Ins and outs, ups and downs...

Today has been a random old day! So, in keeping with it's spirit, this will be a random old post...

Tickets now booked for Vegas - yay!
Debit card now debited - not so yay!

Morning spent at work in a massage parlour chatting to sex workers and hearing people having sex - most amusing!
Ability to work on boring strategy and budgets in the afternoon after excitement of morning - most lacking!

Bills paid - rubbish!
Discovery council tax is paid for the year and no payment due this month - fabulous!

Telephone call from bastard company to inform me I am eligible for 50% off outstanding balance on old and much annoying loan - wonderful timing!
Having to clear the remainder 50% balance in full in March to qualify for said discount - typical timing!

Children already in bed and asleep - bliss!
Worry that Y, (who had a very bad bang on the head in PE, has not eaten dinner, has a headache and wanted to go to bed at 7pm), has a fatal head injury - awful!

Just another day...

Fuck it!

I've made the decision. I'm going to Vegas! Even if it bankrupts me! Well, it shouldn't do that, but it will probably put paid to any chance I have of buying a house this year, which is a bleeder but hey ho. I probably won't get the chance of a fun non-children trip like this again for a long time, and definitely not once I become a slave to an extortionate mortgage!

I reckon I should be able to rustle up about £500 for spending money (maybe more if I'm really really sensible until then), which may not be much but I've been checking out Vegas.com which has a lot of information on free shows, cheap food etc, so I'm going to bite the bullet and just go for it. At the end of the day, I'll be happy to lay in the sunshine and do nothing but read if I have to, so will just have to cut my cloth accordingly.

So that's it! Decision made. All I've got to do now is plan my itinerary... :-)

Mashed potato

I love mashed potato! And my belly is currently full of it (and a few sausages and beans). Yum yum!!!

Woke up late this morning, (although I was probably in bed earlier than on a week night) but not feeling too bad. Didn't sleep particularly well, and was having random mixed up dreams most of the night, though I don't remember now what was in them. M texted in the night as well, woke up to two texts from him just saying "hello you, how are you?", and another fifteen minutes later saying "i'm not your ex" or something like that!! (He shares the same name as CM). Can't really be bothered to respond to middle of the night texts! Text me in the daytime if you're that bothered about how I am!!

Last nights comedy was pretty good, although it was all black comedians (well, one asian) which can mean a bit of repetition, as they all tend to talk about beating of children, and the food, and parents and their childhoods. Of the five on last night, only one was really not great, the others were all pretty good so much chuckling was done!

After the comedy we went to a hometown pub for an hour, to catch up with Meg Ryan's friend T who was djing there. It was okay, nothing particularly exciting happening (aside from a bloke being passed out and having to be taken off in an ambulance by the paramedics) but a few glasses of wine were consumed by myself (Meg was driving), and some dancing occurred. Didn't feel pissed until I got home, but I hadn't eaten since a Pot Noodle at lunchtime!

So another weekend over. Not sure what I'm up to next weekend yet. Was planning a trip to Blah on Friday, but Meg can't do Fridays because of her childcare arrangements (they're not great for me either because of 9am Saturday morning ballet classes), so not sure now, might have a chat with Vi and postpone to the following weekend.

Also need to be watching my pennies if I decide I'm going to bite the bullet and go ahead with my plans for Vegas. I've got until Thursday to make a decision. Talking of which... how much do you all reckon I will need for spending money for 8nights in Vegas...?

Cinderella

WEll its saturday night and I have been out and have come back. cant believe it is only half twelve, and im home. oh, and I;m pissed incidentally, so pardon the typing. And i'm starving. should have got a kebab but didnt so am now eating chicken pasty and wishing it was hitting my empty stomach a bit qiucker.

saw new years eve man out tonight. did i ever finish new years eve post?? Cant remember but nothing too exciting anyway. no action for me!

am annoyed with myself for having a darren wobble tonight. may be why i'm now pissed? and ahem, dont moan, it may be boring for you (its boring for me!) but theres no point having a diary blog and then censoring it for fear of upsetting readers. so bollocks.

think ive been doing pretty well. no choice really. i knew hed be in touch and he was. but i guess i thought it would mean wed either sort it out or get some closure. that didn;t happen cos he bottled it. anyway, songs are annoying and make me think of him. that "all my life, watching america" song was the thing that started it tonighyt. annoying. wish it was out of my head forever. ho hum

what is it with all these really annnoying game show things on telly just lately. you pay 75p to guess and win however many thousands. there seem to be loads of them. i could do with wining a couple of thousand, thats for sure.

cant be bothered to type anymmore. think i will read a few blogs and then go bed. night

Swimming Pool Man

I meant to post about this last week, and then forgot all about him until I took X swimming today and saw him again.

I've noticed SPM over the last few weeks, since X has moved into the big pool for her swimming lessons. He is, quite frankly, one of the most handsome men I have ever seen. And handsome is the only word I can find that fits. He isn't sexy, or fit, or cute, or even fuckable - he is just aesthetically perfect! Mills and Boon perfect!

Black hair, dark eyes, strong jawline, defined cheekbones, the most beautifully perfect straight nose I have ever seen, lean just the right height. I can just imagine what he would look like photographed naked for a Calvin Klein ad.

So this is all very nice, and not that unusual, (there are a lot of good looking men in the world), but what's strange about SPM (and incidentally he's married and got three kids (unfortunately), so no trying to pimp me out you lot!) is that although he is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen, he is also a really nerdy looking bloke that you could look straight over without it so much as registering on the scale. I did the first time I saw him, and probably the second and third!

It isn't even his clothes, which are pretty unremarkable but nothing dreadful, or the fact that he wears glasses that aren't fashionable but could be, it's more in the way he carries himself, as if he has no concept of himself as handsome. He's got that bland thing down to a tee. Yet, although everything about him is unremarkable, when you look closely, his facial features are really very remarkable. Think Bruce Wayne,Peter Parker, Clark Kent.

I don't know what it is about him, but having him to view certainly helps the 45 minute Saturday morning lessons fly by...

Thank Crunchie it's Friday

Hurray, Friday is here! Although I'm now back on track with a computer at home, and have enjoyed catching up with pretty much everyone's blogs, I just realised I haven't posted since Sunday!! I have no idea where this week has gone, it's just flown by!

Well, hopefully I will get some time to browse and post this weekend. Am planning a yummy chinese for me and X this evening, the usual Saturday morning of dancing classes and swimming lessons (X not me!), and then a lazy Saturday afternoon before a comedy filled night! Sounds good to me.

Wooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooo!!

Praise be to the Goddess of Mothers!! Thanks to mine (and her ex internet cafe running partner), I am now furnished with yet another second hand pc (while aforementioned partner fixes my old pc, or obtains old hard drive contents. Oh god why did I take and save risque photos of myself on that very same hard drive??!!) , and am back on t'internet!!! YAY!

(In the great scheme of destiny which decrees any small amount of pleasure must be counterbalanced with equal (or more so) amounts of pain; a quick "fuck you" to my bastard credit card company, who after I cleared my £500 limit this month in order to pay for my Vegas flights, sent me a nice letter telling me they had reviewed said credit limit and reduced it to £250. Hence the bouncing of said flights!!! BASTARDS!!)

But lets not dwell eh... (Bastards!!)

Was over in local town last night for a mates birthday, and spent a pleasant evening catching the eye and smiling shyly at a beautiful piece of male totty (built in the style of Pete from Big Brother - except without the shouting of "wankers" every few seconds) in the birthday boys group of friends. Was very pleased to have a few smiles returned, and decided to commence initial enquiries regarding the love god before me. Unfortunately, initial enquiries informed me that he was very much in love with a current partner. A non-female one!! Oh, the waste!!

Declined to go onto funky but studenty alternative club (mainly due to funds and babysitter curfews), and instead opted to spend the remainder of the evening back at local dive in hometown, where we were suitably amused by the variety of weird and wonderful (also not so wonderful) creatures on display!

Have spent today having a duvet day (excepting trip to Sainsbury's for emergency duvet day supplies - read french bread, pate, grapes and doughnuts), catching up on some long lost blogs, and being smug in my parenting skills as both X and Y have behaved impeccably for the whole day!! So, all in all a pretty average but fairly good weekend.

So back to work tomorrow, with a multitude of problems to deal with and tasks to complete, before the next weekend rolls round again - this time with a trip to local theatre for a (hopefully) pleasant and amusing evening of laughs at the comedy night!! Can't wait!

Hello hello!

I was at a conference workshop thingy yesterday (with lots of lovely policeman, yum yum), but how fucking funny when I realised one of them, who looked familiar, I'd copped off with years ago when I was about 19. Much chuckling under my breath, but mouth kept firmly shut, and fortunately he obviously didn't remember. Most amusing!

Resolutions

Every New Year I give up chocolate. Not as a diet thing, (trust me, I manage to find plenty of high calorie, terribly bad for me substitutes!), but just to prove I can really. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl, so cutting down isn’t an option, I have to cut it out completely: no chocolate bars, no chocolate biscuits, no chocolate flavour anything, in fact not so much as a chocolate chip! As soon as the slightest piece of chocolate enters my mouth then it’s all over, and I’m back to eating it as before. I guess it’s a willpower thing. I do it just to prove I can!!

I usually aim to be chocolate free until Easter, and so far this year I’ve found it relatively easy. Apart from the first couple of days, and the odd temptation now and again, I’ve not even really thought about it. In fact, once I get a month of chocolate free living under my belt then it stops being an issue.

That is, until they release the mother of all temptation… the father of all sweetness… the chocolatey devil incarnate… the Cadbury’s Crème Egg!!

Oh Mighty God of Milky Confectionary… Give me strength to resist!

Sssssh...

2pm
Well another quiet one for me this weekend. Stayed in last night and did that wonderful thing of falling asleep on the sofa at about 11pm, only to wake again, freezing cold and stiff at 2.30am to drag my weary bones up the stairs into bed, where I then promptly lay awake unable to sleep for the next hour!

Woke with a headache this morning, and was a bad enough parent to tell X that ballet lessons (9am start!) weren’t on this morning due to half term holidays (ahem, may my lying sins be forgiven!). However, was a good enough parent to drag weary arse out of bed and take her to swimming lessons (10.30am start), even though we were five minutes late!!

Swimming lesson trial and tribulation was followed by trip to Tesco’s, where far too many calorific comfort type foods were bought, thereby serving dual purposes of sustaining me throughout boring-at-home-weekend, and then giving me reason to berate myself with self loathing at size of heifer-like body during same weekend and into following week!

Do not even have Blogland to distract me from gloom of my life! Think will go eat myself into a coma…!

8pm
Antsy mood continues.

Have not long got back from Indian meal with X, (who I am pleased to report behaved impeccably!), and am now feeling full of food and discontent!

Friend Meg Ryan was going to come round this evening for girly chat, etc, but has let me down in favour of date with bloke from dating site she has been speaking to this week. Other friend, B, is also madly in love with new man who purports to be “the one”. Am pleased for them both, but also find self full of bitter resentment for everybody else getting on with their lives, whilst self is trapped in stupid, pathetic, time warp. Find entire relationship thinking now based on premise of “What’s the point anyway? It will all go to shit at some point”, and plenty of tongue biting currently occurring to prevent said thinking being voiced to happy, moving forward friends.

Am selfish, rubbish friend, who nobody will ever love again.

11pm
Think will take up new hobby or evening class. Possibly braille, as blind boyfriend may be only future option!

Friends - hurrah!

Well after the rant of yesterday, which I sent a shortened version of to my best friend and fellow Vegas tripster ‘Across The Miles’. I got an email from her this morning to say that her and hubby are likely to have a sofabed in their accommodation (they are using timeshare points of his parents for their hotel), and they were going to ask if I wanted it!!! Damn straight I want it, I’d sleep on the floor to save £400!!

So, now I only have to book hotel for Friday and Saturday night, as they don’t arrive until Sunday. How cool is that?! I can’t believe it, I’m well chuffed! I love my friend (oh, and her hubby too I guess)!!

Pissed off!

I am pissed off!

As you know, I am off to Vegas in May, and as I didn’t have the money to book with all my friends at the beginning of Jan, I eventually booked my flights last week. Now, I was a tad pissed off at the time because the flights had gone up from £463 to £550 by the time I booked them, but nothing too drastic so just accepted it and booked anyway.

I’m due to book accommodation at the end of this month, which was quoted at about £230 last time I checked in January. So, being organised and financially minded today, I thought I would have a quick look so I could be sure exactly what I had to pay out at the end of the month. Horror of bloody horrors I discover it is now going to cost £421!!!! What the fuck!!!

I am so pissed off now! All my fellow Vegas tripsters (considerably better off and more money managed than I am) booked at the beginning of January and got the whole shebang (flights and hotel) for £625. Because I wasn’t fortunate enough to have a spare £600 laying around, it is now going to cost me a total of £971!! That’s a third more than them! (And that’s assuming the hotel doesn’t put its prices up anymore!) I’m having to pay more because I have less money!!

It just doesn’t seem fair to me, and is indicative of how if you have money then you generally have to spend less. If you can afford to buy early you get it cheaper. If you can afford to buy in massive bulk you get it cheaper. If you have money and borrow money you get a better deal. If you live in a nice area you pay less house and car insurance. And even the bloody rich and famous, who have more money than anybody else, end up being given limitless promotional freebies!!

Did I mention I’m pissed off!?!?!

Lightbulb

A while ago now, Vi was talking about the soap of Blogland. At the time (while everybody else was submitting pictures of which gorgeous celebrity they looked like), I was stumped as to finding anybody bearing a remote similarity to myself. Well, I was watching the telly the other night, and my lookylikey appeared in front of me in a flash of inspiration!! So here she is....



And in fact, even more worryingly, I have to admit, I am probably more than Liza, and actually the essence of Linda Green (but shorter and younger looking!!)!! http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/lindagreen/

(I would like to have posted Drew Barrymore, but I think I may have been liable to Trade Descriptions laws if I had done so...!)

Damn my honesty!!!!

The feelings

So there you have it! I can’t say I’m surprised, although at the same time I wasn’t expecting it either, but then I’ve learnt not to have too many expectations these days!

I still don’t know why he would bother getting in touch again, (especially after my last response to him getting in touch ended with me telling him to make a decision, let me know and then stick to it, as we are never going to be just friends), but at the end of the day I can’t dwell on that anymore. Time to face the inevitable and accept that he isn’t coming back and that I can’t wait for him any longer.

I’m okay though, it’s been such a long time and I’m so goddamn tired of the waiting and hoping, however deep I bury it. So, disappointed… yes, disillusioned… yes, destroyed… no.

The best I can do is to say I just feel flat. But beige, not grey. There’s been too much grey in the last year.

Time to move on now, once and for all.

The Facts

Saturday 27th Jan 07
DM – I’m in town for a couple of weeks. What happens now is your call.

OG – You’re a fucker DM! Why does it always have to be down to me? By “in town” you mean where?

DM – Because you’re the one making a big deal of it. I’m in the UK with a car, why does it matter where?

OG – It doesn’t really. I wasn’t aware I was making a big deal of it anymore? If you want to see me then I’m happy to do so. Your call now

DM – Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.

Sunday 28th Jan 07
(With a pre-planned babysitter and no immediate plans (long story)…)

OG – Are you busy tonight?

DM – Yeah, sorry. Meeting with S and D for dinner. I’m in Paris until Thursday. Next weekend is open!

OG – Ok. Will have to be Sat then. I’m busy Fri. Enjoy Paris

(frustrated crying scene deleted).


1 week, 4 sunbeds, 0 calories, 1 haircut, 300 aimless driving miles, and 3 zillion cigarettes later…

Saturday 3rd Feb 07
@ 2pm
OG – Are we meeting tonight?

@ 4pm
DM - Don’t know.

OG – Well make a decision…

@5.30pm
OG – I don’t know why you bothered contacting me to then do this, but it’s obviously more to do with you than anything to do with me. You know where I am and you could come fix it anytime, but you haven’t. So I’ll make it easier for both of us… I give up! You can say I didn’t love you enough. You get to be right. Happy now? I hope you find what you’re looking for, but that’s obviously not me, so please don’t contact me again