..easily made, easily broken.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy8JFSOMpLs
Even though, I guess, somewhere deep down, I'm still waiting.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I Remember You
"I remember you,
You're the one that made my dreams come true, a few kisses ago.
I remember you,
You're the one who said "I love you too, I do, didn't you know"?
I remember too,
A distant bell, and stars that fell, like rain out of the blue.
When my life is through, and the angels ask me to recall,
The thrill of them all.
Then I shall tell them,
I remember you."
You're the one that made my dreams come true, a few kisses ago.
I remember you,
You're the one who said "I love you too, I do, didn't you know"?
I remember too,
A distant bell, and stars that fell, like rain out of the blue.
When my life is through, and the angels ask me to recall,
The thrill of them all.
Then I shall tell them,
I remember you."
Friday, October 30, 2009
The untold
The other problem with this 'time of the month' is that the normal control I have of other emotions goes to pot - especially where he is concerned.
Still, reigning it in and supressing successfully (mostly) for 25 days a month is progress I guess!
Still, reigning it in and supressing successfully (mostly) for 25 days a month is progress I guess!
Nocturnal naughtiness
God damn time of the month! I am so horny this evening!!
I have had several rather pleasant, though equally a tad strange, dreams - involving various (known and unknown) men the last few nights, which must have been the lead up to monthly horn - nothing specific or really raunchy, but pleasant enough that I've woken in the morning with a lingering of kisses in my mind and that desperation to shut my eyes and recapture the sleepy moment.
Tonight, the subtle might not cut it!
I have had several rather pleasant, though equally a tad strange, dreams - involving various (known and unknown) men the last few nights, which must have been the lead up to monthly horn - nothing specific or really raunchy, but pleasant enough that I've woken in the morning with a lingering of kisses in my mind and that desperation to shut my eyes and recapture the sleepy moment.
Tonight, the subtle might not cut it!
Get me!
I spent today schmoozing with a particular female Shadow Minister who came to visit my service - oh I am so fabulous!! :-)
Ooops
Well, so much for my plan to wheedle out some further information from Robin this Monday. We arrived as usual, sat down and a short while later he arrived. Unfortunately there was no little space on the end of our bench for him to lurk this week but we had some chit chat as he was shooting so all was going well.
About half way through Y suddenly tells me that he feels a bit "buggy"! However, he reassured me that he was fine and wanted to carry on. A short while later he comes over and asks where the toilets are, and I send him speedily on his way with X to show him where. A minute later she comes back and says Y has been sick - and unfortunately, he didnt make it to the toilet!!
So instead of some mild flirting and information gathering, I spent the next 20minutes clearing up a regurgitated pasta riddled pile of vomit with nothing more than 3 tonnes of toilet tissues, a black bin liner, an empty waste paper basket filled with water and handwash and a broom! Nice!!
Roll on next week...
About half way through Y suddenly tells me that he feels a bit "buggy"! However, he reassured me that he was fine and wanted to carry on. A short while later he comes over and asks where the toilets are, and I send him speedily on his way with X to show him where. A minute later she comes back and says Y has been sick - and unfortunately, he didnt make it to the toilet!!
So instead of some mild flirting and information gathering, I spent the next 20minutes clearing up a regurgitated pasta riddled pile of vomit with nothing more than 3 tonnes of toilet tissues, a black bin liner, an empty waste paper basket filled with water and handwash and a broom! Nice!!
Roll on next week...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Riding through the glen...
Whilst at archery last Monday I got chatting to a rather nice young (well not that young, but nonetheless) man, who in the spirit of things shall hence be named Robin!
He was sat next to us while we were waiting and it transpires he has been going to the club for a few months, so is no longer a beginner, and although he is far from my usual type, both in build and looks, as the evening progressed I found myself thinking "actually, that man is not that bad looking!", and there was a definite something about him that I found really attractive. He has an incredibly dry sense of humour, was friendly without being creepy or puppy, and was willing to put up with X's constant chatter and questions (including how much is that bow... over £1000!). He did say he didn't usually come that early, but usually waited until the beginners had finished, so I didn't expect to see him again this week. Unfortunately.
However... lo and behold, we had only been there a few minutes tonight, and X (who has taken a shine to him and was saying before we went "I hope that man is there this week") said he was here. After a few minutes or so he asked us to budge up and sat on the end of the bench next to X, who was next to me. And I was definitely pleased to see him and thought, again, there is definitely something about him. (He'd had a haircut as well - I wonder if coincidentally!).
So, we chit chatted a bit more and I have managed to deduce the following:
He works for Nissan, designing cars (or bits of cars at least).
He has a 24yr old daughter.
Not much I know - I don't even know his name so we are calling him Robin in real life as well - but a start. He's obviously smart and well off if his archery equipment is to go by, and I would age him early to mid 40's, but who knows. I did manage to drop a few things in the convo, such as my age, and most importantly that Y lives with just X and me, so no other men in the house, and also my work, by accident more than by design.
As we left, he did say "see you next week", so... roll on next Monday!
He was sat next to us while we were waiting and it transpires he has been going to the club for a few months, so is no longer a beginner, and although he is far from my usual type, both in build and looks, as the evening progressed I found myself thinking "actually, that man is not that bad looking!", and there was a definite something about him that I found really attractive. He has an incredibly dry sense of humour, was friendly without being creepy or puppy, and was willing to put up with X's constant chatter and questions (including how much is that bow... over £1000!). He did say he didn't usually come that early, but usually waited until the beginners had finished, so I didn't expect to see him again this week. Unfortunately.
However... lo and behold, we had only been there a few minutes tonight, and X (who has taken a shine to him and was saying before we went "I hope that man is there this week") said he was here. After a few minutes or so he asked us to budge up and sat on the end of the bench next to X, who was next to me. And I was definitely pleased to see him and thought, again, there is definitely something about him. (He'd had a haircut as well - I wonder if coincidentally!).
So, we chit chatted a bit more and I have managed to deduce the following:
He works for Nissan, designing cars (or bits of cars at least).
He has a 24yr old daughter.
Not much I know - I don't even know his name so we are calling him Robin in real life as well - but a start. He's obviously smart and well off if his archery equipment is to go by, and I would age him early to mid 40's, but who knows. I did manage to drop a few things in the convo, such as my age, and most importantly that Y lives with just X and me, so no other men in the house, and also my work, by accident more than by design.
As we left, he did say "see you next week", so... roll on next Monday!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Growing up
I went round to see Meg last night, just for a bit of a natter and gossip as I haven't seen her for ages. I got there to find that one of Mr Meg's mates, DJ, was there, who I know from years and years ago and haven't actually seen for years. We used to knock about around the town before I had Y so it was completely random to bump into him almost 2o yrs later! Whilst it was nice to see him, he literally hasn't changed at all - very much the epitomy of the cheeky chappy, and whilst that might seem a good thing, in fact, it got me to thinking that it's all a bit sad to still be the same person, doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts, drinking the same drinks, twenty years later. Perhaps I've grown up more than I thought the last few years!
Though not so grown up that I'm not going to enjoy spending all day in my pyjamas - just because I can!
Though not so grown up that I'm not going to enjoy spending all day in my pyjamas - just because I can!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Farewell Bridey
Yesterday was The Bride's last day at work before she heads off to have a baby in 3 weeks, so last night X went to sleep at Lily's, and the evening saw the gaggle of us in a gorgeous Italian restaurant in the town where I work, with piles of fabulous food loaded onto the table. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling well, so I had a tomato and onion salad and ate only a handful of that, plus a taste of CJ's monkfish - most annoying when everything looked so good! On the bright side though, it did mean my meal only cost me a fiver, which is good as it meant I had a whole £15 for shopping today!!
It was a good night, and everybody had a good time, but I am very sad to be losing her for 9 months (assuming I am still there when she comes back in July!). She has really been my rock in the last 3 years I've been there, and is such a strong, supportive and knowledgeable member of the team that we will all feel her absence. It just won't be the same without her.
That said, I will definitely be seeing lots of her, as I already do out of work - particularly as her son is a year younger than X so we share a lot of holiday childcare, that and she's always willing to cook sunday dinner for us all, being one of these people that can't sit still for more than 15 minutes! Regardless of work, I am sure she will always be a good friend of mine, and at my age, that is something to be grateful for!
It was a good night, and everybody had a good time, but I am very sad to be losing her for 9 months (assuming I am still there when she comes back in July!). She has really been my rock in the last 3 years I've been there, and is such a strong, supportive and knowledgeable member of the team that we will all feel her absence. It just won't be the same without her.
That said, I will definitely be seeing lots of her, as I already do out of work - particularly as her son is a year younger than X so we share a lot of holiday childcare, that and she's always willing to cook sunday dinner for us all, being one of these people that can't sit still for more than 15 minutes! Regardless of work, I am sure she will always be a good friend of mine, and at my age, that is something to be grateful for!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thy Will is done
Well, I finally had my date with Will yesterday lunchtime!
In my usually organised fashion I had emailed him a week or so ago and suggested Thursday lunchtime as my best 'window' and then promptly forgot about it! I had a couple of passing thoughts that he hadn't emailed again to say yes that's fine, or why haven't you rang/emailed back, but that was the extent of the time given over to the event. Wednesday evening, about 9.30pm, it suddenly dawned on me that Thursday was tomorrow and I had not rang or confirmed, so about 9.45pm I rang to speak to him.
We only spent a few minutes on the phone, and it very much followed the pattern of our email contact - pleasant, but nothing really exciting. So, come the designated time, I toddled off to meet him feeling rather blase about it all, which is probably a good thing as it's the first date I've been on in about 3 years I think (which is so hard to believe!!).
And, while I would love to say that in person everything clicked into place, unfortunately the date followed the same pattern as the email contact and the phone conversation beforehand. It was fine. And that was about it. Fine.
He seems to be a really pleasant bloke, family orientated, solvent, fit, and quite attractive, but he just didn't float my boat I'm afraid, which is pretty much what I expected. I had already been looking at the negatives of him before we met - particularly a 5yr old son (who he spends 4 days with/4 days without), the fact he is only seperated for 7 months, poor grammar/punctuation in emails, and other minimal but equally important factors.
I'm glad I went though, I had a nice time and it's about time I started putting myself out there again. I just need to get rid of the yardstick I subconsciously use to measure up any potential candidates. Easier said than done though!
In my usually organised fashion I had emailed him a week or so ago and suggested Thursday lunchtime as my best 'window' and then promptly forgot about it! I had a couple of passing thoughts that he hadn't emailed again to say yes that's fine, or why haven't you rang/emailed back, but that was the extent of the time given over to the event. Wednesday evening, about 9.30pm, it suddenly dawned on me that Thursday was tomorrow and I had not rang or confirmed, so about 9.45pm I rang to speak to him.
We only spent a few minutes on the phone, and it very much followed the pattern of our email contact - pleasant, but nothing really exciting. So, come the designated time, I toddled off to meet him feeling rather blase about it all, which is probably a good thing as it's the first date I've been on in about 3 years I think (which is so hard to believe!!).
And, while I would love to say that in person everything clicked into place, unfortunately the date followed the same pattern as the email contact and the phone conversation beforehand. It was fine. And that was about it. Fine.
He seems to be a really pleasant bloke, family orientated, solvent, fit, and quite attractive, but he just didn't float my boat I'm afraid, which is pretty much what I expected. I had already been looking at the negatives of him before we met - particularly a 5yr old son (who he spends 4 days with/4 days without), the fact he is only seperated for 7 months, poor grammar/punctuation in emails, and other minimal but equally important factors.
I'm glad I went though, I had a nice time and it's about time I started putting myself out there again. I just need to get rid of the yardstick I subconsciously use to measure up any potential candidates. Easier said than done though!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Pure Morning
Just heard this song for the first time in years, had forgotten how much I absolutely love, love, love it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbHkwrGgsoA
Not to mention that it's pure sex music!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbHkwrGgsoA
Not to mention that it's pure sex music!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Drowning
I am so struggling for money right now that it feels like I'm drowning. A never ending cycle of thinking I have sorted things only for something else to come up. I'm so frustrated by it all, and starting to get really, really worried that I'm going to end up drowning in it all.
I need a windfall, just a small one, and bloody quick!
I need a windfall, just a small one, and bloody quick!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Y
Y has started archery tonight - just a 6 week beginners course, but it's a start. He's always liked archery when we've been to Butlins or such places and he's had a go, but he's never actually wanted to go locally before - I think he's been too shy to be honest. However, he decided over the holidays that he wanted to try it, so after flying home from work, throwing a chip shop dinner down them and leaving 5 minutes later, we arrived just in time.
I think he enjoyed it - he seemed to anyway, though it didn't help that we forgot his glasses! That he needs for long distance sight!! I managed to keep myself amused for an hour by chatting to the archery bloke sat next to me...
In other Y news, he got a trophy in bowling on Saturday for highest scratch game in his league, or some such thing. I know the score was 173! And that it had his own name on it - not just a generic one. So yay for Y! Nice to have some good things to say after his GCSE results...!
I think he enjoyed it - he seemed to anyway, though it didn't help that we forgot his glasses! That he needs for long distance sight!! I managed to keep myself amused for an hour by chatting to the archery bloke sat next to me...
In other Y news, he got a trophy in bowling on Saturday for highest scratch game in his league, or some such thing. I know the score was 173! And that it had his own name on it - not just a generic one. So yay for Y! Nice to have some good things to say after his GCSE results...!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sometimes, only sometimes...
...I wish I was married. Or rather, I wish I believed that marriage was possible for me. Or rather, if I'm completely, and blatantly honest, I wish I was married to him.
I don't think I am a cynical or negative person, though I acknowledge I have my moments, like anybody else, but I think I am a realist. And marriage, it would seem, is not my destiny - if you believe in destiny at all.
I like to think I may find love again, although my gut tells me it probably won't be for another few years yet, and I like to think I won't spend my life alone. But marriage, that I can never truly believe, I can never really, truly imagine for me.
I did believe once, which surprised me, and the very fact that once upon a few years ago I could genuinely see it, after years of never believing that I would, may, perversely, be the problem.
Despite the fact that I never saw myself getting married, and I was just fine with that, I found someone that I knew that I would vow to spend my life with, but as we all know far too well, that didn't exactly pan out for me. So now, instead of feeling that because I've changed my mind once before it may be possible again, instead I feel that because of that I am even less likely to walk down the proverbial aisle. It's difficult to explain, but I guess I promised myself to him, and even though that was nothing more than a promise made to myself, it was more value than any ceremony could have had. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to break that promise, regardless of any love that follows.
It's an odd way to feel. And sometimes, only sometimes, it makes me sad.
I don't think I am a cynical or negative person, though I acknowledge I have my moments, like anybody else, but I think I am a realist. And marriage, it would seem, is not my destiny - if you believe in destiny at all.
I like to think I may find love again, although my gut tells me it probably won't be for another few years yet, and I like to think I won't spend my life alone. But marriage, that I can never truly believe, I can never really, truly imagine for me.
I did believe once, which surprised me, and the very fact that once upon a few years ago I could genuinely see it, after years of never believing that I would, may, perversely, be the problem.
Despite the fact that I never saw myself getting married, and I was just fine with that, I found someone that I knew that I would vow to spend my life with, but as we all know far too well, that didn't exactly pan out for me. So now, instead of feeling that because I've changed my mind once before it may be possible again, instead I feel that because of that I am even less likely to walk down the proverbial aisle. It's difficult to explain, but I guess I promised myself to him, and even though that was nothing more than a promise made to myself, it was more value than any ceremony could have had. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to break that promise, regardless of any love that follows.
It's an odd way to feel. And sometimes, only sometimes, it makes me sad.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Wedding alert
I am off to partaaay tonight, after Smiler and his lovely girlfriend became Mr and Mrs Smiler, in Slovenia last friday. I was completely gutted to not be able to go - due purely to money - as I have been to every other wedding in his family with him. However, it looked absolutely beautiful, with boat ride to the chapel, castle on the lake and lovely hotel, so I am so glad that they had a good time. Really twanged with me when I looked at the pictures though, more than I thought it would.
Anyway, they are having an England reception party tonight, for all the poor friends who didnt make the real thing, so I am about to go and beautify myself (well, as much as possible anyway) and then head out. I think I might even take Y with me as well - X is at her daddy's.
Let the paaaartaaaay commence!
Anyway, they are having an England reception party tonight, for all the poor friends who didnt make the real thing, so I am about to go and beautify myself (well, as much as possible anyway) and then head out. I think I might even take Y with me as well - X is at her daddy's.
Let the paaaartaaaay commence!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Progression
Well, things are progressing, even if it is incredibly slowly, with Will from the t'internet. Communication has continued, via email, throughout the summer holidays, but although it is quite pleasant I can't say I'm absolutely enthralled with any of it - it hasn't got quite the buzz to it that some of my previous email conversations have had, and there are some issues around the amount of time he sees his son that already give me concern. That said, you never know til you try, so it is my tiny step at getting back on the bandwagon I guess!
So, we have agreed a lunch date, not confirmed the day yet, but I've suggested next Thursday, and he has emailed me his number. I will ring him next week and sort for definite. I am a bit reluctant to get too carried away with email or phoning, as I don't want a repeat of RB, where its all super quick chat, super great, and then come to nothing because I change my mind or wig out. Much easier to stick to an even keel, hence why meeting him is probably a good step.
We shall see. In other t'internet news, I have just winked and been winked back at, another potential candidate (victim), Ant, from about 20 miles away. Interestingly, I have now set up 2 different profiles, both me, but one the more bolshy - I'm a size 16, looking for, no messing - without a photo, and another with a photo that is more detailed, but slightly less in your face. I have winked him from both and he has winked back to both, so... he's either interested in both aspects of my personality, or he's a player who will wink at anyone! Again, time will tell... Not that I'm holding my breath though!!
So, we have agreed a lunch date, not confirmed the day yet, but I've suggested next Thursday, and he has emailed me his number. I will ring him next week and sort for definite. I am a bit reluctant to get too carried away with email or phoning, as I don't want a repeat of RB, where its all super quick chat, super great, and then come to nothing because I change my mind or wig out. Much easier to stick to an even keel, hence why meeting him is probably a good step.
We shall see. In other t'internet news, I have just winked and been winked back at, another potential candidate (victim), Ant, from about 20 miles away. Interestingly, I have now set up 2 different profiles, both me, but one the more bolshy - I'm a size 16, looking for, no messing - without a photo, and another with a photo that is more detailed, but slightly less in your face. I have winked him from both and he has winked back to both, so... he's either interested in both aspects of my personality, or he's a player who will wink at anyone! Again, time will tell... Not that I'm holding my breath though!!
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Information highway
The internet is a wonderful place. Full of secret peeks into other people's lives. Information from all over the world. Reassurance of place in a vast and lonely planet. Connections to people we may never meet.
It is also hell. The place where given enough clicks of the fingers, and time on hands, and smart thinking, you can find almost anything at all.
I have spent today looking at wedding photos. They weren't mine.
I shouldn't look. I shouldn't care.
I have. I do.
It is also hell. The place where given enough clicks of the fingers, and time on hands, and smart thinking, you can find almost anything at all.
I have spent today looking at wedding photos. They weren't mine.
I shouldn't look. I shouldn't care.
I have. I do.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Chat up lines
I got chatted up by a man at the local post office sorting office while picking up a parcel today. Unfortunately he wouldnt have been somebody I would have considered going out with, but I guess its still flattering.
Now I just need Robbie Williams to get a new job down there...!
Now I just need Robbie Williams to get a new job down there...!
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