quite frankly I would like very much to be sucking your cock right now, to be closely followed by you fucking me senseless with it', which was in fact what I was thinking!) I hadn't heard anything from him and resisted the urge on Saturday to text him and apologise, thereby opening up another text conversation. But no! I was a very good girl, he has been quite cool just lately, and I think he and his wife are seriously struggling again, so I have just let lie.
Got to bed about 2am this morning (damn blogging induced insomnia!!), and had just drifted off into a very bizarre dream involving escaping guinea pigs, rabbits and hamsters (and X's dad and CM incidentally!!) when my phone bleeping woke me up! And who should it be but SG himself...
SG - I bet you £2.38 you're still up!
Me - Haha, you'd better get to the bank then! I've been in bed about 20mins, and was just starting a very weird dream. Quite glad you woke me from it actually. How's you?
SG - I'm good. What was your dream about? I dream't once that I killed a polar bear with corn flakes! I can't believe I am up later than you. Did you go out?
Me - not as weird as yours! It was bout having loads of pets that I didn't know about and not having fed them cos I didn't know they were there. They'd all just escaped! Not been out tonight, no sitter. So what you still doing up?
SG - Fell asleep this afternoon and can't sleep. Pets eh? Mmmm, what are you worrying about? Am I keeping you up? What are you wearing in bed??
Me - Insomnia is a wonderful thing eh? And I'm the only person you thought would still be up! Think it's cos I realised I hadn't fed the fish just before bed. Not worrying about anything. Are you SG? Just a boring silky chemise thing on me tonight I'm afraid
SG - Worry? Me. Try not to. Boring! I don't think so. I reckon you'd look hot. I bet it fits in all the right places. I need to cum and do your garden soon. Have you finished that book yet? What did you think?
Me - Glad you good. You know where I am if you're not. I mean that! Thanks for your belief in my hotness, even if it is wrong. Lol, wondered where that "need to cum... " was going for a minute! Finished book, was tres good. Might have to check out more of his stuff. Got one for you, not a saucy one though I'm afraid
SG - Cheers hun. Got plenty of fantasies if I need to cum. But you know about that. Have you? Look forward to book, I'm slowly reading 1984 at the moment. It's good. Glad you liked the book
Me - Don't worry, there's plenty of stuff in my head! Just need to find someone to do them with! Have to go sleep now, had a very late one last night. Sure I'll be having much more interesting dreams now though. Wonder who'll they'll be about...? ;-) x
SG - Goodnight hun. Sweet dreams
Me - You too. I'm off work Monday if you want to do garden and get money and books. Night pickle x
By which time it's 3.15am and time for the land of nod!
So, very random. As usual with him. And I'm sure a drunken text situation, hehehe. All good though :-)
As I mentioned, I had drunk text SG at about 5.30am Saturday morning, saying ... "Hello. bit birthday drunk but you really good bloke. and got some money for you. bye x". (I was quite relieved that it was just that, and that I had retained enough self control to not text 'Hello, you are one fit bloke and quite frankly I would like very much to be sucking your cock right now, to be closely followed by you fucking me senseless with it', which was in fact what I was thinking!) I hadn't heard anything from him and resisted the urge on Saturday to text him and apologise, thereby opening up another text conversation. But no! I was a very good girl, he has been quite cool just lately, and I think he and his wife are seriously struggling again, so I have just let lie.
Got to bed about 2am this morning (damn blogging induced insomnia!!), and had just drifted off into a very bizarre dream involving escaping guinea pigs, rabbits and hamsters (and X's dad and CM incidentally!!) when my phone bleeping woke me up! And who should it be but SG himself...
SG - I bet you £2.38 you're still up!
Me - Haha, you'd better get to the bank then! I've been in bed about 20mins, and was just starting a very weird dream. Quite glad you woke me from it actually. How's you?
SG - I'm good. What was your dream about? I dream't once that I killed a polar bear with corn flakes! I can't believe I am up later than you. Did you go out?
Me - not as weird as yours! It was bout having loads of pets that I didn't know about and not having fed them cos I didn't know they were there. They'd all just escaped! Not been out tonight, no sitter. So what you still doing up?
SG - Fell asleep this afternoon and can't sleep. Pets eh? Mmmm, what are you worrying about? Am I keeping you up? What are you wearing in bed??
Me - Insomnia is a wonderful thing eh? And I'm the only person you thought would still be up! Think it's cos I realised I hadn't fed the fish just before bed. Not worrying about anything. Are you SG? Just a boring silky chemise thing on me tonight I'm afraid
SG - Worry? Me. Try not to. Boring! I don't think so. I reckon you'd look hot. I bet it fits in all the right places. I need to cum and do your garden soon. Have you finished that book yet? What did you think?
Me - Glad you good. You know where I am if you're not. I mean that! Thanks for your belief in my hotness, even if it is wrong. Lol, wondered where that "need to cum... " was going for a minute! Finished book, was tres good. Might have to check out more of his stuff. Got one for you, not a saucy one though I'm afraid
SG - Cheers hun. Got plenty of fantasies if I need to cum. But you know about that. Have you? Look forward to book, I'm slowly reading 1984 at the moment. It's good. Glad you liked the book
Me - Don't worry, there's plenty of stuff in my head! Just need to find someone to do them with! Have to go sleep now, had a very late one last night. Sure I'll be having much more interesting dreams now though. Wonder who'll they'll be about...? ;-) x
SG - Goodnight hun. Sweet dreams
Me - You too. I'm off work Monday if you want to do garden and get money and books. Night pickle x
By which time it's 3.15am and time for the land of nod!
So, very random. As usual with him. And I'm sure a drunken text situation, hehehe. All good though :-)
Let's talk about sex baby
Enough of the deep and meaningfuls I think, and back to the interesting stuff!
Oral sex... cumming soon! Hehehehe!
Oral sex... cumming soon! Hehehehe!
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Why is it so hard?
I've been very speculative just lately about what it is I want (aside from a house, more money, a nanny, cleaner, and lots of holidays of course!), more especially what I want from that dreaded "R" word. And I think I have found it... http://alfielovesemma.blogspot.com/. This sums up what it is I want! That depth of feeling, the continuation of that feeling, the knowledge of being in the right place with the right person; a shared, fondly remembered past, a current and exciting present, and a planned and anticipated future. That's it really. I read their lives with joy and with envy, long may they continue.
So why is what they have so hard to find? I know that not everybody wants what I want, or needs what I need, but everybody has their own set of criteria or wishlist, and so many of us seem unfulfilled in this aspect.
It seems like everywhere I go in Blogland I read blogs from attractive, intelligent, sexual women (and men) who, like me, are on this eternal quest, or are "settled" in relationships that don't fulfill them. In real life, I talk to friends in similar situations to mine (parents or childless), looking for somebody to share their lives with, to share experiences with, to build a future with. There are internet dating sites galore and real ife social opportunities to meet people abound, with more chance of meeting "the person of your dreams" than possibly ever before. And yet, the romantic world seems full of more dissatisfaction than ever.
Do we demand too much these days? Do we have unrealistic expectations about life and love? Are we privy to so much more opportunity and chances that we dare not settle for this one in case there is something/someone better waiting round the corner? Has society become so disposable that even relationships are seen as something to use and discard? Have we had our eyes opened so much that we cannot accept what is presented to us and available for us? Have we lost the ability to accept and to try?
I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I did. But I wonder sometimes if we have gone too far down the path of striving for better. Whether the acceptance years ago that you married, you worked hard at it, and you stayed together produced more cases of "true love" than all the modern opportunities for independance and choice that we have today. And is it too late to go back?
I think this generation (now 30's and 40's), with it's increasing divorce and diverse family situations, is the one that is bearing the brunt, and that this in time will pass, as nature and history swings from one period to the next; that society we will return to a time of valuing relationships, valuing family, having an acceptance that we need to work at what we have, but with the balance of continuing to promote choice and enabling opportunities for all. That by the time our grandchildren are grown, the pendulum will have begun to shift back, because we cannot sustain a society long-term the way we are at the moment.
I wonder sometimes if I personally would have benefitted from a life in a different history period. Whether a tighter more controlled society would have been a good thing for me, or whether a natural propensity for dissatisfaction would have prevailed and forced society to shun my opinions and my actions. Am I a product of my childhood and my generation, or would I have turned out this way however society around me was? I guess I will never know about the past, and only time will tell about the future.
I don't proclaim to be able to answer any of these rambling questions, or the myriad of others that trip through my brain, but sometimes I like to stop and think about the bigger picture. And besides... when my brain is working at least it keeps my hands out my knickers for five minutes!
So why is what they have so hard to find? I know that not everybody wants what I want, or needs what I need, but everybody has their own set of criteria or wishlist, and so many of us seem unfulfilled in this aspect.
It seems like everywhere I go in Blogland I read blogs from attractive, intelligent, sexual women (and men) who, like me, are on this eternal quest, or are "settled" in relationships that don't fulfill them. In real life, I talk to friends in similar situations to mine (parents or childless), looking for somebody to share their lives with, to share experiences with, to build a future with. There are internet dating sites galore and real ife social opportunities to meet people abound, with more chance of meeting "the person of your dreams" than possibly ever before. And yet, the romantic world seems full of more dissatisfaction than ever.
Do we demand too much these days? Do we have unrealistic expectations about life and love? Are we privy to so much more opportunity and chances that we dare not settle for this one in case there is something/someone better waiting round the corner? Has society become so disposable that even relationships are seen as something to use and discard? Have we had our eyes opened so much that we cannot accept what is presented to us and available for us? Have we lost the ability to accept and to try?
I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I did. But I wonder sometimes if we have gone too far down the path of striving for better. Whether the acceptance years ago that you married, you worked hard at it, and you stayed together produced more cases of "true love" than all the modern opportunities for independance and choice that we have today. And is it too late to go back?
I think this generation (now 30's and 40's), with it's increasing divorce and diverse family situations, is the one that is bearing the brunt, and that this in time will pass, as nature and history swings from one period to the next; that society we will return to a time of valuing relationships, valuing family, having an acceptance that we need to work at what we have, but with the balance of continuing to promote choice and enabling opportunities for all. That by the time our grandchildren are grown, the pendulum will have begun to shift back, because we cannot sustain a society long-term the way we are at the moment.
I wonder sometimes if I personally would have benefitted from a life in a different history period. Whether a tighter more controlled society would have been a good thing for me, or whether a natural propensity for dissatisfaction would have prevailed and forced society to shun my opinions and my actions. Am I a product of my childhood and my generation, or would I have turned out this way however society around me was? I guess I will never know about the past, and only time will tell about the future.
I don't proclaim to be able to answer any of these rambling questions, or the myriad of others that trip through my brain, but sometimes I like to stop and think about the bigger picture. And besides... when my brain is working at least it keeps my hands out my knickers for five minutes!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
So much for Saturday night!
Well, I'm bloody home already!! Alone!! In my comfy's with a microwave spinach ricotta cannelloni for company!! Goddamn!
The evening with mates was very nice but finished earlier than expected. And then B didn't want to go on anywhere so she got a kebab, got dropped off and I came home to the above scenario! Whoopdebloodydo! What an exciting Saturday night that turned out to be!
CM had come out but then gone to find some mates, which was all good with me as I thought I would be out being amused for several hours later than I have been. So I didn't even get the "nice" shag, let alone the low down and dirty one!
Ho hum, I guess blogland and wanking here I cum...!
The evening with mates was very nice but finished earlier than expected. And then B didn't want to go on anywhere so she got a kebab, got dropped off and I came home to the above scenario! Whoopdebloodydo! What an exciting Saturday night that turned out to be!
CM had come out but then gone to find some mates, which was all good with me as I thought I would be out being amused for several hours later than I have been. So I didn't even get the "nice" shag, let alone the low down and dirty one!
Ho hum, I guess blogland and wanking here I cum...!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Away from culture... back to sex! (Across the miles please look away...!)
I think I need a bloody good shag!!
Not your average "nice" CM shag, but a plain and simple decent bloody good hard shag! I'm not thinking about whether this will be a FB shag, a FWB shag, a potential R shag or any of that malarkey!!
Frankly I don't care about the setting, the context or the potential aftermath! I just want to meet someone who makes my heart race, my tummy tingle and my knickers wet, and who wants to bend me over the nearest available piece of furniture, roger me senseless and cum hard, followed by some afterplay/foreplay and repeat until spent!!
Why is that hardest to find at those times when you want it most??
Ah well, away to bed I suppose! (Now where did I put those batteries...?)
Not your average "nice" CM shag, but a plain and simple decent bloody good hard shag! I'm not thinking about whether this will be a FB shag, a FWB shag, a potential R shag or any of that malarkey!!
Frankly I don't care about the setting, the context or the potential aftermath! I just want to meet someone who makes my heart race, my tummy tingle and my knickers wet, and who wants to bend me over the nearest available piece of furniture, roger me senseless and cum hard, followed by some afterplay/foreplay and repeat until spent!!
Why is that hardest to find at those times when you want it most??
Ah well, away to bed I suppose! (Now where did I put those batteries...?)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Sex!
Well, as you all seem so interested, I thought I had better hold good my promise to blog on my opinions on sex! Not love, not "making love", not sex that occurs in long-term (or even short-term) relationships, but sex of the other varieties...
I have spoken about fuck buddies before, and have even drawn up my "rules for fuck buddies": (A day in the life of the ordinary girl: Rules!!) But I think it's important to expand on my views a little, or to attempt make it clearer anyway.
Fuck buddies are about sex. That's it really! It's about sex!!! Two people, who for whatever reason, want to fuck, and have found each other to fulfill that in themselves. Yes, maybe a glass of wine before. Yes, maybe a chat for a bit after. But no "just calling to see how you are doing". No going out for dinner. No trips to the cinema/pub/theatre. No building any kind of relationship that exists outside the bedroom (or other sexual arena). Of course honesty, mutual liking and respect are important, but it's not about the future, it's not about feelings, it's not about anything other than sex!! Have I made that clear?!!
And although that sounds very simple, don't get me wrong, I would argue that for most people it is not that easy. True fuck buddies are not easy to find, and not easy to keep. It requires a pretty exact match of two people's situations, timings, and emotions to be truly successful. One party can absolutely NOT want more than the other or it is not a genuine match of desire, and that mismatch is what stores up problems for the future.
As a matter of interest, and perhaps to add credence to my argument, I can cite my own experience. I have had many (many, many, many) sexual relationships. Don't ask me how many because actually I don't know! Why would I? Some of these have been one nighters, some for a short period of time, some for a longer period of time, some for a long, long time. Some of them have been awful, the majority have been good, some have been fantastic. Most have been ended by me but some have been ended by others, either mutually or occasionally not.
Anyway, out of all these varying and numerous sexual encounters, I have only ever managed to have 1, (yes I said 1!!) successful fuck buddy arrangement. An arrangement that we were both completely cool with, and that we both wanted the exact same thing out of. And it was great. Very freeing. Very undemanding. Very respectful. Very equal.
It lasted a few months until one of our situations changed and then it ended. No recriminations, no hurt feelings, no need for major discussion, just an acknowledgement of moving on. I still see him occasionally, we still flirt, he would probably be happy to go back to our arrangement (he has expressed that recently), but I am in a different place now, as is he, and I know it wouldn't work. So what would be the point?
Now,on to friends with benefits (FWB's). Although similar, this is NOT the same as a fuck buddy! Fuck buddies are about sex (they are called FUCK buddies you know!), FWB's are about FRIENDS, but with the added benefit of sex sometimes being thrown in.
So, feel free to do the ringing for a chat, the cinemas/pubs/clubs/theatres, building a friendship with this person. Because actually that is what this is primarily about. Acknowledging a mutual like for this person, a desire to spend some time with them, a wish to get to know them and to build a friendship for the future. And if sometimes after these mutually enjoyable friend times you happen to hit the sack and get raunchy then all well and good!!
However, and there is always a however, although FWB's are not the same as fuck buddies, there are some similarities. Although you may wish to have this person in your life as a friend, we can assume that you don't want to have a relationship with them (or you would!), so it is important to remember that. Again, it has to be an EQUAL relationship, one party can't want more than the other.
The sex is just an added benefit to what is already great, it is not the basis for your relationship, nor the be all and end all of it. It's the icing on the cake I guess, but you have to want the cake in the first place, and you have to be happy to have the cake without the icing! If you shag every time you see each other then I'd say warning bells should be ringing. And I'd argue it would be completely inappropriate to booty call an FWB, because that isn't the purpose of your relationship, it's an occasional result.
In some ways, this is harder to maintain than the fuck buddy thing. Because it involves some blurring of edges. It can get hazy and I'd say can be more likely to lead into dissatisfaction from one party, without the somewhat harsh rules of the FB situations to keep it in check. Again, it's all about balance, and all about mutual desires and expectations for the future.
That said, I have maintained a couple of good FWB situations over the years, but the benefits have been most definitely an incidental part of what has actually been very very good friendships. They take time, most definitely, in order to progress to being friends enough to cope with the benefits, and then to carry that friendship through when the time comes that the benefits are no longer appropriate.
Finally, just to cover casual sex... Take note of the word CASUAL! (You know, these things are named these ways for a reason!!!) Casual sex is where you probably know someone, (maybe you don't but in my world fucking strangers is just that, fucking strangers!), and you may have slept with them before, you may not. You may be friends, you may not. And for whatever reasons, at some point you end up shagging the brains out of each other. That's it! You might do it again a few weeks/months/years later when similar circumstances arrive, you might not. But if you do then it's a completely random occasion that 'just happens'. There is no forethought to it and there are no recriminations from it.
If it gets to be regular casual sex then depending on your relationship it might turn into a FWB or a FB situation, but the fundamental difference, I would argue, is that there isn't any 'planning' to it, either directly or indirectly. It doesn't have an ending or a beginning but is just a bunch of random and casual sexual contacts.
I have had no end of casual sex encounters. Some of them wonderful, some disappointing, some of them expected, but a lot of them completely surprising and all the better for being so unexpected. Some of them have been one offs, a lot of them have been repeated a few times. And if you accept casual sex for just as it is then this is perhaps the easiest to achieve, although in terms of filling a sexual gap on regular basis, the most dissatisfying. Again, it's all about knowing what situation you are in and accepting that for what it is, without wanting more. Sometimes you can misjudge it,or be misled by the other party, and it's shit, but that's okay. Just put it down to experience and be more careful in the future!
The bottom line of all the above situations... the one most important and fundamental aspect of any successful sex based relationship... is that it has to be mutually wanted, mutually fulfilling, and desired no more and no less by either party. It should of course always be respectful, honest and fun! If it's not, then potentially it results in a situation where one person is getting more than the other,which by default means one person is getting less than the other! And this leads to false hopes, feelings of rejection, resentment and the sense that somehow you have been 'used' or 'tricked' in some way. If you're happy to get yourself into a situation like that then go ahead, just don't say I didn't tell you so!!
Oh, one final point... In my experience, rarely do any of the above situations develop into "proper" relationships. It may happen, but not often, so bear that in mind and start as you mean to go on!!!
So, thats about it really!! Sex as seen by the Ordinary Girl!! I am sure there are plenty of people who would disagree with my "definitions", and that's fine, go ahead. I have nothing to prove and nothing to defend, it is merely my opinion after all. But trust me, I know what I'm talking about! ;-)
I have spoken about fuck buddies before, and have even drawn up my "rules for fuck buddies": (A day in the life of the ordinary girl: Rules!!) But I think it's important to expand on my views a little, or to attempt make it clearer anyway.
Fuck buddies are about sex. That's it really! It's about sex!!! Two people, who for whatever reason, want to fuck, and have found each other to fulfill that in themselves. Yes, maybe a glass of wine before. Yes, maybe a chat for a bit after. But no "just calling to see how you are doing". No going out for dinner. No trips to the cinema/pub/theatre. No building any kind of relationship that exists outside the bedroom (or other sexual arena). Of course honesty, mutual liking and respect are important, but it's not about the future, it's not about feelings, it's not about anything other than sex!! Have I made that clear?!!
And although that sounds very simple, don't get me wrong, I would argue that for most people it is not that easy. True fuck buddies are not easy to find, and not easy to keep. It requires a pretty exact match of two people's situations, timings, and emotions to be truly successful. One party can absolutely NOT want more than the other or it is not a genuine match of desire, and that mismatch is what stores up problems for the future.
As a matter of interest, and perhaps to add credence to my argument, I can cite my own experience. I have had many (many, many, many) sexual relationships. Don't ask me how many because actually I don't know! Why would I? Some of these have been one nighters, some for a short period of time, some for a longer period of time, some for a long, long time. Some of them have been awful, the majority have been good, some have been fantastic. Most have been ended by me but some have been ended by others, either mutually or occasionally not.
Anyway, out of all these varying and numerous sexual encounters, I have only ever managed to have 1, (yes I said 1!!) successful fuck buddy arrangement. An arrangement that we were both completely cool with, and that we both wanted the exact same thing out of. And it was great. Very freeing. Very undemanding. Very respectful. Very equal.
It lasted a few months until one of our situations changed and then it ended. No recriminations, no hurt feelings, no need for major discussion, just an acknowledgement of moving on. I still see him occasionally, we still flirt, he would probably be happy to go back to our arrangement (he has expressed that recently), but I am in a different place now, as is he, and I know it wouldn't work. So what would be the point?
Now,on to friends with benefits (FWB's). Although similar, this is NOT the same as a fuck buddy! Fuck buddies are about sex (they are called FUCK buddies you know!), FWB's are about FRIENDS, but with the added benefit of sex sometimes being thrown in.
So, feel free to do the ringing for a chat, the cinemas/pubs/clubs/theatres, building a friendship with this person. Because actually that is what this is primarily about. Acknowledging a mutual like for this person, a desire to spend some time with them, a wish to get to know them and to build a friendship for the future. And if sometimes after these mutually enjoyable friend times you happen to hit the sack and get raunchy then all well and good!!
However, and there is always a however, although FWB's are not the same as fuck buddies, there are some similarities. Although you may wish to have this person in your life as a friend, we can assume that you don't want to have a relationship with them (or you would!), so it is important to remember that. Again, it has to be an EQUAL relationship, one party can't want more than the other.
The sex is just an added benefit to what is already great, it is not the basis for your relationship, nor the be all and end all of it. It's the icing on the cake I guess, but you have to want the cake in the first place, and you have to be happy to have the cake without the icing! If you shag every time you see each other then I'd say warning bells should be ringing. And I'd argue it would be completely inappropriate to booty call an FWB, because that isn't the purpose of your relationship, it's an occasional result.
In some ways, this is harder to maintain than the fuck buddy thing. Because it involves some blurring of edges. It can get hazy and I'd say can be more likely to lead into dissatisfaction from one party, without the somewhat harsh rules of the FB situations to keep it in check. Again, it's all about balance, and all about mutual desires and expectations for the future.
That said, I have maintained a couple of good FWB situations over the years, but the benefits have been most definitely an incidental part of what has actually been very very good friendships. They take time, most definitely, in order to progress to being friends enough to cope with the benefits, and then to carry that friendship through when the time comes that the benefits are no longer appropriate.
Finally, just to cover casual sex... Take note of the word CASUAL! (You know, these things are named these ways for a reason!!!) Casual sex is where you probably know someone, (maybe you don't but in my world fucking strangers is just that, fucking strangers!), and you may have slept with them before, you may not. You may be friends, you may not. And for whatever reasons, at some point you end up shagging the brains out of each other. That's it! You might do it again a few weeks/months/years later when similar circumstances arrive, you might not. But if you do then it's a completely random occasion that 'just happens'. There is no forethought to it and there are no recriminations from it.
If it gets to be regular casual sex then depending on your relationship it might turn into a FWB or a FB situation, but the fundamental difference, I would argue, is that there isn't any 'planning' to it, either directly or indirectly. It doesn't have an ending or a beginning but is just a bunch of random and casual sexual contacts.
I have had no end of casual sex encounters. Some of them wonderful, some disappointing, some of them expected, but a lot of them completely surprising and all the better for being so unexpected. Some of them have been one offs, a lot of them have been repeated a few times. And if you accept casual sex for just as it is then this is perhaps the easiest to achieve, although in terms of filling a sexual gap on regular basis, the most dissatisfying. Again, it's all about knowing what situation you are in and accepting that for what it is, without wanting more. Sometimes you can misjudge it,or be misled by the other party, and it's shit, but that's okay. Just put it down to experience and be more careful in the future!
The bottom line of all the above situations... the one most important and fundamental aspect of any successful sex based relationship... is that it has to be mutually wanted, mutually fulfilling, and desired no more and no less by either party. It should of course always be respectful, honest and fun! If it's not, then potentially it results in a situation where one person is getting more than the other,which by default means one person is getting less than the other! And this leads to false hopes, feelings of rejection, resentment and the sense that somehow you have been 'used' or 'tricked' in some way. If you're happy to get yourself into a situation like that then go ahead, just don't say I didn't tell you so!!
Oh, one final point... In my experience, rarely do any of the above situations develop into "proper" relationships. It may happen, but not often, so bear that in mind and start as you mean to go on!!!
So, thats about it really!! Sex as seen by the Ordinary Girl!! I am sure there are plenty of people who would disagree with my "definitions", and that's fine, go ahead. I have nothing to prove and nothing to defend, it is merely my opinion after all. But trust me, I know what I'm talking about! ;-)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
I am a binge eater
It's official. I am a binge eater!! Haven't done binge eating in a while, or getting pissed either (incidentally last night reminded me why I don't drink!!), but it seems that this weekend it has made a comeback. And stupidly, because I feel like a fucking heffalump at the moment! So, I have just eaten... 6 small victoria sponge cake bars, a can of tuna and a packet of crisps!! In that order!! Nice! And even that hasn't made the craving for god knows what in my life go away.
I have also just had a wank (perhaps that's what's made me hungry and I am sooooo much an instant gratification girl that I cannot be bothered to cook! Plus I'm going out tonight so actually wouldn't eat a "proper meal" beforehand due to heffalump status! Bingeing seems an infinitely more sensible solution!), which hasn't helped either!!
I just feel restless this weekend. And... I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, but just kind of missing. Like something is missing. Like DM is missing.
And he has been in my head really badly this weekend, worse than the now normal vague awareness that he is no longer a part of my life. This weekend I am actively missing him. Missing his voice, missing his chats, missing his laugh, missing his touch, missing his cock. Just missing him.
I think it is Fireworks night that has brought it all out in me. A poignant and not particularly great reminder of how great it was a year ago. Not helped by X talking non-stop round Sainsbury's about how "...DM bought loads of fireworks last year didn't he... and we had a party... and a firework ran away... and is he coming back soon... and I want to see DM... and of course he is still your boyfriend Mummy....".
I'm also aware of my birthday counting down, and Christmas looming. Neither of which were great last year, fucking understatement of the century, neither of which are likely to be great this year. Because he isn't here. And really that's all I want.
And so now the crying commences. Fucked up. Fucked up!!
I have also just had a wank (perhaps that's what's made me hungry and I am sooooo much an instant gratification girl that I cannot be bothered to cook! Plus I'm going out tonight so actually wouldn't eat a "proper meal" beforehand due to heffalump status! Bingeing seems an infinitely more sensible solution!), which hasn't helped either!!
I just feel restless this weekend. And... I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, but just kind of missing. Like something is missing. Like DM is missing.
And he has been in my head really badly this weekend, worse than the now normal vague awareness that he is no longer a part of my life. This weekend I am actively missing him. Missing his voice, missing his chats, missing his laugh, missing his touch, missing his cock. Just missing him.
I think it is Fireworks night that has brought it all out in me. A poignant and not particularly great reminder of how great it was a year ago. Not helped by X talking non-stop round Sainsbury's about how "...DM bought loads of fireworks last year didn't he... and we had a party... and a firework ran away... and is he coming back soon... and I want to see DM... and of course he is still your boyfriend Mummy....".
I'm also aware of my birthday counting down, and Christmas looming. Neither of which were great last year, fucking understatement of the century, neither of which are likely to be great this year. Because he isn't here. And really that's all I want.
And so now the crying commences. Fucked up. Fucked up!!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
A bad girl!!
Inspired by the previous texting between SG and me, and under the influence of a few glasses of wine and the typical insomnia (well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!!), I texted SG in the early hours of Tuesday morning... "And what would you want me to wear anyway x??" Yes I know it was wrong!!! Yes I know I should leave well alone!! Yes I know I am so bad!! But hell, I wanted to know!! (Must say I was kind of expecting a reply that said leather, chains, rubber etc, and was just checking out any potential pervertedness).
SG - Morning hun. Got your text this am. You got little SG up. Ooh, I need options. I like medium to short dresses and skirts. I would need to have a look at a selection. What gets you hot?? On you and on me???
Now I have to say, getting that kind of text in the morning is absolutely conducive to spending the day with damp knickers, but I'm also aware of his situation, and the fact that while he seems to have gone from 0-60 in about 3 seconds, knowing his previous dabbling and then putting the brakes on, I'm kind of expecting that again. But that's all good. I'm not planning on pushing him into anything that is going to cause either of us serious amounts of distress. However, am bad enough to want to see how far he is willing to go at this point...
Me - Damn! Wish I had good legs!! If I was thin and gorgeous I'd wear absolutely anything and everything!! It's been such a long time since I was with anyone long enough to get to that point that I will have to think on it some more... As for what would be hot on you... well that would be me ;-) xx
Oh, I am so bad. Encouraging my gardener in his wicked ways :-) But hey, shoot me! And sure enough, he comes up trumps...
SG - Nice. Think on! You should be more sure of yourself. I think you're hot. Would like to see you in a nice knee length flowing dress. Some nice knickers which you would take off slowly while keeping your dress on. How does that sound??
How does that sound?? How does that sound?? Fuck me now goddamn you!!! I tell you, this is better than I expected, and still waters certainly are proving to run deep! However!!! This is way way further than he's been out before, and I'm aware of that, and I've already decided that if anything more than this is going to happen then it needs to be led by him, because I am not going down the road of being accused of dragging him into a situation. So I decide to test him a little to see how near the back off point is, and I don't reply. Fully expecting a similar response to previously when he's stepped out of the comfort zone (or fucking sprinted out in this case!!!). Sure enough, half an hour later...
SG - I'm bad. I should stop. Can we be mates please??
Kerching!! As expected!! And although a tiny bit of me is a bit disappointed, I know that's a short term irritation, and that if this is going to move up a notch then it needs to be led by him, at his pace, and is likely to be a long way off yet. Each time he edges a little further out before he reigns himself back in, and I'm happy to let things lie as they are. (Besides, it's interesting that he says "I'm bad", not "we're/this is bad", and also that he says "I should stop", not "this has to stop/this must stop"). So, all good, all as expected, and I'm happy to let him settle again (for a while at least!).
Me - Ok. That's fine. Sorry for leading you astray. We all good SG x
SG - Cheers pickle. I'm naughty too. Good to know we cool xx
Me - Yeah, no worries. Don't want to lose a sexy gardener :-) Make sure you come find me if you ever find yourself single though ;-) See you soon x
SG - Will do hun. See you soon xx
So, things with SG on hold for now. But when I look back over our contact in the last 6 weeks or so (especially considering I've known him for over a year), we've come a bloody long long way recently, and I don't think this is the end yet. It's out there now, and it will remain that way, even if we don't mention it for a while. The idea is in both our heads. The acknowledgement of desire has been voiced by both parties. The potential has been set. But let him come in his own time, when the time and the situation is right. I'm not forcing the issue, just opening up the opportunity, and I'm cool with that. I'm not desperate desperate for it, and I don't want something to happen unless he can cope with it, and I really really don't think he's there yet, much as he might like to be! But keep your eye on this space...
PS. I know it may be very boring for you reading my texts, but tough! I like to have them down to look back on, and also to kind of store and then delete from my phone. So I have them to remember if I want, but I'm not distracted by the good ones or burdened by the bad ones by carrying them around in my pocket all day! Kind of like putting them in a safe deposit box I guess!
SG - Morning hun. Got your text this am. You got little SG up. Ooh, I need options. I like medium to short dresses and skirts. I would need to have a look at a selection. What gets you hot?? On you and on me???
Now I have to say, getting that kind of text in the morning is absolutely conducive to spending the day with damp knickers, but I'm also aware of his situation, and the fact that while he seems to have gone from 0-60 in about 3 seconds, knowing his previous dabbling and then putting the brakes on, I'm kind of expecting that again. But that's all good. I'm not planning on pushing him into anything that is going to cause either of us serious amounts of distress. However, am bad enough to want to see how far he is willing to go at this point...
Me - Damn! Wish I had good legs!! If I was thin and gorgeous I'd wear absolutely anything and everything!! It's been such a long time since I was with anyone long enough to get to that point that I will have to think on it some more... As for what would be hot on you... well that would be me ;-) xx
Oh, I am so bad. Encouraging my gardener in his wicked ways :-) But hey, shoot me! And sure enough, he comes up trumps...
SG - Nice. Think on! You should be more sure of yourself. I think you're hot. Would like to see you in a nice knee length flowing dress. Some nice knickers which you would take off slowly while keeping your dress on. How does that sound??
How does that sound?? How does that sound?? Fuck me now goddamn you!!! I tell you, this is better than I expected, and still waters certainly are proving to run deep! However!!! This is way way further than he's been out before, and I'm aware of that, and I've already decided that if anything more than this is going to happen then it needs to be led by him, because I am not going down the road of being accused of dragging him into a situation. So I decide to test him a little to see how near the back off point is, and I don't reply. Fully expecting a similar response to previously when he's stepped out of the comfort zone (or fucking sprinted out in this case!!!). Sure enough, half an hour later...
SG - I'm bad. I should stop. Can we be mates please??
Kerching!! As expected!! And although a tiny bit of me is a bit disappointed, I know that's a short term irritation, and that if this is going to move up a notch then it needs to be led by him, at his pace, and is likely to be a long way off yet. Each time he edges a little further out before he reigns himself back in, and I'm happy to let things lie as they are. (Besides, it's interesting that he says "I'm bad", not "we're/this is bad", and also that he says "I should stop", not "this has to stop/this must stop"). So, all good, all as expected, and I'm happy to let him settle again (for a while at least!).
Me - Ok. That's fine. Sorry for leading you astray. We all good SG x
SG - Cheers pickle. I'm naughty too. Good to know we cool xx
Me - Yeah, no worries. Don't want to lose a sexy gardener :-) Make sure you come find me if you ever find yourself single though ;-) See you soon x
SG - Will do hun. See you soon xx
So, things with SG on hold for now. But when I look back over our contact in the last 6 weeks or so (especially considering I've known him for over a year), we've come a bloody long long way recently, and I don't think this is the end yet. It's out there now, and it will remain that way, even if we don't mention it for a while. The idea is in both our heads. The acknowledgement of desire has been voiced by both parties. The potential has been set. But let him come in his own time, when the time and the situation is right. I'm not forcing the issue, just opening up the opportunity, and I'm cool with that. I'm not desperate desperate for it, and I don't want something to happen unless he can cope with it, and I really really don't think he's there yet, much as he might like to be! But keep your eye on this space...
PS. I know it may be very boring for you reading my texts, but tough! I like to have them down to look back on, and also to kind of store and then delete from my phone. So I have them to remember if I want, but I'm not distracted by the good ones or burdened by the bad ones by carrying them around in my pocket all day! Kind of like putting them in a safe deposit box I guess!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Posts for the future
In no particular order...
1. What I love about men and their cocks to include blowjobs, manners and swallowing
2. Women, orgasms and sex
3. Sexual submission and real life dominance
4. Dating with kids
4. To settle or not to settle, that is the question
5. Shakespeare - Mercutio
Just thought I would post this to remind myself of things I wanted to post about.
1. What I love about men and their cocks to include blowjobs, manners and swallowing
2. Women, orgasms and sex
3. Sexual submission and real life dominance
4. Dating with kids
4. To settle or not to settle, that is the question
5. Shakespeare - Mercutio
Just thought I would post this to remind myself of things I wanted to post about.
Improvements
I spent the majority of last night in a village working men's club! What the fuck!!!! How did I go from hot cool dates with DM to fucking working men's clubs with CM??? That is something that will definitely need addressing. I may be a divey pub kind of girl but I draw the line at WMC's! I will allow it as a one off, as we went to meet up with a couple of his mates that live in the village (the same village I lived in from 10-19 and would not return to!!), one of which was M. Which I have to say was a little strange, and slightly uncomfortable for the both of us, though CM seemed fine with it.
The difficulty was that I have always been quite flirty with M, and lots of banter etc, and it doesn't feel appropriate to be like that with him no - don't want to give anybody the wrong impressions. So, I'm not sure how to be with him. He seemed fine most of the night, I was quite quiet, not my usually gobby self, because of the situation and also because I don't know the other people fantastically well, but he did mention at the beginning (it was just me and him at that point), that he was glad me and CM had got it together. I just kind of dismissed it, and didn't really get the chance to comment after that. Though what would I say anyway?? He seemed fine for most of the evening, but that said I did feel he struggled a couple of times, and when CM and I went to leave (before the others) he did seem a little odd. And CM commented on that himself after we had gone, so it wasn't just me. His bloody loss though, he could have had a fucking great fuck buddy relationship if he had put a bit of effort in.
Have to say, I did find myself looking at M's hands and thinking 'those fingers have been inside me'. And then going on to think about how good it had felt when he slid his cock into me. And then had to stop myself having those wicked thoughts!
Anyway, enough thoughts about M! Sex with CM is looking up a little. Not sure if it was because he had had a few beers last night and was more relaxed but it was much much better. Which is a fucking good thing! Still not perfect, and still struggling with his size, and the fact that he is not DM, but generally it was the best it's been so there is hope!!
The only downside is I'm just not sure his sex drive is as high as mine, or sex is as important to him. I woke up this morning, and knew he had to leave quite early because he had some stuff planned today, but still felt the need to have a bit of a play with his chest, stomach, tops of thighs, etc - just skimming over his cock occasionally, which usually gives most men the green light for a nice lazy morning quickie, but I didn't really get a reaction! And definitely not him getting a raging hard on that he was just forced to slide into me!! Bummer!!
I think he is just quite controlled with himself. LIke before we went out last night, we were kissing, and I was straddling him on the sofa, and generally getting quite friendly, and he's a bit "come on, stop it or you'll get me all excited and you don't want to go out smelling all spunky". And I hate that really. I want to be with someone who can't help themselves but want me, (at least most of the time), and that I know fancies the fucking pants off me, and will take the lead and love that I am horny all the time, and will say "fuck going out, get your kit off and get up those stairs". With CM I guess I'm just not sure.
Like I said though, vast improvement on previously, so am sticking with it for a while (don't think it would take much to tempt me away though!), and keeping my fingers crossed. Probably not going to see him again until Sunday though, which is a fucker as I kind of want to pick up the pace now it's improved. And I'm still bloody horny!!
I have a real thing in my head at the moment about wanting to be tied and blindfolded and be free to be able to selfishly submit to some serious pleasure from a skilled skilled man. Think I need the release!
The difficulty was that I have always been quite flirty with M, and lots of banter etc, and it doesn't feel appropriate to be like that with him no - don't want to give anybody the wrong impressions. So, I'm not sure how to be with him. He seemed fine most of the night, I was quite quiet, not my usually gobby self, because of the situation and also because I don't know the other people fantastically well, but he did mention at the beginning (it was just me and him at that point), that he was glad me and CM had got it together. I just kind of dismissed it, and didn't really get the chance to comment after that. Though what would I say anyway?? He seemed fine for most of the evening, but that said I did feel he struggled a couple of times, and when CM and I went to leave (before the others) he did seem a little odd. And CM commented on that himself after we had gone, so it wasn't just me. His bloody loss though, he could have had a fucking great fuck buddy relationship if he had put a bit of effort in.
Have to say, I did find myself looking at M's hands and thinking 'those fingers have been inside me'. And then going on to think about how good it had felt when he slid his cock into me. And then had to stop myself having those wicked thoughts!
Anyway, enough thoughts about M! Sex with CM is looking up a little. Not sure if it was because he had had a few beers last night and was more relaxed but it was much much better. Which is a fucking good thing! Still not perfect, and still struggling with his size, and the fact that he is not DM, but generally it was the best it's been so there is hope!!
The only downside is I'm just not sure his sex drive is as high as mine, or sex is as important to him. I woke up this morning, and knew he had to leave quite early because he had some stuff planned today, but still felt the need to have a bit of a play with his chest, stomach, tops of thighs, etc - just skimming over his cock occasionally, which usually gives most men the green light for a nice lazy morning quickie, but I didn't really get a reaction! And definitely not him getting a raging hard on that he was just forced to slide into me!! Bummer!!
I think he is just quite controlled with himself. LIke before we went out last night, we were kissing, and I was straddling him on the sofa, and generally getting quite friendly, and he's a bit "come on, stop it or you'll get me all excited and you don't want to go out smelling all spunky". And I hate that really. I want to be with someone who can't help themselves but want me, (at least most of the time), and that I know fancies the fucking pants off me, and will take the lead and love that I am horny all the time, and will say "fuck going out, get your kit off and get up those stairs". With CM I guess I'm just not sure.
Like I said though, vast improvement on previously, so am sticking with it for a while (don't think it would take much to tempt me away though!), and keeping my fingers crossed. Probably not going to see him again until Sunday though, which is a fucker as I kind of want to pick up the pace now it's improved. And I'm still bloody horny!!
I have a real thing in my head at the moment about wanting to be tied and blindfolded and be free to be able to selfishly submit to some serious pleasure from a skilled skilled man. Think I need the release!
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