Texts out of the blue...

14 Feb 09

Happy Valentines Day, D xxx

With love, as always x

(much much later)

PS. Try not to think of me too much tonight when you’re getting your valentine’s shag!

1 Mar 09

Tell me what’s on your mind right now!

That you never cease to amaze me. That I spent all yesterday with you in my head and even switched my phone off because I was sick of waiting to hear from you and knowing I wouldn’t. That I need you to come home now.

Why were you waiting to hear from me? Why yesterday? What made you think of me?

I think of you most of the time so I suppose no different from normal. Why was yesterday worse than normal? I don’t know, do you?

I’ve been thinking a lot of you recently too, do you think that could be it? What number is DM related blogs up to?

And why have you? Why do you text me at all?

Two very interesting and very difficult questions. Questions I would love to know the answers to too! I don’t know, but I do and you do too…

Maybe because deep down you know as well as I do that you made a mistake and you’re in the wrong place with the wrong person. I just don’t know if that will ever be fixed.

(later)

I’m curious to know, when you say you’re thinking of me, what is it that you’re thinking?

7 Mar 09

What we done, what we were like together, How you made me talk, the sex we had. I’m having to make a lot of big decisions at the moment. Visa, green card, job..

I don’t know how to help you with that. I wish I could

Why don’t you come visit. Take a bit of time out. I’ll take week off and just chill

I wish I could but it’s not that easy. I’ll be back there for most May working at the UK office. I have to do another interview at the US embassy in London.

8 Mar 09

If you were describing me to somebody, what would you say?

You would be someone that I could connect to, both physically and mentally on a level that they simply couldn’t comprehend! And you of me?

That you are the strongest, funniest, stubbornest and most amazing man I ever met. And the only one I’d ever marry. My one true love!

OG, please? I’m sure I don’t deserve such strong words. Stubborn! Well yes but…..

Quit with the modesty. It is what it is. Besides, I’m never wrong so it must be true!

9 Mar 09

Why are you having to make job, visa etc decisions now anyway? Thought you were cleared to be there for another 2 years?

I am, We’re having lots of people laid off here I need to be ready should the worst happen. I could have my green card within a year and I need to think about staying here permanently. That and I’m getting married next month…..

Later added post script:
Well, I don't really need to express how I felt! Sick! And so, so angry. All this was followed later by a half hour phone conversation, instigated by me, through which I smoked so much that I had to put the phone down quick because I genuinely thought I was going to throw up. Most of the conversation revolved around him refusing to acknowledge anything other than being friendly, with me reading too much into it!! I hadn't replied to his last text in November, and he hadn't recieved my moment of weakness on New Years Eve, so he had thought his VD text would just disappear into the ether. Fine, I'm willing to acknowledge that - but at the point I replied, and how I replied, he knew! But, of course, still it continues. Fucking idiot I am!!