Well Christmas has come and gone for another year. I have neglected this blogging caught up in the preparations for what is over so quickly, but it was worth it, and Christmas was great. Unfortunately though, what started as feeling a bit rough Christmas night has now developed into full blown feeling rotten, combined with a really bad chest and barking cough, so I will wish you a brief festive greeting and hope to return, in good health, in the New Year.
Until then, Happy New Year to all of you. May it bring you what you wish for. x
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
New additions
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Sade - By Your Side
There are days I still miss you. May you always have somebody by your side - even if that somebody won't be me.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Another year wiser?
Well I am a whole year older than I was when I last posted. Officially anyway! I reached that grand old age of 39 yesterday, on the 1st day of advent.
As birthdays post-DM go, I was actually looking forward to it for much more than I have ever done in the last 5 years (I know! I cannot believe where that has gone!) Unfortunately, it turned out to be pretty shit, at least in the day time. Not only did I have to get up extra early for Uni (not helped by the fact I was still up doing my assignment at 2am that morning, in typical OG last minute fashion), I then missed my train (by going to the wrong platform like a durbrain!), and the following was delayed by 25 minutes due to the snowy conditions, so after an early start I was still late for Uni! I also had a presentation to do, which was okay, but not my idea of a great birthday.
Uni over, I came home, only to discover that the club that I had planned for my birthday celebrations had had the music event planned called off (due to the weather again!), and then spent the next hour trying to get in touch with everyone who was planning to come to rearrange to a different, last minute venue. The rearranging was not helped by the fact that my laptop decided to play silly buggers with me and kept refusing to boot internet explorer, so I didn't even have the assistance of Facebook to help me!
Eventually, after a little afternoon nap, and opening of my pressies I perked up a bit, and actually the evening turned out pretty good. Even if it wasn't the original plan!
So, another year older... another year wiser? I'm not so sure about that!
As birthdays post-DM go, I was actually looking forward to it for much more than I have ever done in the last 5 years (I know! I cannot believe where that has gone!) Unfortunately, it turned out to be pretty shit, at least in the day time. Not only did I have to get up extra early for Uni (not helped by the fact I was still up doing my assignment at 2am that morning, in typical OG last minute fashion), I then missed my train (by going to the wrong platform like a durbrain!), and the following was delayed by 25 minutes due to the snowy conditions, so after an early start I was still late for Uni! I also had a presentation to do, which was okay, but not my idea of a great birthday.
Uni over, I came home, only to discover that the club that I had planned for my birthday celebrations had had the music event planned called off (due to the weather again!), and then spent the next hour trying to get in touch with everyone who was planning to come to rearrange to a different, last minute venue. The rearranging was not helped by the fact that my laptop decided to play silly buggers with me and kept refusing to boot internet explorer, so I didn't even have the assistance of Facebook to help me!
Eventually, after a little afternoon nap, and opening of my pressies I perked up a bit, and actually the evening turned out pretty good. Even if it wasn't the original plan!
So, another year older... another year wiser? I'm not so sure about that!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Reality check
You know what? I'm a pretty good catch! I may not be as pretty as I once was, or as pretty as many other girls, and I may not have the perfect body, far from it in fact, but beneath all the brashness, the sarcasm, the lack of tact, the bolshiness, the hardness and the walls, lies a woman who is strong, and clever, and independent, and funny, and great in bed, and loyal; fiercely loyal to the people I love.
And if you are one of the few who is lucky enough to see the insecurity, the fear, the soft and sweet, and the genuine love and kindness that lies deep within, then you are lucky. Very fucking lucky, and don't you ever forget that!
And if you are one of the few who is lucky enough to see the insecurity, the fear, the soft and sweet, and the genuine love and kindness that lies deep within, then you are lucky. Very fucking lucky, and don't you ever forget that!
Hot and Cold
So the day started hot, hot, hot with SG, and has ended with an extremely cool JB. What does it take to find a decent, and consistent, and single man these days?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
How old?
This morning, if you had been passing by my town centre workplace at the exact right time you would have spotted me snogging SG in a doorway. I really really have no self control!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Sweet dreams are made of...
I really should not engage in two hour long conversations, which include reference to naked men (note men, not man), with SG just before bed...!
Night folks!
Night folks!
Woop woop
One week to go until my birthday! Which I have to admit I am quite looking forward to.
The christmas spirit is also starting to creep into me, slowly but surely, and I'm probably feeling more festive than I have done for a good few years now!
Yip yip for winter, birthdays and Christmas!!
The christmas spirit is also starting to creep into me, slowly but surely, and I'm probably feeling more festive than I have done for a good few years now!
Yip yip for winter, birthdays and Christmas!!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Bump
Well today has been a bit of a hectic day. After a busy morning at work, early afternoon I received the dreaded call from school to come and collect X, as she was feeling under the weather and quite upset, and she had had a head bump at lunchtime. Off I set and after working my way through the awful roadworks and ensuing queues in *work town I finally arrived to pick her up at about 2pm. As expected, there was a rather large bump on her right forehead, which would not have given me undue concern except for the fact that just as I went to leave the reception staff informed me that she had also been complaining of numbness and tingling in her right hand which had progressed gradually up her arm and into her lip and tongue!
I'm not at all a hypchondriac mother, but on arriving at home I figured it's probably better to be safe than sorry so rang that service of services, NHS Direct, who informed me she needed to go straight to A&E! Being the supportive and caring mother that I am I thought "Sod that, I'll take her to the GP instead". So, on the phone again to try and get her into an emergency appointment, only to be told by the GP receptionist that I need to take her straight to A&E!
Now, I'm not a mother that is easily defeated by the system, or one that particularly relishes the prospect of a 4 hour wait in A&E, so, being clever I thought I would take her to the Minor Injuries unit in *work town, which, whilst a little further away and through the dreaded road works again, should save me some wait. Surprise surprise, the Minor Injuries unit told me... you've guessed it.... take her to A&E!
By this time, a fair amount of time had passed, and I'm starting to think it would probably have been quicker just to take her to the *local town A&E in the first place, but, we're there now so may as well just get on with it. 52 minutes after parking the car, we are back at the car having been seen by a triage nurse, seen by a Doctor, and told 'she is fine, take it easy for 24-48hrs, and come back if she has blah blah blah list of symptoms'. Oh the joys of children!
Fortunately, she'd perked up considerably and after a quick 15 minutes in the house grabbing some dinner, was able to attend (and sing beautifully) the schools Seasonal Concert at the local theatre.
I was just glad to get home at 9pm. Sympathetic mother that I am!
I'm not at all a hypchondriac mother, but on arriving at home I figured it's probably better to be safe than sorry so rang that service of services, NHS Direct, who informed me she needed to go straight to A&E! Being the supportive and caring mother that I am I thought "Sod that, I'll take her to the GP instead". So, on the phone again to try and get her into an emergency appointment, only to be told by the GP receptionist that I need to take her straight to A&E!
Now, I'm not a mother that is easily defeated by the system, or one that particularly relishes the prospect of a 4 hour wait in A&E, so, being clever I thought I would take her to the Minor Injuries unit in *work town, which, whilst a little further away and through the dreaded road works again, should save me some wait. Surprise surprise, the Minor Injuries unit told me... you've guessed it.... take her to A&E!
By this time, a fair amount of time had passed, and I'm starting to think it would probably have been quicker just to take her to the *local town A&E in the first place, but, we're there now so may as well just get on with it. 52 minutes after parking the car, we are back at the car having been seen by a triage nurse, seen by a Doctor, and told 'she is fine, take it easy for 24-48hrs, and come back if she has blah blah blah list of symptoms'. Oh the joys of children!
Fortunately, she'd perked up considerably and after a quick 15 minutes in the house grabbing some dinner, was able to attend (and sing beautifully) the schools Seasonal Concert at the local theatre.
I was just glad to get home at 9pm. Sympathetic mother that I am!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Planning
I hate planning! Really, really hate it. I don't think people ever appreciate quite how difficult it is for me to pin myself down to arrangements - and in all honesty, that is exactly what it feels like. Like I'm being forced to do something against my nature. Even if the event itself is something I'm really looking forward to, there is always a little bit of me that is resentful that I've had to plan it.
For any of you who may know anything about ENTP's or in fact, be one yourself, you may appreciate this, and considering my P influence is the strongest aspect (about 80%) it is most defnitely to be expected. Yet I struggle with it. Or rather, I don't struggle with the aspect of my personality, I struggle with the fact that I am expected by the world to time slot my life in advance. I don't want to!!!! I want to get up in the morning and decide what I am going to do with myself that day.
I appreciate that life needs some structure, and I can function reasonably well with the routine of work, school, etc but at this time of year, with several birthdays, including my own, and Christmas and New Year events to organise, I get really stressed with people trying to confirm arrangements, it seems constant! I have been really good I think, having decided the date and venue of the celebrations, but please, please, please can people not just get on with getting tickets and sort out when they are going and let me just see them there whenever!!
I may not survive the season.
For any of you who may know anything about ENTP's or in fact, be one yourself, you may appreciate this, and considering my P influence is the strongest aspect (about 80%) it is most defnitely to be expected. Yet I struggle with it. Or rather, I don't struggle with the aspect of my personality, I struggle with the fact that I am expected by the world to time slot my life in advance. I don't want to!!!! I want to get up in the morning and decide what I am going to do with myself that day.
I appreciate that life needs some structure, and I can function reasonably well with the routine of work, school, etc but at this time of year, with several birthdays, including my own, and Christmas and New Year events to organise, I get really stressed with people trying to confirm arrangements, it seems constant! I have been really good I think, having decided the date and venue of the celebrations, but please, please, please can people not just get on with getting tickets and sort out when they are going and let me just see them there whenever!!
I may not survive the season.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Hush now
SG has been texting again this weekend, a little too full on and a few missed (on purpose) calls as well. I've responded politely and then ignored the middle of the night ones - just can't be bothered with it really.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Recovery
I think my age is starting to catch up with me! I was out partying for Disco's birthday this weekend, which was lovely fun, but I'm so feeling the effects today. I just don't have the recovery from 3am bedtimes that I used to! Or perhaps I need to do it more often and readjust...
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Bad things - Jace Everett
If nothing else, I am thankful to True Blood, for bringing this wonderful voice to my attention. He is just smoking! And for me, it all started with this...
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I am sooooooo bored of late!
Bored of work
Bored of men
Bored of money (or the lack thereof)
Bored of life in general.
Bored of work
Bored of men
Bored of money (or the lack thereof)
Bored of life in general.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
JB steps up. Again!
Hey OG, hi, may need a place to stay for an hour or two, if I get stuck could I call you?
(an hour later - when I see the text!)
Sorry love, only just got this. Of course. You welcome any time x
Thank you, managed to escape, at my mums now, was being chatted up! Aaargh. If I'm gonna date I'd ask you first x
Lol, you say the nicest things! Just hurry up and be ready :-) x
OG, honey, nearly there. Spent most of tonight talking about you, ha. Will be moving to (st near me) in next 10 days, dare you to come for dinner.
Really? How come you talking bout me? And who to? Oooh! House move eh? Exciting :-) Let me know when you're cooking! x
Yes, really, to (mate1) and my bud (mate2). Was sober at the time. I want a strong woman with her own views, a smile to melt hearts with, and a kiss to inspire dreams, apart from that I'm easy!
Lol, will let you know if I come across one :-) Take care hun, hopefully see you soon xx
Should have been you x
Well you never know your luck. One of these fine days JB... x
One of these fine days, just maybe. x
Later, on the wonders of FB...
His status update...
This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap.
My comment...
... We've got to get out while we're young, because tramps like us, baby we were born to run... (Well drive in my case if I'm really honest!) x
Reply...
You will marry me! x
Me...
Lol, you'd be a brave man to take me on for life! x
Him...
Yeah, brave, my middle name. Think I may be fit for the task ahead, ha. x
I will certainly never understand men!
(an hour later - when I see the text!)
Sorry love, only just got this. Of course. You welcome any time x
Thank you, managed to escape, at my mums now, was being chatted up! Aaargh. If I'm gonna date I'd ask you first x
Lol, you say the nicest things! Just hurry up and be ready :-) x
OG, honey, nearly there. Spent most of tonight talking about you, ha. Will be moving to (st near me) in next 10 days, dare you to come for dinner.
Really? How come you talking bout me? And who to? Oooh! House move eh? Exciting :-) Let me know when you're cooking! x
Yes, really, to (mate1) and my bud (mate2). Was sober at the time. I want a strong woman with her own views, a smile to melt hearts with, and a kiss to inspire dreams, apart from that I'm easy!
Lol, will let you know if I come across one :-) Take care hun, hopefully see you soon xx
Should have been you x
Well you never know your luck. One of these fine days JB... x
One of these fine days, just maybe. x
Later, on the wonders of FB...
His status update...
This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap.
My comment...
... We've got to get out while we're young, because tramps like us, baby we were born to run... (Well drive in my case if I'm really honest!) x
Reply...
You will marry me! x
Me...
Lol, you'd be a brave man to take me on for life! x
Him...
Yeah, brave, my middle name. Think I may be fit for the task ahead, ha. x
I will certainly never understand men!
Hair today
Well have been back to the GP's today, to little avail. More blood tests, which I'm sure I only got because I was nagging! We shall see what they bring, though I won't hold my breath for any answers.
I am feeling a little less depressed about the hair situation now, which is helped by the fact that it does seem to be growing back very quickly. Thank goodness!
In other news, I am feeling the lack of male body in the bed a little more than usual these last few weeks. If only I could be bothered to get off my arse and do something about it...
I am feeling a little less depressed about the hair situation now, which is helped by the fact that it does seem to be growing back very quickly. Thank goodness!
In other news, I am feeling the lack of male body in the bed a little more than usual these last few weeks. If only I could be bothered to get off my arse and do something about it...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Ugly
I have had an ugly day, full of being sick of my ugly body, my ugly face, my ugly hair and even an ugly soul. All of this undercurrent was already trickling away today before I went to the hairdressers and not only came out with a haircut that is not exactly what I wanted, and makes me feel even uglier, but also the knowledge that in the last 8 weeks, for some reason unknown to man or beast, a large bald patch has developed at the back of my head. Leaving me feeling uglier still, and also worried that I will end up completely bald and then might as well just give up.
Tears have been shed.
Tears have been shed.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Something in the water
I have had a bit of bizarre week - with SG (Sexy Gardener) suddenly texting out of the blue on Saturday night, and then proceeding to ring me for several hours of flirting, which was nice, although I did have to reign it in a little. I'm not prepared to really encourage too much of that, even though it's quite flattering it's also a little disrespectful at the same time, and whilst I don't mind a bit of a mutual flirt there is a fine line between that and feeling like your just providing wank fodder. Then, equally as bizarrely JB suddenly got all flirty on Facebook, stating he 'hopes to see me soon, preferably naked' for all the world to see. I responded by telling him he's all talk and no action. Both quite inconsequential really, but I find it odd that both of them should pop up at the same time. I wonder who else I'll be hearing from in the near future!
I find it interesting that this kind of contact happens to me, and for the first time it made me think about the fact that there must be something inherently flattering to the male ego about me, which is a kind of contradiction to how I feel I come across sometimes; which can be pretty sarcastic and slightly demeaning to those without the same sense of humour. It's certainly interesting to have the odd epiphany - however small that epiphany may be.
I find it interesting that this kind of contact happens to me, and for the first time it made me think about the fact that there must be something inherently flattering to the male ego about me, which is a kind of contradiction to how I feel I come across sometimes; which can be pretty sarcastic and slightly demeaning to those without the same sense of humour. It's certainly interesting to have the odd epiphany - however small that epiphany may be.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Monday, October 04, 2010
Rewind and erase
My adorable friend Disco has been visiting this evening, with much tales of gossip and pending men, despite the fact that she has recently split from her ex and is nursing a broken heart. She has an unhealthy ability and desire to move out of one thing and into another (usually completely inappropriate and destined to faii) thing at a speed of light, but I can appreciate the need to halt the eternal loop of heartache however you need to, and each to their own in choosing whatever it takes to pause what seems a never ending brain overide of relentless and unanswerable questions.
For me, any discussion of broken hearts always results in reflection on he who should not be named - unfortunately. And whilst it's all such a long time ago, and whole lengthy periods of time go by without giving him a second thought, he is still somehow embedded permanently in my past and my present; and our relationship, as a short lived proper relationship and a much, much lengthier 'post-relationship' relationship has undoubtedly and irrevocably changed the person I am.
To be honest, I prefer the person I was before, and several times just lately I have found myself thinking about him and wishing I could just delete the whole thing. Literally, rewind and erase.
For me, any discussion of broken hearts always results in reflection on he who should not be named - unfortunately. And whilst it's all such a long time ago, and whole lengthy periods of time go by without giving him a second thought, he is still somehow embedded permanently in my past and my present; and our relationship, as a short lived proper relationship and a much, much lengthier 'post-relationship' relationship has undoubtedly and irrevocably changed the person I am.
To be honest, I prefer the person I was before, and several times just lately I have found myself thinking about him and wishing I could just delete the whole thing. Literally, rewind and erase.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Nothing to report
Well, my fortune cookie luck has not yet come to fruition, unless it is to stop terrifically bad luck coming my way, which would leave the impression of no luck at all - if you know what I mean! Nothing to report really.
X has been away for another week (well, Mon-Fri) to France, with the school this time. So I managed to use my evenings to catch up with a few friends, which was nice to do. Have also been out the last couple of weekends, with a wedding reception the weekend before last and then local town this weekend, though no sign of the mysterious, non calling Chuck. Shame.
So...
Life is ticking along. Work is ticking along. Kids are ticking along. Same old same old.
X has been away for another week (well, Mon-Fri) to France, with the school this time. So I managed to use my evenings to catch up with a few friends, which was nice to do. Have also been out the last couple of weekends, with a wedding reception the weekend before last and then local town this weekend, though no sign of the mysterious, non calling Chuck. Shame.
So...
Life is ticking along. Work is ticking along. Kids are ticking along. Same old same old.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Fortune cookie
After a busy day today at a near(ish) scarecrow festival, and a visit to Disco for some boyfriend break up (again) supporting, Chinese takeaway was on the menu. After the meal I opened the solitary fortune cookie provided to find not one, but two, fortunes awaiting my perusal. Fortune number 1 - Be prepared for a sudden, needed, and happy change in plans. Fortune number 2 - Good news is on the way.
Well, you can't get better than that can you! Fingers crossed fortune cookies are actually some mystical and magical way of perfectly predicting the future - instead of factory manufactured confectionary thoughts.
Well, you can't get better than that can you! Fingers crossed fortune cookies are actually some mystical and magical way of perfectly predicting the future - instead of factory manufactured confectionary thoughts.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Rachel's Birthday Video
This is enough to make even an old cynic like me believe in love. Just wonderful.
Cheeky one
Have just got in from a few cheeky hours down at The Local's acoustic open mic night, which is always a most excellent evening of great, amateur singers and musicians, and heard this, which I haven't heard for ages and is so, so good!
New England - Billy Bragg, what more can you ask for?
Enjoy peeps!
New England - Billy Bragg, what more can you ask for?
Enjoy peeps!
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Back again
Just back from a week in sunny Cornwall, and a week of introspection, resulting in so much in my head that I want to say but can't get my fingers to type!
I saw an advert on telly for a dictaphone that then converts to a word document, I sooo need one of those but have no idea what it was called. Anyone help?
I saw an advert on telly for a dictaphone that then converts to a word document, I sooo need one of those but have no idea what it was called. Anyone help?
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Vin
Had a lovely time in Paris. And my baby is back - bringing gifts of French wine that she is forcing me to drink. Therefore, unfortunately, I am a little too drunk to post! Ooops
Monday, August 02, 2010
In communicado
Sometimes I need reminding of how fabulous my baby girl is. Lily has just emailed an update from their holiday...
Hi, X is fine and behaving lovely. Her and Lily Jr get on really well and there hasnt been one cross word yet (or a Lily Jr stomp off too). X is a lovely girl, very mannerly and a pleasure. We went to quiz this evening at the camp site bar and she brought a big bag of peanuts out of her pocket money for us to share bless her.
We went to the hypermarket to stock up on food etc and they spent the rest of the day in the pool returning at 6.30pm Theres a few festivals going on in the next few days with fireworks etc so we'll go to them. Might visit a few castles and maybe the beach too but the kids are fine by the pool most of the time.
I asked X what she would miss most about you and she said your cuddles so I said I'd cuddle her if she wants, and she said that I'd never do it as good as you!
Bless her!
Hi, X is fine and behaving lovely. Her and Lily Jr get on really well and there hasnt been one cross word yet (or a Lily Jr stomp off too). X is a lovely girl, very mannerly and a pleasure. We went to quiz this evening at the camp site bar and she brought a big bag of peanuts out of her pocket money for us to share bless her.
We went to the hypermarket to stock up on food etc and they spent the rest of the day in the pool returning at 6.30pm Theres a few festivals going on in the next few days with fireworks etc so we'll go to them. Might visit a few castles and maybe the beach too but the kids are fine by the pool most of the time.
I asked X what she would miss most about you and she said your cuddles so I said I'd cuddle her if she wants, and she said that I'd never do it as good as you!
Bless her!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Preparations
Passports - check.
Eurostar tickets - check.
Train tickets - check.
Travel insurance - check.
Hotel booking - check.
Euros - check.
6 sleeps to go!
Eurostar tickets - check.
Train tickets - check.
Travel insurance - check.
Hotel booking - check.
Euros - check.
6 sleeps to go!
Friday, July 30, 2010
TGIF
Thank goodness it's Friday. I have had a hellish week at work, despite the fact that I was (supposedly) off yesterday - although spent the first 3 hours of the day dealing with stuff by phone. But hey, its Friday!!! Sod work!
My baby, X, is off to France tomorrow to spend two weeks with Lily and family, and it will be the longest she has been gone from home. I'm really looking forward to it, though that may make me sound like a heartless mother - I am sure I will miss her a little, but to be able to just have to worry about me and Y (who desn't need a great deal of looking after!) will be absolute bliss.
My baby, X, is off to France tomorrow to spend two weeks with Lily and family, and it will be the longest she has been gone from home. I'm really looking forward to it, though that may make me sound like a heartless mother - I am sure I will miss her a little, but to be able to just have to worry about me and Y (who desn't need a great deal of looking after!) will be absolute bliss.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Happy Birthday
My baby boy is 17 years old today. 17!!! I have absolutely no idea how that happened. I swear his (my) life has just flashed past. May he have many, many more. Love you Y!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Gay Pareee
Woohoo! I am off to Paris in a few weeks! My friend, Lily, has very fabulously offered (of her own accord!) to take X on holiday with them to France for the first two weeks of August - which is just FABULOUS - and so Y and I are going for a short break in the middle of the fortnight for 5 days and 4 nights in Paris. I have booked the Eurostar, ordered his passport, and now just have to wait until payday to find some accommodation.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Relations
I have had an unusual, but lovely weekend this weekend. Friday night saw a bunch of girlies at the local comedy night for Bea's sisters birthday, which was all good fun, especially as I caught up with mate Molly, who I haven't seen for ages.
Saturday, carnival day in our town, dawned bright and early, and after the usual Saturday morning bowling for X and Y, X and I headed into town to view the carnival procession before meeting with my cousin A, who I haven't seen for 30 years! He contacted me on Facebook a while ago now, and then a few weeks ago suggested coming to visit (this partly prompted me to contact my biological father I think). I was a bit sceptical to be honest, but its kind of difficult to refuse, and to be honest, I am glad now that he did.
He arrived on the train about 2pm, and bless him had brought presents (2 Wii games and an £18 photo frame - not to be sniffed at!!) for us all, so we headed home for a while and had a bit of a chit and a chat, before X was picked up by her daddy for the weekend, leaving us free to spend an enjoyable afternoon frequenting some of the gardens of the local pubs. And frequenting we did, barely making it back to the 10pm train in time. It was good. He is a slightly odd kettle of fish, but to be honest, it was nice to see someone from my paternal side, which, after meeting him, seems to be a very small clan indeed.
Today is being spent doing nothing after a long lie in this morning, and a happy daughter home just now after partying in the park for carnival weekend with her dad. Roast is in, telly is on, kids are happy. Perfick!
Saturday, carnival day in our town, dawned bright and early, and after the usual Saturday morning bowling for X and Y, X and I headed into town to view the carnival procession before meeting with my cousin A, who I haven't seen for 30 years! He contacted me on Facebook a while ago now, and then a few weeks ago suggested coming to visit (this partly prompted me to contact my biological father I think). I was a bit sceptical to be honest, but its kind of difficult to refuse, and to be honest, I am glad now that he did.
He arrived on the train about 2pm, and bless him had brought presents (2 Wii games and an £18 photo frame - not to be sniffed at!!) for us all, so we headed home for a while and had a bit of a chit and a chat, before X was picked up by her daddy for the weekend, leaving us free to spend an enjoyable afternoon frequenting some of the gardens of the local pubs. And frequenting we did, barely making it back to the 10pm train in time. It was good. He is a slightly odd kettle of fish, but to be honest, it was nice to see someone from my paternal side, which, after meeting him, seems to be a very small clan indeed.
Today is being spent doing nothing after a long lie in this morning, and a happy daughter home just now after partying in the park for carnival weekend with her dad. Roast is in, telly is on, kids are happy. Perfick!
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Threadbare
I have been a bit quiet of late - no significant concerns, but work is crap! Really, really crap crap crap. I would happily take a redundancy notice right now - 6 months off sounds mighty fine to me right now! I feel positively worn out!
I have had a response by the way. I skim read it, didn't really like anything that was in it, so have ignored it. I don't want to particularly read it again, or respond to be honest. It will be filed away somewher for another 17yrs or so.
I have had a response by the way. I skim read it, didn't really like anything that was in it, so have ignored it. I don't want to particularly read it again, or respond to be honest. It will be filed away somewher for another 17yrs or so.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Karma - an email
"It is amazing what you can find on the internet these days. The information seems endless. I am interested to see that your website is managed by Good Karma productions, and wonder if you have any thoughts on how not seeing or contacting your only daughter for 30 years is likely to go down with good old Karma.
You have failed me, and I hope, though doubt, that you give thought to that, and often. There really is no excuse, and coming across your website I realise I am angry. Very much so. I deserved better than you gave me.
Interestingly, my daughter, X, who is 10 now - just in case you are vaguely interested - wants to be a shopkeeper and artist. She wants to sell her art in her own shop. I guess there is something about genes that will out."
You have failed me, and I hope, though doubt, that you give thought to that, and often. There really is no excuse, and coming across your website I realise I am angry. Very much so. I deserved better than you gave me.
Interestingly, my daughter, X, who is 10 now - just in case you are vaguely interested - wants to be a shopkeeper and artist. She wants to sell her art in her own shop. I guess there is something about genes that will out."
Happy Fathers Day
I just emailed the father I haven't seen or heard from in 30 years. I don't know why. I don't know if I should.
I just realised it's Fathers Day.
I just realised it's Fathers Day.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Best Laid Plans
Well, the date didn't happen. I have to say, I'd predicted a bail, and sure enough early Saturday morning pre-bail appeared in the form of a text to say that he had man flu and things didnt look good for later. The bail was confirmed by a similar text at lunchtime to say he was worse. My immediate reaction was "bullshit" and the only thing that prevented me from texting to say that actually I didn't believe him, and was subsequently pretty disappointed in him was the fact that the mother of his son had posted a comment on ye good olde facebook yesterday to say that she hoped we both had a good night. Something she would only have known from him telling her, which would imply an intention to go.
However, even assuming the best case scenario, and that he fully intended to go but was actually really ill, I'm pretty much finished with it. That was my plan, and I have no more. I won't be inviting him to any other events and I'm pretty sure that given some encouragement he might have tipped over the edge, but I'm also very sure that he won't go out of his way to push the issue himself. So, thats it. Whats done is done.
However, even assuming the best case scenario, and that he fully intended to go but was actually really ill, I'm pretty much finished with it. That was my plan, and I have no more. I won't be inviting him to any other events and I'm pretty sure that given some encouragement he might have tipped over the edge, but I'm also very sure that he won't go out of his way to push the issue himself. So, thats it. Whats done is done.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Woohoo
My mortgage has just transferred from fixed rate to variable - resulting in a saving of £262 per month! For at least the next 3 months, and hopefully longer. Hurrah!!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Double figures
My baby - my cute little baby girl, is 10 today. 10!!! I have no idea how that happened!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
PS 1
I don't believe I will ever be married, but I love to watch real life wedding tv. I always wonder how they do it.
Friday, May 28, 2010
What it is to be me
My ability to over analyse and the depth to which my emotions are attached to this over analysis sometimes astounds even myself! Let’s take the last week or so as a case in point:
Monday – I send JB a thought out and non-threatening quick text to let him know I have collected theatre tickets (which I actually collected 4 days before) and so we are “good to go on Saturday”. He replied, we had a brief text chat, including him saying he was looking forward to it.
Result – one happy and confident OG.
Tues, Wed, Thurs day – Some constant rumbling through my brain of whether I want this, whether I’ll get this, whether I am too completely incompetent in relationships, whether he views this as friendship, yadeyadeyada.
Result – pootling along in the day to day.
Thurs 8pm – a text from him saying hi and asking how I was and hoping all is good.
Result – initially happy and smiley OG again, later mingled with the beginnings of doubt that this is what I want, that I am only interested in the chase and not the relationship, some mild anxiety that this may work and some that it won’t.
Thurs 11pm – text him back after getting in from work.
Result – feeling very grown up and in control at having waited to text him and thereby demonstrating that I am not some sad psycho stalker.
Thurs 11.15pm – log on to Facebook, to read comment from himself on his page earlier in the day, saying he’s had a great day including a “kiss from a princess”.
Result – immediate and horrible anxiety that he has met somebody and that I am clearly in friend category, followed by anxiety that if this is the case I now have to go to the theatre with him and pretend happy and nice, followed by annoyance at him and myself for thinking otherwise, mixed in with some sensible reasoning that he is probably talking about a friend’s daughter or some other such completely irrelevant happening.
Thurs 11.20pm – read comments on his page from a close male friend of his, referring to another OG named commenter, and saying “is that the OG you said about?” followed by JB’s response of “no mate, different OG”.
Result – am muchly happy that he has obviously been talking about me to his close male friend, which is just fabulous because that means I am important, and smile, smile, smile. before contented and settled sleep.
Friday 8am – woke to a text on my phone that he has updated his Facebook status.
Result – beginning onset of anxiety that he has not replied to my text sent last night.
Friday 8.30am – still no text response from last night.
Result – beginning to think that perhaps he is talking to his friend about me in a bad way. Anxiety that he has expressed concern about how I have been with him, that he has asked how he can extract himself from situation, that somebody else has been advising him about me, in a bad way.
Friday 9.30am – comment casually on his Facebook status, he replies equally casually and saying nothing of any significance good or bad.
Result – getting myself increasingly worked up about what to read and what to disregard, a recap and continual repeating cycle of all of the previously mentioned feelings from last night and this morning, including a frustration with myself for the constant over analysis and the inability to switch of my brain, a complete inability to focus on anything at work, combined with the need to constantly check phones and Facebook, as well as to spill this into Blogland.
The benefits of which, I guess, are a vaguely interesting, if slightly embarrassing post!
Monday – I send JB a thought out and non-threatening quick text to let him know I have collected theatre tickets (which I actually collected 4 days before) and so we are “good to go on Saturday”. He replied, we had a brief text chat, including him saying he was looking forward to it.
Result – one happy and confident OG.
Tues, Wed, Thurs day – Some constant rumbling through my brain of whether I want this, whether I’ll get this, whether I am too completely incompetent in relationships, whether he views this as friendship, yadeyadeyada.
Result – pootling along in the day to day.
Thurs 8pm – a text from him saying hi and asking how I was and hoping all is good.
Result – initially happy and smiley OG again, later mingled with the beginnings of doubt that this is what I want, that I am only interested in the chase and not the relationship, some mild anxiety that this may work and some that it won’t.
Thurs 11pm – text him back after getting in from work.
Result – feeling very grown up and in control at having waited to text him and thereby demonstrating that I am not some sad psycho stalker.
Thurs 11.15pm – log on to Facebook, to read comment from himself on his page earlier in the day, saying he’s had a great day including a “kiss from a princess”.
Result – immediate and horrible anxiety that he has met somebody and that I am clearly in friend category, followed by anxiety that if this is the case I now have to go to the theatre with him and pretend happy and nice, followed by annoyance at him and myself for thinking otherwise, mixed in with some sensible reasoning that he is probably talking about a friend’s daughter or some other such completely irrelevant happening.
Thurs 11.20pm – read comments on his page from a close male friend of his, referring to another OG named commenter, and saying “is that the OG you said about?” followed by JB’s response of “no mate, different OG”.
Result – am muchly happy that he has obviously been talking about me to his close male friend, which is just fabulous because that means I am important, and smile, smile, smile. before contented and settled sleep.
Friday 8am – woke to a text on my phone that he has updated his Facebook status.
Result – beginning onset of anxiety that he has not replied to my text sent last night.
Friday 8.30am – still no text response from last night.
Result – beginning to think that perhaps he is talking to his friend about me in a bad way. Anxiety that he has expressed concern about how I have been with him, that he has asked how he can extract himself from situation, that somebody else has been advising him about me, in a bad way.
Friday 9.30am – comment casually on his Facebook status, he replies equally casually and saying nothing of any significance good or bad.
Result – getting myself increasingly worked up about what to read and what to disregard, a recap and continual repeating cycle of all of the previously mentioned feelings from last night and this morning, including a frustration with myself for the constant over analysis and the inability to switch of my brain, a complete inability to focus on anything at work, combined with the need to constantly check phones and Facebook, as well as to spill this into Blogland.
The benefits of which, I guess, are a vaguely interesting, if slightly embarrassing post!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Maelstrom
Last night I went to bed full of fluff! Figuratively speaking of course.
I'd had a pretty good day, after a relaxing weekend, and it was topped off by a brief but pleasant text chat with JB confirming the 12th for our hot date. So I settled to bed calm, content, and full of pleasant thoughts of times to come and the delightfulness of new men.
This morning however, it was not new loves that crept unbidden into my dreams but old ones.
I woke in a whirl of emotions from an all too real dream that involved, in brief, the return of the man that was and a gradual reawakening of us after a weekend spent together which culminated in me losing him in a crowd.
It has taken me all day to shake a strange sense of impending trouble. I have spent the morning restless, anxious, and with a turbulence in my stomach that was not related to any digestive issues in any way.
It frustrates me that my subconscious can betray me in this way. That it can let my past creep into my present, albeit through my dreams only, and that I can be affected by something that is long since dead. It's ridiculous that something as small as a dream, which means nothing, absolutely nothing at all can send me into a spin for nearly an entire day. It's certainly a good job I don't believe in premonitions, because if I did I'd be predicting a showdown where I'm forced to choose between the old and the new.
I so want to choose the new and forget the old ever existed, but it unnerves me how much it shakes me. As I said, it's a good job I don't believe in the power of dreams, no matter how real they seem.
Lets hope for a more peaceful night tonight.
I'd had a pretty good day, after a relaxing weekend, and it was topped off by a brief but pleasant text chat with JB confirming the 12th for our hot date. So I settled to bed calm, content, and full of pleasant thoughts of times to come and the delightfulness of new men.
This morning however, it was not new loves that crept unbidden into my dreams but old ones.
I woke in a whirl of emotions from an all too real dream that involved, in brief, the return of the man that was and a gradual reawakening of us after a weekend spent together which culminated in me losing him in a crowd.
It has taken me all day to shake a strange sense of impending trouble. I have spent the morning restless, anxious, and with a turbulence in my stomach that was not related to any digestive issues in any way.
It frustrates me that my subconscious can betray me in this way. That it can let my past creep into my present, albeit through my dreams only, and that I can be affected by something that is long since dead. It's ridiculous that something as small as a dream, which means nothing, absolutely nothing at all can send me into a spin for nearly an entire day. It's certainly a good job I don't believe in premonitions, because if I did I'd be predicting a showdown where I'm forced to choose between the old and the new.
I so want to choose the new and forget the old ever existed, but it unnerves me how much it shakes me. As I said, it's a good job I don't believe in the power of dreams, no matter how real they seem.
Lets hope for a more peaceful night tonight.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What a difference a day makes
Yay!! I am happy again. I finished my last assignment for my module today, and am soooo glad it is now done, submitted and out of the way! Even better that I have no more studying until September. Am so glad of the break. With work, and life in general, being what it is at the moment it's one less pressure.
Plus, I have a date with JB!!!! Yay. Well, he probably won't be calling it a date but I am, lol. We are going to see Midsummer Nights Dream at our local theatre on Saturday 12th June, courtesy of the free tickets I got today (along with free family ticket for the Christmas show!) for attending a 2 hour focus group. Hooray for free stuff. And double hooray for inviting JB and he, for bloody once, saying yes.
Happy, happy, happy!!
Plus, I have a date with JB!!!! Yay. Well, he probably won't be calling it a date but I am, lol. We are going to see Midsummer Nights Dream at our local theatre on Saturday 12th June, courtesy of the free tickets I got today (along with free family ticket for the Christmas show!) for attending a 2 hour focus group. Hooray for free stuff. And double hooray for inviting JB and he, for bloody once, saying yes.
Happy, happy, happy!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Funk
I am feeling really, really grumpy today - increasingly so as the afternoon wears on. I am so bored of fucking issues and hot and cold and bothering with people who really have no interest, or cannot decide what they want. I'm just fed up of it!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Happy Birthday
I have had, and I am sure have yet to come, a very hard week. Work is relentless at the moment and is really taking it's toll, and on top of that I have not been sleeping at all well. So, last night, armed with a good book and Ann Summers finest Pulsatron I decided to administer some medicinal light relief! I was half expecting the mission to fail, but surprisingly the blast off was extremely effective.
However, at point of detonation, and in those few minutes of the world resettling I was really, really reminded that I have had no really decent orgasms since DM, and that I can't deny we had, for the most part, some of the best sex I have ever had. This, for some inexplicable reason (which I attribute to my spunk addled (minus the spunk) brain) kickstarted the thought and I was overwhelmed with the desire to tell him so. So, after a record ten months of no contact, I texted him.
Stupid? Yes probably! Pointless? Most definitely! Regrettable? Absolutely not!
I'm at a point now where I fully accept that he is in my past and will never again be a part of my present or future, so to be honest, contact with him is really not that big a deal to me.
Half an hour ago, for no reason that is at all apparent, I suddenly realised that yesterday was his birthday. Without any thought at all, and completely unknowingly, I texted him on his birthday. Or rather, I texted him smut on his birthday.
That has kind of freaked me out a little.
However, at point of detonation, and in those few minutes of the world resettling I was really, really reminded that I have had no really decent orgasms since DM, and that I can't deny we had, for the most part, some of the best sex I have ever had. This, for some inexplicable reason (which I attribute to my spunk addled (minus the spunk) brain) kickstarted the thought and I was overwhelmed with the desire to tell him so. So, after a record ten months of no contact, I texted him.
Stupid? Yes probably! Pointless? Most definitely! Regrettable? Absolutely not!
I'm at a point now where I fully accept that he is in my past and will never again be a part of my present or future, so to be honest, contact with him is really not that big a deal to me.
Half an hour ago, for no reason that is at all apparent, I suddenly realised that yesterday was his birthday. Without any thought at all, and completely unknowingly, I texted him on his birthday. Or rather, I texted him smut on his birthday.
That has kind of freaked me out a little.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Men!
Bloody men!
And they say women are complicated and difficult to work out!!!
Grrr - how hard is it to just get on with things?
Sheesh!
And they say women are complicated and difficult to work out!!!
Grrr - how hard is it to just get on with things?
Sheesh!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Loss
Well the JB story continues...
After a relatively quiet week or so on his side, we had a brief and unremarkable chit chat commentary on Facebook (whatever did I do before it!) which preceded the following conversation:
JB - Hi hun, worked last night, have had a shite day, heard a couple of songs that my *dead son would've liked, but hey ho x miss him so much.
OG - Aw bless you honey. Glad you worked but sorry that you having a sad *dead son day today. I can't possibly imagine how you feel. Do you want to chat? x x x
JB - Never been one to chat hun, but thank you. It don't get any easier, excuse my grammar!
OG - I thought you might say that. Maybe one of these days, might do you some good. Besides, I can chat for both of us, lol. Much love to you honey, anytime x x
JB - Big huge cuddles for you OG. I am attracted to you in a massive way, but, always a but, since *dead son I can't feel anything
OG - I'm sure he wouldn't want that for you honey, and just because we let new people in it doesn't mean we let the others go. Maybe one day , eh? xxx
JB - Yeah one day, not to far away I hope, think about you often hun x
I am pleased that he's acknowledged some attraction, which at least means I'm not completely lunatic and deluded (well not in this instance anyway!), but frustrated that he is letting his grief stop him from moving forward with life, (though I know I'm a fine one to talk about not moving forward!), and thinking it's bloody typical that I always pick the "complicated" ones! Mostly though, I'm just sad for him. Sad as I would be for any of my friends. Sad about the situation he is. Sad that he has had to, and is continuing to, suffer this loss. In all honesty, just sad.
After a relatively quiet week or so on his side, we had a brief and unremarkable chit chat commentary on Facebook (whatever did I do before it!) which preceded the following conversation:
JB - Hi hun, worked last night, have had a shite day, heard a couple of songs that my *dead son would've liked, but hey ho x miss him so much.
OG - Aw bless you honey. Glad you worked but sorry that you having a sad *dead son day today. I can't possibly imagine how you feel. Do you want to chat? x x x
JB - Never been one to chat hun, but thank you. It don't get any easier, excuse my grammar!
OG - I thought you might say that. Maybe one of these days, might do you some good. Besides, I can chat for both of us, lol. Much love to you honey, anytime x x
JB - Big huge cuddles for you OG. I am attracted to you in a massive way, but, always a but, since *dead son I can't feel anything
OG - I'm sure he wouldn't want that for you honey, and just because we let new people in it doesn't mean we let the others go. Maybe one day , eh? xxx
JB - Yeah one day, not to far away I hope, think about you often hun x
I am pleased that he's acknowledged some attraction, which at least means I'm not completely lunatic and deluded (well not in this instance anyway!), but frustrated that he is letting his grief stop him from moving forward with life, (though I know I'm a fine one to talk about not moving forward!), and thinking it's bloody typical that I always pick the "complicated" ones! Mostly though, I'm just sad for him. Sad as I would be for any of my friends. Sad about the situation he is. Sad that he has had to, and is continuing to, suffer this loss. In all honesty, just sad.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
True colours
I have gone red. Very, very, very red!
Of the hair, of course.
Pictures may follow - if I'm brave enough to keep it!
Of the hair, of course.
Pictures may follow - if I'm brave enough to keep it!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Loving Mystic Meg
I'm a massive believer of horoscopes! Well, when they say nice things that I want to hear of course! Take today for example...
When someone you've known for a while - but never seen as partnership material before - now seems so attractive, its the real love deal.
I like it :-)
When someone you've known for a while - but never seen as partnership material before - now seems so attractive, its the real love deal.
I like it :-)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wasted wishes
One of the things I wish I could change, if such things were possible, would be my family. Now, whilst I love them all in their own way we are not a close family. Far, far from it unfortunately. Aside from me and my sister, I have little in the way of contact with either of my brothers, not much with my mum anymore since she moved away, and over the last few years less and less with my (step)dad. And absolutely no contact, other than Christmas cards, from Aunties and Uncles and cousins. Thats the way our family is. Distant.
I am envious when I see photo's on facebook of people going on holiday with family. One of Y's friends has the epitomy of the perfect family life to me. In her family she has a younger sister and her mum and dad (my age) are still together and have been together for absolutely years, an aunty and uncle also married for a long time and with 2 daughters about her sister's age, and her gran and grandad, also still married after many years. They always have so many photos on facebook of them doing things all together. All the big occasions - Christmas, New Years Eve, kids birthdays, holidays is always all of them, all together.
I wish I had had her upbringing. I wish more that I'd been able to give my kids the same. More than anything else its the thing I cannot change and the thing I wish I could.
I am envious when I see photo's on facebook of people going on holiday with family. One of Y's friends has the epitomy of the perfect family life to me. In her family she has a younger sister and her mum and dad (my age) are still together and have been together for absolutely years, an aunty and uncle also married for a long time and with 2 daughters about her sister's age, and her gran and grandad, also still married after many years. They always have so many photos on facebook of them doing things all together. All the big occasions - Christmas, New Years Eve, kids birthdays, holidays is always all of them, all together.
I wish I had had her upbringing. I wish more that I'd been able to give my kids the same. More than anything else its the thing I cannot change and the thing I wish I could.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Drunken facebooking
Notification: OG won the game of Scrabble
Comments:
JB - i bet id win at sexsrabble
OG - lol, with that spelling boyo I bet you wouldn't :-) you been on the guiness?
JB - no ive mingled with the massive, lsd, coke, bit of speed, oh an a nice earl grey
OG - lol, yeah yeah
JB - yeah! what kind of retorte is that?????????????
OG - a sarcastic 1!! get yourself on scrabble then and we'll play dirty words only :-)
JB - id rather get naked n do rude things, and yes ive had a cider, i dont normally do bright intelligent pretty girls
OG - LMAO!!!! Well thank you! I think? (I'm assuming I'm the pretty intelligent one, unless you have company!). Anytime Mr B, anytime ;-)
JB - no i wasnt talking bout you, ha im not that drunk!!!!! ha
OG - cheeky sod! bugger off to your pretty girl then :-p
JB - bugger off meaning call you, and pretty girl meaning my ipod and avenged sevenfold
OG - I repeat... lol, yeah yeah. You know you love me longtime !
Now what to make of that?!!?
Comments:
JB - i bet id win at sexsrabble
OG - lol, with that spelling boyo I bet you wouldn't :-) you been on the guiness?
JB - no ive mingled with the massive, lsd, coke, bit of speed, oh an a nice earl grey
OG - lol, yeah yeah
JB - yeah! what kind of retorte is that?????????????
OG - a sarcastic 1!! get yourself on scrabble then and we'll play dirty words only :-)
JB - id rather get naked n do rude things, and yes ive had a cider, i dont normally do bright intelligent pretty girls
OG - LMAO!!!! Well thank you! I think? (I'm assuming I'm the pretty intelligent one, unless you have company!). Anytime Mr B, anytime ;-)
JB - no i wasnt talking bout you, ha im not that drunk!!!!! ha
OG - cheeky sod! bugger off to your pretty girl then :-p
JB - bugger off meaning call you, and pretty girl meaning my ipod and avenged sevenfold
OG - I repeat... lol, yeah yeah. You know you love me longtime !
Now what to make of that?!!?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Later...
Excellent to see you and X today hun, even though I'm now known as Mr Cuddly! See you soon xx
Anytime hun. And they're only jealous cos you're my favourite cuddler! Don't be a stranger x
Ha, I won't be hun, have a busy day tomorrow, have a book to read. Will text you tomorrow evening hun xxx
Enjoy x
I think I will hun x
Back in December when I saw him last I was (re)reading one of my all time favourite books, one of those that should be on everyone's list to read, and I really thought that he would love it too, particularly as he wasn't in the greatest place of all at the time, so I had text and told him I had a present for him and then mentioned it again on his birthday in March, so I took it with me yesterday. My intentions had originally been to buy him a copy but decided to give him my own prized copy instead - I think that adds something a bit more personal to the mix as well - and I wrote the following little message in the inside cover: "J, for the times you want to get away but can't - maybe there's a reason you stay. The best of days to you Mr B, OG". He seemed pleased to get it and he also seemed to appreciate the gesture and the sentiment.
So I'm pleased that he text me, and pleased that he is pleased about his book and wanting to read it straight away. To me that is the mark of a gift that is appreciated. I hope he loves it as much as I do and that he also gets something from it other than the pleasure of reading it. I'm surprised he said he'll text tomorrow evening, and partly expecting him to do so; as I don't think he's the type to say and not do, equally I'm not expecting to hear from him again for a few months, so who knows. As I've said before, I'm not willing to push anything with anyone at the moment, and least of all someone I've known for such a long time and will continue to know for a long time to come. In this instance, perhaps for the first time in my life, I'm definitely going with "whatever will be will be". (Oooh, thinking about it I've been looking for a new saying, and that might just be the next tattoo!)
Anytime hun. And they're only jealous cos you're my favourite cuddler! Don't be a stranger x
Ha, I won't be hun, have a busy day tomorrow, have a book to read. Will text you tomorrow evening hun xxx
Enjoy x
I think I will hun x
Back in December when I saw him last I was (re)reading one of my all time favourite books, one of those that should be on everyone's list to read, and I really thought that he would love it too, particularly as he wasn't in the greatest place of all at the time, so I had text and told him I had a present for him and then mentioned it again on his birthday in March, so I took it with me yesterday. My intentions had originally been to buy him a copy but decided to give him my own prized copy instead - I think that adds something a bit more personal to the mix as well - and I wrote the following little message in the inside cover: "J, for the times you want to get away but can't - maybe there's a reason you stay. The best of days to you Mr B, OG". He seemed pleased to get it and he also seemed to appreciate the gesture and the sentiment.
So I'm pleased that he text me, and pleased that he is pleased about his book and wanting to read it straight away. To me that is the mark of a gift that is appreciated. I hope he loves it as much as I do and that he also gets something from it other than the pleasure of reading it. I'm surprised he said he'll text tomorrow evening, and partly expecting him to do so; as I don't think he's the type to say and not do, equally I'm not expecting to hear from him again for a few months, so who knows. As I've said before, I'm not willing to push anything with anyone at the moment, and least of all someone I've known for such a long time and will continue to know for a long time to come. In this instance, perhaps for the first time in my life, I'm definitely going with "whatever will be will be". (Oooh, thinking about it I've been looking for a new saying, and that might just be the next tattoo!)
I feel happy, yeah yeah yeah
Well I have just got back from a couple of hours at the pub with the lovely JB. I decided to go in the end, after nipping home from work to straighten my hair, top up my "natural, been at work all day" make up and get changed! I was hoping to pop and see him for an hour with X, but I text him about 4.30pm and he didn't reply for half an hour (which he apologised for when I saw him) so by the time I heard back from him I'd started to resign myself to not going and had to collect X from the childminders by then, so she came with me.
It was just lovely to see him to be honest. He really is absolutely one of the good guys (though he has his flaws of course, like anybody) and I always enjoy spending time with him. There were no real zing zings of passing sparks between us but we did do lots of hugging and kissing (in a friendly way) and he is someone I feel very comfortable with, with the fancying a secondary experience, though that said I still absolutely would! He made me laugh by mentioning he had had a few drinks last night, hence the naked text, but he didn't go out of his way to back track from it, and we are always quite comfortable in each other's company, making reference to the shag many years ago quite easily. He made a few references about planning going out next time, and for me to ring him etc, which I gave him much ribbing about blowing me out and how I wasn't going to be asking him to go out or come round any time soon, and he said he would text me.
So we shall see. He seems to be getting his life a little back on track, starting work again in a couple of weeks, and sounding like he is going to be raking it in, and moving into a mutual friend of ours (which helpfully is about 5 mins walk away from me!), all of which I'm really pleased for him, he has definitely had a rough trot the last couple of years, including the death of his eldest son (who was about the same age as Y), being made redundant twice and having to move back to his parents (with a mother who hates him!) for the last 6 months. So it was great to see good things happening for him and I hope they continue. I also, of course, hope that I get to see him more often (even without the added bonus of some physical stuff) as spending time with him always makes me happy, and I think he could be just what I need. Although, we've been friends for 20 years and just an increase in that would be great, a little more than friends would certainly be a little more than great!
It was just lovely to see him to be honest. He really is absolutely one of the good guys (though he has his flaws of course, like anybody) and I always enjoy spending time with him. There were no real zing zings of passing sparks between us but we did do lots of hugging and kissing (in a friendly way) and he is someone I feel very comfortable with, with the fancying a secondary experience, though that said I still absolutely would! He made me laugh by mentioning he had had a few drinks last night, hence the naked text, but he didn't go out of his way to back track from it, and we are always quite comfortable in each other's company, making reference to the shag many years ago quite easily. He made a few references about planning going out next time, and for me to ring him etc, which I gave him much ribbing about blowing me out and how I wasn't going to be asking him to go out or come round any time soon, and he said he would text me.
So we shall see. He seems to be getting his life a little back on track, starting work again in a couple of weeks, and sounding like he is going to be raking it in, and moving into a mutual friend of ours (which helpfully is about 5 mins walk away from me!), all of which I'm really pleased for him, he has definitely had a rough trot the last couple of years, including the death of his eldest son (who was about the same age as Y), being made redundant twice and having to move back to his parents (with a mother who hates him!) for the last 6 months. So it was great to see good things happening for him and I hope they continue. I also, of course, hope that I get to see him more often (even without the added bonus of some physical stuff) as spending time with him always makes me happy, and I think he could be just what I need. Although, we've been friends for 20 years and just an increase in that would be great, a little more than friends would certainly be a little more than great!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Out of the blue
My lovely friend Disco came to visit last night, and we had a lovely time catching up and discussing men, as she has just split up with her boyfriend (again!). I was bemoaning my lack of activity in the men department and how I had had absolutely nothing to of interest to report since the very brief distraction of JB. Who, if you remember, never replied to my valentines email and has been quite quiet on the facebook front ever since, and rarely, rarely texts me!
Well, not 24hrs after discussion of him, randomly out of the blue he texts me! For prosperity, as follows:
Hi hun, just saying hello, hope ya all good xx
Hello my lovely, how are you? You seem to have been a bit quiet lately, all okay? x
Yes hun, all good. Been working a bit, ha, gonna move in with *mutual friend soon. Thinking about fucking off, wanna go to Norway!
Well that's good on both counts. Can completely understand where you're coming from, I love England but SO want to travel the world. Maybe some day for both of us! Let me know when you have a new address or are about for a catch up, I still have your pressie. x
I will do hun. I will take you up a mountain one day soon. Its quite scary so I may have to give you a cuddle, naked is a given, ha
Lol, I'd need some serious reward to get me up a bloody mountain :-)
Ha, it's a reward just to see the view hun, but if you come with me, good food and a night under the stars, its beautiful.
Will be in the *local pub tomorrow about 3 if you free hun. Be good to see you x
Am working tomorrow :-( Might get off bit early and have a free hour about half four. Will give you a text if can make it. Take care hun x
How very random! I'm not sure quite what to make of it to be honest, but will see what tomorrow brings and see how I feel then. I might just pop down the pub for an hour, see how the land lies! Quite amusing though! Perhaps my new heart factory is working after all!
Well, not 24hrs after discussion of him, randomly out of the blue he texts me! For prosperity, as follows:
Hi hun, just saying hello, hope ya all good xx
Hello my lovely, how are you? You seem to have been a bit quiet lately, all okay? x
Yes hun, all good. Been working a bit, ha, gonna move in with *mutual friend soon. Thinking about fucking off, wanna go to Norway!
Well that's good on both counts. Can completely understand where you're coming from, I love England but SO want to travel the world. Maybe some day for both of us! Let me know when you have a new address or are about for a catch up, I still have your pressie. x
I will do hun. I will take you up a mountain one day soon. Its quite scary so I may have to give you a cuddle, naked is a given, ha
Lol, I'd need some serious reward to get me up a bloody mountain :-)
Ha, it's a reward just to see the view hun, but if you come with me, good food and a night under the stars, its beautiful.
Will be in the *local pub tomorrow about 3 if you free hun. Be good to see you x
Am working tomorrow :-( Might get off bit early and have a free hour about half four. Will give you a text if can make it. Take care hun x
How very random! I'm not sure quite what to make of it to be honest, but will see what tomorrow brings and see how I feel then. I might just pop down the pub for an hour, see how the land lies! Quite amusing though! Perhaps my new heart factory is working after all!
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Hearts are indeed made in factories
I treated myself today. The byline particularly attracted me...
I've grown weary of being told I don't have a heart. If you are lacking a heart or tired of your heart being broken it would be wise to invest in your own tiny heart factory.
I've grown weary of being told I don't have a heart. If you are lacking a heart or tired of your heart being broken it would be wise to invest in your own tiny heart factory.
Isn't it just the cutest? I suspect I may add a few more of these little Pearson Maron beauties to my collection over time. All I have to do now is wait for it to wing it's way across the Pond.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Treading water...
... is what I am in doing in general at the moment, and most likely what I will be doing for the next few years as well.
The energy required to raise two children singlehandedly, whilst working full time and intermittent studying and socialising for the last 14-15yrs has taken it's toll and I am currently in cruise mode. That is fine. I love my children. I love my job. I have achieved house and career movement in the last few years. In general, my life is just fine.
Fine can, of course, only last so long. I am an all or nothing kind of girl, and at the moment I opt for nothing, because if I chose everything I couldn't cope. I want a one true love again. I want to be consumed with a person again. I want the space in my life to give myself, fully.
I don't have that space right now. I don't have the energy right now. I don't have the circumstances right now. So, at the moment I am treading water, letting life just pass me by whilst my children grow, my bank account becomes less hazardous and I continue to heal emotionally from the trauma of DM. I am happy to tread water. For once, I am long term happy with calm.
For now at least.
The energy required to raise two children singlehandedly, whilst working full time and intermittent studying and socialising for the last 14-15yrs has taken it's toll and I am currently in cruise mode. That is fine. I love my children. I love my job. I have achieved house and career movement in the last few years. In general, my life is just fine.
Fine can, of course, only last so long. I am an all or nothing kind of girl, and at the moment I opt for nothing, because if I chose everything I couldn't cope. I want a one true love again. I want to be consumed with a person again. I want the space in my life to give myself, fully.
I don't have that space right now. I don't have the energy right now. I don't have the circumstances right now. So, at the moment I am treading water, letting life just pass me by whilst my children grow, my bank account becomes less hazardous and I continue to heal emotionally from the trauma of DM. I am happy to tread water. For once, I am long term happy with calm.
For now at least.
Pretentions
With calm comes time and space for boredom. With boredom (and days off work!) comes time to spend aimlessly on the internet. With time on the internet comes random dips into random blogs.
The pretentiousness of people who blog both astounds me, and bores me further. Of the many, many, many I have viewed today, only a couple interested me enough to bother to read past the first few posts, and even less inclined me to comment. So, just a brief thought for today...
Hey bloggers (myself included)... get over yourselves!!
The pretentiousness of people who blog both astounds me, and bores me further. Of the many, many, many I have viewed today, only a couple interested me enough to bother to read past the first few posts, and even less inclined me to comment. So, just a brief thought for today...
Hey bloggers (myself included)... get over yourselves!!
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Chocolate galore
Having spent the long weekend off work, in Oxford, visiting Little Sis and hubby and eating way too much chocolate, cheese and biscuits and other festive. fabulous and fattening food, I so didn't want to get out of bed to go to work this morning. The saving grace is that I'm off again tomorrow, yippee!! A lay in awaits for me.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Good and Bad Friday
Yesterday, nagged by X, I filled in a competition slip for something or other that Magnum are promoting whilst in Tesco. This resulted in being allowed to pick an instant win ticket for a Ipod shuffle stylee Mp3 player - and lo and behold, we won!
Today, my baby fishy, which I have lovingly watched for the past nine days, appears to be no more.
I guess that's karma!
Today, my baby fishy, which I have lovingly watched for the past nine days, appears to be no more.
I guess that's karma!
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Satisfaction guaranteed
Today I have bought the kids easter eggs (and paid for X to buy me one of course!) and a lovely roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings for tomorrow afternoon, as well as cleaned my kitchen, back hallway and downstairs toilet from top to toe, and sorted out my winter wardrobe into my summer wardrobe! A most satisfying day!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Odds and ends
Some brief and random comments:
I hope we have more snow. I love the snow. Closely followed by the fabulous of Spring preferably.
The baby fish is still alive! One week old today. We have named him Casper :-)
I have finished work for this week, and am only working 2 days a week for the next fortnight as well. Hooray for holidays!
The most exciting thing I have planned for my Easter break is cleaning, filing and sorting. Can't wait! And I don't mean that ironically.
I hope we have more snow. I love the snow. Closely followed by the fabulous of Spring preferably.
The baby fish is still alive! One week old today. We have named him Casper :-)
I have finished work for this week, and am only working 2 days a week for the next fortnight as well. Hooray for holidays!
The most exciting thing I have planned for my Easter break is cleaning, filing and sorting. Can't wait! And I don't mean that ironically.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Off out
I have been very remiss at blogging activities lately, so am trying to at least take the time for a quick update - I know my life is not the most exciting of late but I am sure I have been doing much more than I have been blogging! So, in the spirit of that, I am off to Disco's in a few minutes (just letting X get off to sleep before I sneak out!) for a girly house warming night in. Good job it is a) girly only and b) a night in - cos frankly I look like a sack of crap and have absolutely no inclination to do anything at all to remedy that :-)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Fingers crossed
A while ago I got myself a new aquarium so that my poor lonely goldfish, Mr Hubbles would have a nice home with a filter etc. We also got him a new goldfish friend, Fish 1 (named by Y!) and 2 little minnow friends (Lightening and Houdini).
Since then the minnows seem to have thrived. They are both happy and healthy (to my knowledge) and we have held off getting any additions until I am sure the tank is safe, when I intend to get some aquatic miniature frogs to join them.
However, this morning I thought Houdini seemed to be acting a little strange, though as he is a hider most of the time it is hard to tell. So, after feeding them their breakfast I sat down to watch them for a while, just to check. And what did I find...? A tiny, teeny, miniature, ghostly little minnow! A baby!! He is swimming around quite freely, and is perfect, although only about 4mm long and 1mm high!! We haven't named him as I'm aware that babies don't survive easily and I'm not prepared to take any special measures. Nature will do her thing and take her course and he will survive or not. That said he is still there this evening, and it is very exciting! So fingers crossed that the tiniest possible addition to our family might just survive!
Oh its small pleasures for me these days :-)
Since then the minnows seem to have thrived. They are both happy and healthy (to my knowledge) and we have held off getting any additions until I am sure the tank is safe, when I intend to get some aquatic miniature frogs to join them.However, this morning I thought Houdini seemed to be acting a little strange, though as he is a hider most of the time it is hard to tell. So, after feeding them their breakfast I sat down to watch them for a while, just to check. And what did I find...? A tiny, teeny, miniature, ghostly little minnow! A baby!! He is swimming around quite freely, and is perfect, although only about 4mm long and 1mm high!! We haven't named him as I'm aware that babies don't survive easily and I'm not prepared to take any special measures. Nature will do her thing and take her course and he will survive or not. That said he is still there this evening, and it is very exciting! So fingers crossed that the tiniest possible addition to our family might just survive!
Oh its small pleasures for me these days :-)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Conversely
After my reality tv gorge of late, this evening I have been partaking of BBC 2! This has included interesting and mind boggling planetary fare, the delights and medicinial benefits of herbology, the practically pornographic but incredibly educated cooking of Ms Dahl, and now the historic delights of Edward VII!
It has happened purely by accident, but diversity is the very breath of life to me, so long may the random occur! (Even if it is just my viewing!)
It has happened purely by accident, but diversity is the very breath of life to me, so long may the random occur! (Even if it is just my viewing!)
Monday, March 22, 2010
Whore
I am such a reality tv whore! Give me back to back Jeremy Kyle any day :-) Big Brother, Four Weddings, Coach Trip, Come Dine with Me, I'm a Celebrity, What Katie Did Next, and on and on and on...
Long live the great british fly on the wall documentary!
Long live the great british fly on the wall documentary!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Guilt
I am feeling very bad that my boy, who asks for practically nothing, has posted the following on his facebook account...
No bowling tomorrow :-(
Why? Because I don't have the £5 to pay for him to go.
No bowling tomorrow :-(
Why? Because I don't have the £5 to pay for him to go.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Pastures new?
I have a job interview on Tuesday. I am not sure if this is good or bad...? I'll dwell for a while.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Shame is in the air
Happy Valentine's Day to you all, hope that it brings the love you wish for xx
In Valentines News, goddammit those Facebook applications!! You may remember JB, old friend I saw just before Christmas who put me in a spin with the the briefest of kisses. Well, I haven't seen him since, despite some veiled invitations to get together, so I've just kind of got on with it, though the crush (which is probably the best way to describe it) has remained, slightly abated.
Anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me today, but browsing Facebook there is a new application, called Valentine's Day Love Calculator - a stupid thing where you put in someones name and it gives you a % of how much you love them! Playground stuff really. So, anyway, in goes JB's name, and it comes up with a rating of 87% that I love him (how sweet), which is fine, except it automatically posts it to his wall, and I'm thinking shit, shit, shit, I don't want him to see I did that - so a very short few seconds later the post is removed, and my face is saved.
Half an hour later, I see that he has done mine (and loves me 84% incidentally) and it's there for all the world to see. Now, I'm assuming that he saw my notification before I deleted it and so is just messing, but he hasn't done any other friends names! So, in my spontaneous stupid way, I redid his, expecting to get a 2% or something, only for it to bring up 82% and this time I have left it up. I also commented "Mwah Mwah xx" on his, thinking that if he's only messing (which I'm sure he is) then at least I look like I'm all cool and know he is only messing, blah blah blah.
Only.... That then wasn't enough for me! Oh no, that little carpe diem devil that lives inside me and is usually constrained by life in general poked her head out and the next thing I know I've emailed him...
" Hey there JB :-)
Just thought that as it's Valentine's Day, and in the interest of Carpe Diem, I would seize the opportunity to tell you that I think you are fabulous!! I think I may have a little crush ;-)
Big hugs xxxxxxxxxx"
Shit!!! What was I thinking?!!? I'm cringing with embarrassment now! Seriously, grimacing with shame at the computer! Which is stupid really, because what does it matter if he thinks eugh and is too embarrassed to reply or speak to me in public again, lol. It will get forgotten over time, or be dismissed or go down in the annals of OG time as that embarrassing incident.
But, oh, fucking Valentines Day and Carpe Diem - not a good combination!
In Valentines News, goddammit those Facebook applications!! You may remember JB, old friend I saw just before Christmas who put me in a spin with the the briefest of kisses. Well, I haven't seen him since, despite some veiled invitations to get together, so I've just kind of got on with it, though the crush (which is probably the best way to describe it) has remained, slightly abated.
Anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me today, but browsing Facebook there is a new application, called Valentine's Day Love Calculator - a stupid thing where you put in someones name and it gives you a % of how much you love them! Playground stuff really. So, anyway, in goes JB's name, and it comes up with a rating of 87% that I love him (how sweet), which is fine, except it automatically posts it to his wall, and I'm thinking shit, shit, shit, I don't want him to see I did that - so a very short few seconds later the post is removed, and my face is saved.
Half an hour later, I see that he has done mine (and loves me 84% incidentally) and it's there for all the world to see. Now, I'm assuming that he saw my notification before I deleted it and so is just messing, but he hasn't done any other friends names! So, in my spontaneous stupid way, I redid his, expecting to get a 2% or something, only for it to bring up 82% and this time I have left it up. I also commented "Mwah Mwah xx" on his, thinking that if he's only messing (which I'm sure he is) then at least I look like I'm all cool and know he is only messing, blah blah blah.
Only.... That then wasn't enough for me! Oh no, that little carpe diem devil that lives inside me and is usually constrained by life in general poked her head out and the next thing I know I've emailed him...
" Hey there JB :-)
Just thought that as it's Valentine's Day, and in the interest of Carpe Diem, I would seize the opportunity to tell you that I think you are fabulous!! I think I may have a little crush ;-)
Big hugs xxxxxxxxxx"
Shit!!! What was I thinking?!!? I'm cringing with embarrassment now! Seriously, grimacing with shame at the computer! Which is stupid really, because what does it matter if he thinks eugh and is too embarrassed to reply or speak to me in public again, lol. It will get forgotten over time, or be dismissed or go down in the annals of OG time as that embarrassing incident.
But, oh, fucking Valentines Day and Carpe Diem - not a good combination!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Enough
Midnight.
Title - check!
Introduction - check!
Aims and Objectives - check!
Literature Review - check!
Proposed Research Strategy - awaiting blather!
Proposed Research Method - check!
Research Participants - half check!
Ethical Issues - check!
Proposed Analysis of Data - not yet started - eeek!!
Information Sheet - check!
Questionnaire - check!
Consent Form - check!
Deadline missed by 7hrs and counting.
Thank god our postal service is so unreliable at times :-)
Title - check!
Introduction - check!
Aims and Objectives - check!
Literature Review - check!
Proposed Research Strategy - awaiting blather!
Proposed Research Method - check!
Research Participants - half check!
Ethical Issues - check!
Proposed Analysis of Data - not yet started - eeek!!
Information Sheet - check!
Questionnaire - check!
Consent Form - check!
Deadline missed by 7hrs and counting.
Thank god our postal service is so unreliable at times :-)
Monday, February 08, 2010
White stuff and weekends
Well, the British winter is doing us proud this year - more snow today! I love the snow, and don't care how much of a nuisance it is. It's winter, we're meant to have wintry weather! This positive attitude is helped by the fact that I am currently snug and warm in my living room, with the ipod playing in the background, under the pretence of studying (yes, the studying has yet to commence and the clock is ticking...!), just watching the snow float by.
I am at home for another reason, as I went for the ultrasound on my throat this morning, which was quite an odd experience as the only experience of ultrasounds I've previously had were pregnancy related - so most strange to have your throat, not your stomach scanned. Who knows what will come of it, I will just have to wait and see what the results say, but I'm not holding my breath that I'll get a diagnosis!
To catch up, I've had quite a busy and sociable weekend this weekend! It was friend Jamie's 40th birthday on Friday, so to celebrate a Mods and Rockers fancy dress pub crawl was afoot! I did make the effort to dress up, as a 1950's rocker in case you're wondering - I will have to see if there are any photo's lurking - but the getting completely trollied on a pub crawl is not my style, so it was sober shenanigans for me, and drunken ones for pretty much everyone else. Was quite a good night though, with a good number of people there, although I decided to call it a day at 12.30am rather than continue on to the after-party. I was feeling completely shattered Friday, so was lucky to make it out at all, and Y was babysitting X, so I don't like to be out til all hours of the morning. Not to mention having to get up for bowling at 9am on Saturday!
Saturday night was spent with Lily at home, in front of the TV (that didn't really get watched) with a takeaway curry and lots of chitter chatter. Always a pleasure to catch up with her, and managed to talk ourselves nearly asleep as usual! Another early rise on Sunday morning as I am doing some rearranging of sleeping arrangements, and my dad was coming to dismantle Y's current bunk/double futon and replace it with a double futon only. Next weekend X is moving from a single to a double bed so more room arranging will be taking place!
So, another weekend is over, and another week begins.
I am at home for another reason, as I went for the ultrasound on my throat this morning, which was quite an odd experience as the only experience of ultrasounds I've previously had were pregnancy related - so most strange to have your throat, not your stomach scanned. Who knows what will come of it, I will just have to wait and see what the results say, but I'm not holding my breath that I'll get a diagnosis!
To catch up, I've had quite a busy and sociable weekend this weekend! It was friend Jamie's 40th birthday on Friday, so to celebrate a Mods and Rockers fancy dress pub crawl was afoot! I did make the effort to dress up, as a 1950's rocker in case you're wondering - I will have to see if there are any photo's lurking - but the getting completely trollied on a pub crawl is not my style, so it was sober shenanigans for me, and drunken ones for pretty much everyone else. Was quite a good night though, with a good number of people there, although I decided to call it a day at 12.30am rather than continue on to the after-party. I was feeling completely shattered Friday, so was lucky to make it out at all, and Y was babysitting X, so I don't like to be out til all hours of the morning. Not to mention having to get up for bowling at 9am on Saturday!
Saturday night was spent with Lily at home, in front of the TV (that didn't really get watched) with a takeaway curry and lots of chitter chatter. Always a pleasure to catch up with her, and managed to talk ourselves nearly asleep as usual! Another early rise on Sunday morning as I am doing some rearranging of sleeping arrangements, and my dad was coming to dismantle Y's current bunk/double futon and replace it with a double futon only. Next weekend X is moving from a single to a double bed so more room arranging will be taking place!
So, another weekend is over, and another week begins.
Monday, February 01, 2010
Eye candy
I am just watching moving Best Friends Girl, which will probably turn out to be mediocre, but have to share the discovery of the gorgeousness of the bad boy character Dane Cook , who is frankly delicious!
He looks much more rough and ready in the flesh (well, the flesh on tv!) than the photos I googled - which is better, and I refuse to acknowledge any likeness to a certain now American. Nope, nope, nope - he will not define my perfect man any longer.
Goddamn my preferences for certain types!!
Update - shmaltzy it may be, but not only does it have the hot man, it also has a soundtrack that includes this...
He looks much more rough and ready in the flesh (well, the flesh on tv!) than the photos I googled - which is better, and I refuse to acknowledge any likeness to a certain now American. Nope, nope, nope - he will not define my perfect man any longer.
Goddamn my preferences for certain types!!
Update - shmaltzy it may be, but not only does it have the hot man, it also has a soundtrack that includes this...
Hooky
I am shamelessly skiving today! It's not something I do very often but every now and then I just need some time completely to myself - house empty, phone off, kids away. Time to catch up, focus, regroup from the everyday hassle and struggle of kids, money, work, life.
I should have had a weekend to myself (well half, Y was here) this weekend, as X was due to go to her Dad's for both Friday and Saturday night, and I was looking forward to peace and quiet and cracking on with my research proposal, which is not going at the moment. However, the best laid plans and all that - come 6pm Friday when I went to collect her from afterschool club (late!) she felt poorly. Headache, shivery, fever, etc. So I rang her Dad and said she was unwell, took her home, dosed her with paracetamol, comfy blankets, cosy pyjamas and cuddles before putting her to bed and resigning myself to a one night alone only weekend.
Saturday morning dawned bright and breezy, as did she, so I text to see what time he would be picking her up, only for him to decide that as he can't afford time off work she better not come until she's fully better! Oh, the luxury of stepping out of parenting when it doesn't quite fit!! So, bang went the weekend of studying in peace.
I had pretty much decided before I went to bed last night that I would have today and tomorrow off work, as my assignment is due Wednesday, however, as I opened my extension paperwork today to realise I've been given until 10th for my assignment, I now have the peace, the quiet and no motivation to finish. Instead, I have spent the morning catching up on paperwork, putting the bills back in order that had lapsed over Christmas and updating a finance spreadsheet to help me bring down the debt! I'm currently paying nearly £500 a month in debt - just think what I could do with that money if it was all paid off!?
So, today I am relaxing! And I don't care! Let the study commence tomorrow.
I should have had a weekend to myself (well half, Y was here) this weekend, as X was due to go to her Dad's for both Friday and Saturday night, and I was looking forward to peace and quiet and cracking on with my research proposal, which is not going at the moment. However, the best laid plans and all that - come 6pm Friday when I went to collect her from afterschool club (late!) she felt poorly. Headache, shivery, fever, etc. So I rang her Dad and said she was unwell, took her home, dosed her with paracetamol, comfy blankets, cosy pyjamas and cuddles before putting her to bed and resigning myself to a one night alone only weekend.
Saturday morning dawned bright and breezy, as did she, so I text to see what time he would be picking her up, only for him to decide that as he can't afford time off work she better not come until she's fully better! Oh, the luxury of stepping out of parenting when it doesn't quite fit!! So, bang went the weekend of studying in peace.
I had pretty much decided before I went to bed last night that I would have today and tomorrow off work, as my assignment is due Wednesday, however, as I opened my extension paperwork today to realise I've been given until 10th for my assignment, I now have the peace, the quiet and no motivation to finish. Instead, I have spent the morning catching up on paperwork, putting the bills back in order that had lapsed over Christmas and updating a finance spreadsheet to help me bring down the debt! I'm currently paying nearly £500 a month in debt - just think what I could do with that money if it was all paid off!?
So, today I am relaxing! And I don't care! Let the study commence tomorrow.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Bits and bobs
Well, my throat is feeling much better. The whole lumpy feeling started to go down from Tues night/Wed morning so thats good. I got my blood test results Thursday, the receptionist informed me that my ESR is abnormal but the Dr had put "to be expected - no further action" and that the rests of my bloods were normal - no further action. I'm pleased, but at the same time not, as the more I've read about underactive thyroid the more I feel it may be a possibility. I am just so bloody knackered all the time just lately, I could literally go back to bed every morning I wake up! And obviously its not something like anaemia or that would have shown up. So, I have booked another appointment with the doctor, for him to explain my 'abnormal - to be expected - no further action results' and also for him to go through exactly what tests were done, as a lot of stuff I've read says its often undetected through normal blood tests.
In good news, and I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I'm studying my Masters in Applied Health Studies, and have just completed my second module - the onerous, godawful, simply hateful, dull, dull, dull research module! Sometime this week, post came, which I finally opened this evening to discover that I passed with 60%!!! Which, somewhat laughably, is my best Masters assignment mark so far. The bad news is that the next assignment, a research proposal of 3000 words is due on Wednesday and I haven't even started it yet. In fact, I have no idea what I want to do a research proposal on!! Ho hum.
In good news, and I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I'm studying my Masters in Applied Health Studies, and have just completed my second module - the onerous, godawful, simply hateful, dull, dull, dull research module! Sometime this week, post came, which I finally opened this evening to discover that I passed with 60%!!! Which, somewhat laughably, is my best Masters assignment mark so far. The bad news is that the next assignment, a research proposal of 3000 words is due on Wednesday and I haven't even started it yet. In fact, I have no idea what I want to do a research proposal on!! Ho hum.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Hard to swallow
For the last week or so I have been having problems with my throat - it feels like there is something constantly lodged in it, and no matter how many times I swallow it just never goes. If I go for significant periods of time without eating or drinking it can get really bad and my gag reflex kicks in, even though I am just sitting doing nothing. Yesterday and today, several times, the only way I've been able to clear it is to physically put a finger down my throat and jiggle - not pleasant but seems to do the trick for a few minutes at least. So today, starting to get a bit worried that it only seems to be getting worse and beginning to panic about throat tumours and other pleasant and deadly medical matters I decided to go to the Doctors to get it checked out. Fortunately for me they had an appointment for 5pm so off I trotted.
I don't go to the Doctors very often, in fact the last time I went was for my annual asthma review, and she said then that they hadn't seen me since my last one the year before - so despite being incredibly unhealthy, I am also, incredibly blessed with lack of ill health. So, I went in, explained my symptoms to the doctor, sipping water in between sentences, and he had a good poke around the outside of my throat, a nose inside, and the usual temperature, pulse, weight, etc. The diagnosis? A Goitre apparently! Or enlarged thyroid gland to the layfolks out there. I must say, the link is the same info the Doctor gave me and the diagram really does reflect what it feels like in my throat - almost like I'm being strangled from the inside out! It is truly an awful feeling.
So, blood tests tomorrow, a referral to Radiology for an ultrasound scan of my throat/thyroid gland in the next week or two - which I'm pleased about as at least that will rule out anything sinister - and potentially a biopsy - which thrills me less! We will have to wait and see what comes of it all, but something needs to be done because I can't bear this feeling much longer!
On the plus side, I'd lost a lb!!
I don't go to the Doctors very often, in fact the last time I went was for my annual asthma review, and she said then that they hadn't seen me since my last one the year before - so despite being incredibly unhealthy, I am also, incredibly blessed with lack of ill health. So, I went in, explained my symptoms to the doctor, sipping water in between sentences, and he had a good poke around the outside of my throat, a nose inside, and the usual temperature, pulse, weight, etc. The diagnosis? A Goitre apparently! Or enlarged thyroid gland to the layfolks out there. I must say, the link is the same info the Doctor gave me and the diagram really does reflect what it feels like in my throat - almost like I'm being strangled from the inside out! It is truly an awful feeling.
So, blood tests tomorrow, a referral to Radiology for an ultrasound scan of my throat/thyroid gland in the next week or two - which I'm pleased about as at least that will rule out anything sinister - and potentially a biopsy - which thrills me less! We will have to wait and see what comes of it all, but something needs to be done because I can't bear this feeling much longer!
On the plus side, I'd lost a lb!!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Poof
Well, after a week of snow covered local town, and non working car, today was my first day back at work since 22nd December! And boy did I feel it. I am soooo tired! I had loads of random, pondering thoughts in my head earlier, that I thought I would just have to blog about, but alas, now I actually sit down to take the time out to put them all down for prosperity, poof, they have simply disappeared!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Fear
I have just been so frightened I can't tell you! I'm still quite tearful about it and am not sure I can even relay this coherently - definitely not in any way to give it justice.
My car wouldnt start yesterday - sure its nothing more than too cold weather, the too short journeys and a too old battery, but either way it means that I had no car yesterday, and as I couldn't get a hold of my dad I had no working car today either. As a result, I am at home today - working away on my laptop, when a large white van pulls up outside and a man knocks on the door. My initial expectation is that it might be a parcel - having recently ordered some new M&S undies - but on opening the door it becomes apparent that it is a bailiff! Now, I know I have a catalogue debt which I have been paying off, but is outstanding, and is currently at about £150, so I'm expecting it to be him and I'm expecting to not let him in.
However, he says its for a parking fine from January 2009 and that he has come to take my car!!! Seriously, I remember getting a parking ticket in the council car park that I park in, which I have a permit for, which I was going to ring and get cancelled but never did - and as I hadn't heard anything I assumed it had gone away, or that someone had realised when issuing the permits that I could park there legally. I had literally heard nothing - until today, when a bailiff is telling me I need to pay £380 or have my car towed away.
I don't have £380 lying around my house, or even in a credit or debit account, and although he was very pleasant, he wouldnt let me sort it and then pay later - it was now or the car. I tell you, I have rarely been so upset in my life. I can't imagine not having a car - I can't imagine how I would cope with work, life, everything - and even though I should probably not have ignored the ticket, its hard to imagine a year later, after hearing nothing, you can just have your car towed away!!! He said they don't usually knock, they just hook it up and tow it.
In the end I had to ring my mum, to see if she would pay it, in floods of tears, which I don't think my mum has ever heard from me (well, not since I was a child!!) because I couldn't think what to do and I was just so scared! Apparently they had written to my previous address, but as I only recently changed my address with the DVLA nothing had come here. He initially said that I had had a letter here 2 weeks ago, but I know I didn't, and later when he checked again the letter was only posted 2nd class yesterday to my current address, so as he knew I hadnt had first letter he let me pay the £123 instead of towing my car.
So he has gone, the bailiff stuff has finished - I am going to ring the council and see if I can reclaim on the basis I have a permit for that car park in the first place, though I doubt I will get anywhere. In fact, it is probably better to write, as I'm sure thats what they will tell me to do anyway.
It might sound like nothing, just a bit of money and all sorted now - but it has really shaken me up - just feeling so powerless and frustrated, and I hate having to be in a position to rely on other people, especially when it comes to money. I really, really need to get myself more financially stable this year - I hate that I'm not, and I know I don't help the situation. I just hope the year gets better than its been so far!
My car wouldnt start yesterday - sure its nothing more than too cold weather, the too short journeys and a too old battery, but either way it means that I had no car yesterday, and as I couldn't get a hold of my dad I had no working car today either. As a result, I am at home today - working away on my laptop, when a large white van pulls up outside and a man knocks on the door. My initial expectation is that it might be a parcel - having recently ordered some new M&S undies - but on opening the door it becomes apparent that it is a bailiff! Now, I know I have a catalogue debt which I have been paying off, but is outstanding, and is currently at about £150, so I'm expecting it to be him and I'm expecting to not let him in.
However, he says its for a parking fine from January 2009 and that he has come to take my car!!! Seriously, I remember getting a parking ticket in the council car park that I park in, which I have a permit for, which I was going to ring and get cancelled but never did - and as I hadn't heard anything I assumed it had gone away, or that someone had realised when issuing the permits that I could park there legally. I had literally heard nothing - until today, when a bailiff is telling me I need to pay £380 or have my car towed away.
I don't have £380 lying around my house, or even in a credit or debit account, and although he was very pleasant, he wouldnt let me sort it and then pay later - it was now or the car. I tell you, I have rarely been so upset in my life. I can't imagine not having a car - I can't imagine how I would cope with work, life, everything - and even though I should probably not have ignored the ticket, its hard to imagine a year later, after hearing nothing, you can just have your car towed away!!! He said they don't usually knock, they just hook it up and tow it.
In the end I had to ring my mum, to see if she would pay it, in floods of tears, which I don't think my mum has ever heard from me (well, not since I was a child!!) because I couldn't think what to do and I was just so scared! Apparently they had written to my previous address, but as I only recently changed my address with the DVLA nothing had come here. He initially said that I had had a letter here 2 weeks ago, but I know I didn't, and later when he checked again the letter was only posted 2nd class yesterday to my current address, so as he knew I hadnt had first letter he let me pay the £123 instead of towing my car.
So he has gone, the bailiff stuff has finished - I am going to ring the council and see if I can reclaim on the basis I have a permit for that car park in the first place, though I doubt I will get anywhere. In fact, it is probably better to write, as I'm sure thats what they will tell me to do anyway.
It might sound like nothing, just a bit of money and all sorted now - but it has really shaken me up - just feeling so powerless and frustrated, and I hate having to be in a position to rely on other people, especially when it comes to money. I really, really need to get myself more financially stable this year - I hate that I'm not, and I know I don't help the situation. I just hope the year gets better than its been so far!
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Tempted
Mr and Mrs JRTC are heading off to Vegas again in May, and even though I can far from afford it, I am sorely tempted...!
All over
Where oh where has the Christmas holidays gone? Cannot believe it is the weekend before back at school on Monday, and work on Tuesday. I have sooooo got used to bed at 2am and up at 11am - getting up on Monday at 7.30am may just kill me off completely!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
