Can't keep a good girl down for long! (unless you ask nicely of course!)

Feeling a little better now. Had a long lie in this morning and a lazy day but also managed to do some sorting and cleaning. So can go to bed feeling like I've achieved something. Also just eaten the most delicious roast dinner (cooked by my own fair hands no less!), which was scrummy scrummy scrummy! For all you foriegn fellow bloggers, you probably have no appreciation of a British roast. I tell you, you're missing something. I'm also seeing CM tonight, and I feel good about that. He always cheers me up.

My DM stuff is still there of course. But not so badly today. It has gone back to the normal dull ache I've learnt to live with. But I've been thinking about him today, and how good I think he was for me. How he pushed me into doing stuff that I wouldn't normally do. Little stuff really, like going in a rowing boat, on rides at the fair (believe me folks I am the biggest wuss when it comes to stuff like that), cycling round the park at 3am in the morning, anal sex, realising that I would have moved countries to be with him, just silly things mostly. But he brought those things out in me. That bravery I guess. He made me realise the potential in me to push my limits. When I was with him I think I could have done anything in time with his encouragement. I wonder if he knows that?

And I think I helped him push his limits too. In a different way. I pushed him to confront feelings, to deal with some of his past stuff, to recognise that he wasn't over his ex-wife, to move him back towards a relationship with his father. I might be wrong and assuming too much credit for stuff, but occasionally he needed those emotions prodding and I think I prodded them well. I know he certainly came back often enough for it.

I think that's why we worked so well. (Obviously not well enough in the end!), and I think to lose that, combined with a fantastic sex life, brilliant communication skills, mutual sense of humour and wonderful comfortableness with each other, is just a shame. You don't get that whole package very often. Trust me, I know!

So that's about it for today. Feeling brighter, though a little introspective, and sure I will be back on form very soon. Thanks for all your comments. It's a little bit crazy how you get involved in complete strangers lives, but it's good. And reading all your blogs really helps me to put things in perspective. So, I'm off for a bath and an evening with CM. Will be sure to keep you posted...