My answers...!

Hi ya,

I thought I would e-mail rather than comment on your site, that way you can edit and elaborate as much as you like. Are you sure you want the answers to these questions?? To be quite honest, you know most of the answers already, just put your self in my position and read your blog from there. In fact, I find it hard to believe you’re asking them after what you have written. Is it any surprise that I left? But, since you did ask……!

1, Am I Happy? I live in California, I do my clothes shopping on the Castro, SF, I go out in Palo Alto and San Mateo, I’m an engineer working in Silicone Valley. I get to travel all over the world, if I want to, and not, if I don’t. I get to own one of the best sports bikes you can buy and be riding it in the San Carlos mountains within 30 minutes of leaving my house. I have a partner who I can trust without question. Does it get much better than that?? Maybe. I’ll let you know.

2. Does she make me happy? She doesn’t make me un-happy, it could always be better but that’s the same for every one. Just because she is so different from you and yes maybe a bit boring, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to be un-happy. It depends on what you look for and need in a relationship. So, my relationship isn’t as much of a laugh as it used to be but it is safe, that’s something I never had with you. Even despite you telling me otherwise, I never believed you. Quite rightly after reading what you have written here. You know very well that I have been through utter devastation twice before, devastation that hurts so badly, even now, I’m not going to put myself in that position again.

3. Do I miss you? I miss all the people that were close to me back home, I miss a lot of things. I’m not going to stop what I’m doing here for them though. I’ll have plenty of time later on to be with them. Right now this is for me, something I need to do.

4. Do I want you?? What kind of question is that!?! It’s not a matter of what I want. It’s a matter of what I’m comfortable with. It’s not impossible to give up what I’m doing here, but I don’t give it up for a reason. If you want to know what it is I really want, it’s my wife! My, now, ex-wife to be accurate. But I can’t have her. So, I have to live with that. There, you got me to say it!! And I want those two beautiful, intelligent daughters that I’ve always dreamt of, but I’m never going to get those either. Never, do you know how much that hurts…………No. I don’t think you do. You have no idea!

5, Were you wrong about us? No, I don’t think so. We could have made it under ideal circumstances. But they weren’t. Not for me at least. Not then, not now…..!

6, Am I ever coming back? Maybe, who knows what’s going to happen. I still have plans for Asia and Australia. My visas’ will run out eventually. Right now I have a visa for the next three years in the US, I have no plans to go anywhere in the next six months.

7, How do you move on from this? The same way I have to, it’s hard, fucking hard!! We all deal with these things in different ways. I guess I moved to another country. Try that, but not this one!

8, Why did I leave you?? You know, I didn’t know before! It was more gut feeling than an actual thought process. But, like I said before, read your blog from my point of view. Would you get into a serious relationship, after having the two most important things in your life taken from you, with someone who lives their life like you do? Again, like I said, I’m not going to put myself in that position again, not without being absolutely sure. And I wasn’t!!

Darren