I've realised over the last few days that back in mid-November when I began fighting for my future, I got it wrong.
Twice in my life before I had felt something reasonably serious about somebody that I believed was reciprocated, and twice before I had shown my vulnerability and my need. Twice before I had opened myself up and trusted in that, only to have that be the thing that drove them away. To be told it was too much, that they needed space, and that because I didn't give them that I had ended up pushing them away. To find out that it wasn't really reciprocated at all.
Because of that, I was scared I was coming on too strong. I was scared that I was frightening him away, I was scared that I seemed too needy, I was scared that he couldn't handle that vulnerable side of me. I was just plain scared.
So, I backed off. I wanted to show him I wasn't needy, wasn't clingy, wasn't pressurising him. I wanted to show him that it was fine, that I could give him space, that I wasn't demanding, that I didn't need him.
I got it wrong.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
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1 comment:
dont you hate that? it is such a fine line. I wish I had the answers for you, because then maybe I could answer my own questions too! lol I try so hard to not come across "needy", but who doesnt love attention? So I figure it is better to be who I am, showing how I feel than to try and change and not really present who I am. (I hope that wasnt just a big circle of talk!) I try and act strong, but deep down, I am so weak.
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