Blog book - last chance!

Don't forget!!! Tomorrow is the last day to send in your submissions for fabulous new blog book "You're not the only one..." all in aid of WarChild.

For further details go here - quick sharp!!!

Work in progress 6

Windows!!! At last.

All that jazz

Last night, at Bea's request - in order to celebrate her achieving 40yr status - 8 of us went to a jazz night at our local theatre.

Now, I'm not a great lover of jazz, I like a bit of Diana Krall every now and then but that's about it. However, the rules of friends birthdays are that they get to choose and you go along and make the best of it, so I resigned myself to it with little more than a "oh no, not jazz" kind of thought. Plus, you never know, cute men may be there to distract from the noise...

The place (which is only the small studio) was absolutely packed. And packed with men. Unfortunately, everybody, and I mean everybody (other than the 8 of us and literally 1 other couple), was over the age of 50 . At least! More than half were probably nearer their 70th birthday to be honest! Trust me. I would have taken a photo to prove it, but frankly the glare from the backflash of all those bald heads would have blinded me!

So commenced several hours of what can only be described as the dullest evening of my life! Yes there were a couple of nice tunes, and yes I quite enjoyed those, but frankly, that was about 15 minutes worth! And the crowd, apart from the odd subdued round of applause, were deathly silent the whole way through. Well, I suppose you don't sing out loud at jazz concerts and there was no dancing going on, so little else to do in the way of contribution other than some encouraging swaying of the head and foot/leg/hand jigging. We even got shushed by an elderly lady for whispering at one point!

Fortunately for me, Lena was next to me and amused me with several tales of debauchery and naughtiness, as we haven't caught up for ages, not to mention a few succulent pieces of gossip such as the fact that she snogged Sexy Gardener on his wedding night! This of course, led to me being able to reveal the shagging in the summer, so much secret high fiving occurred at our end of the row! It wasn't just me that found it all dull to be honest, Bea's new fella, Bo, actually fell asleep. Several times. And he's a massive music head! The rest of the crowd all seemed to enjoy it though, so maybe in another 40years I'll be converted!

So, the jazz ordeal came to an end, and I posed the question as to what we were doing next, expecting a few drinks in town, maybe a curry, only to be told by Bea that her and Bo were going home! At half ten on a Saturday night, for her 40th birthday celebration which we had all sat patiently and loyally through, not to mention forking out £9 each for the pleasure! In fact, they weren't going home the conversation then revealed, they were going back to SG's. Just the three of them, Bea, Bo and SG. Fucking cheek!

I was really pissed off about it! Still am to be honest. She's supposed to be coming round here tonight (Bo is obviously busy!) but I'm planning on cancelling it because I just cannot be doing with her. She's hard work at the best of times, but last night took the piss. It cost me £24, not including a few quid for drinks, to sit and be bored shitless for 2 and half hours, in the name of the importance of her birthday, for her to just fuck off at the end of it "because Bo has to work in the morning". Tough fucking shit! She saw him Monday night, and Thursday night (her birthday), and could have seen him Friday night and done something decent with the girls on Saturday night if she'd have got her shit together and bothered to ask him about his plans - or put her friends even slightly first. So, fuck her. I'll be enjoying the peace and quiet of my own house with Y tonight!

The evening wasn't a complete washout. Lena and I decided to go and curry anyway, and managed to catch up in lurid technicolor detail about the brief whispered snippets we'd previously shared. So, thanks to her, the last 2 hours of wine, food and gossip more than made up for the first!

Stars for the week ahead

Are you a thespian? Actors know how to put on a mask and keep wearing it, day after day, week after week. They can provide an impressive impersonation of any character they care to emulate. That's an option open for you, if you really want to put up a pretence. But why should you want to do that? Does it really matter what others think of you? Are issues of superficial status really so important? You don't have to be anyone this week, other than yourself. And remember, that's the you you are now, not the you you used to be. There's nothing wrong with changing and evolving.

Work in progress 5

Now isn't that just the cutest porch?

(Yes, I appreciate how sad it is that "cute" is the term that springs to mind!)

At last!

FINALLY, my offer letter came from the housing association on Saturday! Hoo bloody ray!

ALL I need to do now is sort out my mortgage, wait for them to build it, and then... find the bloody money. Aargh!

I'm seriously starting to panic about having enough money for solicitors fees, mortgage fees, first months mortgage, moving in costs, carpeting, furniture, and so on and so on! Perhaps I should put a little wish list on here for all you lovely bloggers to buy me a housewarming gift, lol!

In other news, I am generally much brighter in spirits now, after a dire week! I came down with a really awful cold Tuesday night, but literally had so much on that I couldn't miss work on Wednesday or Thursday so went in looking and feeling like crap. Did at least manage to get some major pieces of work off my desk though, so the juggling act is feeling slightly more manageable, and also stayed off work on Friday - which did me the world of good.

So, back to fighting fit, for now at least!

Work in progress 4

Look! No scaffold!!

And if you look very closely, I now have stairs!

Stars for the week ahead

Sometimes, when we take a leap of faith it is as if we sprout wings and soar into a sky of serendipity. Sometimes, we make much the same move, but we end up falling flat on our face. And this week? Well, surely you don't expect me to predict the outcome of your next brave step into the unknown? If I do, it will not be a leap of faith any more. You will be acting on information received. I will tell you as much as you need to know. It is this: regardless of how things pan out in the short term, this Valentine's week, you will be glad of in the long-term of all that you are about to do.

Reasons

I haven't checked on DM online for a long time really, but this has been a hard week so I couldn't resist the urge. He'd updated that very day to say...

"It's been so busy. I went to the UK and Paris for Christmas, then got back and moved my girlfriend in with me and now both in the process of moving (again) to Sunnyvale."

It still hurts like a punch in the stomach, but it also helps.

At it's simplest it gives me a reason not to contact him. It also gives us a reason not to be together.

Quicksand

I "worked from home" today. Just couldn't face going in, which I know is anti-productive because it will all still be there, and more, tomorrow - but I'm just so knackered.

Life all feels like a struggle at the moment. Probably just the weather, and I'm sure it will pass, but it all feels like hard work and little joy. That's it - I don't really take joy in anything very much these days. I can't remember the last time I had a really, really good laugh.

Perhaps its just getting older, perhaps its work, perhaps its just how life is sometimes - I don't know. I just can't be bothered.

And I miss him, even though he's never mentioned much these days. Even though its better than its ever been. Even though I went through the whole festive period pretty unscathed and without getting in touch with him. I miss him.

First night

Yesterday actually saw me venture out of the house in the evening, for what is the first time (I think) this year!

Went for a lovely curry with Lily and Gerii, followed by just a couple of drinks in the pub over the road, and home by 11.30pm!

It was just what the doctor ordered though, to be honest. I really can't be doing with pubs and clubs (must be getting old), and don't spend enough of my free nights out just chilling and chatting (especially with the benefit of food thrown in), so it was actually really nice. Gerii is all loved up with a new man, which is really good to see. I like it when my mates, especially those who have been single for a while despite being positively lovely, are going through what friend Disco would refer to as "all fluffy" times. I'm happy to live vicariously through them at the minute.

So, after a pleasant evening of civilisation, today was spent dissembling (X and Y old bunk beds - sorry Vi, you could have had them if I'd have thought ahead!), and assembling (Y's new high sleeper with double futon underneath), not to mention getting shot of several more bits and pieces on freecycle - which I am loving at the moment, as it means my crap is actually collected from me! - and a few big things going to the tip with my dad.

I'm certainly getting my house in order, even if the rest of my life does need a bit of a spring clean!

Work in progress 3

A whole roof! And half the scaffolding. That has to be progress!

Stars for the month ahead

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what will tomorrow be? Why, the first day of the rest of the rest of your life! It's never too late to start afresh. But it is always hard to inject optimism into a scenario where the negativity is being artificially conjured. Or, to put it another way, you now have less of a problem than you think. That's precisely why it is proving so difficult to solve! If only there were more to it, you could do more about it. It is almost as if an anxiety is being exaggerated to prove a point'. So begin by getting real. Be honest with yourself and with those around you. Only then can you change whatever needs to change.

Odds and sods

Was mean't to go out tonight to celebrate a (not so close these days) mates birthday, but frankly couldn't be arsed!

The plan was that I would get X to bed about 8pm, then head out about 9pm, leaving Y to babysit her once she was settled. Lo and behold, there is a bloody school disco that doesnt finish until 8.30pm, so no chance of getting her home and in bed asleep by 9! Not to mention the fact that the beautiful new bed I ordered for her from Ebay was arriving about 8pm, and so needed putting together quick. By the time all that was done, and she was finally asleep in bed it was 10pm, and frankly I was going nowhere!

Can't say I was too bothered though. Work remains ridiculously busy and stressful - coming up to the end of financial year, and more than one pot of money to beg and plead for, not to mention the every day running of the service, a couple of nightmare clients, a steering group meeting to prepare for, a 2 year strategy to complete, my new line manager banging on about performance outcomes and HR nonsense, all within a local climate of a complete rearrangement of drugs services and young peoples services, both of which are not reflected in the current strategy and impact directly on partnership arrangements - so, (yet another) night in was fine by me.