Vegas (and SF) - Part 10 - The other stuff

I'm glad I went. I'm glad that I got to see him, and to touch him, and to speak to him. Properly. I'm glad I got to 'put my money where my mouth is' and look him in the eye and tell him I love him. I'm glad that I think he may believe it now.

We spent a lot of time just hanging out and we spent a lot of time talking about me, about him, about us, and about how we're both still here. I can't remember too much the individual conversations, or the specifics about when or where they happened, mostly because it was just a continuous thread throughout the whole two days.

There are odd things that stuck with me, both good and bad, and I didn't really get any answers to any questions. But then, thinking about it, I didn't really have any questions! It was more about me expressing how I feel, and about seeking some admission of responsibility for his part in this. I achieved both of those.

He accepts that although in the main it has been me that has continued the contact, he has responded and he has instigated, although I think he is only just coming to terms with that fact himself. He acknowledges that I was there not only because I want to be but also because he lets me be, and neither of us can really explain why that is. He did say he has tried to put me in a box, and that he has tried to imply things to make me finish it once and for all, but also that even though I've been so close sometimes, neither of us seems to have managed to call it a day completely.

Neither of us can really explain why, after all this time, we are still in this place, when realistically there is not a single reason why we should even be in contact any more, and neither of us can seem to call it a day once and for all.

In the main, my overriding memory of being there was that it was great. Really great. And still so easy to be with each other, despite all this time apart, and the past events that have happened, with both of us. There was absolutely no uneasiness, no uncomfortableness, no distress, even with some of the conversation material. Just laughing, and relaxing, and touching, and (occasional) comfortable silences. I don't think either of us ever really doubted it would be any other way, or we wouldn't have done it, and I think that belief, and that reality, goes a pretty long way to a new beginning, however difficult that may be to achieve initially.