DB - part 1

I first met DB when I was about 18 or 19. It was literally one of those ‘eyes met across a crowded bar’ movie moments (that I have to say have happened far too infrequently for me!) that made me literally freeze. Fifteen years on, I can still remember such little details from that night, and from other points of our relationship, that it amazes me (particularly with my bloody memory!!), and they still make me smile.

We were in our village local one Thursday or Friday night when everyone in the group decided to go over to hometown bar/club. I was quite happy where I was, and couldn’t be bothered, but because literally everyone was going I went too, mumbling and grumbling along the way! My mood continued on the short journey and with arms folded across my chest and pout on my face I begrudgingly went in. We had literally only been in there for a few minutes, when I looked across the room and saw him, and he saw me too.

You hear people say that time stood still, and at that precise moment I’m sure it did. All I was aware of was him looking straight at me and me looking straight at him, and for just a few seconds the rest of the bar just ceased to exist. A friend asking me what I wanted to drink brought me back to earth, and a few minutes later I was shocked to see one of our group heading over to my mystery man. They chatted for a few minutes, and I was aware that they had both looked over towards me as if they were talking about me, despite trying at that point to look completely nonchalant about the whole thing whilst I was telling my mate and asking if she knew him.

Mutual friend (MF) returned and said that he had been asking who I was, and then the pantomime of swapping numbers through him began. I can’t remember too much of the detail, but I know we didn’t speak that night but that communication was done through MF, who eventually furnished him with my number and then told me he had said he would ring me.

He did. And we arranged to go out to the cinema for a first date. I can’t remember what we saw, or exactly how the evening went, but I remember exactly what I was wearing, and I remember how nervous I was about meeting him, as he had literally taken my breath away. I also remember that when I dropped him home he practically legged it out of the car. No kissing, no “would you like to come in”, no “can I see you again”, nothing. Just, “thanks, I had a good time, bye” and gone!

I know he rang me again, and I know we went out again, quite a few times. I remember that he used to meet me down the pub during his lunchtimes and we’d play pool and chat and laugh and so on. I also remember that whilst I fancied him more than I had ever fancied anyone, that the pure lust vibes were there all the time, the physical side of us just never seemed to jell properly. We did sleep together, after a few weeks, and I remember that the first time I went to his house, where he cooked and we chatted and then we both got absolutely slaughtered before we went to bed.

Anyway, this was a pattern that continued, and every time we slept together we were both hammered. Me, because I just fancied him so damn much that I daren’t touch him and instead turned into this super shy creature, and him… well, at the time I didn’t know why. I know it didn’t help, but it made me more and more paranoid that he didn’t really fancy me. After a couple of months he just started to become unavailable, and eventually just disappeared with no real explanation. I was gutted, but with the resilience of youth there were plenty more fish in the sea, and I got on with it.

I don’t remember too much now about times and dates, but I know that this happened a few times. He would disappear for a few months, and then we would catch up with each other, and then we would start spending time together again, and then he would disappear again and so on and so on until it just kind of ended. But through all these times the sex issues were still the same, which for me was really, really unusual. I just never felt sure footed around him.

One of the last times I spoke to him, was a couple of years later when I was pregnant with Y. We bumped into each other in the local dive and got chatting. He was engaged, I was pregnant, but the whole chemistry buzz was still there, and I remember him telling me how much he had fancied me when we had been going out, and how he just couldn’t handle it. It was a strange meeting really, and although it made me feel a little better, it also made me cross. I saw him maybe a couple of times later; I remember once in the pub when he was with his now wife, and I was single again, and although he was relatively newly wed and we only had a really brief conversation the chemistry between us was still there, and once in the shopping centre, again with the wife, where I avoided him because I had not long had X and frankly looked like crap.

So that was the end of DB. One of life’s mysteries, and in many ways one of my ‘ones that got away’! Or so I thought….