Showing posts with label JB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JB. Show all posts
Friday, March 02, 2012
It continues
Popped out to see JB tonight for a couple of hours whilst X was at youth club. He wasn't in the best of places as it was the anniversary of his son's death today, although he was relatively chipper, at least on the outside. We had the usual flirty chit chat, and the usual references to being together, blah blah blah, but I'm in a place now that whilst it's nice, I'm not stressing or getting frustrated. What will be will be is my current philosophy. He is about to move into his own place, and seems to think that will be a definite moving on from the negativity of the last few years, so who knows. Watch this space I guess, although I wouldn't suggest anybody holding their breath...!
Friday, June 03, 2011
Playtime, or not!
The sun is shining. I have no X. And I want to go out and play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, revise that. I want to go out and play with JB!
Actually, revise that. I want to go out and then stay in and play with JB!
Actually, revise that. I want to go out and play with JB!
Actually, revise that. I want to go out and then stay in and play with JB!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
One door closes...
Its official. H is in a long term, loving relationship! Dang it!
Good job JB has arrived back on the scene to titillate me...!
Good job JB has arrived back on the scene to titillate me...!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Hot and Cold
So the day started hot, hot, hot with SG, and has ended with an extremely cool JB. What does it take to find a decent, and consistent, and single man these days?
Thursday, October 28, 2010
JB steps up. Again!
Hey OG, hi, may need a place to stay for an hour or two, if I get stuck could I call you?
(an hour later - when I see the text!)
Sorry love, only just got this. Of course. You welcome any time x
Thank you, managed to escape, at my mums now, was being chatted up! Aaargh. If I'm gonna date I'd ask you first x
Lol, you say the nicest things! Just hurry up and be ready :-) x
OG, honey, nearly there. Spent most of tonight talking about you, ha. Will be moving to (st near me) in next 10 days, dare you to come for dinner.
Really? How come you talking bout me? And who to? Oooh! House move eh? Exciting :-) Let me know when you're cooking! x
Yes, really, to (mate1) and my bud (mate2). Was sober at the time. I want a strong woman with her own views, a smile to melt hearts with, and a kiss to inspire dreams, apart from that I'm easy!
Lol, will let you know if I come across one :-) Take care hun, hopefully see you soon xx
Should have been you x
Well you never know your luck. One of these fine days JB... x
One of these fine days, just maybe. x
Later, on the wonders of FB...
His status update...
This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap.
My comment...
... We've got to get out while we're young, because tramps like us, baby we were born to run... (Well drive in my case if I'm really honest!) x
Reply...
You will marry me! x
Me...
Lol, you'd be a brave man to take me on for life! x
Him...
Yeah, brave, my middle name. Think I may be fit for the task ahead, ha. x
I will certainly never understand men!
(an hour later - when I see the text!)
Sorry love, only just got this. Of course. You welcome any time x
Thank you, managed to escape, at my mums now, was being chatted up! Aaargh. If I'm gonna date I'd ask you first x
Lol, you say the nicest things! Just hurry up and be ready :-) x
OG, honey, nearly there. Spent most of tonight talking about you, ha. Will be moving to (st near me) in next 10 days, dare you to come for dinner.
Really? How come you talking bout me? And who to? Oooh! House move eh? Exciting :-) Let me know when you're cooking! x
Yes, really, to (mate1) and my bud (mate2). Was sober at the time. I want a strong woman with her own views, a smile to melt hearts with, and a kiss to inspire dreams, apart from that I'm easy!
Lol, will let you know if I come across one :-) Take care hun, hopefully see you soon xx
Should have been you x
Well you never know your luck. One of these fine days JB... x
One of these fine days, just maybe. x
Later, on the wonders of FB...
His status update...
This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap.
My comment...
... We've got to get out while we're young, because tramps like us, baby we were born to run... (Well drive in my case if I'm really honest!) x
Reply...
You will marry me! x
Me...
Lol, you'd be a brave man to take me on for life! x
Him...
Yeah, brave, my middle name. Think I may be fit for the task ahead, ha. x
I will certainly never understand men!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Best Laid Plans
Well, the date didn't happen. I have to say, I'd predicted a bail, and sure enough early Saturday morning pre-bail appeared in the form of a text to say that he had man flu and things didnt look good for later. The bail was confirmed by a similar text at lunchtime to say he was worse. My immediate reaction was "bullshit" and the only thing that prevented me from texting to say that actually I didn't believe him, and was subsequently pretty disappointed in him was the fact that the mother of his son had posted a comment on ye good olde facebook yesterday to say that she hoped we both had a good night. Something she would only have known from him telling her, which would imply an intention to go.
However, even assuming the best case scenario, and that he fully intended to go but was actually really ill, I'm pretty much finished with it. That was my plan, and I have no more. I won't be inviting him to any other events and I'm pretty sure that given some encouragement he might have tipped over the edge, but I'm also very sure that he won't go out of his way to push the issue himself. So, thats it. Whats done is done.
However, even assuming the best case scenario, and that he fully intended to go but was actually really ill, I'm pretty much finished with it. That was my plan, and I have no more. I won't be inviting him to any other events and I'm pretty sure that given some encouragement he might have tipped over the edge, but I'm also very sure that he won't go out of his way to push the issue himself. So, thats it. Whats done is done.
Friday, May 28, 2010
What it is to be me
My ability to over analyse and the depth to which my emotions are attached to this over analysis sometimes astounds even myself! Let’s take the last week or so as a case in point:
Monday – I send JB a thought out and non-threatening quick text to let him know I have collected theatre tickets (which I actually collected 4 days before) and so we are “good to go on Saturday”. He replied, we had a brief text chat, including him saying he was looking forward to it.
Result – one happy and confident OG.
Tues, Wed, Thurs day – Some constant rumbling through my brain of whether I want this, whether I’ll get this, whether I am too completely incompetent in relationships, whether he views this as friendship, yadeyadeyada.
Result – pootling along in the day to day.
Thurs 8pm – a text from him saying hi and asking how I was and hoping all is good.
Result – initially happy and smiley OG again, later mingled with the beginnings of doubt that this is what I want, that I am only interested in the chase and not the relationship, some mild anxiety that this may work and some that it won’t.
Thurs 11pm – text him back after getting in from work.
Result – feeling very grown up and in control at having waited to text him and thereby demonstrating that I am not some sad psycho stalker.
Thurs 11.15pm – log on to Facebook, to read comment from himself on his page earlier in the day, saying he’s had a great day including a “kiss from a princess”.
Result – immediate and horrible anxiety that he has met somebody and that I am clearly in friend category, followed by anxiety that if this is the case I now have to go to the theatre with him and pretend happy and nice, followed by annoyance at him and myself for thinking otherwise, mixed in with some sensible reasoning that he is probably talking about a friend’s daughter or some other such completely irrelevant happening.
Thurs 11.20pm – read comments on his page from a close male friend of his, referring to another OG named commenter, and saying “is that the OG you said about?” followed by JB’s response of “no mate, different OG”.
Result – am muchly happy that he has obviously been talking about me to his close male friend, which is just fabulous because that means I am important, and smile, smile, smile. before contented and settled sleep.
Friday 8am – woke to a text on my phone that he has updated his Facebook status.
Result – beginning onset of anxiety that he has not replied to my text sent last night.
Friday 8.30am – still no text response from last night.
Result – beginning to think that perhaps he is talking to his friend about me in a bad way. Anxiety that he has expressed concern about how I have been with him, that he has asked how he can extract himself from situation, that somebody else has been advising him about me, in a bad way.
Friday 9.30am – comment casually on his Facebook status, he replies equally casually and saying nothing of any significance good or bad.
Result – getting myself increasingly worked up about what to read and what to disregard, a recap and continual repeating cycle of all of the previously mentioned feelings from last night and this morning, including a frustration with myself for the constant over analysis and the inability to switch of my brain, a complete inability to focus on anything at work, combined with the need to constantly check phones and Facebook, as well as to spill this into Blogland.
The benefits of which, I guess, are a vaguely interesting, if slightly embarrassing post!
Monday – I send JB a thought out and non-threatening quick text to let him know I have collected theatre tickets (which I actually collected 4 days before) and so we are “good to go on Saturday”. He replied, we had a brief text chat, including him saying he was looking forward to it.
Result – one happy and confident OG.
Tues, Wed, Thurs day – Some constant rumbling through my brain of whether I want this, whether I’ll get this, whether I am too completely incompetent in relationships, whether he views this as friendship, yadeyadeyada.
Result – pootling along in the day to day.
Thurs 8pm – a text from him saying hi and asking how I was and hoping all is good.
Result – initially happy and smiley OG again, later mingled with the beginnings of doubt that this is what I want, that I am only interested in the chase and not the relationship, some mild anxiety that this may work and some that it won’t.
Thurs 11pm – text him back after getting in from work.
Result – feeling very grown up and in control at having waited to text him and thereby demonstrating that I am not some sad psycho stalker.
Thurs 11.15pm – log on to Facebook, to read comment from himself on his page earlier in the day, saying he’s had a great day including a “kiss from a princess”.
Result – immediate and horrible anxiety that he has met somebody and that I am clearly in friend category, followed by anxiety that if this is the case I now have to go to the theatre with him and pretend happy and nice, followed by annoyance at him and myself for thinking otherwise, mixed in with some sensible reasoning that he is probably talking about a friend’s daughter or some other such completely irrelevant happening.
Thurs 11.20pm – read comments on his page from a close male friend of his, referring to another OG named commenter, and saying “is that the OG you said about?” followed by JB’s response of “no mate, different OG”.
Result – am muchly happy that he has obviously been talking about me to his close male friend, which is just fabulous because that means I am important, and smile, smile, smile. before contented and settled sleep.
Friday 8am – woke to a text on my phone that he has updated his Facebook status.
Result – beginning onset of anxiety that he has not replied to my text sent last night.
Friday 8.30am – still no text response from last night.
Result – beginning to think that perhaps he is talking to his friend about me in a bad way. Anxiety that he has expressed concern about how I have been with him, that he has asked how he can extract himself from situation, that somebody else has been advising him about me, in a bad way.
Friday 9.30am – comment casually on his Facebook status, he replies equally casually and saying nothing of any significance good or bad.
Result – getting myself increasingly worked up about what to read and what to disregard, a recap and continual repeating cycle of all of the previously mentioned feelings from last night and this morning, including a frustration with myself for the constant over analysis and the inability to switch of my brain, a complete inability to focus on anything at work, combined with the need to constantly check phones and Facebook, as well as to spill this into Blogland.
The benefits of which, I guess, are a vaguely interesting, if slightly embarrassing post!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Maelstrom
Last night I went to bed full of fluff! Figuratively speaking of course.
I'd had a pretty good day, after a relaxing weekend, and it was topped off by a brief but pleasant text chat with JB confirming the 12th for our hot date. So I settled to bed calm, content, and full of pleasant thoughts of times to come and the delightfulness of new men.
This morning however, it was not new loves that crept unbidden into my dreams but old ones.
I woke in a whirl of emotions from an all too real dream that involved, in brief, the return of the man that was and a gradual reawakening of us after a weekend spent together which culminated in me losing him in a crowd.
It has taken me all day to shake a strange sense of impending trouble. I have spent the morning restless, anxious, and with a turbulence in my stomach that was not related to any digestive issues in any way.
It frustrates me that my subconscious can betray me in this way. That it can let my past creep into my present, albeit through my dreams only, and that I can be affected by something that is long since dead. It's ridiculous that something as small as a dream, which means nothing, absolutely nothing at all can send me into a spin for nearly an entire day. It's certainly a good job I don't believe in premonitions, because if I did I'd be predicting a showdown where I'm forced to choose between the old and the new.
I so want to choose the new and forget the old ever existed, but it unnerves me how much it shakes me. As I said, it's a good job I don't believe in the power of dreams, no matter how real they seem.
Lets hope for a more peaceful night tonight.
I'd had a pretty good day, after a relaxing weekend, and it was topped off by a brief but pleasant text chat with JB confirming the 12th for our hot date. So I settled to bed calm, content, and full of pleasant thoughts of times to come and the delightfulness of new men.
This morning however, it was not new loves that crept unbidden into my dreams but old ones.
I woke in a whirl of emotions from an all too real dream that involved, in brief, the return of the man that was and a gradual reawakening of us after a weekend spent together which culminated in me losing him in a crowd.
It has taken me all day to shake a strange sense of impending trouble. I have spent the morning restless, anxious, and with a turbulence in my stomach that was not related to any digestive issues in any way.
It frustrates me that my subconscious can betray me in this way. That it can let my past creep into my present, albeit through my dreams only, and that I can be affected by something that is long since dead. It's ridiculous that something as small as a dream, which means nothing, absolutely nothing at all can send me into a spin for nearly an entire day. It's certainly a good job I don't believe in premonitions, because if I did I'd be predicting a showdown where I'm forced to choose between the old and the new.
I so want to choose the new and forget the old ever existed, but it unnerves me how much it shakes me. As I said, it's a good job I don't believe in the power of dreams, no matter how real they seem.
Lets hope for a more peaceful night tonight.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What a difference a day makes
Yay!! I am happy again. I finished my last assignment for my module today, and am soooo glad it is now done, submitted and out of the way! Even better that I have no more studying until September. Am so glad of the break. With work, and life in general, being what it is at the moment it's one less pressure.
Plus, I have a date with JB!!!! Yay. Well, he probably won't be calling it a date but I am, lol. We are going to see Midsummer Nights Dream at our local theatre on Saturday 12th June, courtesy of the free tickets I got today (along with free family ticket for the Christmas show!) for attending a 2 hour focus group. Hooray for free stuff. And double hooray for inviting JB and he, for bloody once, saying yes.
Happy, happy, happy!!
Plus, I have a date with JB!!!! Yay. Well, he probably won't be calling it a date but I am, lol. We are going to see Midsummer Nights Dream at our local theatre on Saturday 12th June, courtesy of the free tickets I got today (along with free family ticket for the Christmas show!) for attending a 2 hour focus group. Hooray for free stuff. And double hooray for inviting JB and he, for bloody once, saying yes.
Happy, happy, happy!!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Loss
Well the JB story continues...
After a relatively quiet week or so on his side, we had a brief and unremarkable chit chat commentary on Facebook (whatever did I do before it!) which preceded the following conversation:
JB - Hi hun, worked last night, have had a shite day, heard a couple of songs that my *dead son would've liked, but hey ho x miss him so much.
OG - Aw bless you honey. Glad you worked but sorry that you having a sad *dead son day today. I can't possibly imagine how you feel. Do you want to chat? x x x
JB - Never been one to chat hun, but thank you. It don't get any easier, excuse my grammar!
OG - I thought you might say that. Maybe one of these days, might do you some good. Besides, I can chat for both of us, lol. Much love to you honey, anytime x x
JB - Big huge cuddles for you OG. I am attracted to you in a massive way, but, always a but, since *dead son I can't feel anything
OG - I'm sure he wouldn't want that for you honey, and just because we let new people in it doesn't mean we let the others go. Maybe one day , eh? xxx
JB - Yeah one day, not to far away I hope, think about you often hun x
I am pleased that he's acknowledged some attraction, which at least means I'm not completely lunatic and deluded (well not in this instance anyway!), but frustrated that he is letting his grief stop him from moving forward with life, (though I know I'm a fine one to talk about not moving forward!), and thinking it's bloody typical that I always pick the "complicated" ones! Mostly though, I'm just sad for him. Sad as I would be for any of my friends. Sad about the situation he is. Sad that he has had to, and is continuing to, suffer this loss. In all honesty, just sad.
After a relatively quiet week or so on his side, we had a brief and unremarkable chit chat commentary on Facebook (whatever did I do before it!) which preceded the following conversation:
JB - Hi hun, worked last night, have had a shite day, heard a couple of songs that my *dead son would've liked, but hey ho x miss him so much.
OG - Aw bless you honey. Glad you worked but sorry that you having a sad *dead son day today. I can't possibly imagine how you feel. Do you want to chat? x x x
JB - Never been one to chat hun, but thank you. It don't get any easier, excuse my grammar!
OG - I thought you might say that. Maybe one of these days, might do you some good. Besides, I can chat for both of us, lol. Much love to you honey, anytime x x
JB - Big huge cuddles for you OG. I am attracted to you in a massive way, but, always a but, since *dead son I can't feel anything
OG - I'm sure he wouldn't want that for you honey, and just because we let new people in it doesn't mean we let the others go. Maybe one day , eh? xxx
JB - Yeah one day, not to far away I hope, think about you often hun x
I am pleased that he's acknowledged some attraction, which at least means I'm not completely lunatic and deluded (well not in this instance anyway!), but frustrated that he is letting his grief stop him from moving forward with life, (though I know I'm a fine one to talk about not moving forward!), and thinking it's bloody typical that I always pick the "complicated" ones! Mostly though, I'm just sad for him. Sad as I would be for any of my friends. Sad about the situation he is. Sad that he has had to, and is continuing to, suffer this loss. In all honesty, just sad.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Later...
Excellent to see you and X today hun, even though I'm now known as Mr Cuddly! See you soon xx
Anytime hun. And they're only jealous cos you're my favourite cuddler! Don't be a stranger x
Ha, I won't be hun, have a busy day tomorrow, have a book to read. Will text you tomorrow evening hun xxx
Enjoy x
I think I will hun x
Back in December when I saw him last I was (re)reading one of my all time favourite books, one of those that should be on everyone's list to read, and I really thought that he would love it too, particularly as he wasn't in the greatest place of all at the time, so I had text and told him I had a present for him and then mentioned it again on his birthday in March, so I took it with me yesterday. My intentions had originally been to buy him a copy but decided to give him my own prized copy instead - I think that adds something a bit more personal to the mix as well - and I wrote the following little message in the inside cover: "J, for the times you want to get away but can't - maybe there's a reason you stay. The best of days to you Mr B, OG". He seemed pleased to get it and he also seemed to appreciate the gesture and the sentiment.
So I'm pleased that he text me, and pleased that he is pleased about his book and wanting to read it straight away. To me that is the mark of a gift that is appreciated. I hope he loves it as much as I do and that he also gets something from it other than the pleasure of reading it. I'm surprised he said he'll text tomorrow evening, and partly expecting him to do so; as I don't think he's the type to say and not do, equally I'm not expecting to hear from him again for a few months, so who knows. As I've said before, I'm not willing to push anything with anyone at the moment, and least of all someone I've known for such a long time and will continue to know for a long time to come. In this instance, perhaps for the first time in my life, I'm definitely going with "whatever will be will be". (Oooh, thinking about it I've been looking for a new saying, and that might just be the next tattoo!)
Anytime hun. And they're only jealous cos you're my favourite cuddler! Don't be a stranger x
Ha, I won't be hun, have a busy day tomorrow, have a book to read. Will text you tomorrow evening hun xxx
Enjoy x
I think I will hun x
Back in December when I saw him last I was (re)reading one of my all time favourite books, one of those that should be on everyone's list to read, and I really thought that he would love it too, particularly as he wasn't in the greatest place of all at the time, so I had text and told him I had a present for him and then mentioned it again on his birthday in March, so I took it with me yesterday. My intentions had originally been to buy him a copy but decided to give him my own prized copy instead - I think that adds something a bit more personal to the mix as well - and I wrote the following little message in the inside cover: "J, for the times you want to get away but can't - maybe there's a reason you stay. The best of days to you Mr B, OG". He seemed pleased to get it and he also seemed to appreciate the gesture and the sentiment.
So I'm pleased that he text me, and pleased that he is pleased about his book and wanting to read it straight away. To me that is the mark of a gift that is appreciated. I hope he loves it as much as I do and that he also gets something from it other than the pleasure of reading it. I'm surprised he said he'll text tomorrow evening, and partly expecting him to do so; as I don't think he's the type to say and not do, equally I'm not expecting to hear from him again for a few months, so who knows. As I've said before, I'm not willing to push anything with anyone at the moment, and least of all someone I've known for such a long time and will continue to know for a long time to come. In this instance, perhaps for the first time in my life, I'm definitely going with "whatever will be will be". (Oooh, thinking about it I've been looking for a new saying, and that might just be the next tattoo!)
I feel happy, yeah yeah yeah
Well I have just got back from a couple of hours at the pub with the lovely JB. I decided to go in the end, after nipping home from work to straighten my hair, top up my "natural, been at work all day" make up and get changed! I was hoping to pop and see him for an hour with X, but I text him about 4.30pm and he didn't reply for half an hour (which he apologised for when I saw him) so by the time I heard back from him I'd started to resign myself to not going and had to collect X from the childminders by then, so she came with me.
It was just lovely to see him to be honest. He really is absolutely one of the good guys (though he has his flaws of course, like anybody) and I always enjoy spending time with him. There were no real zing zings of passing sparks between us but we did do lots of hugging and kissing (in a friendly way) and he is someone I feel very comfortable with, with the fancying a secondary experience, though that said I still absolutely would! He made me laugh by mentioning he had had a few drinks last night, hence the naked text, but he didn't go out of his way to back track from it, and we are always quite comfortable in each other's company, making reference to the shag many years ago quite easily. He made a few references about planning going out next time, and for me to ring him etc, which I gave him much ribbing about blowing me out and how I wasn't going to be asking him to go out or come round any time soon, and he said he would text me.
So we shall see. He seems to be getting his life a little back on track, starting work again in a couple of weeks, and sounding like he is going to be raking it in, and moving into a mutual friend of ours (which helpfully is about 5 mins walk away from me!), all of which I'm really pleased for him, he has definitely had a rough trot the last couple of years, including the death of his eldest son (who was about the same age as Y), being made redundant twice and having to move back to his parents (with a mother who hates him!) for the last 6 months. So it was great to see good things happening for him and I hope they continue. I also, of course, hope that I get to see him more often (even without the added bonus of some physical stuff) as spending time with him always makes me happy, and I think he could be just what I need. Although, we've been friends for 20 years and just an increase in that would be great, a little more than friends would certainly be a little more than great!
It was just lovely to see him to be honest. He really is absolutely one of the good guys (though he has his flaws of course, like anybody) and I always enjoy spending time with him. There were no real zing zings of passing sparks between us but we did do lots of hugging and kissing (in a friendly way) and he is someone I feel very comfortable with, with the fancying a secondary experience, though that said I still absolutely would! He made me laugh by mentioning he had had a few drinks last night, hence the naked text, but he didn't go out of his way to back track from it, and we are always quite comfortable in each other's company, making reference to the shag many years ago quite easily. He made a few references about planning going out next time, and for me to ring him etc, which I gave him much ribbing about blowing me out and how I wasn't going to be asking him to go out or come round any time soon, and he said he would text me.
So we shall see. He seems to be getting his life a little back on track, starting work again in a couple of weeks, and sounding like he is going to be raking it in, and moving into a mutual friend of ours (which helpfully is about 5 mins walk away from me!), all of which I'm really pleased for him, he has definitely had a rough trot the last couple of years, including the death of his eldest son (who was about the same age as Y), being made redundant twice and having to move back to his parents (with a mother who hates him!) for the last 6 months. So it was great to see good things happening for him and I hope they continue. I also, of course, hope that I get to see him more often (even without the added bonus of some physical stuff) as spending time with him always makes me happy, and I think he could be just what I need. Although, we've been friends for 20 years and just an increase in that would be great, a little more than friends would certainly be a little more than great!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Out of the blue
My lovely friend Disco came to visit last night, and we had a lovely time catching up and discussing men, as she has just split up with her boyfriend (again!). I was bemoaning my lack of activity in the men department and how I had had absolutely nothing to of interest to report since the very brief distraction of JB. Who, if you remember, never replied to my valentines email and has been quite quiet on the facebook front ever since, and rarely, rarely texts me!
Well, not 24hrs after discussion of him, randomly out of the blue he texts me! For prosperity, as follows:
Hi hun, just saying hello, hope ya all good xx
Hello my lovely, how are you? You seem to have been a bit quiet lately, all okay? x
Yes hun, all good. Been working a bit, ha, gonna move in with *mutual friend soon. Thinking about fucking off, wanna go to Norway!
Well that's good on both counts. Can completely understand where you're coming from, I love England but SO want to travel the world. Maybe some day for both of us! Let me know when you have a new address or are about for a catch up, I still have your pressie. x
I will do hun. I will take you up a mountain one day soon. Its quite scary so I may have to give you a cuddle, naked is a given, ha
Lol, I'd need some serious reward to get me up a bloody mountain :-)
Ha, it's a reward just to see the view hun, but if you come with me, good food and a night under the stars, its beautiful.
Will be in the *local pub tomorrow about 3 if you free hun. Be good to see you x
Am working tomorrow :-( Might get off bit early and have a free hour about half four. Will give you a text if can make it. Take care hun x
How very random! I'm not sure quite what to make of it to be honest, but will see what tomorrow brings and see how I feel then. I might just pop down the pub for an hour, see how the land lies! Quite amusing though! Perhaps my new heart factory is working after all!
Well, not 24hrs after discussion of him, randomly out of the blue he texts me! For prosperity, as follows:
Hi hun, just saying hello, hope ya all good xx
Hello my lovely, how are you? You seem to have been a bit quiet lately, all okay? x
Yes hun, all good. Been working a bit, ha, gonna move in with *mutual friend soon. Thinking about fucking off, wanna go to Norway!
Well that's good on both counts. Can completely understand where you're coming from, I love England but SO want to travel the world. Maybe some day for both of us! Let me know when you have a new address or are about for a catch up, I still have your pressie. x
I will do hun. I will take you up a mountain one day soon. Its quite scary so I may have to give you a cuddle, naked is a given, ha
Lol, I'd need some serious reward to get me up a bloody mountain :-)
Ha, it's a reward just to see the view hun, but if you come with me, good food and a night under the stars, its beautiful.
Will be in the *local pub tomorrow about 3 if you free hun. Be good to see you x
Am working tomorrow :-( Might get off bit early and have a free hour about half four. Will give you a text if can make it. Take care hun x
How very random! I'm not sure quite what to make of it to be honest, but will see what tomorrow brings and see how I feel then. I might just pop down the pub for an hour, see how the land lies! Quite amusing though! Perhaps my new heart factory is working after all!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Shame is in the air
Happy Valentine's Day to you all, hope that it brings the love you wish for xx
In Valentines News, goddammit those Facebook applications!! You may remember JB, old friend I saw just before Christmas who put me in a spin with the the briefest of kisses. Well, I haven't seen him since, despite some veiled invitations to get together, so I've just kind of got on with it, though the crush (which is probably the best way to describe it) has remained, slightly abated.
Anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me today, but browsing Facebook there is a new application, called Valentine's Day Love Calculator - a stupid thing where you put in someones name and it gives you a % of how much you love them! Playground stuff really. So, anyway, in goes JB's name, and it comes up with a rating of 87% that I love him (how sweet), which is fine, except it automatically posts it to his wall, and I'm thinking shit, shit, shit, I don't want him to see I did that - so a very short few seconds later the post is removed, and my face is saved.
Half an hour later, I see that he has done mine (and loves me 84% incidentally) and it's there for all the world to see. Now, I'm assuming that he saw my notification before I deleted it and so is just messing, but he hasn't done any other friends names! So, in my spontaneous stupid way, I redid his, expecting to get a 2% or something, only for it to bring up 82% and this time I have left it up. I also commented "Mwah Mwah xx" on his, thinking that if he's only messing (which I'm sure he is) then at least I look like I'm all cool and know he is only messing, blah blah blah.
Only.... That then wasn't enough for me! Oh no, that little carpe diem devil that lives inside me and is usually constrained by life in general poked her head out and the next thing I know I've emailed him...
" Hey there JB :-)
Just thought that as it's Valentine's Day, and in the interest of Carpe Diem, I would seize the opportunity to tell you that I think you are fabulous!! I think I may have a little crush ;-)
Big hugs xxxxxxxxxx"
Shit!!! What was I thinking?!!? I'm cringing with embarrassment now! Seriously, grimacing with shame at the computer! Which is stupid really, because what does it matter if he thinks eugh and is too embarrassed to reply or speak to me in public again, lol. It will get forgotten over time, or be dismissed or go down in the annals of OG time as that embarrassing incident.
But, oh, fucking Valentines Day and Carpe Diem - not a good combination!
In Valentines News, goddammit those Facebook applications!! You may remember JB, old friend I saw just before Christmas who put me in a spin with the the briefest of kisses. Well, I haven't seen him since, despite some veiled invitations to get together, so I've just kind of got on with it, though the crush (which is probably the best way to describe it) has remained, slightly abated.
Anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me today, but browsing Facebook there is a new application, called Valentine's Day Love Calculator - a stupid thing where you put in someones name and it gives you a % of how much you love them! Playground stuff really. So, anyway, in goes JB's name, and it comes up with a rating of 87% that I love him (how sweet), which is fine, except it automatically posts it to his wall, and I'm thinking shit, shit, shit, I don't want him to see I did that - so a very short few seconds later the post is removed, and my face is saved.
Half an hour later, I see that he has done mine (and loves me 84% incidentally) and it's there for all the world to see. Now, I'm assuming that he saw my notification before I deleted it and so is just messing, but he hasn't done any other friends names! So, in my spontaneous stupid way, I redid his, expecting to get a 2% or something, only for it to bring up 82% and this time I have left it up. I also commented "Mwah Mwah xx" on his, thinking that if he's only messing (which I'm sure he is) then at least I look like I'm all cool and know he is only messing, blah blah blah.
Only.... That then wasn't enough for me! Oh no, that little carpe diem devil that lives inside me and is usually constrained by life in general poked her head out and the next thing I know I've emailed him...
" Hey there JB :-)
Just thought that as it's Valentine's Day, and in the interest of Carpe Diem, I would seize the opportunity to tell you that I think you are fabulous!! I think I may have a little crush ;-)
Big hugs xxxxxxxxxx"
Shit!!! What was I thinking?!!? I'm cringing with embarrassment now! Seriously, grimacing with shame at the computer! Which is stupid really, because what does it matter if he thinks eugh and is too embarrassed to reply or speak to me in public again, lol. It will get forgotten over time, or be dismissed or go down in the annals of OG time as that embarrassing incident.
But, oh, fucking Valentines Day and Carpe Diem - not a good combination!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Ghosts
Despite spending the entire day yesterday with thoughts of JB running wild through my head (to the extent of even prompting the typical girly behaviour of checking horoscope compatibilities!), it seems my subconcious has something different to say on the matter, as it was DM who crept unbidden and unexpected into my dreams last night, and I awoke this morning with the sense of him so vivid in my mind I almost believed I could roll over and touch him.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Mellow
The house is tidy, the kids are amusing themselves, the roast chicken and trimmings is cooking, the ipod is on, what more could a girl ask for?
Well, to stop thinking about fucking JB might be a bonus!
Well, to stop thinking about fucking JB might be a bonus!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Funny old day
Today has been one of the worst, and also one of the best days (well not quite one of the best, but you get the idea!)
I spent the morning sitting in on the Judge's summing up of a rape trial against one of our clients from work. A colleague has been sitting in, and supporting the client and her mum for the past two days, but couldn't attend today so myself and a different colleague went instead. It's been a difficult week really, not least to sit in the public gallery and learn that he his previous 3 accusations and trials of the exact same offence against 3 other women, which is information ruled to not be appropriate to share with the jury. The trial has been extremely difficult for her, as any rape trial is, and of course compounded by the fact she is a street sex worker especially trying. That said, for once, at least, it was investigated and prosecuted thoroughly and she didnt get too hard a time of it in the stand, presenting herself incredibly well and very clearly, with several witnesses, including police and ambulance immediately after the event supporting how distressed she was and that she had injuries. He, on the other hand, gave completing conflicting and implausible evidence. The defence was reasonably feeble, and in his summing up the Judge, in our opinion, seemed to definitely favour her testimony. So, after summing up we left the court and awaited the verdict.
Several hours later, whilst in a meeting, I get a text to say "Not guilty!!". I have to say, I was speechless, genuinely stunned to be honest, and also completely gutted - as we all are. God only knows how she and her mum will be feeling!! It has been a completely, completely disheartening experience. We spend so much time trying to encourage women to report offences, and I even go and deliver training to Detective Sergeants and Detective Inspectors on treating sex workers as victims so to have an incident get to the point of getting to trial, only for that outcome is just so so disappointing. I think we all left work this evening more sombre than we've been in a long time. For us, for our client, and for the next victim of an obvious serial sex offender.
I just wanted to get home, put my feet up, drink a bottle of wine and forget about the day not to mention the fact that I have a 3000 word MA research assignment due on Wednesday, already with a weeks extension. However, X had a school disco I had promised her she could attend, so I dragged myself out, after a quick dinner, at 6.30pm to drop her and her friend off.
I was just driving away when I spotted JB, an old male friend that I must have known for 20 years! We have always been friends, who had a brief one night fling years ago - I think even before I had X, though it may have been after, and have continued in much the same way regardless of this. I don't see him very often, in fact I think the last time was some time in the summer, again at school, as his youngest goes to school with X, but we do catch up on facebook reasonably frequently. He is always a great person to see as he is just simply lovely, and will always say how nice I look and that I'm great, etc etc. Just a real feel good person to run into, with always just a hint of potential. I know the last time I saw him I definitely felt that something more physical was a possibility from my side, though I would never go out of my way to pursue it with him. Its just one of those things.
So, I pulled over and he hopped in the car for a quick word, and after 10 mins I said sod this, lets just go to the pub (he was going back to until the disco finished anyway) and have a few drinks and a catch up. So thats what we did. And it was just lovely to see him. We chatted about random past stuff, random current stuff, and a few cheeky comments about how come we never got together before going back to get the respective kids and I took them home. As he went to go we did the obligatory hug - he is a fabulous hugger, a real bear hug kind of guy - and a kiss on the cheek, with promises to catch up soon, etc. No different from the normal times we catch up, where we always promise to catch up soon and invariably never do until we randomly bump into each other again.
But, just as he went to go he kissed me. Nothing overtly sexual, no tongues or anything like that, but full on the mouth, with a tiny hint of open, for a good 3 seconds. It was odd, it was unexpected, but it was so incredibly nice. I keep pursing my lips at the memory and smiling to myself. It may go nowhere, as usual, and I am sure I will be absolutely fine with that, but nonetheless it was one of the nicest, if briefest, experiences I have had just lately. And my day, whilst all the crap has not been forgotten, is now ending on a very different note.
I spent the morning sitting in on the Judge's summing up of a rape trial against one of our clients from work. A colleague has been sitting in, and supporting the client and her mum for the past two days, but couldn't attend today so myself and a different colleague went instead. It's been a difficult week really, not least to sit in the public gallery and learn that he his previous 3 accusations and trials of the exact same offence against 3 other women, which is information ruled to not be appropriate to share with the jury. The trial has been extremely difficult for her, as any rape trial is, and of course compounded by the fact she is a street sex worker especially trying. That said, for once, at least, it was investigated and prosecuted thoroughly and she didnt get too hard a time of it in the stand, presenting herself incredibly well and very clearly, with several witnesses, including police and ambulance immediately after the event supporting how distressed she was and that she had injuries. He, on the other hand, gave completing conflicting and implausible evidence. The defence was reasonably feeble, and in his summing up the Judge, in our opinion, seemed to definitely favour her testimony. So, after summing up we left the court and awaited the verdict.
Several hours later, whilst in a meeting, I get a text to say "Not guilty!!". I have to say, I was speechless, genuinely stunned to be honest, and also completely gutted - as we all are. God only knows how she and her mum will be feeling!! It has been a completely, completely disheartening experience. We spend so much time trying to encourage women to report offences, and I even go and deliver training to Detective Sergeants and Detective Inspectors on treating sex workers as victims so to have an incident get to the point of getting to trial, only for that outcome is just so so disappointing. I think we all left work this evening more sombre than we've been in a long time. For us, for our client, and for the next victim of an obvious serial sex offender.
I just wanted to get home, put my feet up, drink a bottle of wine and forget about the day not to mention the fact that I have a 3000 word MA research assignment due on Wednesday, already with a weeks extension. However, X had a school disco I had promised her she could attend, so I dragged myself out, after a quick dinner, at 6.30pm to drop her and her friend off.
I was just driving away when I spotted JB, an old male friend that I must have known for 20 years! We have always been friends, who had a brief one night fling years ago - I think even before I had X, though it may have been after, and have continued in much the same way regardless of this. I don't see him very often, in fact I think the last time was some time in the summer, again at school, as his youngest goes to school with X, but we do catch up on facebook reasonably frequently. He is always a great person to see as he is just simply lovely, and will always say how nice I look and that I'm great, etc etc. Just a real feel good person to run into, with always just a hint of potential. I know the last time I saw him I definitely felt that something more physical was a possibility from my side, though I would never go out of my way to pursue it with him. Its just one of those things.
So, I pulled over and he hopped in the car for a quick word, and after 10 mins I said sod this, lets just go to the pub (he was going back to until the disco finished anyway) and have a few drinks and a catch up. So thats what we did. And it was just lovely to see him. We chatted about random past stuff, random current stuff, and a few cheeky comments about how come we never got together before going back to get the respective kids and I took them home. As he went to go we did the obligatory hug - he is a fabulous hugger, a real bear hug kind of guy - and a kiss on the cheek, with promises to catch up soon, etc. No different from the normal times we catch up, where we always promise to catch up soon and invariably never do until we randomly bump into each other again.
But, just as he went to go he kissed me. Nothing overtly sexual, no tongues or anything like that, but full on the mouth, with a tiny hint of open, for a good 3 seconds. It was odd, it was unexpected, but it was so incredibly nice. I keep pursing my lips at the memory and smiling to myself. It may go nowhere, as usual, and I am sure I will be absolutely fine with that, but nonetheless it was one of the nicest, if briefest, experiences I have had just lately. And my day, whilst all the crap has not been forgotten, is now ending on a very different note.
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