Well, I have resigned myself to Christmas approaching and have decided that if you can't beat them (or at least just damage them a little!) then you may as well join them!
I used to love Christmas, and am very funny about all my little ways on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, but to be honest, the last few years I have become a bit of a Scrooge about it all! My parents split up about 4 Christmases ago, and despite the fact that I was way beyond childhood, frankly, it naffed my Christmas period up good and proper!! And it has never really recovered since.
Let me explain... (please be aware that I know how selfish and frankly 12 yr old I sound!!). For the last 20 years (before parent split) excepting the very odd and very begrudging forced to go to Y's dad's parents for the day, I have spent Christmas afternoon at my parent's house for dinner, and then falling asleep in front of the tv before dragging upstairs/home to bed. I was happy with this. I liked it! Now... my mum lives as far south as you can get in England, with new partner T (frankly a bit of a twit!), my dad lives in my growing up village with new partner M (okay in small doses), and my siblings (now aged 20, 22, 24) live in local town, Sheffield and as far south as you can go in England. This does not make for an easy family christmas time!!!
So, for the last few years I have kind of shared out where I go, either staying here and it not being the same, or travelling for 7hrs straight and it not being the same. And still being single, I haven't yet managed to replace the previous 20yr history with my own new christmas dinner routine. I'm still not really happy with this change. I still don't like it.
Coupled with this unsatisfactory turn of events, is the fact that one of the only two real, true, ordinary girl traditions I have at christmas time is Christmas Eve. When we put up our tree (always a real one), and for the last few years or so my best friend Across the Miles (ATM) and hubby have come and helped with tree stuff, listened to christmas songs, eaten mince pies and pringles, drank wine, given out and opened presents, and then watched me wrap presents for X and Y after they have gone to bed, before leaving themselves. I have then hoovered, tidied and inevitably got to bed myself at around 1am ready to snooze the night away before the Christmas morning begins! (More on those routines another time!). I was happy with this. I liked it. But since last October, ATM and hubby have lived in New Zealand and are not here for christmas anymore :-( I'm not happy with this. I don't like it.
On top of this general dissatisfaction... not helped by lack of significant partner, (or more likely recent break-ups of non-satisfactory partners), last year was, quite honestly, the worst christmas of my life! I'm not going to harp on about it, if you come here often you can figure it out, if not then go back and read! I couldn't cope with Christmas at all last year. Seriously, not at all. If it hadn't been for X and Y then I wouldn't have even bothered! But of course, I have the little darlings, so I did the best I could do under the circumstances, which was to drive to the end of england, stay with my mum for the whole festive period and let her deal with it. A good job too, because you wouldn't have known it was christmas at my house; I had no decorations, I had no tree, I sent no cards, I didn't even do the kids stockings (luckily Mum did these!). Instead, I went to my mum's, I took presents, I opened presents, I ate dinner, I might even have smiled once or twice, and then we came home and I said job done!
And, now, here we are again! Another year has rolled round (amazingly quickly!), and christmas is here before I'm ready to cope with it. Family and friends have started asking what to get for presents, where we're going for christmas day, and generally getting on with the joy of the festive season. I, however, have been resolutely ignoring it, and trying to pretend if I don't make any decisions then it might just go away. It hasn't. It isn't going to!
Tonight, Y put a christmas cd on upstairs, and when I went up to hoosh them into bed they were dancing round the bedroom and singing along. So we got to talking about what we were going to do for christmas... go to my mum's, stay here, (just ignore it), etc... and Y suddenly says to me, "Well christmas is ruined now anyway, isn't it Mum?"!!! What the....? Where did that come from? So we have a bit of a chat (reluctantly now from him!) about why he thinks that, and about how last Christmas I wasn't very happy, and about how (reading between the lines with reluctant teenager now!) he was all too aware of that and dealing with his own loss too, and do you know what? I suddenly thought, fuck it! Enough is enough!
So... time to regain a little christmas spirit methinks! I've made the decision that X, Y and I are going to stay here for Christmas Eve and do our tree, like we always used to but didn't last year. That we will listen to christmas songs and eat mince pies and pringles on Christmas Eve before they go to bed, like we always used to but didnt last year. And that I will wrap presents til 1am, hoover, tidy and go to bed ready for the next morning, like I always used to, but didn't last year. That we we will do our Christmas morning stuff, then go and eat dinner with my dad, M and 1 sibling, before coming home and going to bed with another christmas over! And, most importantly, I am going to make sure that even if it kills me, I will not have Y say to me in the run-up to christmas next year, "Christmas is ruined for us now Mum, isn't it?".
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13 comments:
Nothing like an offhand comment from a child to make you see the world in a different light huh?
We have made it a point to learn from the mistakes our parents made to make life that much better for our kids because undoubtedly down the track they will do the same (if they can).
Xmas time has a lot to answer for hey!! Chin up and love it for them if only them. x
You can always rely on kids to throw some insight on a situation. Although it's smelly that you had no choice in losing your old traditions it's fun making new ones that your own kids will look back on when you're a doddery ol' girl sitting round theirs drinking sherry :-)
So many family traditions, so many causes of conflict.
It's the same in my hellhole too.
I will spend my day much as I did last year. Wondering why I'm there.
good for you OG...I bloody hate xmas too, but kids seem to make it worthwhile. My niece is nearly 2 and I'm actually almost looking fwd to xmas this year as I know it'll be so much more fun with her around. I hope you and the kids have a lovely day - I always find that hitting the booze first thing helps me get through it :-)
Christmas can cause so much tension - it's all the expectations that are heaped on to a single day's events. So much family politics to negotiate, especially if you're the parents of the only Grandchild on the scene (as we are).
We were making promises in February for where we'd be this year.
Christmas always comes round faster than you can cope with it, I find. I don't even know where we are going to put the tree in our truncated house. Fortunately the kids have outgrown the age of wonderment at the whole thing, so should be easy to please. I think you'll find that as long as you are all together, and do silly stuff together it won't take much to have a memorable christmas.
Spot on, Xmas is what you make it not what you remember
OG -- you have completely figured out what makes Christmas important -- the kids. It was after my own parents passed away several years ago, that I first realized that Christmas was not in the least about me and my memories (those are still intact, and can't be taken away) -- it was all about my children and traditions created around them. It's been much easier to take since then.
Vodka may just help bring on the xmas spirit!
Yep, OG. Start up your own christmas traditions on top of the one you have now. My mate clare invites all her mates around on xmas eve afternoon for a little celebration. That's where I'll be this year, but no kids in tow, with their dad (goddam court rules!) They'll miss it, but I'll continue it (for this year at least, will have them next year)
(Son no2 commented when I told him he's with his dad this year, 'but this is the xmas house, mum - heart bleeds to hear that)
I've only had one Xmas in the last 7 with my family so my friends here and I built our own tradition of the Orphans Christmas.
You gather whoever is around and without family (or doesn't want to be with their family) and go to someones house for Christmas dinner. Copious amounts of alcohol are consumed and games played. Presents are optional, but appreciated, and the day is about people not the capitalism of Christmas.
Everyone rolls home or off to bed feeling full of Christmas cheer and there have been no fights. Job done!
Wow, another new commenter! Hello Mariee!
Thanks all for your comments. Christmas really is a wonderful time of the year, eh?!
That said, now I've accepted it's not going away I'm feeling pretty cool about it! Have even ordered some pressies :-)
Coming for a self-described Christmas lover who even at 27 has only the fondest memories of schlepping through the woods to cut down a tree, decorate it and every other thing that happened in between - it's great that you are putting it together for your kids. Years down the road they will be ever so thankful.
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