Y

Y has started archery tonight - just a 6 week beginners course, but it's a start. He's always liked archery when we've been to Butlins or such places and he's had a go, but he's never actually wanted to go locally before - I think he's been too shy to be honest. However, he decided over the holidays that he wanted to try it, so after flying home from work, throwing a chip shop dinner down them and leaving 5 minutes later, we arrived just in time.

I think he enjoyed it - he seemed to anyway, though it didn't help that we forgot his glasses! That he needs for long distance sight!! I managed to keep myself amused for an hour by chatting to the archery bloke sat next to me...

In other Y news, he got a trophy in bowling on Saturday for highest scratch game in his league, or some such thing. I know the score was 173! And that it had his own name on it - not just a generic one. So yay for Y! Nice to have some good things to say after his GCSE results...!

Sometimes, only sometimes...

...I wish I was married. Or rather, I wish I believed that marriage was possible for me. Or rather, if I'm completely, and blatantly honest, I wish I was married to him.

I don't think I am a cynical or negative person, though I acknowledge I have my moments, like anybody else, but I think I am a realist. And marriage, it would seem, is not my destiny - if you believe in destiny at all.

I like to think I may find love again, although my gut tells me it probably won't be for another few years yet, and I like to think I won't spend my life alone. But marriage, that I can never truly believe, I can never really, truly imagine for me.

I did believe once, which surprised me, and the very fact that once upon a few years ago I could genuinely see it, after years of never believing that I would, may, perversely, be the problem.

Despite the fact that I never saw myself getting married, and I was just fine with that, I found someone that I knew that I would vow to spend my life with, but as we all know far too well, that didn't exactly pan out for me. So now, instead of feeling that because I've changed my mind once before it may be possible again, instead I feel that because of that I am even less likely to walk down the proverbial aisle. It's difficult to explain, but I guess I promised myself to him, and even though that was nothing more than a promise made to myself, it was more value than any ceremony could have had. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to break that promise, regardless of any love that follows.

It's an odd way to feel. And sometimes, only sometimes, it makes me sad.

Wedding alert

I am off to partaaay tonight, after Smiler and his lovely girlfriend became Mr and Mrs Smiler, in Slovenia last friday. I was completely gutted to not be able to go - due purely to money - as I have been to every other wedding in his family with him. However, it looked absolutely beautiful, with boat ride to the chapel, castle on the lake and lovely hotel, so I am so glad that they had a good time. Really twanged with me when I looked at the pictures though, more than I thought it would.

Anyway, they are having an England reception party tonight, for all the poor friends who didnt make the real thing, so I am about to go and beautify myself (well, as much as possible anyway) and then head out. I think I might even take Y with me as well - X is at her daddy's.

Let the paaaartaaaay commence!

Progression

Well, things are progressing, even if it is incredibly slowly, with Will from the t'internet. Communication has continued, via email, throughout the summer holidays, but although it is quite pleasant I can't say I'm absolutely enthralled with any of it - it hasn't got quite the buzz to it that some of my previous email conversations have had, and there are some issues around the amount of time he sees his son that already give me concern. That said, you never know til you try, so it is my tiny step at getting back on the bandwagon I guess!

So, we have agreed a lunch date, not confirmed the day yet, but I've suggested next Thursday, and he has emailed me his number. I will ring him next week and sort for definite. I am a bit reluctant to get too carried away with email or phoning, as I don't want a repeat of RB, where its all super quick chat, super great, and then come to nothing because I change my mind or wig out. Much easier to stick to an even keel, hence why meeting him is probably a good step.

We shall see. In other t'internet news, I have just winked and been winked back at, another potential candidate (victim), Ant, from about 20 miles away. Interestingly, I have now set up 2 different profiles, both me, but one the more bolshy - I'm a size 16, looking for, no messing - without a photo, and another with a photo that is more detailed, but slightly less in your face. I have winked him from both and he has winked back to both, so... he's either interested in both aspects of my personality, or he's a player who will wink at anyone! Again, time will tell... Not that I'm holding my breath though!!

Information highway

The internet is a wonderful place. Full of secret peeks into other people's lives. Information from all over the world. Reassurance of place in a vast and lonely planet. Connections to people we may never meet.

It is also hell. The place where given enough clicks of the fingers, and time on hands, and smart thinking, you can find almost anything at all.

I have spent today looking at wedding photos. They weren't mine.

I shouldn't look. I shouldn't care.

I have. I do.

Chat up lines

I got chatted up by a man at the local post office sorting office while picking up a parcel today. Unfortunately he wouldnt have been somebody I would have considered going out with, but I guess its still flattering.

Now I just need Robbie Williams to get a new job down there...!

Random

Bizarrely I recieved the following text from an unknown number this afternoon...

"Hi babes hows your sex life, there is a space in my bed tonight all u need is your toothbrush babe, just bring u, no night cloths needed."

I have no idea who it was, though if I had to put money on someone it would be M. That said, its been eons since I've heard from him so unlikely. Whoever it was obviously wasnt impressed that I responded with "Who is this?" and didnt reply. Either that or somebody is very embarrassed to have got a wrong number...