Wasted wishes

One of the things I wish I could change, if such things were possible, would be my family. Now, whilst I love them all in their own way we are not a close family. Far, far from it unfortunately. Aside from me and my sister, I have little in the way of contact with either of my brothers, not much with my mum anymore since she moved away, and over the last few years less and less with my (step)dad. And absolutely no contact, other than Christmas cards, from Aunties and Uncles and cousins. Thats the way our family is. Distant.

I am envious when I see photo's on facebook of people going on holiday with family. One of Y's friends has the epitomy of the perfect family life to me. In her family she has a younger sister and her mum and dad (my age) are still together and have been together for absolutely years, an aunty and uncle also married for a long time and with 2 daughters about her sister's age, and her gran and grandad, also still married after many years. They always have so many photos on facebook of them doing things all together. All the big occasions - Christmas, New Years Eve, kids birthdays, holidays is always all of them, all together.

I wish I had had her upbringing. I wish more that I'd been able to give my kids the same. More than anything else its the thing I cannot change and the thing I wish I could.