Keeping the wolf from the door...

I am blessed with my job, that I mostly love it - and although there are some dull days, and some stressful days, my colleagues are pretty great, and generally no two days are the same.

Take today, for example...

Myself and Bridie were doing our monthly visit to the countywide brothels, dishing out condoms, lube, sponges and friendly chatter, when we went to the local Thai place, which for those of you who have never visited, is in keeping with most Thai brothels with big huge jacuzzi style baths.

So... it's was about 3000 degrees hot and we're absolutely melting, getting in and out of the furnace temperature car oven, and walking when we couldn' t park, so I jokingly said "Oh, perhaps we should stay here and get in one of those big baths".

Well, fuck me when one of the women's faces lit up and she came towards me saying "Yes, yes, you get in bath!"

You should have seen my face, and Bridie's (as I nearly knocked her over in my rush to leave!), as we muttered a "Must dash - see you next month", and scarpered.

You gotta love my job!

Phew!

Think that that is all my blogs finally in one place! I have made the choice that this is where I started blogging, and it's where I feel most at home (if that's possible in Blogland?!), and it isn't true to myself to hide some of the stuff that's been blogged elsewhere from myself. I originally started writing as an online diary - the place where I wouldn't say stuff elsewhere, and somewhere along the way I became involved with other bloggers and began to self censor myself, which kind of defeats the object.

I have a bit of DM blogging to catch up, just to make sure it's all here - for prosperity and truth - and then that needs to be let lie. Which, surprisingly, I'm actually pretty fine with.

So, for a while, to make sure I stay honest and open I will be keeping comments at bay, to ensure that I write this blog for me, and that is how it will stay.

Miscellanea

Importing blogs is a pain in the arse!

Just had 'derocked' in my security entry box - loving that word!

Too much time on your hands and access to Google is never a good thing!

Praise the Lord for Big Brother!

I sooooo need to lose weight!

And finally, big up love to Albert and to Matt - you know who you are, and you may have restored a little bit of my faith in humanity.

Timing

Life seems to be a strange creature just lately, and timing can impact so much.

Peaks and troughs

Fortunately, nature dictates that flatness cannot remain indefinitely, but that at some point the down or up points must occur. So, at the moment, I am trying to focus forward, enjoy what I can and make the most of what I have. It is much more in my nature.

Pride and joy

On 10th June 2008, I officially became a home owner. One year on, and in honour of this auspicious occasion I thought I would post pics of how my beauuuuuuuutiful house is now. It was an awful struggle to get here, and I am permanently poor as a result, but I have to say, it was well worth it. I do so love my little house!

The front room...

Kitchen...

Downstairs hall and toilet...

Up the wooden hill...

My small (but perfectly formed) adult only abode... (Plus Charlie the cat on the landing!)

X's room...

Y's room... (affectionately known as the batcave!)

Bathroom...

Flat

... and somewhat unfulfilled is where I'm at right now.

I can't quite put my finger on it. I know my blessings - I have 2 happy (mostly) and healthy kids, a beautiful house that I love filled with things hand picked and paid for by myself, a well paid enjoyable job with fabulous work colleagues, and some great friends.

But....!

There is always something lacking - a kind of emptiness that doesnt go away, and just lately a feeling of stuck. I'm tempted to say lost, but that would imply I know where I want to go, and I don't. I just don't.

Perhaps that is the problem.

Definitions

I have struggled of late with definition of myself.

I know who I was, but that no longer fits and I am unsure of who, or what I wish to be now, and more unsure of how to get there.

Having tried, and failed, to resurrect myself successfully elsewhere, this feels the only place that truly is me, so perhaps a reconnection with here will help the reconnection elsewhere. Who knows?

As always, time will tell.