Last day at work today until 3rd January 2007. Yippee!!!
Much as I'm loving my job (and actually I really really do love it), I am absolutely shattered and am really looking forward to having a couple of weeks off.
Have not got much "socialising" planned for the festive period. Ventured into local dive on Saturday night, only to be met by a load of festive (and very young!) muppets!! Not the usual crowd at all. So, I'm not desperate to relive that this weekend!
Am spending tomorrow evening with my friend Meg Ryan (well not the real one of course, but similar enough for me!), so that should be much gossipy fun! Off Christmas shopping with X (and her dad!!!!!) on Saturday morning, to get her presents from him and be "treated to a bit of lunch" (please note the rolling of eyes...!). Have also got my team's christmas night out to look forward to, we are going to see The James Taylor Quartet http://www.jtq.co.uk/main.html and have a few beers, so should be a good night.
Other than that, it will putting up the tree on Christmas Eve, spending Christmas morning opening presents, eating Christmas dinner at my dad's, then home to collapse with a good book hopefully! Off to Meg Ryan's for Boxing Day, and then to good old Butlins from Wed 27th - Sat 30th (in Gold accommodation no less!), and back home in time for New Years Eve!
So that's about it from me! If I don't get a chance to blog again before Christmas I hope you all have a very happy festive season, whatever you are doing and wherever you are! I will try to blog from Butlins - sure there will be some interesting tales from there! And hopefully my pc will be back up and running soon, assuming of course that a lovely new one doesn't mysteriously fall down my chimney (erm... actually I don't have a chimney, and if a pc fell down one then it would probably be less use than mine now!). I have sent a letter to Santa with the offer to suck elves cock if necessary!
Happy holidays!!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Buggering buggering bugger
My home pc is broken!!!! It won't reboot itself properly, and when it finally does then it switches itself off or freezes! I am currently posting from work, which I absolutely never do, but am not even going to be able to do that from Thursday! I'm not even able to lurk on anybody's blogs and catch up on all the goings on :-(
Waaaaah!! I can't go through Christmas without a home pc!
Please Santa bring me a shiny new pc. I am sure I have been a very good girl this year!
Waaaaah!! I can't go through Christmas without a home pc!
Please Santa bring me a shiny new pc. I am sure I have been a very good girl this year!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Missing in action (read inaction!)
I cannot be bothered to blog at the moment. I don't know why that is, as I'm absolutely fine, (well going through a bit of a period of self loathing but otherwise absolutely fine!), and have plenty of stuff in my head, but I'm just feeling uninspired to type it all out at the moment. Perhaps I should get a magic dictaphone that you speak into and then it translates it into text on your pc...?
I have been lurking and catching up with all the blogs I usually read, but cannot even find the typing energy to comment. Nothing significant to add I think.
I am sure I will return in full force soon, after all you can't keep a girl down for long! (well not unless you ask nicely of course!), but at the moment the creative (and other) juices are just not flowing. I think I need some excitement in my life....
I have been lurking and catching up with all the blogs I usually read, but cannot even find the typing energy to comment. Nothing significant to add I think.
I am sure I will return in full force soon, after all you can't keep a girl down for long! (well not unless you ask nicely of course!), but at the moment the creative (and other) juices are just not flowing. I think I need some excitement in my life....
Friday, December 15, 2006
Full
My mum is up from the farthest end of England for the weekend, in order to assist Santa in his mission, and we have just been out for chinese food. Which was delicious. But now I am stuffed!! And not in a good way...!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Effort
I've recently been considering Sleepless's tact of "playing the numbers game", and today I was debating getting myself back on the dating sites to have a see what's out there, to meet up with some new people, to have some dates, and maybe get the odd shag out of it. But then I realised, while I was planning all of this, one thing I wasn't planning for was actually meeting someone and having a relationship develop from that.
And then I got to wondering why that is...?!
Am I too busy to put the effort into another person? Am I now conditioned to believe that a long lasting relationship is not a possibility for me? Am I too scared to take the risk again? Or am I simply not that bothered about having someone in my life?
I think I need to dwell on it...
And then I got to wondering why that is...?!
Am I too busy to put the effort into another person? Am I now conditioned to believe that a long lasting relationship is not a possibility for me? Am I too scared to take the risk again? Or am I simply not that bothered about having someone in my life?
I think I need to dwell on it...
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Out with the old...
Not content with yesterday's clutter and junk purge, I have continued this evening with yet more sorting, (I must need to get laid!!), and have spent this evening going through stacks of old photographs and sorting them into date order so that I can finally get them put in X and Y's photo albums at some point in the near future. Not content with that I then decided to check out and organise/delete the photo's I had stored on my pc, in a vain attempt to get the technology mice (or whatever it is that makes my computer work) to run a little faster on their wheel! End result being two neat and tidy stacks of photo's, and a brand new pc folder with about 70 pics from last August to this to print off!
While I was going through the debris that is my pc, I found the following little gem that X wrote (well dictated and I wrote, but it is all her own work!) for my sisters wedding back in May, and as I'm feeling pretty nostalgic after spending the best part of the last four hours looking at pictures of our life I thought I would post it for you all to read. (That and I'm too damn lazy to be inventive, and my life is too damn boring to be of any great interest!! Ho hum!).
So, here you go...
‘What is Love?’ by X (6yr old daughter)
Love is … taking care of each other.
Love is … making each other feel happy
Love is … buying nice clothes.
Love is … hugging and kissing.
Love is ... caring about each other.
Love is … being nice.
Love is … being kind.
Love is … buying treats.
Love is … doing what you are told.
Love is … feeling proud of each other.
It all sounds so simple, doesn't it...?
While I was going through the debris that is my pc, I found the following little gem that X wrote (well dictated and I wrote, but it is all her own work!) for my sisters wedding back in May, and as I'm feeling pretty nostalgic after spending the best part of the last four hours looking at pictures of our life I thought I would post it for you all to read. (That and I'm too damn lazy to be inventive, and my life is too damn boring to be of any great interest!! Ho hum!).
So, here you go...
‘What is Love?’ by X (6yr old daughter)
Love is … taking care of each other.
Love is … making each other feel happy
Love is … buying nice clothes.
Love is … hugging and kissing.
Love is ... caring about each other.
Love is … being nice.
Love is … being kind.
Love is … buying treats.
Love is … doing what you are told.
Love is … feeling proud of each other.
It all sounds so simple, doesn't it...?
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Sparkling clean
Christmas is declared!
Today I have scrubbed, and sorted, and dusted, and hoovered, and washed, and polished! I have emptied toy boxes, bagged an array of crap for the school fair, filled both the rubbish and the recycling bins and even emptied out and tidied every cupboard in my kitchen! All in preparation for the big event... yes, the putting up of Christmas decorations!! (I simply cannot put decorations up unless I do all of the above, but it is so worth it when I do!) My house (well the downstairs anyway, I'm not a bloody saint you know!) now looks booooooooootiful, and very festive indeed.
I was very surprised, and pleased, to realise that last year (or maybe the year before as I didn't partake in the festive season at all last year) I had bought lots of brand new lights and decorations, so now silver garlands are festooned from light shade to corners of the room, new silver star lights adorn my bay window, the nativity scene is out, and various other stars and bells dangle from the mantlepiece and shelves.
Ho ho ho and a Merry Christmas!
Today I have scrubbed, and sorted, and dusted, and hoovered, and washed, and polished! I have emptied toy boxes, bagged an array of crap for the school fair, filled both the rubbish and the recycling bins and even emptied out and tidied every cupboard in my kitchen! All in preparation for the big event... yes, the putting up of Christmas decorations!! (I simply cannot put decorations up unless I do all of the above, but it is so worth it when I do!) My house (well the downstairs anyway, I'm not a bloody saint you know!) now looks booooooooootiful, and very festive indeed.
I was very surprised, and pleased, to realise that last year (or maybe the year before as I didn't partake in the festive season at all last year) I had bought lots of brand new lights and decorations, so now silver garlands are festooned from light shade to corners of the room, new silver star lights adorn my bay window, the nativity scene is out, and various other stars and bells dangle from the mantlepiece and shelves.
Ho ho ho and a Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Father
Today I got a letter from my Aunt to tell me that my father, who I haven't seen or heard from (apart from letter written by his girlfriend in reply to my letter informing him he was a grandfather when Y was born) since I was about 7, is now living in Bulgaria. That's nice!
Friday, December 08, 2006
Why?
A long time ago now, when I was a fresh young blogger :-), I began a post about why I write this blog. Although I have made reference to it, I have not quite managed to tie it down, so tonight I thought it was apt to comment further.
When I first began to write it was to get out a whole lot of stuff that was clogging up my brain, to get it all out and to let go of it, as well as to remember emotions and events and to track the long, hard climb to the light at the end of the tunnel. It was also about trying to get 'he who shall not be named' (and that's NOT Lord Voldemort for all you Harry Potter fans!) to believe my depth of feeling for him, for him to understand me and my actions, as well as to get some responsibility from him for his part in that, and continuance in that. And finally, as a general diary for me to keep and look back on, which being the lazy cow I am needs a certain amount of external encouragement to ensure I continue to keep it.
So how successful a venture has this been?
Well, my brain remains clogged with crap, but it is no longer fuddled with a continual whirring of questions, self-reproach and emotional upheaval. The crap now is the never ending (and that's not a bad thing) circle of questions regarding life, love and the universe in general, (not to mention the usual pointless and completely forgettable crap of course!!), which is much more positive crap to carry around every day.
I have managed to "say" all I wanted to say to HWSNBM, and after much dialogue I now realise he will never really understand me, my depth of feeling or my actions, all of which go hand in hand with each other. Most importantly, he won't ever take any responsibility for some of that, in fact I really believe now that he absolutely cannot see it. And that has helped, even though it hurt, and that can only be a good thing.
As a diary, I have continued to post, almost daily (and sometimes more so!!) for over three months, which is the longest amount of time I have ever managed to document my life before! And that is down to the people who (misguidedly maybe!) take the time out to read and to comment. It doesn't affect what I post, but it definitely makes a difference to whether I post or not! So also a success.
And now? Now I write this blog purely as a diary, a personal diary (if a shared one also) that I will be able to look back upon in years to come and no doubt cringe, smile, laugh, groan and cry about. The story of my life. An ordinary life that is so like other people's in so many ways, and yet never exactly the same as any other one individuals.
I wish I'd started this years ago! That I could look back on all the crazy, boring, happy and dreadful times of my life that came before, times which juvenile dementia (seriously, I swear I have it!!) prevents me from remembering with anywhere near enough clarity to recall coherently now. But that time is all gone now, and although I might dip into it occasionally, just for prosperity's sake, it is the here and now that really counts. So, to end this rambling nonesense, just one thing left to say... I'm bloody glad I started this blogging malarkey! Long may it remain!
When I first began to write it was to get out a whole lot of stuff that was clogging up my brain, to get it all out and to let go of it, as well as to remember emotions and events and to track the long, hard climb to the light at the end of the tunnel. It was also about trying to get 'he who shall not be named' (and that's NOT Lord Voldemort for all you Harry Potter fans!) to believe my depth of feeling for him, for him to understand me and my actions, as well as to get some responsibility from him for his part in that, and continuance in that. And finally, as a general diary for me to keep and look back on, which being the lazy cow I am needs a certain amount of external encouragement to ensure I continue to keep it.
So how successful a venture has this been?
Well, my brain remains clogged with crap, but it is no longer fuddled with a continual whirring of questions, self-reproach and emotional upheaval. The crap now is the never ending (and that's not a bad thing) circle of questions regarding life, love and the universe in general, (not to mention the usual pointless and completely forgettable crap of course!!), which is much more positive crap to carry around every day.
I have managed to "say" all I wanted to say to HWSNBM, and after much dialogue I now realise he will never really understand me, my depth of feeling or my actions, all of which go hand in hand with each other. Most importantly, he won't ever take any responsibility for some of that, in fact I really believe now that he absolutely cannot see it. And that has helped, even though it hurt, and that can only be a good thing.
As a diary, I have continued to post, almost daily (and sometimes more so!!) for over three months, which is the longest amount of time I have ever managed to document my life before! And that is down to the people who (misguidedly maybe!) take the time out to read and to comment. It doesn't affect what I post, but it definitely makes a difference to whether I post or not! So also a success.
And now? Now I write this blog purely as a diary, a personal diary (if a shared one also) that I will be able to look back upon in years to come and no doubt cringe, smile, laugh, groan and cry about. The story of my life. An ordinary life that is so like other people's in so many ways, and yet never exactly the same as any other one individuals.
I wish I'd started this years ago! That I could look back on all the crazy, boring, happy and dreadful times of my life that came before, times which juvenile dementia (seriously, I swear I have it!!) prevents me from remembering with anywhere near enough clarity to recall coherently now. But that time is all gone now, and although I might dip into it occasionally, just for prosperity's sake, it is the here and now that really counts. So, to end this rambling nonesense, just one thing left to say... I'm bloody glad I started this blogging malarkey! Long may it remain!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
OG revealed!
Well, as some of you nosey little parkers have been donning your deerstalkers and smoking your pipes, I've decided to let the cat out of the bag officially regarding tonight's "date" and put you all out of your misery! This evening, I did, indeed meet the all revered Sleepless!!
If you want the rundown of how/where/when etc then go here... http://sleeplessinstaffordshire.blogspot.com/2006/12/who-is-she-who-is-she.html where, as usual, he has captured it in his usual succint and delightful fashion. For further details about "the man himself", and for comment on the "looks, attraction, chemistry and anything like that", (which he has very nicely avoided by the way!!), then stick around here just a little longer...
So, after some problems with traffic and my appalling sense of direction (granted), not to mention some questionable directions... (it's a bloody ROUNDABOUT!), we finally meet! I'm not going to go too much into the evening, as he has described it so well (including dodgy eavesdropping bloke who I am sure at this very moment is trying to track us both down in Blogland!!), so instead, on to the gossip... (which I know is what all you ladies are really wanting after all!!).
The conversation flowed and there was much laughing and giggling, which I'm sure would have got much much more raucous had we carried on the evening longer than we did. I don't think either of us dominated the conversation, (which is a miracle in my case!), and we discussed a range of things from the downright mundane to the much more interesting! I did learn some stuff about him, although I don't think much more than I had already picked up (I'm a perceptive little bugger you know!), and I think he has a slightly better idea of me as a whole person, although perhaps not in any great details. He was very easy to talk/listen to, and I felt comfortable with both him and the whole situation pretty much from the off, which I am pretty sure was reciprocated.
Physically, he was much smilier than in the pictures I have seen, although he was pretty much what I was expecting (no 92yr olds with buck teeth here, thank goodness!), and first impressions in that department were pretty good. He is an attractive man, although as I have said to him previously not exactly "my type". All good though, as I said yesterday I wasn't really expecting any massive romantic developments, for varying reasons, (one of which he confirmed without knowing pretty much straight away!!).
However... (and yes there is a however!) despite the above, (and not only am I putting myself on the line but I may also be wrong here!) I did feel there was a spark of chemistry there, for me at least. Not a blatant phrooarghh factor, but a very subtle undercurrent (and I have to admit to a tiny damp patch in the underwear area...!). I don't think enough to really proactively pursue, especially not considering the distance factor, but definitely something that if we repeated the evening a few times may develop into something physical, even if short-lived! (I'm interested to know by the way young(ish), (lol, sorry, couldn't resist!) Sleepless (even if in a private arena to save my dignity!)... Am I way off the ball here??)
I'm pretty sure that my original opinion that I am probably not his physical "type" (which he has annoyingly and very diplomatically not commented on! Grrr!!) remains accurate, despite the 'come to bed eyes' compliment, but he's a hard man to read, so who knows? Back to you on that one I guess Sleepless..!
So, will we be doing it again...? I don't know is the short answer! I would like to actually, and I would like to see him out of the suit, and somewhere loud and raucous where we could properly go for it on the twatting around, giggling and having a laugh factor. Anything more than that I don't know, but I do know he's a man I could definitely enjoy spending some time with and having a laugh with, if nothing else.
So, ladies, ask all the questions you wish (bearing in mind I won't answer anything that would infringe on his privacy, etc), while you can. Better be quick though, as I'm off for a libido inducing fiddle!
If you want the rundown of how/where/when etc then go here... http://sleeplessinstaffordshire.blogspot.com/2006/12/who-is-she-who-is-she.html where, as usual, he has captured it in his usual succint and delightful fashion. For further details about "the man himself", and for comment on the "looks, attraction, chemistry and anything like that", (which he has very nicely avoided by the way!!), then stick around here just a little longer...
So, after some problems with traffic and my appalling sense of direction (granted), not to mention some questionable directions... (it's a bloody ROUNDABOUT!), we finally meet! I'm not going to go too much into the evening, as he has described it so well (including dodgy eavesdropping bloke who I am sure at this very moment is trying to track us both down in Blogland!!), so instead, on to the gossip... (which I know is what all you ladies are really wanting after all!!).
The conversation flowed and there was much laughing and giggling, which I'm sure would have got much much more raucous had we carried on the evening longer than we did. I don't think either of us dominated the conversation, (which is a miracle in my case!), and we discussed a range of things from the downright mundane to the much more interesting! I did learn some stuff about him, although I don't think much more than I had already picked up (I'm a perceptive little bugger you know!), and I think he has a slightly better idea of me as a whole person, although perhaps not in any great details. He was very easy to talk/listen to, and I felt comfortable with both him and the whole situation pretty much from the off, which I am pretty sure was reciprocated.
Physically, he was much smilier than in the pictures I have seen, although he was pretty much what I was expecting (no 92yr olds with buck teeth here, thank goodness!), and first impressions in that department were pretty good. He is an attractive man, although as I have said to him previously not exactly "my type". All good though, as I said yesterday I wasn't really expecting any massive romantic developments, for varying reasons, (one of which he confirmed without knowing pretty much straight away!!).
However... (and yes there is a however!) despite the above, (and not only am I putting myself on the line but I may also be wrong here!) I did feel there was a spark of chemistry there, for me at least. Not a blatant phrooarghh factor, but a very subtle undercurrent (and I have to admit to a tiny damp patch in the underwear area...!). I don't think enough to really proactively pursue, especially not considering the distance factor, but definitely something that if we repeated the evening a few times may develop into something physical, even if short-lived! (I'm interested to know by the way young(ish), (lol, sorry, couldn't resist!) Sleepless (even if in a private arena to save my dignity!)... Am I way off the ball here??)
I'm pretty sure that my original opinion that I am probably not his physical "type" (which he has annoyingly and very diplomatically not commented on! Grrr!!) remains accurate, despite the 'come to bed eyes' compliment, but he's a hard man to read, so who knows? Back to you on that one I guess Sleepless..!
So, will we be doing it again...? I don't know is the short answer! I would like to actually, and I would like to see him out of the suit, and somewhere loud and raucous where we could properly go for it on the twatting around, giggling and having a laugh factor. Anything more than that I don't know, but I do know he's a man I could definitely enjoy spending some time with and having a laugh with, if nothing else.
So, ladies, ask all the questions you wish (bearing in mind I won't answer anything that would infringe on his privacy, etc), while you can. Better be quick though, as I'm off for a libido inducing fiddle!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Ping.. you're done
Just a quick post as I am knackered from a whole day's work (I know, I know, it's a terribly hard life so it is), and I still have a multitude of jobs in the house to do, as well as a bath before I can hit the wonder of the pillow.
On the plus side of the evening, I did manage to fit another skin cooking session in today, so I am of course at least 5lbs lighter now!!
Why do I always bloody fall asleep on sunbeds (the laying down ones, I haven't quite managed the art of sleeping standing up yet, although there has been a few close calls now I come to mention it...). I spend 7 of the 9 minutes wide awake, lovely, warm and relaxed, in fact so relaxed that I invariably drop off for the last 2 mins, and then end up leaping out of my skin with my heart pounding in my chest when the damn thing clicks itself off! So much for a relaxing experience!!!
Talking of experience.... (oooh, check me and my links out, perhaps I should be a radio dj or a presenter, moving swiftly from one random mediocrity to another with hardly anyone noticing at all...) I am off for a "date" tomorrow night :-)
Actually, "date" is a bit of a strong word! (I just wanted to tease you all that there may actually be the future possibility of a vaguely interesting post detailing lots of hot sex), but I am catching up with the internet man I have mentioned before, as I am at a conference in his neck of the woods all day. (Oh joy, the wonders of the motorway to look forward to...). I'm looking forward to it, though don't expect any romantic liaisons to develop really. I don't think we're each others types in that department (well I'm probably too much of a gobshite, lol) and I suspect he has other fish to fry, but I'm looking forward to it nonetheless! It's always good to catch up with new folks, and to put a person to the internet banter. Talking of frying... (see, I did it again! hehehehe), it'll be easy for him to recognise me... I'll be the lobster red one!!
On the plus side of the evening, I did manage to fit another skin cooking session in today, so I am of course at least 5lbs lighter now!!
Why do I always bloody fall asleep on sunbeds (the laying down ones, I haven't quite managed the art of sleeping standing up yet, although there has been a few close calls now I come to mention it...). I spend 7 of the 9 minutes wide awake, lovely, warm and relaxed, in fact so relaxed that I invariably drop off for the last 2 mins, and then end up leaping out of my skin with my heart pounding in my chest when the damn thing clicks itself off! So much for a relaxing experience!!!
Talking of experience.... (oooh, check me and my links out, perhaps I should be a radio dj or a presenter, moving swiftly from one random mediocrity to another with hardly anyone noticing at all...) I am off for a "date" tomorrow night :-)
Actually, "date" is a bit of a strong word! (I just wanted to tease you all that there may actually be the future possibility of a vaguely interesting post detailing lots of hot sex), but I am catching up with the internet man I have mentioned before, as I am at a conference in his neck of the woods all day. (Oh joy, the wonders of the motorway to look forward to...). I'm looking forward to it, though don't expect any romantic liaisons to develop really. I don't think we're each others types in that department (well I'm probably too much of a gobshite, lol) and I suspect he has other fish to fry, but I'm looking forward to it nonetheless! It's always good to catch up with new folks, and to put a person to the internet banter. Talking of frying... (see, I did it again! hehehehe), it'll be easy for him to recognise me... I'll be the lobster red one!!
Monday, December 04, 2006
A lovely day
I have had a lovely day today. No work (and I was officially off, ahem Miss Skivy Joie!!) to make up for the injustice of working on my birthday, and X and Y at school all day, so the whole day to do as I wished!
I had planned on spending much of the day lounging on my sofa in my comfies watching back to back crap tv programmes, but the lure of retail pleasure took its toll and it was off to the shops for me! 6 dresses (well dress tops), 1 top, 1 new face powder, 1 new mascara, 1 pair of funky red boots and NO BLOODY MONEY later I managed to drag myself away. (I say drag as there were two boooootiful coats pleading to be taken home with me too!)
Then off for a sunbed as the first step in the diet programme - well, extra flesh is healthy and bonny looking when it's tanned after all! Before a trip to my mates for a 40minute back massage as my gift from her (she's a massage therapist by the way, not one of my "working girls"!!!). Then home, dinner, blog addiction fix and here I am!!!
Damn, back to the grind tomorrow!
I had planned on spending much of the day lounging on my sofa in my comfies watching back to back crap tv programmes, but the lure of retail pleasure took its toll and it was off to the shops for me! 6 dresses (well dress tops), 1 top, 1 new face powder, 1 new mascara, 1 pair of funky red boots and NO BLOODY MONEY later I managed to drag myself away. (I say drag as there were two boooootiful coats pleading to be taken home with me too!)
Then off for a sunbed as the first step in the diet programme - well, extra flesh is healthy and bonny looking when it's tanned after all! Before a trip to my mates for a 40minute back massage as my gift from her (she's a massage therapist by the way, not one of my "working girls"!!!). Then home, dinner, blog addiction fix and here I am!!!
Damn, back to the grind tomorrow!
It's official
Yay! I am now officially single again! Woooooohoooooo!!!
After much consternation (yes that's constERNATION, not bowel problems!!) today about the CM situation, particularly after the somewhat unsatisfactory end to Friday night, I decided to take the bull by the horns, get my head out of the proverbial sand, and be brave! So I text him!! (Hey, there's a limit to how brave a girl can be!!)
After half an hour composing a suitably friendly, honest and kind way to dump him, I ended up with this monstrosity...
Hi there, hope you're ok. Sorry about Friday night, I didn't plan for that to come out that way. I'm not very good at this sort of stuff. You're a great bloke, it's just not really the right time for me I think. I'd still really like to see you more often than I used to, if only for cheesy jokes :-), but I really need to concentrate on the kids and work, and I don't want to get to the point where I'm being a bitch to you. You're worth more than that. I hope you understand and we can go back to being mates ok, but I'll understand if not. Take care and I will hopefully see you soon. x PS. Sorry about texting, I'm a chicken :-/
So, I take a deep breath and hit send!
Five minutes later my phone beeps. I wince, open it like it may explode in my hand and check the name. Yep! CM replies. With eyes half shut I click open, and read...
Lol. Me too. Didn't want to spoil your birthday, but couldn't tell you that I didn't feel things were right for me :-) Hope we can still be friends too :-D
Laughing my arse off!!!! All that angst! All for nothing! Bloody bollocking bastard!
Only one thing left to say...
NEXT!
After much consternation (yes that's constERNATION, not bowel problems!!) today about the CM situation, particularly after the somewhat unsatisfactory end to Friday night, I decided to take the bull by the horns, get my head out of the proverbial sand, and be brave! So I text him!! (Hey, there's a limit to how brave a girl can be!!)
After half an hour composing a suitably friendly, honest and kind way to dump him, I ended up with this monstrosity...
Hi there, hope you're ok. Sorry about Friday night, I didn't plan for that to come out that way. I'm not very good at this sort of stuff. You're a great bloke, it's just not really the right time for me I think. I'd still really like to see you more often than I used to, if only for cheesy jokes :-), but I really need to concentrate on the kids and work, and I don't want to get to the point where I'm being a bitch to you. You're worth more than that. I hope you understand and we can go back to being mates ok, but I'll understand if not. Take care and I will hopefully see you soon. x PS. Sorry about texting, I'm a chicken :-/
So, I take a deep breath and hit send!
Five minutes later my phone beeps. I wince, open it like it may explode in my hand and check the name. Yep! CM replies. With eyes half shut I click open, and read...
Lol. Me too. Didn't want to spoil your birthday, but couldn't tell you that I didn't feel things were right for me :-) Hope we can still be friends too :-D
Laughing my arse off!!!! All that angst! All for nothing! Bloody bollocking bastard!
Only one thing left to say...
NEXT!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Drunken texts - you gotta love them!
Especially when you're on the receiving end!!!!
As I mentioned, I had drunk text SG at about 5.30am Saturday morning, saying ... "Hello. bit birthday drunk but you really good bloke. and got some money for you. bye x". (I was quite relieved that it was just that, and that I had retained enough self control to not text 'Hello, you are one fit bloke and quite frankly I would like very much to be sucking your cock right now, to be closely followed by you fucking me senseless with it', which was in fact what I was thinking!) I hadn't heard anything from him and resisted the urge on Saturday to text him and apologise, thereby opening up another text conversation. But no! I was a very good girl, he has been quite cool just lately, and I think he and his wife are seriously struggling again, so I have just let lie.
Got to bed about 2am this morning (damn blogging induced insomnia!!), and had just drifted off into a very bizarre dream involving escaping guinea pigs, rabbits and hamsters (and X's dad and CM incidentally!!) when my phone bleeping woke me up! And who should it be but SG himself...
SG - I bet you £2.38 you're still up!
Me - Haha, you'd better get to the bank then! I've been in bed about 20mins, and was just starting a very weird dream. Quite glad you woke me from it actually. How's you?
SG - I'm good. What was your dream about? I dream't once that I killed a polar bear with corn flakes! I can't believe I am up later than you. Did you go out?
Me - not as weird as yours! It was bout having loads of pets that I didn't know about and not having fed them cos I didn't know they were there. They'd all just escaped! Not been out tonight, no sitter. So what you still doing up?
SG - Fell asleep this afternoon and can't sleep. Pets eh? Mmmm, what are you worrying about? Am I keeping you up? What are you wearing in bed??
Me - Insomnia is a wonderful thing eh? And I'm the only person you thought would still be up! Think it's cos I realised I hadn't fed the fish just before bed. Not worrying about anything. Are you SG? Just a boring silky chemise thing on me tonight I'm afraid
SG - Worry? Me. Try not to. Boring! I don't think so. I reckon you'd look hot. I bet it fits in all the right places. I need to cum and do your garden soon. Have you finished that book yet? What did you think?
Me - Glad you good. You know where I am if you're not. I mean that! Thanks for your belief in my hotness, even if it is wrong. Lol, wondered where that "need to cum... " was going for a minute! Finished book, was tres good. Might have to check out more of his stuff. Got one for you, not a saucy one though I'm afraid
SG - Cheers hun. Got plenty of fantasies if I need to cum. But you know about that. Have you? Look forward to book, I'm slowly reading 1984 at the moment. It's good. Glad you liked the book
Me - Don't worry, there's plenty of stuff in my head! Just need to find someone to do them with! Have to go sleep now, had a very late one last night. Sure I'll be having much more interesting dreams now though. Wonder who'll they'll be about...? ;-) x
SG - Goodnight hun. Sweet dreams
Me - You too. I'm off work Monday if you want to do garden and get money and books. Night pickle x
By which time it's 3.15am and time for the land of nod!
So, very random. As usual with him. And I'm sure a drunken text situation, hehehe. All good though :-)
As I mentioned, I had drunk text SG at about 5.30am Saturday morning, saying ... "Hello. bit birthday drunk but you really good bloke. and got some money for you. bye x". (I was quite relieved that it was just that, and that I had retained enough self control to not text 'Hello, you are one fit bloke and quite frankly I would like very much to be sucking your cock right now, to be closely followed by you fucking me senseless with it', which was in fact what I was thinking!) I hadn't heard anything from him and resisted the urge on Saturday to text him and apologise, thereby opening up another text conversation. But no! I was a very good girl, he has been quite cool just lately, and I think he and his wife are seriously struggling again, so I have just let lie.
Got to bed about 2am this morning (damn blogging induced insomnia!!), and had just drifted off into a very bizarre dream involving escaping guinea pigs, rabbits and hamsters (and X's dad and CM incidentally!!) when my phone bleeping woke me up! And who should it be but SG himself...
SG - I bet you £2.38 you're still up!
Me - Haha, you'd better get to the bank then! I've been in bed about 20mins, and was just starting a very weird dream. Quite glad you woke me from it actually. How's you?
SG - I'm good. What was your dream about? I dream't once that I killed a polar bear with corn flakes! I can't believe I am up later than you. Did you go out?
Me - not as weird as yours! It was bout having loads of pets that I didn't know about and not having fed them cos I didn't know they were there. They'd all just escaped! Not been out tonight, no sitter. So what you still doing up?
SG - Fell asleep this afternoon and can't sleep. Pets eh? Mmmm, what are you worrying about? Am I keeping you up? What are you wearing in bed??
Me - Insomnia is a wonderful thing eh? And I'm the only person you thought would still be up! Think it's cos I realised I hadn't fed the fish just before bed. Not worrying about anything. Are you SG? Just a boring silky chemise thing on me tonight I'm afraid
SG - Worry? Me. Try not to. Boring! I don't think so. I reckon you'd look hot. I bet it fits in all the right places. I need to cum and do your garden soon. Have you finished that book yet? What did you think?
Me - Glad you good. You know where I am if you're not. I mean that! Thanks for your belief in my hotness, even if it is wrong. Lol, wondered where that "need to cum... " was going for a minute! Finished book, was tres good. Might have to check out more of his stuff. Got one for you, not a saucy one though I'm afraid
SG - Cheers hun. Got plenty of fantasies if I need to cum. But you know about that. Have you? Look forward to book, I'm slowly reading 1984 at the moment. It's good. Glad you liked the book
Me - Don't worry, there's plenty of stuff in my head! Just need to find someone to do them with! Have to go sleep now, had a very late one last night. Sure I'll be having much more interesting dreams now though. Wonder who'll they'll be about...? ;-) x
SG - Goodnight hun. Sweet dreams
Me - You too. I'm off work Monday if you want to do garden and get money and books. Night pickle x
By which time it's 3.15am and time for the land of nod!
So, very random. As usual with him. And I'm sure a drunken text situation, hehehe. All good though :-)
Let's talk about sex baby
Enough of the deep and meaningfuls I think, and back to the interesting stuff!
Oral sex... cumming soon! Hehehehe!
Oral sex... cumming soon! Hehehehe!
Long awaited
Having not gone out tonight, (because frankly I couldn't be arsed!), I decided to try and tie this 'criteria for men' thing up. I've struggled with this for a while, and wrote and rewrote several times, but have now decided to cut all the crap and take it back to basics. I have tried to keep it as short as possible, and have cut it down to the essential 12 points (which for me is not bad going!).
So, here's what I need a man to be, in order for a successful relationship to have any hope it all...
1. Independent - I need my own space and it's important that is understood and reciprocated. I don't need to spend 24/7 with somebody and it's not an indication of my feelings if I need some time to myself, but 9 years of not being responsible for a partner is a hard habit to break.
2. Confident - it's important that somebody can hold their own in any situation, as I can be a bit of a fly by night when out with people I know. I need a man to be able to take care of his self, and to be confident enough in himself to face and enjoy situations, without having to have his hand held.
3. Sexual - I don't need this to be the main component of a relationship, but it is an important one. I already have plenty of friends! I also need to be with someone who is willing to try new things, to be open to ideas, can take charge but also be led, and who is able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole business once in a while.
4. Witty - I definitely need a man who can make me laugh (with them, not at them), and who can appreciate that sarcasm is a form of affection with me. And if they find me funny (rather than funny looking!) then that would be a bonus too.
5. Honest - of course that's important, it should really go without saying.
6. Open minded - I don't do narrow mindedness in any form! I don't need to agree with all principles, morals and viewpoints, in fact I appreciate some healthy debate and challenge to my own view. But I'm not interested in hearing negative views about gays, blacks, refugees, women, or any other bigoted and narrow mindedness at all. I have some strong views about liberty and freedom of choice and expression, so I need somebody to be able to cope with that.
7. Intelligent - I don't need to be with somebody with a lot of intellectual knowledge, or loads of qualifications, but I do need to be with someone who is able to discuss differing ideas and events, and will stimulate and challenge me, whilst being able to be stimulated and challenged themselves. And I don't think I could ever be with someone long term who doesn't appreciate the value of literature or the beauty of theatre.
8. Presentable and attractive - shallow maybe, but I do need to be able to go out in public and be proud of the person I am with. That they are naturally attractive, if not gorgeous, and that they look like they know what is fashionable this year.
9. Ambitious - it's important to me that somebody wants more than they currently have, in whatever form that takes, and more importantly that they are willing to do something to achieve it.
10. Baggage free - everybody has a past, and everybody has issues, I understand that and am willing to accept that, but I'm not here to save any souls, so anything more than the equivalent of emotional hand luggage is too much for me!
11. Reliable - this doesn't equate with boring, or rule out the massive value of spontaneity, but it's important that I'm with somebody who does what they say will do, and when they say they will do it (within reason!). I need to know that if I need something, however large or small, that they are capable of being there for me, both physically and emotionally.
12. Understanding - of me generally, the good and the bad. Somebody who will embrace the difficult aspects of my personality, who will support me, but who won't let me walk all over them. I need to respect the person that I'm with and feel respected in return.
Well, that's about it I think! Is that really too much to ask for? I don't think so, but time will tell I guess!
So there you go... Not the most exciting, funny, witty, sexy list I'm sure, but my friend Disco swears if you put it all down and commit it out there to the fate/destiny ether (or some other such twaddle) then that man will come along! So in good faith (or in an insomniac delusion!!), I consider it now officially "out there". So come on ether, "Move your blooming arse!"
** PLEASE NOTE - This is likely just a first draft and I retain the right to change, edit, expand on it any bloody time I like! Just because I can :-)
So, here's what I need a man to be, in order for a successful relationship to have any hope it all...
1. Independent - I need my own space and it's important that is understood and reciprocated. I don't need to spend 24/7 with somebody and it's not an indication of my feelings if I need some time to myself, but 9 years of not being responsible for a partner is a hard habit to break.
2. Confident - it's important that somebody can hold their own in any situation, as I can be a bit of a fly by night when out with people I know. I need a man to be able to take care of his self, and to be confident enough in himself to face and enjoy situations, without having to have his hand held.
3. Sexual - I don't need this to be the main component of a relationship, but it is an important one. I already have plenty of friends! I also need to be with someone who is willing to try new things, to be open to ideas, can take charge but also be led, and who is able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole business once in a while.
4. Witty - I definitely need a man who can make me laugh (with them, not at them), and who can appreciate that sarcasm is a form of affection with me. And if they find me funny (rather than funny looking!) then that would be a bonus too.
5. Honest - of course that's important, it should really go without saying.
6. Open minded - I don't do narrow mindedness in any form! I don't need to agree with all principles, morals and viewpoints, in fact I appreciate some healthy debate and challenge to my own view. But I'm not interested in hearing negative views about gays, blacks, refugees, women, or any other bigoted and narrow mindedness at all. I have some strong views about liberty and freedom of choice and expression, so I need somebody to be able to cope with that.
7. Intelligent - I don't need to be with somebody with a lot of intellectual knowledge, or loads of qualifications, but I do need to be with someone who is able to discuss differing ideas and events, and will stimulate and challenge me, whilst being able to be stimulated and challenged themselves. And I don't think I could ever be with someone long term who doesn't appreciate the value of literature or the beauty of theatre.
8. Presentable and attractive - shallow maybe, but I do need to be able to go out in public and be proud of the person I am with. That they are naturally attractive, if not gorgeous, and that they look like they know what is fashionable this year.
9. Ambitious - it's important to me that somebody wants more than they currently have, in whatever form that takes, and more importantly that they are willing to do something to achieve it.
10. Baggage free - everybody has a past, and everybody has issues, I understand that and am willing to accept that, but I'm not here to save any souls, so anything more than the equivalent of emotional hand luggage is too much for me!
11. Reliable - this doesn't equate with boring, or rule out the massive value of spontaneity, but it's important that I'm with somebody who does what they say will do, and when they say they will do it (within reason!). I need to know that if I need something, however large or small, that they are capable of being there for me, both physically and emotionally.
12. Understanding - of me generally, the good and the bad. Somebody who will embrace the difficult aspects of my personality, who will support me, but who won't let me walk all over them. I need to respect the person that I'm with and feel respected in return.
Well, that's about it I think! Is that really too much to ask for? I don't think so, but time will tell I guess!
So there you go... Not the most exciting, funny, witty, sexy list I'm sure, but my friend Disco swears if you put it all down and commit it out there to the fate/destiny ether (or some other such twaddle) then that man will come along! So in good faith (or in an insomniac delusion!!), I consider it now officially "out there". So come on ether, "Move your blooming arse!"
** PLEASE NOTE - This is likely just a first draft and I retain the right to change, edit, expand on it any bloody time I like! Just because I can :-)
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Why is it so hard?
I've been very speculative just lately about what it is I want (aside from a house, more money, a nanny, cleaner, and lots of holidays of course!), more especially what I want from that dreaded "R" word. And I think I have found it... http://alfielovesemma.blogspot.com/. This sums up what it is I want! That depth of feeling, the continuation of that feeling, the knowledge of being in the right place with the right person; a shared, fondly remembered past, a current and exciting present, and a planned and anticipated future. That's it really. I read their lives with joy and with envy, long may they continue.
So why is what they have so hard to find? I know that not everybody wants what I want, or needs what I need, but everybody has their own set of criteria or wishlist, and so many of us seem unfulfilled in this aspect.
It seems like everywhere I go in Blogland I read blogs from attractive, intelligent, sexual women (and men) who, like me, are on this eternal quest, or are "settled" in relationships that don't fulfill them. In real life, I talk to friends in similar situations to mine (parents or childless), looking for somebody to share their lives with, to share experiences with, to build a future with. There are internet dating sites galore and real ife social opportunities to meet people abound, with more chance of meeting "the person of your dreams" than possibly ever before. And yet, the romantic world seems full of more dissatisfaction than ever.
Do we demand too much these days? Do we have unrealistic expectations about life and love? Are we privy to so much more opportunity and chances that we dare not settle for this one in case there is something/someone better waiting round the corner? Has society become so disposable that even relationships are seen as something to use and discard? Have we had our eyes opened so much that we cannot accept what is presented to us and available for us? Have we lost the ability to accept and to try?
I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I did. But I wonder sometimes if we have gone too far down the path of striving for better. Whether the acceptance years ago that you married, you worked hard at it, and you stayed together produced more cases of "true love" than all the modern opportunities for independance and choice that we have today. And is it too late to go back?
I think this generation (now 30's and 40's), with it's increasing divorce and diverse family situations, is the one that is bearing the brunt, and that this in time will pass, as nature and history swings from one period to the next; that society we will return to a time of valuing relationships, valuing family, having an acceptance that we need to work at what we have, but with the balance of continuing to promote choice and enabling opportunities for all. That by the time our grandchildren are grown, the pendulum will have begun to shift back, because we cannot sustain a society long-term the way we are at the moment.
I wonder sometimes if I personally would have benefitted from a life in a different history period. Whether a tighter more controlled society would have been a good thing for me, or whether a natural propensity for dissatisfaction would have prevailed and forced society to shun my opinions and my actions. Am I a product of my childhood and my generation, or would I have turned out this way however society around me was? I guess I will never know about the past, and only time will tell about the future.
I don't proclaim to be able to answer any of these rambling questions, or the myriad of others that trip through my brain, but sometimes I like to stop and think about the bigger picture. And besides... when my brain is working at least it keeps my hands out my knickers for five minutes!
So why is what they have so hard to find? I know that not everybody wants what I want, or needs what I need, but everybody has their own set of criteria or wishlist, and so many of us seem unfulfilled in this aspect.
It seems like everywhere I go in Blogland I read blogs from attractive, intelligent, sexual women (and men) who, like me, are on this eternal quest, or are "settled" in relationships that don't fulfill them. In real life, I talk to friends in similar situations to mine (parents or childless), looking for somebody to share their lives with, to share experiences with, to build a future with. There are internet dating sites galore and real ife social opportunities to meet people abound, with more chance of meeting "the person of your dreams" than possibly ever before. And yet, the romantic world seems full of more dissatisfaction than ever.
Do we demand too much these days? Do we have unrealistic expectations about life and love? Are we privy to so much more opportunity and chances that we dare not settle for this one in case there is something/someone better waiting round the corner? Has society become so disposable that even relationships are seen as something to use and discard? Have we had our eyes opened so much that we cannot accept what is presented to us and available for us? Have we lost the ability to accept and to try?
I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I did. But I wonder sometimes if we have gone too far down the path of striving for better. Whether the acceptance years ago that you married, you worked hard at it, and you stayed together produced more cases of "true love" than all the modern opportunities for independance and choice that we have today. And is it too late to go back?
I think this generation (now 30's and 40's), with it's increasing divorce and diverse family situations, is the one that is bearing the brunt, and that this in time will pass, as nature and history swings from one period to the next; that society we will return to a time of valuing relationships, valuing family, having an acceptance that we need to work at what we have, but with the balance of continuing to promote choice and enabling opportunities for all. That by the time our grandchildren are grown, the pendulum will have begun to shift back, because we cannot sustain a society long-term the way we are at the moment.
I wonder sometimes if I personally would have benefitted from a life in a different history period. Whether a tighter more controlled society would have been a good thing for me, or whether a natural propensity for dissatisfaction would have prevailed and forced society to shun my opinions and my actions. Am I a product of my childhood and my generation, or would I have turned out this way however society around me was? I guess I will never know about the past, and only time will tell about the future.
I don't proclaim to be able to answer any of these rambling questions, or the myriad of others that trip through my brain, but sometimes I like to stop and think about the bigger picture. And besides... when my brain is working at least it keeps my hands out my knickers for five minutes!
Another year!
My head is hurting!
For those of you that remembered my birthday, and commented, thank you very muchly. I am flattered :-)
Did I mention my head hurts by the way?
Birthday synopsis...
Tralalalala
For those of you that remembered my birthday, and commented, thank you very muchly. I am flattered :-)
Did I mention my head hurts by the way?
Birthday synopsis...
Tralalalala
- Lots of lovely birthday wishes.
- A relatively easy day of training for work
- Lovely evening with dozen friends, some of whom I haven't seen for a while
- Yummy scrummy chinese food
- Some really nice/cool/thoughtful pressies
- Dancing in favourite pub
- Lots of laughing until early this morning, helped by copius (for me) amounts of plum vodka and ouzo (yes you did read that right!)
More ah than tralalalala
- A wobble - it's a year that I've been officially single, although it took me until 4.20pm to realise I hadn't had a birthday text from that individual. I wasn't expecting one, and I didn't really want one to be honest, that door is closed now, but having the thought and realising the progress that I've made for it to take so long to come is kind of what upset me. (Not sure that makes sense, but there you go!)
- I think I've seriously set the ball rolling in terms of finishing it with CM, which is not a pleasant thing to do, especially not at 5.30am after a birthday night out!
- I drunken text Sexy Gardener :-/ (Nothing too bad on checking this morning, thank god).
- And did I mention my head hurts??
And I'm supposed to be going to a party in home town, followed by a funk night over in local town tonight! Think I'm too old already....
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