Fucker!

About 8,30pm last night I had a text from DM:

I'm going to be staying in Paris an extra night so don't make any plans for me for Saturday night. Will call and explain as soon as I can.

UNFUCKINGBELIEVEABLE!! But rather than jump the gun and imagine it's because he actually can't be arsed to even make the effort to see me at all, and that it's not something that's happened, I replied:

Is everything ok? So I wont get to see you at all then?

No, will call soon.

Great!

Lily and Meg were due to arrive shortly to watch the start of BB, and despite some head shaking, I was relatively calm about it. I had been toying (very gently) with the idea of cancelling anyway, on the basis of "what's the point?". Anytime I have seen him/spoken with him/contacted him before it is pretty much always on the basis that I believe we have a chance at a future. My calmness was also helped by the fact that he was happy to be back in the country for a week before planning to see me, which had kind of made me realise that 'a future' wasn't going to happen. But despite considering cancelling, its the same old story of 'what if', so I'd decided to meet him on Saturday night as planned.

So BB was good, a pleasant distraction, and I really didn't dwell on the whole text/DM situation too much for the entire evening.

However...!

This morning I have woken from an entire night of dreams of screaming and crying. And I am filled with fucking rage. Shouting at the kids, shouting at the telly, shouting at the cat. Pure frustration I think. Rage and tears. Less rage now, more tears.

I spent all night dreaming that I was in America, that it was my last day, and that because I hadnt replied to his text he was ignoring me and in fact making plans to see someone else. I don't remember any more specifics other than an awful lot of me shouting at him, and him just not listening. Which I think just about sums it up. I feel like he never fucking hears me!! And that if I could just do this, or just do that, or whatever. And now I'm left with this image of him with someone new, someone better.

So I woke in this mood, feeling like I've spent the night shouting and screaming and crying, and then I got mad, thinking "I mean so fucking little he can't even manage to see me for one evening". All this time, all this energy and he cant spare one fucking evening!! I really do mean nothing to him. He really doesn't give a fucking shit.

And then, stupidly!!! I thought, 'perhaps he's in Paris longer for a job interview, perhaps he's making plans to come back to me permanently and keeping it a surprise." And for a split second it seemed possible. Until I realise how fucking pathetic it is to even have that thought. And it pisses me off that I could even consider that, even for a split second, when it's blatantly obvious that all these months when I've believed in him, and believed that if I could just make him see that I'm serious, that I'm committed, then he'll let those barriers down and let me in, when the reality is just that he doesn't give a shit. He just doesn't want it. He just doesn't want me.

And when is that going to stop hurting this bad?!!

Out again

Well last night saw another night of drunken debauchery (other people's, not mine of course!) at The Nun, yes, two nights in a row!! Headed over with Meg about 8pm, and were joined by Lois (sister of Lena, who was working all night), partner Superman and friend Smith a little later.

The rain hadn't dampened anybody's spirits, and the place was pretty heaving with both a band on and a regular's birthday being celebrated. The band were great, playing a mixture of pretty much everything from The Pogues, to Pink, to Fleetwood Mac, and even a few old cheesy numbers too, and there was plenty of dancing being done by me!

Both Jay and Justin were out and on top form, with Jay introducing me to people as his "new ex-wife" and Justin, after the severe flirting Saturday night being a little more bashful in his approach. I laughed along with both, smiled when I should, bantered endlessly, flirted shamelessly, and generally acted like the cocky madam I can be when faced with attention from men that I like but am not massively keen to pursue. They are both great guys, both completely different, and in a way two sides of what I like in a man. Jay is loud and confident and funny, and has that certain something that instantly attracts me. Justin is quiet and loyal, and also very funny, but more of a slow burner I think. I enjoy both of their company, but right now I'm not willing to take things any further than that.

The night eventually wound up around midnight (oh the joy of village pub hours!) with everybody headed off to a party, but I'd pretty much had enough by then, and had started to do the disconnecting thing that I do, so decided to head home to a quiet house and an empty bed!

Distractions

When did I turn into this girl?

Who's life has become a series of distractions, of greater or lesser degree.

Who's life no longer fits.

Not sure...

... I can do this anymore.

Off out

After X's departure to Daddy's, and an empty house, the afternoon has been well spent with a sunbed, a wank, a bath and some reading!

And now, I am off to The Nun for a few to catch up with Lena and Meg, and I must say I am looking gooooood!!

DM doesn't know what he's missing!

God...

...I could do with a shag!!

A really fucking good one!!

Stars for the week ahead

At the end of the week, there will be a Full Moon in your sign. That will bring everything to a head. It will either help you reach a decision or somehow, make a choice for you. It will end one venture and begin another. And where there is tension between you and another person? Somehow, it will be relieved and released. Even if first it becomes a little more agitated. If you want to make the most of the week, ask yourself what you are good at. What do you truly enjoy? Then, resolve to give your time to this regardless of who or what tries to steal your agenda. Put your time and your energy into something constructive and don't give it to anything else.

Static

Plans have been confirmed. I am seeing DM again next Saturday. The last but one night before he heads back to America.

I wasn't really expecting anything more, but I was hoping.

I guess it's pretty clear that nothing's changed.

Gardener's delight

I briefly mentioned SG (and the lack of gardening - damn him) yesterday, but the text conversation was a little more detailed than that, so am finally getting round to posting that too.

After the last bout of flirty texting, I hadn't heard from him for a while, and was fully expecting that when we picked up contact again "those conversations" would be relegated to the annals of history, never to be mentioned again. It seems I was wrong...

Hello SG. Hope you good. Long time no see! Just wondered if you could come do garden. Grass is ridiculously long, hedge too, and ivy climbing in my kitchen window! I get paid on Friday so now might be a good time :-)

Hi ya gorgeous. What you wearing?? Tee hee. No but really, what you wearing..?? I am all good. Very busy. Big soz but I am no longer doing soft landscaping. Meant to text you to let you know. I am shit, sorry! Are you good? What you been up to? xxx etc.

Are you still talking to me or have I pissed you off??? (8.21pm)

Course not! I'm at work, and driving. Will text properly later x

Nice. xx (8.25pm)

I know you're at work but I can text you if that's ok? I have just got out of the bath after a very long, very heavy day, and am wearing not a lot at all. Tee hee xxx (8.50pm)

Just stopped for two minutes. You bloody tease :-)

What time do you knock off? I thought you liked to be teased ;-) (9.02pm)

About 11pm. And I do!

Will set my alarm, I'm very tired, and will get some kip. Me too. Am dry now and am chilling in my dressing gown. Nothing on but that! (9.12pm)

I'm between the sheets now, all clean and content! Well almost! Text you later. Don't work too hard. xxx (9.26pm)

Hiya. Have just been told to get up. Hope you're okay and nearly home. Text me when you are. x (11.12pm)

I woke up with a bit of a handful!! (11.19pm)

Not sure what to do. Scratch my itch or wait??? What do you reckon...???? (11.31pm)

I'd scratch! Only just on my way back and not sure I should be encouraging you! You on your own tonight?

Yep, on my own! I think I will wait if that's ok with you?? Drive careful. Are you alone too? (11.40pm)

Suppose I am a pest! If you want me to piss off, just say the word?? xx (11.49pm)

Am finally home! So what's brought all this on SG? You're so never gonna be able to look me in the eye when you see me next...

Why do you say that? Will you me? (12.09pm)

I mean no harm to anyone. Suppose I am a flirt. I just like to feel like I might be attractive to someone. Male thing I suppose. (12.15am)

I know. And no harm done to me. Nothing wrong with a bit of flirting, but would hate you to feel bad when I see you. And of course you're attractive! To lots of people actually! x

You're not that good a girl!!! I know. But yes, you're right as usual. I should just go to sleep and see you when I see you. I do often think of when I text you late one night, you told me you were in bed and wearing a silky camisole. Can I keep that image? I use it a lot!! (12.28am)

You're right... I'm certainly not that good a girl ;-) But the reason I'm so sensible is because I actually like you a whole lot, and would hate to make you feel bad. Even if it's not until the 'morning after' :-) So the occasional harmless flirt is fabulous, but am being careful. You certainly can use that image as often as you like! Along with any others you can come up with! Have to admit I may have a few of you myself ;-) And no, I'm not telling! x

Cheers pickle. Catch you soon. Have to be up in 5 hours. Sweet dreams. xxx (12.40am)

Ok. Get some sleep. Always a pleasure to catch up. Oh, and rubbish boy... what about my garden :-( You'll have to find me a new sexy gardener :-) Night x

Do my best! x (12.42am)

Won't be the same though :-) Catch you soon. etc xx

Really not sure how I feel about this now. Part of me is flattered. Part of me feels sorry for him. And part of me is a little offended. Most strange behaviour!

Welcome to the jungle

Whilst away, and with the torrential rain that has poured non-stop up until the last two days, my garden has grown into a jungle. Grass is knee high, hedge is sprouting outward and upward, back fence is slowly losing a plank at a time, and bloody ivy is now creeping in my kitchen window.

Considering this, and the fact that pay day approaches I thought I'd better get Sexy Gardener round to give it all a tidy up while I can afford it. So last night I text him to tell him of my predicament.

He is no longer doing "soft landscaping"!!!!!

Waaaaaah!! No SG and too much bloody garden!

R & R

Fortunately today was a much calmer day, thank god!

I slept straight through until gone 11am, without hearing a peep, despite the fact that both X and Y were here, until my phone bing bonged beside me to tell me I had a text. Finally roused my brain round to reading it, and only then realised what the time was!

After a quick run to Sainsbury's for picnic supplies, I eventually got to Vi's house (with only a couple of detours!) just after lunchtime and we headed off with the kids to the woods for a picnic and catch up. After a few sandwiches, a bit of gossip, lots of walking and a death defying tree top walk (for me anyway!), we headed back to hers for a bit and she very kindly did my Tarot cards - which told me... there are big changes afoot (which unfortunately I have kind of already worked out for myself recently!) Ah well, I suppose you can't expect the supernatural to be too specific with such things as what, where, how and when :-)
(Cheers for doing them though mate!)

Headed for home about 6pm and impressed myself by managing to tidy up, put some washing on, pack away some clean clothes, cajole the kids into tidying their bedroom and packing their clean clothes away (without too much difficulty!), cook some dinner, bath X, force Y into the bath, wash up, eat dinner, read stories and have them both settled into bed by 8.30pm.

An evening of bathing, blogging, reading, and a phone call from Lena later, and a very nice end to a very nice day!

A shag would have finished it off perfectly though :-)

The best laid plans

Having struggled a bit to get back into the swing of things this week, I was pretty sure I'd be having a quiet one this weekend to help me relax back into the boredom of life in England. It didn't exactly happen like that!

I had an invitation to a friend of Disco's birthday evening in local town for last night, and I was umming and aaahing about whether to go for the above reason, a lack of money and a feeling of not wanting to plan but just see how I felt when Saturday night rolled around. My babysitter had been round to see if I needed her this weekend, and I'd told her I'd let her know Friday as I couldn't even be bothered to decide any more than that. Friday came round and she was asking again, so in the end I thought I'd better book her and then just see what I fancied doing.

After a bit of a nap Friday evening I woke up about 9pm and just felt like getting out a bit, so had been to The Nun for a few, which was amusing but nothing spectacular, but had given me a taste for an evening out last night. I still wasn't sure about the birthday in local town, wanting to see Disco but knowing we probably wouldn't get too much of a chance to talk, and Lena had asked me to go for a few in The Nun on Saturday night to meet her after she finished at 7pm. So, eventually, I decided to meet Lena for a couple and then head over to the birthday girl.

Got to The Nun as planned around 7.45pm, only to discover Lena was still helping out, so ended up chatting to local fellow Justin for much of the evening, along with a few of the other regulars. We were having quite a laugh and plenty of banter and before I knew it it was about 9.30pm and Lena was only just finishing. We had done some girlie chattering and I was planning to text Disco and head over to local town as it was pretty quiet in The Nun and heading on for closing time, when a few of the regulars who's been out for a meal elsewhere returned. And the madness began!

Before we knew it the non-regulars had left, the barman on duty had left, and Lena was serving copious amounts of Jack Daniels, Amaretto, Vodka and Wine to the 7 of us that remained. Who were all, excluding me, absolutely slaughtered!

Highlights of the evening that I recall are:

- Justin on the table singing into a lighter
- Mr M coming out with ridiculous wisecracks making everybody roar
- Mrs M shaking flowers all over herself singing "flowers in her hair"
- Mr C on his back on the floor doing some ridiculous dying fly impression
- Mrs C on top of Mr C on his back
- Justin on top of Mrs C on top of Mr C on his back
- Mr M on top of Justin on top of Mrs C on top of Mr C on his back
- Mrs M on top of Mr M on top of Justin on top of Mrs C on top of Mr C on his back, (yeehaaing like she was a rodeo rider!)
- Mrs M drinking straight from the lager tap and dribbling the froth out of her mouth in a most provocative manner
- Justin picking up Mrs M, twirling her round and dropping her
- Mrs M and Mrs C snogging
- Mr C spending twenty minutes trying to find the mobile phone video footage he had shot of Mrs C and Mrs M snogging
- Mr M mooning whilst dancing with Mrs M
- Mrs M going one better and dropping her jeans and walking around flashing just a g-string
- Mrs C, who was staying the night with Mr and Mrs M saying "I'm scared now!"
- A massive rendition of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' involving much wailing, air guitar and headbanging

I'm sure there were more!

Finally left at around 2am, (and after dropping Justin off home, and then Lena) I was apologising for late return to babysitter and again not getting into bed until nearly 3am. So much for a quiet few in The Nun!

Housekeeping

Just a quick post to say look out for some changes afoot!

I am finding it difficult to post real life happenings and also past-post the Vegas etc adventures. I have a lot of posts started in draft form, some events, some ramblings, and some I'm not wishing to publish right now, so I'm currently rearranging them in real life order, for the sake of chronology.

So, bear with me! And be sure to check the links bar!

Just a few...

Been feeling a bit bleugh today so decided this evening to take advantage of the fact Y was home this weekend and pop out for a quick couple after putting X to bed. So, headed off about 9.30pm to The Nun to catch up with Lena who was working, collecting Bea and new bf Hippy on the way, to catch whatever band they have on a Friday night.

And now I have returned! Much entertained and amused!

Naked Gun

I shouldn't like them, but I so do!

Clarity

I have said it in text, I have said it in email, I have said it on here, I have said it on the phone, and I have said it in person.

I have offered him my love, my commitment, my family and my future. And I have shown him a way to make that happen, for the short term anyway, even though it won't be easy.

I guess that's really all I can do, now it's up to him to spend some time thinking it through, seeing the possibilities, and seriously considering losing me. He just has to want to try. That's all really. Just to want to try.

Interruption

We interrupt this blog with a small announcement...

If you have not read this - do so immediately.

If you are thinking "I already have", then go back, pick it up and read it again. Now.

For me.

Please.

Libido alert

I am in such a state of fucking horniness at the moment it's quite untrue. I spent 2 days with DM with my tummy in a twist and my groin pulsing and soaking, having to avoid him physically when we were alone because I couldn't trust myself not to take the tiny step towards pushing things one step further, and if I had I know I wouldn't have been able to halt it. Now I am home that ache to touch him, taste him, and slide myself onto him hasn't gone away. In fact, it's got worse!

It was so physically difficult to be with him and not touching him, I just feel the need to connect, physically, with him almost constantly, even just basic touching, not counting the incredible desire for something sexual. It's just a physical pull that is almost tangible between us. I'm sure the rest of the world can see it from afar! And whilst it may not be as bad for him (I don't know), I'm pretty sure he's the same too, and that neither of us would be able to spend a great deal of time in close proximity without touching each other in some small way.

Even when we have done "friends" in the past, and then again, over the last couple of days with him, he reaches for me (almost!) as much as I reach for him. Holding hands, linking arms, hands on legs, hugs, small gestures that are so natural to us but are more than most people do with recognised loved ones, let alone just "friends"! I was glad of the public surroundings, glad to be able to indulge in contact with him and keep it under control.

Nobody has ever affected me like he does. Just looking at him has always made me want him, and still makes me want him now, and although he isn't here to look at in the flesh, just thinking about being close to him is enough to have me horny, and no amount of wanking and cumming is taking that away right now.

Insatiable

I have a million (well about 3!) posts started at the moment. None of which I can finish without being distracted by my currently raging libido.

Since my return, I have a pretty much constant and very much arousing running commentary of sexual images running through my head, and no amount of "scratching" (and trust me, I'm scratching!!) is helping to relieve the itch!

Thank God I'm back at work on Wednesday, or I might just do myself an injury!!

I'm back!

Edit (this post was originally posted before the Vegas adventures, but a touch of housekeeping later I rearranged everything in chronological order!

I'm back...!

In short -

Vegas was... interesting! A very bizarre (and hot!) kind of place. Lots of funny stories to remember!

San Francisco was... good. Very good! Do I have a definitive outcome? Nope. Am I happy with how things are? Right now - yep.

Overall - for all you sexpots out there dying to know, there was no smut in either locations, by choice.

Although, right now, I'm so fucking rampant it's quite untrue, but will leave the specifics for another time!!

Vegas - Part 11 - Saturday spending

And so, all to quick, it comes to an end.

A few tears were shed saying goodbye (sorry about that ATM!), and then off to the airport for the flight back home, where after a reasonably frugal week, I somehow managed to spend about $500 in here...

(but my new fabulous Armani sunglasses, and massive bottle of Coco Chanel, and gorgeous Estee Lauder face and eye cream, not to mention very cheap fags more than made up for it!)

A reasonable, if long, flight home was pretty uneventful, and I was lucky enough to be in a middle seat with an empty window seat next to me, so spent much of the flight sprawled over the both of them. A whole day later I finally arrive back home, to torrential rain and overexcited children. Its good to be home...?!

Roll on the next trip....!

Vegas (and SF) - Part 10 - The other stuff

I'm glad I went. I'm glad that I got to see him, and to touch him, and to speak to him. Properly. I'm glad I got to 'put my money where my mouth is' and look him in the eye and tell him I love him. I'm glad that I think he may believe it now.

We spent a lot of time just hanging out and we spent a lot of time talking about me, about him, about us, and about how we're both still here. I can't remember too much the individual conversations, or the specifics about when or where they happened, mostly because it was just a continuous thread throughout the whole two days.

There are odd things that stuck with me, both good and bad, and I didn't really get any answers to any questions. But then, thinking about it, I didn't really have any questions! It was more about me expressing how I feel, and about seeking some admission of responsibility for his part in this. I achieved both of those.

He accepts that although in the main it has been me that has continued the contact, he has responded and he has instigated, although I think he is only just coming to terms with that fact himself. He acknowledges that I was there not only because I want to be but also because he lets me be, and neither of us can really explain why that is. He did say he has tried to put me in a box, and that he has tried to imply things to make me finish it once and for all, but also that even though I've been so close sometimes, neither of us seems to have managed to call it a day completely.

Neither of us can really explain why, after all this time, we are still in this place, when realistically there is not a single reason why we should even be in contact any more, and neither of us can seem to call it a day once and for all.

In the main, my overriding memory of being there was that it was great. Really great. And still so easy to be with each other, despite all this time apart, and the past events that have happened, with both of us. There was absolutely no uneasiness, no uncomfortableness, no distress, even with some of the conversation material. Just laughing, and relaxing, and touching, and (occasional) comfortable silences. I don't think either of us ever really doubted it would be any other way, or we wouldn't have done it, and I think that belief, and that reality, goes a pretty long way to a new beginning, however difficult that may be to achieve initially.

Vegas (and SF) - Part 9 - Friday farewell

I woke up all nice and snuggly on Friday morning, after a relatively good night's sleep, and after DM's obligatory morning fag and coffee he returned to bed for a chat. After a bit of a cuddle and chat I was starting to get a bit twitchy at being in such semi-clothed proximity, so whilst getting up for a wee decided I'd better get a shower and some clothes on to take temptation out of the way. I think that's possibly the first time in my entire life I have been out of bed and dressed before DM!

Another lazy day followed, with me quite desperate to get out of the house in the morning, due to the urge to touch him, and so we headed off for a drive to San Paulo (I think??) and a general wander around the shops and area, stopping for a coffee and a chat here and there. We had planned to go to the Golden Gate Bridge in the afternoon, but time ran away with us, (particularly after I spent an age in a book shop!), and DM was worried that we'd hit traffic and struggle to get to the airport.

As before, the conversation was easy and comfortable, and the level of physical connection remained the same, although with much more conversation about sex, both general and also about us, and much more flirting and suggestion. I remained sensible though, and stuck to my guns of no longer being a one-off to him, despite my libido telling me otherwise!

So, after another detour to the apartment, and a bit more smoking and chatting, we decided to take a blanket and walk around to the lake near him and just sit and chill in the sunshine. Which was a really, really lovely place to sit and watch the world go by. (Including the meal some woman made of putting a cycle helmet on some kid!! Again, I was a good girl and refrained from going over there and doing it for her!!)

We just lay chatting, about us, about this and that, about funny lakeside buildings that looked like hats. Some flirting, more touching, and a few pictures. It was all very quiet, and beautiful, and just bloody relaxing! But all too soon it seemed, it was time to head back, again hand in hand, stopping at the local Starbucks for a quick coffee and cake!

The last hour or so before I went everything seemed to get a bit quieter. Much less chat than there had been - from both of us. And I know I was aware that soon it would be time to say goodbye, get on a plane, and be gone - not really knowing whether that would be the last time or not. We spent the last half hour cuddled on the sofa, listening to music and not really saying much at all.

The drive to the airport was pretty quiet too, and I was trying to keep myself together, at least until I had said goodbye to him. I think he was pretty aware of that, and I think he was a little sad too. He walked me into the airport and we checked me in etc, had a big, big hug and a couple of those head/cheek kisses, a few deep breaths, a reminder from him that I would see him again in a couple of weeks, and then I headed off to security. He waited for a few minutes, but I was struggling to keep the smile pasted on at that point so I waved him away, and managed to just about hold it together until he had gone.

And then I cried. And didn't really stop until I was up in the air and halfway back to Vegas.

Vegas (and SF) - Part 8 - Thursday travelling

So Thursday morning came, and with it a trip to SFO.

I hadn't really been too nervous or excited up until then, having been keeping busy with all the Vegas adventures, but it all kicked in on the way to the airport, though I was feeling more excitement than nerves.

I was pretty confident that although it had been nearly a year since I had seen him face to face we would be just as we had been, in terms of ease anyway, after all, I wouldn't have bothered all this time without that belief in me, in him, and ultimately in us. That said, I wasn't expecting to run into his arms at the airport to declarations of undying love and marriage. Resilient I may be, certifiably insane I'm not!

So, soppy as it may sound, I was happy and excited to be going, and spent the whole journey there thinking "I'm gonna see my baby, I'm gonna see my baby".

A pretty uneventful journey and I arrived at the airport. Had a bit of a panic as I hadn't specified exactly where I was meeting him, and my mobile wasn't working in America. However, I just headed to the sign that said "Meeting Point" and figured that's where he'd be. I spotted him as I was coming down the escalators, and was glad that I had seen him first and had a few seconds to breathe and prepare, I couldn't stop smiling at this point, and I wanted to make sure our first few seconds weren't awkward, so as I was travelling down I leant over the bannister and wolf whistled quietly at him to get his attention. A few seconds later and we were on the same level, and greeted each other with hugging and a few non-sexual kisses.

We headed to the car, idle chit chat commencing (don't ask me what about - probably flight, etc), and then he said we were going for a drive in the mountains and then for a walk on the beach. So, drive we did. And chat. And smile. And it was all so absolutely easy and natural - like I just saw him last week and the last 18 months hadn't happened.

So, we stopped for a coffee in a small bar on the way, and then drove through picturesque villages and scenery, and the hills, which really are quite beautiful. We got to the beach, which was pretty much deserted (and a tad breezy after the 90 degrees of Vegas!) - and whilst walking he reached for my hand, again completely naturally, and the level of physical contact began from there. We sat for a while chatting, and then headed back to his apartment.

We sat and chilled some more for a while, and then headed out to a local town to eat in a lovely Peruvian restaurant, before a couple of drinks in the local Irish bar (which was so far removed from an Irish bar I can't tell you!!), and then heading back to the apartment again, relatively early.

More relaxing, smoking and chatting occurred, and then we went to bed, together, and at his instigation. I was fully intending to sleep on the sofa, although I knew the chances of that were relatively slim really, but he offered the sharing of his bed (due to lack of blankets for the sofa - yeah, a pretty thin excuse I think we were both aware of) and I accepted.

I was determined not to end up having sex with him while I was there, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't want to complicate an uncomplicated time. Obviously I knew sex wasn't an unlikely outcome, given our history in that department, but I also wasn't sure how he would be about it, and despite a lot of physical contact, I hadn't really had any sexual vibes.

So, I undressed in the bathroom, donned a nightie, kept my knickers on (which the cheeky bleeder had a little check of!) and came out to him already in bed, and in t-shirt and boxers. I got in beside him, expecting him to just stay on his side of the bed, half hoping he would, half hoping he wouldn't, and turned away from him to sleep. Pretty much straight away he was spooning in behind me, and I was relaxing back into that, both of us as tight together as could be, with me conscious of every part of me and every part of him that was touching.

We just lay like that for a while, and it just felt so fucking good. Then he kissed me on the head, said goodnight and rolled over and away from me, just as he's always done (except without the several hours of orgasms beforehand), before I rolled into him, hitched a leg over, as I've always done (except without the several hours of orgasms beforehand), and we both settled for sleep.

Vegas - Part 7 - Wednesday Wit

Despite the early night, we all woke late on Wednesday. I had another day of tanning planned, but thought as I was going to be away for the next two days I'd better get my gift shopping in, so headed up the road to 'The Greatest Gift Shop', which is a massive shop housing more tacky rubbish than I have ever seen in one place! Needless to say I managed to spend $60 on tat, for X and Y, and the girls from work (cool pens that have naked men on them who's pants disappear when you tip them upside down! hehehe).

The rest of the day was spent by the pool, by myself, while ATM and the others (when I say others you may have realised by now that this doesn't include Valerie, Tim, Sprog, Yule or Curtains!), went to do some sightseeing and to secure some tickets for an evening show, as it would be our last night altogether. Mr and Mrs S and Lanky were leaving Friday.

ATM and Mr ATM returned around teatime, with tickets to a comedy night in The Riviera so after some freshening up we headed off to meet CT and Lanky. Mr and Mrs S had bailed on us and instead decided to go see Elton John (at $250!!!) playing live, with plans to meet up afterwards.

So we hit The Riviera, early enough to secure good seats, and while we were waiting some cheesy looking hypnotist fellow came out and started asking the queue if they wanted to be hypnotised! At this point we are starting to get a little concerned that the night is going to end up a whitewash (as well as trying to make sure he didn't touch any of us in case he cast some kind of hypnotist spell on us!), but figured we were here now and might as well stick with it as we'd paid $25 for the priviledge! (Shit, as I'm typing this I just realised I didn't pay ATM for the fucking ticket!! Shit, shit, shit!).

So in we went, avoiding eye and physical contact with hypnotist geezer, and settled down with drinks. First up was a warm-up comedian whose name escapes me now but who was actually quite funny, and then main act Mr Cheesy Hypnotist himself, Mark Sweet. And I tell you now, if you ever get the chance to go and see this man... then do so!!

He was fucking hysterical! Started off with some funny banter, then a few cheesy but hysterical jokes involving a couple of people from the audience, then finally moving onto the hypnotising and making them look like twats stage. And it was just so funny. Not only that he had them all doing stupid things, but his banter with it. I don't think any of us stopped laughing all the way through. Most definitely money well spent! (Although, shit, I don't think I spent any!!)

Still chuckling we headed off to the bar at The Stratosphere (unfortunately no band this time) again to meet up with Mr and Mrs S and get the lowdown on Elton, and more bottles of wine and beers were consumed before CT and Lanky headed for a strip joint and the rest of us headed back to The Hilton. Unfortunately for us, but fortunately for her, Mr ATM and myself were unable to convince Mrs S (who was dying for a wee) to piss behind a sign on the side of the road, which truly would have gone down as Las Vegas legend, so after arriving Mr ATM gallantly offered to let her use our facilities, and they both returned with beer for to join us for the obligatory fag break (me only) outside. This managed to last until about 4am, before we all said our goodbyes (mine the last time I would see them in Vegas), and staggered up to bed, Hardly a night of beauty sleep for my trip to another state in america the following day...!

Vegas - Part 6 - Tuesday tanning

Tuesday came round, and oh the relief!! Got to spend ALL day at the pool. Yay!! Mr and Mrs S, CT and Lanky came to join us at our fabulous pool (which I'm sure was better than theres!), which included 2 pools and 2 hot tubs, (which were SO hot you had to settle into them very slowly) all surrounded by palm trees.

It was very relaxing, and absolutely gorgeous. But so, so hot! The pool dips were gladly welcomed I can tell you. We thought we would grab a quick snack by the pool, so all ordered something relatively small - only to discover that our lunchtime bites were actually significantly more and we were all subsequently stuffed!! ATM and Mr ATM were eating home made cheese rolls at this point - bless them! (I blame it on Valerie forcing them to spend money on dresses and wedding dinners!!)

So plenty of reading was done. A bit of napping. The occasional cocktail. And lots of attempting to be more tanned than I currently am. Grrr!! (What little tan I had has now faded to nothing. Waaah!)

After a lazy day, we decided to get round to that wander in Fremont street, so Mr and Mrs S, ATM and Mr ATM, CT, Lanky and I hopped on an extremely packed bus (I'm not sure they understand health and safety on these things) and took a short ride out to see the sights.

Had a nice wander around looking at the various sights to see - mostly casino's and little stalls, with the odd "show" happening. While we were there we saw a band on a stage, a man playing the saxophone, and a man on the back of a huge truck tinkling on a grand piano!! Yes, I know, very strange.

At a certain point in the evening there is a light show, where all the casino's and entertainment turn off their lights and music, and the roof, which is covered in millions of lights quite literally lights up. I have to say I was expecting some kind of flashing light thing, but in actual fact it was like a massive television screen (which was a bit disappointing), and they played music video's on it for about 15 minutes. It was quite impressive, purely for scale - the roof runs the entire length of the street, which is a fair old way!

Feeling a little peckish after all the wandering we decided to find somewhere to eat (and drink) and decided to try out the Golden Nugget. On our way to the restaurant, we discovered this fabulous indoor (but uncovered overhead, so kind of outdoor) pool, which has a large circular aquarium, complete with fish and sharks, right inside the pool. Not only that, but it has a circular clear perspex waterslide right through it. I have to admit, I'm not entirely sure I'd be comfortable swimming in a pool with only a thin layer of perspex between myself and sharks (even small ones), but it did look very cool!

So, another pleasant meal later and we headed back to the bus. As we were queueing, some big fat ass woman in an electric buggy was also waiting, so naturally (?!) the bus driver told everybody to wait whilst the woman boarded the bus, parked in the designated area, and was secured for safety. That's fine, most sensible. However, the woman had obviously not been required to take any kind of electric buggy driving test before being let loose on the unsuspecting public and proceeded to reverse, drive, reverse, drive, reverse, drive for around ten minutes, while we all stood outside waiting, and 2 more buses pulled up behind unable to park in the bus bay!! Fortunately for her, she managed it about ten seconds before I marched up to her and told her to get her fat ass out of the chair and I would park it my fucking self!!

We finally manage to depart, and actually achieve a relatively early night to bed around 11.30pm. For once!

Vegas - Part 5 - Monday matrimony

So, after the wedding dress hijack of Sunday, the "Big Day" arrives!

Fortunately for me (and Mr ATM), it wasn't happening until 4.15pm, so we got to do bugger all for nearly the whole day! Poor ATM had to be up after a very late night to meet Valerie at 9am to sort out flowers. I tell you, that's dedication for you!! (Glad she's not that much my friend!)

So, after a day of skin cancer exposure (incidentally I'm sure I'm still the same colour as when I left England!!), posh frocks were donned and off we traipsed to the Circus Circus' Chapel of the Fountain. (Don't ask me where the fountain was? I didn't notice it!)

(photo from website)

Surprise surprise the weddings were running late! Though we were there on time, at 4.15pm, still waiting in front of us were a couple, on their own, who were renewing their vows 25yrs after their wedding (which is very sweet), and a massive party waiting to go in before us, although I really couldn't tell which was the bride. All this resulted in the bride nipping off to the restaurant downstairs to ask them to hold our table for dinner, which was booked for 5.30pm!

After waiting patiently and watching the renewal couple's renewal dvd (they play it after your married so you can watch it!), it was finally Valerie and Tim's turn...

Out comes the "wedding planner" lady, who I swear was either as pissed as a newt or on some kind of medication, and proceeded to dither around for about ten minutes saying nothing but "I'm not really having a good day today". No shit lady!! Lay off the fucking meths! She also gave them $80 too much change! WTF!! So with practically no help from her, we eventually got ourselves organised and trooped into the Chapel.

As ATM had bought tacky gold lame (that should be pronounced larmay but I don't have an e with a ' thing above it!) for all us girls to wear in tacky Vegas, we had insisted that we (including the bride) wear them to the wedding. The perfect occasion after all! So all us girlies sat on the front row, waving our feet for the camera, whilst waiting for the bride's entrance. This was the most amusing part of the wedding!!

Anyway, to cut a long story short. They came in. Minister?? (whatever they're called in Vegas chapels) said about ten minutes of chat about how it was important they remember love, and know the special things about each other, and how their friends and family had come to celebrate their special day (which was particularly amusing as the wedding guests consisted of 10 people, 1 of whom is hated by the bride, 1 of whom the bride and groom had not met until the day before and 6 of whom had only met the groom the day before!!), and how much love and laughter there was between them, and ya de ya de yah (it would have been quite good if it wasn't pretty much verbatim what he'd said to renewal couple!!), and so they were wed!

And it really was most bizarre! Not the Vegas thing, not the chapel thing, not the crazy drunk wedding planner, not the minister person, (certainly not the fabulous shoes!!) but the bride and groom!! Seriously, in all my time I have never seen a couple with less chemistry in my entire life. It was most strange. And a little discomforting actually. The entire wait to go in there was no touching, no secret smiles, no constant checking of each other, barely even any conversation between the two of them! Very, very odd.

Anyway, official stuff over we went downstairs for our booking at the best steak house in vegas (voted for 17yrs in row, don't you know!). And it was absolutely gorgeous. The food was fabulous, the wine good quality, the service impeccable. It was expensive (by Vegas standards), but very worth it. And the posh frock was perfect :-) Even if there were complaints from Mr S sat across the table about the amount of cleavage I was flashing! He loves it really!!

So, to hell with the cost! Besides, I'm sure you're thinking... The bride and groom chipped in for people's drinks and dinner. After all, everybody had put themselves out to make sure they had a special day (especially ATM, OG and Mr ATM, ahem!!), and they had wangled a free $80 from the wedding! However, you would be sadly mistaken. Not so much as a bottle of wine was bought by new husband and wife!! (Did I mention she was loaded by the way?!)

Meal progressed with much chatter and flirting with waiters (oh, that was just me! hehehe) from around the table, well from the super six (ATM, Mr ATM, Mr and Mrs S, CT and I) and Lanky (who was pretty acceptable, apart from trying get away with tipping!!)

And the " loved up" couples in the group...? Well, Curtains spent most of the meal (actually the day) with a rigid smile on her face, spitting chips and giving off waves of resentment and jealousy. This may have been due to the fact that on Saturday, when we had innocently walked past the chapel and I was teasing Mr and Mrs S that they could renew their vows, she had suddenly piped up that her and Yule "could get married" . He looked a bit stricken, and I forgot myself and told him (rather loudly) that he'd better just keep on walking! (I don't think that was received very well by her!)

So, on the day, although she tried to keep smiling, there was a distinct air of "Fucking bitch, it should have been me about her!". Yule, as "best man" seemed oblivious throughout the day and the meal, and reacted in the only way he seems to react to anything, by smiling and nodding quietly.

The bride and groom (actually, the bride!) spent most of the meal discussing the fact that they hadn't had to sign the wedding certificate itself, (they apparently completed the registration documents in pencil!!), so they would have to go and check it was all okay in the morning. After all, we all want to be sure that she really is no longer a spinster!!

After the heavenly meal, with bellies full of perfect garlic mushrooms, gorgeous ranch salad starters, varying melt in the mouth steaks of varying sizes and bloodiness, garlic mashed potato/divine fries/baked potatoes, beautifully cooked asparagus and a variety of wines and other alcoholic beverages, we set off to round off their perfect wedding evening with a romantic stroll along to the Bellagio, which is quite simply a beautiful building...

..to see the fountains at night, which 'dance' every fifteen minutes to various music, and are quite spectacular.

Then a wander into the Bellugio itself (with the bride marching ahead with her bouquet in the air like a flag - seriously!), for a quick nosy in the Chanel, Gucci and Prada shops, before finishing the wedding day fun with a final trip around the conservatory, which is also quite amazing.

(I so wanted to ride that snail for a photo, but daredn't!!)

I think the romantic atmosphere must have worked, as I'm sure I saw the happy couple talk to each other at one point. I think! And so the nuptials came to an end. Bride and groom were wished all good wishes, and retired off to their newly marital bed. With Sprog!

(Edit after reminder from ATM - I assumed the getting trollied! Funny that...!)

The rest of us then went to see the 'Eiffel Tower' at The Paris Hotel, (which incidentally relied on me leaning my cleavage on the bar, with dollar note in hand, and sweet smile on face, to get us all served) and I won $15 on a machine with a very similar name to X!! Yay! I then promptly lost it again! Return to the hotel, and due chatting and smoking out the front commenced!

(Incidentally, the next time anybody saw the three of them, on this mates-catching-up-holiday was on Friday evening for an hour! Nice!!)

Vegas - Part 4 - Sunday shopping

After waking at 5.30am Sunday, and being just about ready to drift off again around 7.30am, I was not best pleased to have to be up and ready to go by 8.30am.

Valerie, Tim and Sprog had arrived the day before and we were due to leave early to drive out to a shopping outlet a way out of Vegas, where we would meet up with ATM and Mr ATM who had driven up from Los Angeles the day before and stayed overnight there. However, I was looking forward to seeing ATM, and figured it would only be for a couple of hours and then I could head to the pool at our new hotel for the remainder of the week, so I dragged myself out of my bed and headed off to meet them.

Off we set, after introductions to Tim and Sprog, and we finally arrived just before 10am. Met the ATM's and were just about to head off for a good old looksie at all the lovely bargains, when Valerie suddenly announces that she needs to "buy something without Tim seeing it!", a "dress without Tim seeing it!". Surprise, surprise a wedding is on the cards!!

The next two hours were dominated by (unsuccessfully) shopping for a wedding dress, before calling it quits and deciding to head back to Vegas to the Fashion Show Outlet. Both me and Mr ATM were beginning to flag at this point, but not knowing where anybody else was to meet up with, we put on our brave faces, tried to forget about the lure of the pool and headed off for more shopping... And who knew how bloody difficult it would be to find a wedding dress!!

Eventually, a suitable dress was located for the wedding the next day, (as well as a beautiful new dress for me, reduced from over $100 to $50!), but then we still had to get Bridget Jones style tummy hugging knickers, tiara's and other miscellaneous items!

We finally finished the wedding dress shopping hijack from hell, and managed to escape the blooming bride-to-be and get checked into our hotel! So much for an afternoon of lazing by the pool!

After some settling in, all 12 of us met later, planning to visit The Stratosphere and eat enjoying the view.

Unfortunately, somebody had just (very inconveniently) jumped from the top of it, causing it to close for a short while, so after the excitement of seeing several American fire 'trucks' (before realising why they were there!), we headed further into the Stratosphere and ate at a rather charming old fashioned diner, where the menu's were made out of old vinyl 45's, and the waitresses sang suitable tunes for our entertainment.

So, after dinner we managed to lose Valerie, Tim, Sprog, Yule and Curtains, and the rest of us die hards headed to the bar area of The Stratosphere, were we spent the rest of the evening listening to another band. After much drinking, all of us bar Lanky were up for a quick dance, which managed to degenerate into ATM "jumping" very enthusiastically, and me fake riding Mr S from behind, whilst simultaneously fake slapping his arse! Very wannabe porn star!

We finally dragged ourselves away at silly o'clock in the morning and headed back to the hotel The obligatory fag outside the front of hotel reception before bed for me (non-smoking ATM and Mr ATM = non-smoking room) turned into 3 or 4 or 5, and we finally rolled upstairs and into bed! Seperately!!!

Vegas - Part 3 - Saturday singsongs

After a fabulous buffet breakfast of cereal, fruit, cakes, bacon and eggs (and more) at the hotel, Mr and Mrs S, CT, Yule, Curtains and I set off for a wander into Vegas proper, and to see the sights and sounds of The Strip.

The weather was warm, although not fabulously hot, and quite windy, so we spent some time just strolling along and acclimatising to the activity happening, and the sheer size of the place. You cannot imagine how big the place is until you get there, and although the maps show the hotels, they are really, really deceptive, as there is literally no gap between where one place ends and another one starts. Pretty much the entire strip is filled with stalls, shops, casino's, etc etc.

First major stop was the Fashion Show Mall, where much wandering, oohing and aahing was done, and first purchase of the week was made! Fabulous new sunglasses for me! (I managed to resist the $200 Versace number, and went for cheap and cheerful instead!)

Past Treasure Island stopping to take a couple of pictures in front of the waterfall.

Then along to The Venetian which is actually quite amazing with it's ceiling painted to give the illusion that you are outside, and it's real canal with working gondolas built right inside the hotel complex.

After all this sightseeing, everybody was beginning to work up quite a thirst, so we set off in search of a decent bar, (preferably outside in the sunshine - which is actually easier said than done in Vegas, they all want you in the Casino's not out of them!) and came across this little gem! And what a find it was!

A funky (and actually quite funny - for Americans!), cheesy, 70's rip off band playing on the stage, the bar tenders swinging cocktail shakers around faster than you can imagine and pouring free shots straight down the throats of hundreds of customers, people dancing in front of the stage, and just masses of people laughing, chatting, singing and drinking.

After getting the beers in, we managed to blag a table right at the front and sat back and watched the show. It wasn't long before we were all singing along, and Mrs S and I hit the dancefloor in front of the stage. My wannabe piss taking hip hop moves a little later must have been good because I had several calls of "You go, girl" from the Americans at the table behind, who then handed me some luminous flashing medallion style necklace before proceeding to all high five me! I'm so down with my homies!! :-)

Mr and Mrs S, CT and I eventually dragged ourselves out of there at about 6pm (Yule, Curtains and Lanky had all only stayed for a short while!) after the culmination of the afternoon with an onstage booty shaking contest! Which was just the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. There were a few wannabe pornstars/lap dancers up there, but in the main they were just ordinary girls dragged up from the crowd and having a laugh. To prove the humour of the whole thing, the contest wasn't won by this little crowd pleaser...

... but instead by a 70yr old woman, who was accosted onto the stage in honour of her's and her daughter's birthdays. The crowd absolutely loved her shaking her very sensibly clad behind, and even flashing a bit of beige, firm support, granny bra! It was just too, too funny!!

By the time the four of us got back to the hotel, after an entire afternoon dancing, laughing and far too many beers for most, everyone was just about worn out! We had planned to spend the evening at Fremont Street, but after an hour or so of chilling in our rooms only Yule and Curtain were up for it. Mr S was feeling a tad unwell (bad stomach!), so it was left to Mrs S, CT, Lanky and I to head out to find somewhere to eat pretty close to home.

Three (nearly) empty plates of barbecue rack of ribs later (I just had Potato Skins!), and we were ready to leave the restaurant and head for another relatively early night, in bed by 10.30pm, ready for another Vegas day awaiting!

Vegas - Part 2 - Friday travels

So, Friday started early, with me dragging myself out of my bed at silly o'clock to be on a train at just after 6am. A lovely stress free journey to Gatwick, and I was the first to arrive, with plenty of time for my baggage drop after checking in online (so recommended!!) About ten minutes later CT, Yule and Curtains arrived, who had driven up, and the party commenced. They were closely followed by Mr and Mrs S and Lanky, who had actually got there first after staying at Gatwick overnight, but had been in the ridiculously long check-in line unnoticed for about half an hour. Whipped them off to the online check in at the airport, and we were soon all baggage free with an hour and half to spare before flying.

There was some disagreement with Virgin, who despite us all booking our seats prior to the journey, decided to give away Mr and Mrs S's seats and then seat them somewhere else away from the rest of us. (Incidentally, Lanky had decided to upgrade so was seated elsewhere). After much arguing and tussling, this was finally resolved at the boarding gate, and after some time spent generally catching up we were soon boarding the plane.

The journey wasn't too bad. I hate taking off (and landing), but I'm okay while I'm up there, and although it's a long old trek (10hrs), this was helped by the almost constant bringing round of drinks and food (I just love airline food!), and the rather nice view of several hunky rugger buggers who were off on a rugby tour! Not usually my cup of tea, but amusing for a long airplane journey. Unfortunately I didn't manage to land a seat next to one of them, but was instead between Yule, who I'd just met and is the most talkative of folks, and an elderly gentleman who by the looks of the exercises he did to stretch his legs (and his rather Kenneth Williams manner), used to be a professional ballet dancer! The latter was much more fun to chat with!

We landed at around 4.30pm US time, and after an (unscheduled) tour around The Strip (and most of the hotels) whilst on the transfer bus, finally checked in at my home for the next 2 nights (and nearly everybody else's for the duration of the holiday).



Circus Circus - photo from website

After an hour to unpack and freshen up, it was straight out to see what Vegas had to offer, and to fill our bellies with some much needed proper nosh! However, after all the travelling we couldn't be bothered to head too far away, so decided to stay local in the hotel and get something to eat before deciding what to do with the rest of the night. The Garden Grill looked most inviting, (especially as they were offering pitchers of Margarita for half price!) and the food was positively scrummy. I think we pretty much all had some kind of burger and fries (we were after all in America!), and were all blown away with how nice (and large!) the meal was.


Garden Grill -(photo from website)

Two pitchers of Margarita later, and the big plans had evaporated with all of us ready for bed, (especially considering that it was now 3am for us in British time), and we decided to call it a night and headed off to our rooms. A bath soak later, and I was in my bed by 8pm! Only to be awake again from 3.30am to around 5.30am, before catching another couple of hours ready to begin Saturday...


PS. Thanks to Vi for sorting me out with proper links! Yay, I feel so clever!!

Vegas - Part 1 - The Crew

Well, before I get started on the adventures, I better do a little summary of the folks in attendance in Vegas (and to help me remember who is who!). Apart from ATM and hubby, none of these are really great friends of mine, although being friends of ATM I have spent time with some them on a reasonably regular basis over the last few years. So, here they are:

The favourites:
ATM, and hubby Mr ATM. No further explanation required.

Mr and Mrs S - married for 5 years, and Mr S an old uni friend of Mr ATM. A salesman and dentist respectively. (And also both positively delightful!!)

The knowns:
CT - old school friend of Mr ATM and ex work colleague of ATM. Single (permanently). Something in IT.

Valerie - ex work mate of ATM, has been seeing boyfriend Tim for around a year. Works part time, mainly due to some large inheritances over the last few years.

The newbies:
Lanky - friend of Mr and Mrs S. Single. Also a dentist. First time of meeting at Vegas,( and let's just say I don't intend to continue the contact!)

Tim - boyfriend of Valerie. First time of meeting at Vegas.

Sprog - 6yr old son of Tim.

Yule Brenner - work mate of CT, and ex work colleague of ATM. First time of meeting at Vegas.

Curtains - relatively new girlfriend of Yule. First time of meeting at Vegas.

So, that's the odd assortment of Vegas folks! On with the tales...

I'm on my way...!

Just waiting for my taxi, and then I'm off! (Without my digital camera!! grrr) Take care, and have a drink at the bloggy meet for me. Buh bye....!



Don't miss me too much! x

cant

find the fucking digital camera charger!!!!

Enigma

It's a name I have called him many times. To his face, and to others.

(pic removed)

I can't even begin to explain how I feel about this, but my gut tells me it's a good thing. It's something inextricably linked to me, and now it's a permanent part of him. To me, he may as well have my name tattooed on his arm.

Texas

No, I'm not going there as well!

Whilst I was driving here and there today I decided it was about time the cd got changed in the car (they do have a tendency to stay in there for a while!), and while I was fishing around for something to inspire me I came across one of my favourites - Texas, 'White on Blonde'. On it went. And I remembered quite how much I adore this song...



Think it might get a few plays tomorrow on the way to Bristol and back!

So much to do, so little time...

I have had a busy day today, sorting out the last few bits and pieces before I leave for foriegn lands.

This morning was haircut and colour, followed by sunbed, followed by suitcase and bikini shopping, followed by trip to bank and then money changers, followed by trip to train station to book my ticket, followed by collecting children, followed by cooking dinner, followed by packing suitcases, followed by lots of panicking about having everything ready!

Tomorrow I am driving X down to Bristol to meet my mum halfway to hers, and then turning round and driving back again, which should take up pretty much all of the day. Then I have to take Y to his dad's (only a couple of miles away) before coming back and cleaning the house so it's ready for me to leave.

My flight is at 11.25am from Gatwick, which involves getting on a train at 6.30am (!!!) to ensure I get there with enough time to get checked in and my baggage checked, etc. So, a mere 15hrs (give or take) after leaving my house, my holiday shall begin, and with the wonders of time zones it will still only be just after lunchtime in Vegas when we land! Yippee!!

What's good for the gander...

I shouldn't like it, but I do....

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, when she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take,so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her!

You have to give credit where credit is due!

What the fuck...

...is it with Crocs?!!

http://www.crocs.eu/