fuck!
it might be a good thing
Friday, November 03, 2006
Pissed!
In a vain attempt to get rid of my crappy cold I am two glasses into a very strong bottle of dessert wine (my favourite), and being a lightweight am now decidedly pissed!
In fact I realise that by the effort it is taking me to type/spell.
And I really shouldn't blog when I'm drunken because I just want to blurb about DM and how much I miss him, and how good my life was a year ago, and how we should be buying fireworks and hot dogs and beign together and getting married and fucking and loving and everything else. He hated dessert wine by the way. A lot of people do. I love it!! It's 15%, oooer!!
And I want to text him, really really want to tex him. And I can't because I dont have his number, to stop me from texting him when I get drunk and it all pours out.
And if i cant text him and cant have him I want to text SG, but i cant do that either because he's not DM and he's married and i'm backing off. and now Im horny thinking about them and it sucks. and i think i shoudl throw my phone away because in this drunken state which doesnt happen very hoften I cant be trusted.
Fukcing ring me DM, you bastard. fucking ring me!
In fact I realise that by the effort it is taking me to type/spell.
And I really shouldn't blog when I'm drunken because I just want to blurb about DM and how much I miss him, and how good my life was a year ago, and how we should be buying fireworks and hot dogs and beign together and getting married and fucking and loving and everything else. He hated dessert wine by the way. A lot of people do. I love it!! It's 15%, oooer!!
And I want to text him, really really want to tex him. And I can't because I dont have his number, to stop me from texting him when I get drunk and it all pours out.
And if i cant text him and cant have him I want to text SG, but i cant do that either because he's not DM and he's married and i'm backing off. and now Im horny thinking about them and it sucks. and i think i shoudl throw my phone away because in this drunken state which doesnt happen very hoften I cant be trusted.
Fukcing ring me DM, you bastard. fucking ring me!
Anonymous
There are places I remember,
All my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments,
With lovers and friends I still recall.
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning,
When I think of love as something new.
And I know I'll never lose affection,
For people and things that came before.
Though I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I've loved you more.
All my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments,
With lovers and friends I still recall.
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning,
When I think of love as something new.
And I know I'll never lose affection,
For people and things that came before.
Though I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I've loved you more.
Stinking cold!
Judgement has descended!! After cancelling CM on Sunday night with the excuse of being knackered and not feeling well, I now feel like crap!!
I have had a bit of a cold coming since Tuesday morning and now have a sniffy nose, a bad chest and my period!! Goddammit!!
And it's nearly the weekend!!!!
I have had a bit of a cold coming since Tuesday morning and now have a sniffy nose, a bad chest and my period!! Goddammit!!
And it's nearly the weekend!!!!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Donations welcome :-)
As I've mentioned before (I think!?), I really really want to move house, well buy my own house actually. Must be an age thing!! Although I earn reasonably good money now (£26k), at most I would probably only get a mortgage for around £100k, which will buy you practically nothing in my part of the world, and still cost about £600-700 a month to repay. Just not realistic or feasible for me buying on my own!!
So, I have been looking at some "affordable housing", which basically means you buy 50% and rent 50% until you can afford to buy more, and eventually you can potentially own the whole thing or sell your share and move up the housing market, etc etc. Now this is really the only feasible option to get me on the housing market, other than hook up with someone with a house, put in a few years and then claim some of it as my own. Something, frankly, I'm absolutely not prepared to do!!
Well, I have my eye on some new build (including requisite 10% affordable housing) properties in my hometown, 5 of the planned which would be suitable for me (3bedrooms), 2 due for completion this month, 2 next summer and 1 next Nov. I duly sent off the forms to get myself registered etc and today received an application for one of the 2 now/nearly completed. Yay!!!!
However, there is one drawback!!! On the form it asks if you have £2000 saved to cover the immediate costs of moving, and if not, how will you find this money. Damn!!!!! Damn, damn, damn!!! I don't, of course! Do you think I could write down bank robbery...?
Any ideas on how to get your hands on that kind of money and quick (preferably, but not necessarily, legally!) or donations gratefully accepted... ;-)
So, I have been looking at some "affordable housing", which basically means you buy 50% and rent 50% until you can afford to buy more, and eventually you can potentially own the whole thing or sell your share and move up the housing market, etc etc. Now this is really the only feasible option to get me on the housing market, other than hook up with someone with a house, put in a few years and then claim some of it as my own. Something, frankly, I'm absolutely not prepared to do!!
Well, I have my eye on some new build (including requisite 10% affordable housing) properties in my hometown, 5 of the planned which would be suitable for me (3bedrooms), 2 due for completion this month, 2 next summer and 1 next Nov. I duly sent off the forms to get myself registered etc and today received an application for one of the 2 now/nearly completed. Yay!!!!
However, there is one drawback!!! On the form it asks if you have £2000 saved to cover the immediate costs of moving, and if not, how will you find this money. Damn!!!!! Damn, damn, damn!!! I don't, of course! Do you think I could write down bank robbery...?
Any ideas on how to get your hands on that kind of money and quick (preferably, but not necessarily, legally!) or donations gratefully accepted... ;-)
Enter the puppy...!
Saw CM last night. In typical fashion, as I am now expressing signs (albeit unconscious ones) that my desire may be waning, the puppy has been awakened. Last night I got lots of loving looks, etc, and it just made me feel uncomfortable. I'm going to have to resolve this soon I think!
A bad girl!!
Inspired by the previous texting between SG and me, and under the influence of a few glasses of wine and the typical insomnia (well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!!), I texted SG in the early hours of Tuesday morning... "And what would you want me to wear anyway x??" Yes I know it was wrong!!! Yes I know I should leave well alone!! Yes I know I am so bad!! But hell, I wanted to know!! (Must say I was kind of expecting a reply that said leather, chains, rubber etc, and was just checking out any potential pervertedness).
SG - Morning hun. Got your text this am. You got little SG up. Ooh, I need options. I like medium to short dresses and skirts. I would need to have a look at a selection. What gets you hot?? On you and on me???
Now I have to say, getting that kind of text in the morning is absolutely conducive to spending the day with damp knickers, but I'm also aware of his situation, and the fact that while he seems to have gone from 0-60 in about 3 seconds, knowing his previous dabbling and then putting the brakes on, I'm kind of expecting that again. But that's all good. I'm not planning on pushing him into anything that is going to cause either of us serious amounts of distress. However, am bad enough to want to see how far he is willing to go at this point...
Me - Damn! Wish I had good legs!! If I was thin and gorgeous I'd wear absolutely anything and everything!! It's been such a long time since I was with anyone long enough to get to that point that I will have to think on it some more... As for what would be hot on you... well that would be me ;-) xx
Oh, I am so bad. Encouraging my gardener in his wicked ways :-) But hey, shoot me! And sure enough, he comes up trumps...
SG - Nice. Think on! You should be more sure of yourself. I think you're hot. Would like to see you in a nice knee length flowing dress. Some nice knickers which you would take off slowly while keeping your dress on. How does that sound??
How does that sound?? How does that sound?? Fuck me now goddamn you!!! I tell you, this is better than I expected, and still waters certainly are proving to run deep! However!!! This is way way further than he's been out before, and I'm aware of that, and I've already decided that if anything more than this is going to happen then it needs to be led by him, because I am not going down the road of being accused of dragging him into a situation. So I decide to test him a little to see how near the back off point is, and I don't reply. Fully expecting a similar response to previously when he's stepped out of the comfort zone (or fucking sprinted out in this case!!!). Sure enough, half an hour later...
SG - I'm bad. I should stop. Can we be mates please??
Kerching!! As expected!! And although a tiny bit of me is a bit disappointed, I know that's a short term irritation, and that if this is going to move up a notch then it needs to be led by him, at his pace, and is likely to be a long way off yet. Each time he edges a little further out before he reigns himself back in, and I'm happy to let things lie as they are. (Besides, it's interesting that he says "I'm bad", not "we're/this is bad", and also that he says "I should stop", not "this has to stop/this must stop"). So, all good, all as expected, and I'm happy to let him settle again (for a while at least!).
Me - Ok. That's fine. Sorry for leading you astray. We all good SG x
SG - Cheers pickle. I'm naughty too. Good to know we cool xx
Me - Yeah, no worries. Don't want to lose a sexy gardener :-) Make sure you come find me if you ever find yourself single though ;-) See you soon x
SG - Will do hun. See you soon xx
So, things with SG on hold for now. But when I look back over our contact in the last 6 weeks or so (especially considering I've known him for over a year), we've come a bloody long long way recently, and I don't think this is the end yet. It's out there now, and it will remain that way, even if we don't mention it for a while. The idea is in both our heads. The acknowledgement of desire has been voiced by both parties. The potential has been set. But let him come in his own time, when the time and the situation is right. I'm not forcing the issue, just opening up the opportunity, and I'm cool with that. I'm not desperate desperate for it, and I don't want something to happen unless he can cope with it, and I really really don't think he's there yet, much as he might like to be! But keep your eye on this space...
PS. I know it may be very boring for you reading my texts, but tough! I like to have them down to look back on, and also to kind of store and then delete from my phone. So I have them to remember if I want, but I'm not distracted by the good ones or burdened by the bad ones by carrying them around in my pocket all day! Kind of like putting them in a safe deposit box I guess!
SG - Morning hun. Got your text this am. You got little SG up. Ooh, I need options. I like medium to short dresses and skirts. I would need to have a look at a selection. What gets you hot?? On you and on me???
Now I have to say, getting that kind of text in the morning is absolutely conducive to spending the day with damp knickers, but I'm also aware of his situation, and the fact that while he seems to have gone from 0-60 in about 3 seconds, knowing his previous dabbling and then putting the brakes on, I'm kind of expecting that again. But that's all good. I'm not planning on pushing him into anything that is going to cause either of us serious amounts of distress. However, am bad enough to want to see how far he is willing to go at this point...
Me - Damn! Wish I had good legs!! If I was thin and gorgeous I'd wear absolutely anything and everything!! It's been such a long time since I was with anyone long enough to get to that point that I will have to think on it some more... As for what would be hot on you... well that would be me ;-) xx
Oh, I am so bad. Encouraging my gardener in his wicked ways :-) But hey, shoot me! And sure enough, he comes up trumps...
SG - Nice. Think on! You should be more sure of yourself. I think you're hot. Would like to see you in a nice knee length flowing dress. Some nice knickers which you would take off slowly while keeping your dress on. How does that sound??
How does that sound?? How does that sound?? Fuck me now goddamn you!!! I tell you, this is better than I expected, and still waters certainly are proving to run deep! However!!! This is way way further than he's been out before, and I'm aware of that, and I've already decided that if anything more than this is going to happen then it needs to be led by him, because I am not going down the road of being accused of dragging him into a situation. So I decide to test him a little to see how near the back off point is, and I don't reply. Fully expecting a similar response to previously when he's stepped out of the comfort zone (or fucking sprinted out in this case!!!). Sure enough, half an hour later...
SG - I'm bad. I should stop. Can we be mates please??
Kerching!! As expected!! And although a tiny bit of me is a bit disappointed, I know that's a short term irritation, and that if this is going to move up a notch then it needs to be led by him, at his pace, and is likely to be a long way off yet. Each time he edges a little further out before he reigns himself back in, and I'm happy to let things lie as they are. (Besides, it's interesting that he says "I'm bad", not "we're/this is bad", and also that he says "I should stop", not "this has to stop/this must stop"). So, all good, all as expected, and I'm happy to let him settle again (for a while at least!).
Me - Ok. That's fine. Sorry for leading you astray. We all good SG x
SG - Cheers pickle. I'm naughty too. Good to know we cool xx
Me - Yeah, no worries. Don't want to lose a sexy gardener :-) Make sure you come find me if you ever find yourself single though ;-) See you soon x
SG - Will do hun. See you soon xx
So, things with SG on hold for now. But when I look back over our contact in the last 6 weeks or so (especially considering I've known him for over a year), we've come a bloody long long way recently, and I don't think this is the end yet. It's out there now, and it will remain that way, even if we don't mention it for a while. The idea is in both our heads. The acknowledgement of desire has been voiced by both parties. The potential has been set. But let him come in his own time, when the time and the situation is right. I'm not forcing the issue, just opening up the opportunity, and I'm cool with that. I'm not desperate desperate for it, and I don't want something to happen unless he can cope with it, and I really really don't think he's there yet, much as he might like to be! But keep your eye on this space...
PS. I know it may be very boring for you reading my texts, but tough! I like to have them down to look back on, and also to kind of store and then delete from my phone. So I have them to remember if I want, but I'm not distracted by the good ones or burdened by the bad ones by carrying them around in my pocket all day! Kind of like putting them in a safe deposit box I guess!
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