I couldn't sleep last night. Nothing new there. So, instead was in my bed reading The Forsyte Saga, which I've had for weeks and not really managed to get my teeth into. For some reason I had taken my mobile up with me, which I rarely do, so was still awake when it beeped at me at 2.43am.
DM - I love you. I miss you and I want to come home to you. You make me feel the way no other can. There, I've said it. But I can't make it happen. I have to keep moving on. I can't allow myself to look back no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I want what's back there. It's time...
I have to say it took me by surprise, though not. I've always believed that he loves me, though that belief has been sorely tried over time.
I replied - You can't move on forever honey. No matter how much you try. I want you to come home to me. It's where you ought to be x
A short while later, with no response from him (although bizarrely a missed call from a number I don't recognise showing on my phone though I didnt hear it), I text again - You and I will always be right together. Don't waste another year fighting that. I still miss you every single day!
I've heard nothing more since then. And stupid though it is, for some reason I'm worried. I don't know what he meant by "It's time...", and although it seems he left long ago there is such a part of me shouting out 'don't leave me, don't leave me'.
A while ago a rang him. It rang but went to ansamachine so I left it, before ringing again, getting the ansamachine again and then leaving a very short message to say I wanted to know he's alright.
I don't know what this means. I don't know if it means anything. But I know that last night I went to sleep wishing he was here, and this morning I felt his absence.
