CM! (and puppies!!)

So here we are! Post CM date!! And OG the indecisive strikes again!!

I'd had a shit day at work which resulted in me blowing it off at 2.30pm and going to get a sun bed and a hair cut. Slightly less stressed for a bit but after running round like a mad thing; doing after-school club pick up, back for dinner, out for Rainbows with X, back to hoover, wash up, clean the bathroom, back to collect X from Rainbows, back to fly in the bath, only to have Y half an hour late getting back from swimming... I was not at my most relaxed and excited as you can imagine! CM duly arrives at 8pm, bang on time, and despite my stressful day I was pleased to be seeing him.

We went to a lovely restaurant for a meal, which was very nice, and sat chatting (I admit I may have done more of the chatting, but no change there!) eating, laughing and generally having a grand old time. Then came back to mine, where he came in for coffee, (at first ask). Sat and did more chatting for a couple of hours, and enjoyed having him entertain me with his party tricks (not sexual you filthy minded beasts!). Most amusing actually. So all sounding perfect so far...?

He went to leave and finally made the move (liberated woman that I am, I pretty much never make the very first move! Isn't that funny now I think about it!), we did some snogging, which was nice, bit more chatting, bit more snogging and then he left saying he had had a lovely time and asked me to text him when I was free and we would do it again. To which I agreed. Still sounding perfect...?

So, a lovely night had by all! But...

I just don't know!!!!!!!!! I had a great time, and he really really is a lovely bloke; funny, bright, chatty, relaxed, genuinely a good guy, but I just wasn't getting that grrrr factor like I did last week. And now I'm worried that I've leapt in a bit too soon.

I'm sure all you girls are thinking 'what's wrong with you OG?! He sounds perfect!', and no doubt all you men are thinking 'typical women can never make up their minds', so let me try and explain a little further...

I have a thing about puppies. Or rather men that turn into puppies. I don't like it. I don't like the pressure, the power to hurt other people that it gives me. I don't like to be doted on, it doesn't sit comfortably with me. Of course I want to be wanted, and of course I want to be treated right, but I'm not great with being adored! I like a man who can hold his own, who wants me in his life and makes that clear, but who is not going to change his life massively or instantly to accomodate me. And if a man (or anyone actually) walks around with doormat written on his forehead, or looking at me with puppy dog eyes then I will walk all over him and push him and push him to see how far he will go. And I don't like that aspect of my personality, I don't like being like that or treating people like that, and I don't like other people being hurt by that. And I'm worried CM has a bit of puppy in him, and that I will end up taking advantage of him, and because I know him I really don't want to go down that route.

A couple of things that set off my own personal OG alarm bells...
1. He has told M and KD about meeting me.
(Now granted, I did say I thought that he should get it out in the open straight away but the fact that he has before we even went out kind of makes it real. And shows that he is serious about seeing me. Pressure!)
2. He was like a cheshire cat at the physical contact.
(He actually commented on how great it was to be wanted, and about how he hasn't had that since his ex (April 2005 from what I can gather). This means it's a big deal for him. Pressure!)
3. I'm not sure if he makes me stomach twist with carnal lust.
(Now I know these things sometimes take time, and that a slow start in this department can mean a longer and better ending, but I'm used to lust, I can deal with that, and I'm so disappointed that last week I wanted to tear his clothes off and last night I didn't)
4. I'm not sure if he has any filth in him.
(Early days, but I can usually spot the glint in the eye)

So there we have it. An undecided OG! I am going to see him again, see how it goes, and as long as he keeps his cool and doesn't get too needy or doting things may be okay. We shall just have to see.