A day in the life of the ordinary girl...

Promises promises

2011-12-23T22:55:00.002Z

Have just realised quite how long I have neglected the blogging world....! So, am making a promise to myself to get back to it in the new year. For sure!

Happy holidays...!

Summer fun

2011-07-03T12:24:00.002+01:00

Where does the time go? The last few weeks seem to have been a whirlwind of carnivals, lazy weekends, work ridicule and the culmination of all by a visit this week to Glee live in good old London town!!! Yay. I love Glee!!

I am sure there is more to tell - not least an overnighter with JB (although no funny business and things are now back to their usual ways - perhaps with slightly more contact!) but frankly it is bloody hot, and I can't be arsed!

Playtime, or not!

2011-06-03T18:14:00.001+01:00

The sun is shining. I have no X. And I want to go out and play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, revise that. I want to go out and play with JB!

Actually, revise that. I want to go out and then stay in and play with JB!

Happy Birthday

2011-06-01T00:19:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday to my 11 year old X. Currently holidaying and partying in France with Lily and family. Though appearing to be managing without me perfectly fine!

Have you missed me?

2011-05-30T23:43:00.001+01:00

I am still alive, just not inspired to blog.

Life is toooooooooooo dull!

That said, I have been out and about, here there and everywhere, lol. Just nothing interesting enough to report on.

May life pick up shortly....

Beautiful South - I'll Sail This Ship Alone

2011-05-18T19:41:00.002+01:00

An oldie, but an oh so goody!!!!

Cheeky

2011-05-18T11:29:00.002+01:00

I'm having a cheeky day off from work today - ssssh! Not completely skiving mind you!! I'm meant to be at Uni learning the delights of Uni dissertation preparation, and to be honest they're two lectures that I quite wanted to go to. But.... Uni is so far away and I have to get up sooooooo early to get there on time and I just hate getting up early in the morning! Its bad enough on a normal day!!

However, I have a legitimate excuse (kind of) to miss today as the crown came off my tooth last night while chewing a stick of rock! Goddamn thing - just popped off. So, I had to miss Uni to ring and make a dentist appointment, which unfortunately is at 5pm this evening. So, alas I shall just have to spend the day at home - doing very litte, hehehe.

Don't tell the boss though!

I'm only bloody human!

2011-05-15T21:37:00.002+01:00

I am feeling really, really grumpy!!

Pictures of gorgeous photographers (on holiday in NYC no less) and an evening out with JB, do not a content and calm OG make!

I really, really need to get drunk and laid! And not necessarily in that order!!

One door closes...

2011-05-15T02:07:00.002+01:00

Its official. H is in a long term, loving relationship! Dang it!

Good job JB has arrived back on the scene to titillate me...!

H update

2011-05-10T22:15:00.004+01:00

Well, better update on H, my photographer I suppose. In brief, he is a) quite lovely, b) pretty bloody easy on the eye, c) very up for working on my project with me, d) attached!

Well, he hasn't said as much (I couldn't quite squeeze the question in, lol), but in all honesty I'm pretty sure from the stalking that he is not single - although I find it odd that his girlfriend (according to my sleuthing) is not one of his friends on Facebook, although she is on Facebook. Weird? Maybe not!

Anyway, unfortunately I suspect he will only be a crush from afar, and with my relationship karma I am certainly not pursuing anything that is going to push me even further down the relationship food chain, that is for sure!

Bloody pity though!

I love a good wedding!

2011-05-02T21:55:00.000+01:00

Well, sucker as I am for a good wedding, the royal one has been an excellent opportunity to revel in the romantic for a few hours, and revel I did.

We have been off visiting again, and have spent the last four days in Lincoln with my sister and hubby, and the entirety of Friday was taken up with the Royal Wedding (yip yip), which I had intended to watch only partly, but in reality the telly went on about 10am when we all got up and stayed on until about 2.30pm when it was all over!! We did then drag ourselves off the sofa to a nearby village for a quaint, quintessentially English village party - including the obligatory hog roast, wooden skittles and huge musical organ van. Fabulous darling!! The day was also made particularly thrilling by the fact that the aeroplanes that did the flyover at Buckingham Palace took off from the RAF airbase where my sister's hubby is based, and we saw them take off from literally just over the field from us! I was quite embarrasingly excited by that event I have to say!

Saturday saw me slightly less like an excited child as we headed off to Lincoln for the day, and we had a nice relaxing time looking around the Cathedral, combined with a bit of wandering the old Lincoln cobbled streets and requisite posh shops including the most cluttered antique shop I've ever seen, not to mention the most gorgeous handmade chocolates shop, before a visit to the more modern part of the city which resulted in the purchase of no less than 13 books in a wonderful (and very cheap) book shop, and the ending of the day in excited child status again!

The seaside beckoned on Sunday, and despite the very breezy (Skegness is so bracing) seafront I insisted on us all walking along the beach for a good way before the pier, the arcades and the candy floss stalls came calling! Fish and chips were eaten, rock was bought, 2pences were cashed in by the pocketful, and we finished the day with a walk back along the windy seafront once again.

So now, both long weekends are over and back to work and reality tomorrow, which is frankly rubbish!

Not so good friday

2011-04-22T21:14:00.003+01:00

Happy Easter all!

I've had a lovely bank holiday; lazing this morning, visiting Lily this afternoon, saying goodbye to X until Sunday, reading in the sunshine, and now enjoying the peace and quiet and catching up on tv.

That said, I'm so much more in the mood for misbehaving!! So much for Good Friday eh?! Though as there is no misbehaving to be done, I guess I will have to be good after all...!

Crush

2011-04-19T18:14:00.000+01:00

I have a new crush!

It's been brewing for a while, and has started in that inimitable way of cyber stalking, lol. Me, not him.

Anyway, after some successful stalking, and some very creative thinking in terms of getting in touch, I am due to meet him at work tomorrow (for a work thing). Hopefully he is as lovely in the flesh as on the screen.

Although I think he may be seeing someone. And he may be 12 years younger than me! Yah boo! Time will tell though, eh, and it's still the fun of the crush :-)

Home again

2011-04-18T19:40:00.000+01:00

Well, we have returned from our short sojourn to the wonderful Clacton on Sea, and I say that in a completely non-ironic way as it was actually really lovely.

We were staying on a holiday park not far away in St Osyth, and were expecting a caravan only to arrive and find we had been allocated a little detached bungalow/chalet! Not the most auspicious of properties, but certainly good enough for our little stay. Spent the first afternoon/evening wandering around the campsite, strolling along the seafront, nipping into the clubhouse, and generally getting our bearings, before a relatively early night after the days travelling.

Saturday dawned bright and beautiful so we decided to bite the bullet and head for Clacton itself, which was a great call. The beach is great and the pier is huge, and the actual seafront is really pretty, it was much better than I expected and nicer than many typical seaside towns. We spent a great day there, with gorgeous sunshine on the beach and then a fabulous time in the funfair part, with X getting her groove on the trampoline thingies and the mini water Zorbs. Watching Bridey on the jungle top type climb thingy will probably go down in history as one of my funniest times, although possibly one of her traumatic times! The evening was topped off with a night in the clubhouse playing bingo (we didn't win!) and watching the cheesy entertainment whilst I introduced Bridey to the delights of Cherry Lambrini! A slightly drunken couple of mum's, and 3 sober kids headed to bed late, after a good time by all!

Sunday brought with it a little more cloud so we headed to the inside swimming pool for the morning, which was good, although slightly disappointingly the log flume wasn't in action, and after deciding not to shower before swimming I then forgot the shampoo/conditioner/shower gel needed to shower after! However, the sun started to come out as we were leaving, so after a quick shower back at the pad it was time to hit the outdoor play area and the sunshine, and a few hours later the kids (the bigger two anyway) were back in the swimming pool, although this time the outdoor one! Yes, in England, in April!!! Another relatively quiet evening, after an hour of discoing in the clubhouse, as we were visiting Colchester Zoo the next day before the long drive home.

So off we set on Monday, getting to the Zoo just as the weather picked up, and had a fabulous time there. The zoo is absolutely gorgeous, and both of us felt it was probably the best one we'd been to. The animals all had great pens and enclosures, lots of which you could actually walk through and if the animals were close they were close! It really felt very interactive, and despite being really busy was clean both in the enclosures and out. I would definitely recommend it for anybody who is going to be in that part of the world! We stayed until about 5pm before setting off for home (via McDonalds) and enjoyed every minute of it.

All I need to do now is pick up the bags from where we dropped them when we came in, empty them, get a long bath and an early night before work again tomorrow...!

Seaside

2011-04-14T23:18:00.000+01:00

Pray for good weather this weekend folks! X and I are off to a cheap deal caravan by the seaside near Clacton on Sea tomorrow, along with Bridey and her two in tow! I'm looking forward to it, although I'm a little concerned about having to share a caravan with a 15mth old for four days! I feel ear plugs to prevent the early mornings may be in order!

It will be nice to get away though, even if the weather doesn't favour us (although please don't let it rain all weekend!), as long as it's nice enough to get on the beach for a few hours a day, to eat chips on the pier, and to get some fresh sea air in our lungs that will be just fine with me!

Butterfly

2011-04-09T01:30:00.004+01:00

I have been out socialising for the start of a hectic weekend of being a social butterfly this week, and have just got in from a party to Smiler and Mrs Smilers this evening, to say farewell as he has rejoined the Army and is off to Afghanistan for 6 months on Wednesday! It was nice that there were quite a lot of us there, so a good time was had by all and it was great that he got to have a good bash with his mates and leave feeling all popular and loved.

Tomorrow night its girly night in the OG household, and the celebration (albeit alittle belatedly) of Spring at last! Cocktails and cupcakes are planned, along with much gossiping girlies! I'm looking forward to it, though I think X might be looking forward to it even more! Even though she isn't really invited, lol. I will let her host for an hour or so before hooshing her off to her room though - I'm not a completely mean Mummy!

After all that late night partying, the weekend is rounding off with a Sunday afternoon at Bridey's, with dinner supplied for me - always a bonus - and if the weather holds, it will no doubt be an afternoon in the garden to boot. I'll need another weekend to get over this one at this rate!

Well I never

2011-04-06T20:58:00.002+01:00

I've been off work today, feeling a little off colour, and have made the most of the time by watching back to back recorded True Blood Series 3, and I have to say, strangely, it seems to have been particularly full of male snogging, which, also strangely, I have found most enjoyable!

Getting my rocks off

2011-03-26T17:15:00.002Z

I was, indeed, getting my rocks off last night - though, unfortunately, not in the way you may imagine! Ended up on a last minute trip to London, going to see Primal Scream at the Brixton Academy, which despite being an expensive ticketed venue, is undoubtedly a complete dive! That said, I do love a good dive, and it was good to be out and about doing something different to a usual weekend. I always forget how much I love live music until I go and see it, and then end up thinking "I must make sure I get to more gigs!", and invariably not getting round to it.

Last night was a bonus though, as I ended up being the driver (they were let down by someone last minute), and in return I got a free ticket to the gig, plus £50 petrol costs, so had a brilliant night out and made about £20 into the bargain! You really can't argue with that.

However, after a 4am bedtime and a 9am getting up time, I have to say my age is beginning to show, and today I managed to get all my jobs done this morning, including the shopping, just to ensure that I had nothing to do this afternoon but lay on the sofa (and have a little snooze!).

Jamie is due round later, and possibly Bea and mate, as I was originally holding a full girly evening tonight, which I'd already rescheduled but which left them with no plans for this evening, so it seems a mini girly evening was required! Which, to be honest I could do without as I'm fit for little other than pjs and telly, lol! Sure I will manage to get into it though, as long as they don't stay all bloody night...!

There's been a mudder!

2011-03-19T23:39:00.006Z

Well, after a week that included 2 clients being sectioned, 1 client being recalled to prison, 1 client being raped, oh, and the mere problem of the complete collapse of our drug provision, (not to mention all the usual humdrum!), a night out being a murder suspect (fortunately exonerated in the end - although my delightfully charming mates made the most of not only nominating me as a "suspicious person" but also by asking some most embarrassing questions whilst I was in the line up!) was just what was needed.

There was a short time where the lights went out and I was slightly freaking out with my fingers in my ears going "I don't like bangs, don't let anybody shoot a gun near me!", like the easily spooked big baby that I am, lol, but fortunately it only lasted a very short while and it was an enjoyable night. Though I am obviously no Poirot as I got the motives all right but the mudderer wrong!

So, having decided to come home straight from the Murder Mystery due to a slightly dodgy tummy (hopefully not the arsenic poisoning that finished the hotel manager "Debra" off a few hours ago!), I am off to bed with Stieg and his final offering, in the fabulous knowledge that for the second Sunday in a row, X is sleeping out (at Daddy's this time!) and I can wake when I wish in the morning and continue more of the same - perhaps with a bacon and egg sandwich thrown in for good measure.

I could get used to this!

Labour and toil

2011-03-17T20:31:00.003Z

I am so over work this week! I am just absolutely sick to death of it. Well, of bloody big wigs swooping in and messing up plans that have taken ages to get into place (as a result of other big wigs being complete arseholes!). It just amazes me that so-called professionals can behave the way some of them do and get away with it! I am just so fed up with it all.

On a good note, its Friday tomorrow. Yippee!! And Saturday brings a Murder Mystery night out in the local town with a few mates and the girls from work, which should be a good giggle, and will at least stand me in good stead for the continuing work hell to come!

A little bit of heaven

2011-03-13T19:40:00.002Z

Ended up going to girly friends last night after all! Was a good night, and got into my bed about 2am with the wonderful knowledge that I could lie in for a bit in the morning as X was at Lily's. Woke up this morning to the even better news, via phone, that X was staying there all day.

So, I have had a lovely quiet day reading the second Stieg Larsson and eating marmite on toast in my pyjamas. I love Sundays.

TFIF

2011-03-12T00:05:00.003Z

Phew, it has been one looooong week! It's Friday now though, woohoo, and I am relaxing in front of the tv looking forward to two days of doing very little! If you exclude the cleaning my house needs this weekend of course!

X is off to Lily's tomorrow afternoon, and sleeping over, and I am having the monthly girly night at mine tomorrow night after somebody cancelled at her place, which is even better for me as it means I don't even have to drive! I suspect the wine will be opened...

Good news this week, as my Y managed to pull off all A's in his Maths exams! Whoop whoop!! Every little helps towards a final A grade result!

Here's to Saturday...!

PS 2

2011-03-06T22:29:00.002Z

I think it would be the most fabulous thing in the world to have somebody send something into PostSecret about me, although I'm far to cynical to believe it will ever happen!

Out and in

2011-03-06T22:16:00.003Z

Bloody car! Engine light has come on, and so it has to go for a visit to garage tomorrow. Most annoying!!

On a lighter note, had a good day out yesterday to a space museum (oh I'm so cultured!) with X and Y and my newly reacquainted paternal cousin, as well as meeting my only paternal Uncle and Aunt for the first time for over 30 years. Was good - I particularly liked my Uncle, who was actually quite funny!

Today was spent relaxing, reading and looking at the housework thinking "I really ought to do that!" - or perhaps I should just get a boyfriend who loves cleaning and cooking!

Now its Facebook, cheesecake and Sex and the City on the telly. It's not a bad life :-)

Nada

2011-03-02T21:08:00.000Z

Is having a pretty boring week. Sorry folks!

Scarey Days

2011-02-22T22:03:00.008Z

For a short time this morning, I had one of the most horrible experiences of my life.

I received a phone call at 8am (always early for me!) from Tim (husband of Valerie, and groom in the Vegas wedding!), who I literally haven't spoken to since Vegas! He was calling to tell me about the massive earthquake in Christchurch, home of my bestie ATM, and that they hadn't been able to get a hold of her.

I tried to call myself, and then text asking for update, but fully expected that phones would be down so I didn't hold out much hope of hearing anything. I managed to keep it together to get X to her holiday club, but on the drive to work I just felt awful. It really was one of the worst hours of my life.

Eventually I was parked up, composed enough, and it was late enough (just in case she didn't know) to call her mum,. Thank goodness that she had heard from her that all was well, and that both ATM and hubby were safe and sound, although they have no power, no phones, etc, etc. The relief! I can't tell you!! I ended up in tears going into work, which I think was just the adrenaline release from the worry.

Much love to ATM and Mr ATM - which I really should say more often... though, I do have a hard ass reputation to uphold you know!

Update: Have received an email from them, and she sounds like the typical ATM that I know and love, so feeling much better! Although, lets hope there are no more bloody earthquakes - I really, really can't take the stress!!

Holidays are coming

2011-02-21T23:05:00.004Z

I have discovered the wonders of the £10pppn holiday special offer! That, combined with some "spare" money from my car loan (which should have gone towards paying off a different loan, but hey ho, you only live once!), and no real holiday for far too long, has resulted in the need to book holidays this year.

To date, I have booked the following:

A long weekend in Clacton On Sea in April, with Bridey and her two.

Two weeks in the South of France in August, with Lily and family.

A short week in Walton on the Naze, in October half term.

Alongside that, Jamie is currently on the hunt for a cheap, cheap girly break for my 40th birthday (as NZ is not going to be an option this year!)

Yip yip for holidays this year!

Though if only my bestie from across the miles lived in Clacton, not New Zealand! Here's hoping for 2013 though...!

Beep Beep

2011-02-20T22:29:00.002Z

Here's my new baby...

Fitting it in

2011-02-20T01:27:00.004Z

I have had a non-stop day today!

Up at 9am to take Y bowling then home to make a start to a top to toe house clean, bath and hairwash supervision of X, 11am off to pick up new car with X, Sis and Bro-in Law, home at 2.30pm via KFC, out again at 3pm to take Y to train station to meet cousin and head off to Pokemon convention, short break then X off to her dads at 4pm, out again to take old car to garage, back at 6pm, pick up Y from train station at 6.30pm, come home and finish top to toe clean of house, welcome CJ for gossip, takeaway and wine at 8pm, say goodbye to CJ at 1am, and now a quick catch up on blog before off to bed knowing that I can have a lie in in the morning and have absolutely nothing to do tomorrow! Aside from a little shopping of course.

Phew - one heck of a Saturday!!

Wistful

2011-02-15T20:42:00.002Z

I absolutely love the programme One Born Every Minute, its so lovely to see women, couples, families going through the trauma but joy of giving birth and all that goes with it.

The downside though, is that it makes me wistful to be a part of those couples whose moments are so preciously shared. Its times like these that I think being in love again might not be so bad after all.

Happy V Day

2011-02-14T23:03:00.002Z

I have today bought a new car! A lovely silver 2005 plate Citroen C3 Pluriel.

Happy Valentines Day to me!

Buzzing and hungry

2011-02-13T02:11:00.002Z

Has just got back from a night out dancing to funky music for Bea's birthday, which was alright but nothing superly spectacular. Am now at home too wired on caffeine overdose from the diet coke all night (I was driving, for a change!) and lack of food to sleep, but too tired (or lazy) to make myself something to eat. I should so have gone to the kebab shop on the way home!!

New day

2011-02-11T23:17:00.001Z

Tomorrow is indeed another day! It's Friday, I am out tomorrow night for dancing and funky music in honour of Bea's birthday, and have just had a lovely chat with my bestie from across the miles!

Ah, life is grand!

Soft Cell - Say Hello Wave Goodbye

2011-02-11T01:19:00.003Z

Enough now!

Sense

2011-02-11T01:12:00.001Z

I need to sleep I think. Sleep. Forget. Regroup. Again.

Tomorrow is another day.

Sade - No Ordinary Love

2011-02-11T00:05:00.001Z

I can't sleep it seems, and whilst the music should soothe, instead it seems to have inspired some dwelling, which is surely not a good idea. Not a good idea at all.

I guess it is better to believe I miss the idea of him, as it turned out I never really knew him after all...

Alison Moyet - Only You

2011-02-10T23:46:00.001Z

Feeling musical tonight. This was all I ever needed. Those days seem so long gone now.

Billy Bragg - New England

2011-02-10T23:26:00.001Z

Just love, love, love this....

Circle of Life

2011-02-10T21:26:00.005Z

Well, after the sad demise of Dom Froggy on Friday, lo and behold nature showed that life and death are really two sides of the same coin, with the birth of 9 new little fishies on Monday! They are quick little blighters, so I only managed to capture a couple, and you will need to look closely!

In other news, my baby (X) has been to the orthodontist today and will be getting braces next week! At the grand old (or not!!) age of 10. Apparently they don't like to do it that early because its a big responsibility and then a lot of years to wear retainers afterwards, but the orthodontist thought she was older than she was, and had offered them to her before he realised. So, despite half an hour of anxiety on the way about braces, she then was desperate for them straight away!

Finally, more changes afoot, as a new moty car is planned for me! Watch this space...!

Saturday, Saturday

2011-02-05T10:44:00.002Z

So the weekend has come. Yay!

I have dropped the kids off at bowling, done a quick clean downstairs and am now sat mooching about on t'internet looking for a new car. Not that I can afford a new car - not by a long shot, but my little moty car has done 97000 miles now, and I have a really bad feeling that the head gasket is about to go, so am thinking it is better to offload it before it dies completely than wait until the inevitable. Also, my bank has been foolish enough to give me a loan (well I'll believe it when its in my bank!), which was my intention to pay off an existing high interest loan with, but I could keep some of it back for a new car if need be, which is not ideal but possible. My other option is to pay off the higher interest loan completely, with the low interest one, reducing my monthly payment by about £25 a month, and then look at buying a new car on a payment plan (if they'd give it to me!) costing about £130 month, leaving me £100 a month worse off, but with a brand spanky new car!! Oh I don't know - decisions, decisions!! At the end of the day, my credit rate is not what it could be (although it had flipped up to Average for the first time in history just before Christmas!), so it may not be my choice at all - but the banks!

Well, I am off for a lengthy bath before collecting X and Y, and spending the rest of the day on my sofa, book in hand, and then off out for a curry and drinks for friend Jamie's birthday tonight.

Ah, the joy of Saturdays!

RIP Dom Froggy

2011-02-04T23:00:00.000Z

Alas, little froggy Dom has been a bit off colour the last few days, and finally admitted defeat this evening. RIP little Dom Froggy :-(

Halloooooo February!

2011-02-01T21:25:00.002Z

So, the year (if you start in crappy January) started off on New Years Eve with a trip to the doctors, immediate nebulising, and £28 worth of prescription medication as the result of a really bad chest infection, and for the first week of January I alternated between my bed and the sofa, with frequent use of inhalers and the necessary school runs. It continued in its inimitable way when I went back to work eventually, only to be told that there appeared to be no funding for my service (and subsequently my post!) as from the end of March! The next 3 weeks were spent going stir crazy, completely broke, and not answering the phone to all the bills people I hadn't paid in December! As well as stressing about my last Uni assignment, which I had already had a 2 week extension for, and when I wasn't doing it, it was ruining my free time thinking I ought to be doing it! Some light came in the last few days, with the completion of the dreaded assignment, the onset of payday last Thursday and then a lovely night-in-takeaway-catch-up with Lily on Saturday night, followed by a perfectly relaxing Sunday which I spent knowing there was truly nothing I needed to be doing!

However, I think it is very fair to say that I was not sad to see the back of it, and today...? Well today I have started February with money in my purse, all my outstanding bills now cleared, no more Uni (well, until dissertation time), plans for the next 4 Saturday nights and the sun shining (even if it is still bloody freezing!). Ah, I love February!

Happy New New Year

2011-01-31T20:58:00.001Z

At last, the interminable January comes to its end! I think the Chinese have the right thing celebrating their new year at the beginning of February. January is such a draggy, dreary, godawful month, and can really only be viewed as the tail end of the year - most certainly not the bright new beginning of one.

So, I for one, will be celebrating the demise of the dreaded January and the start of fabulous February, and will return anew!

Festive greetings

2010-12-30T01:03:00.002Z

Well Christmas has come and gone for another year. I have neglected this blogging caught up in the preparations for what is over so quickly, but it was worth it, and Christmas was great. Unfortunately though, what started as feeling a bit rough Christmas night has now developed into full blown feeling rotten, combined with a really bad chest and barking cough, so I will wish you a brief festive greeting and hope to return, in good health, in the New Year.

Until then, Happy New Year to all of you. May it bring you what you wish for. x

New additions

2010-12-23T16:58:00.002Z

New fishies for Christmas - welcome to Milly, Molly and Mandy!

Much more exciting though.... new froggies for me!!!!! They are African Dwarf frogs, Dick and Dom, and they are just so lovely - I could literally watch them all day.

(Dom's on the left, Dick's on the right!)

Sade - By Your Side

2010-12-18T23:53:00.001Z

There are days I still miss you. May you always have somebody by your side - even if that somebody won't be me.

Another year wiser?

2010-12-02T23:48:00.001Z

Well I am a whole year older than I was when I last posted. Officially anyway! I reached that grand old age of 39 yesterday, on the 1st day of advent.

As birthdays post-DM go, I was actually looking forward to it for much more than I have ever done in the last 5 years (I know! I cannot believe where that has gone!) Unfortunately, it turned out to be pretty shit, at least in the day time. Not only did I have to get up extra early for Uni (not helped by the fact I was still up doing my assignment at 2am that morning, in typical OG last minute fashion), I then missed my train (by going to the wrong platform like a durbrain!), and the following was delayed by 25 minutes due to the snowy conditions, so after an early start I was still late for Uni! I also had a presentation to do, which was okay, but not my idea of a great birthday.

Uni over, I came home, only to discover that the club that I had planned for my birthday celebrations had had the music event planned called off (due to the weather again!), and then spent the next hour trying to get in touch with everyone who was planning to come to rearrange to a different, last minute venue. The rearranging was not helped by the fact that my laptop decided to play silly buggers with me and kept refusing to boot internet explorer, so I didn't even have the assistance of Facebook to help me!

Eventually, after a little afternoon nap, and opening of my pressies I perked up a bit, and actually the evening turned out pretty good. Even if it wasn't the original plan!

So, another year older... another year wiser? I'm not so sure about that!

White stuff

2010-11-29T22:37:00.001Z

Just loving the snow!

Reality check

2010-11-26T00:59:00.002Z

You know what? I'm a pretty good catch! I may not be as pretty as I once was, or as pretty as many other girls, and I may not have the perfect body, far from it in fact, but beneath all the brashness, the sarcasm, the lack of tact, the bolshiness, the hardness and the walls, lies a woman who is strong, and clever, and independent, and funny, and great in bed, and loyal; fiercely loyal to the people I love.

And if you are one of the few who is lucky enough to see the insecurity, the fear, the soft and sweet, and the genuine love and kindness that lies deep within, then you are lucky. Very fucking lucky, and don't you ever forget that!

Hot and Cold

2010-11-26T00:12:00.002Z

So the day started hot, hot, hot with SG, and has ended with an extremely cool JB. What does it take to find a decent, and consistent, and single man these days?

How old?

2010-11-25T14:47:00.001Z

This morning, if you had been passing by my town centre workplace at the exact right time you would have spotted me snogging SG in a doorway. I really really have no self control!

Sweet dreams are made of...

2010-11-24T23:16:00.003Z

I really should not engage in two hour long conversations, which include reference to naked men (note men, not man), with SG just before bed...!

Night folks!

Woop woop

2010-11-24T15:14:00.002Z

One week to go until my birthday! Which I have to admit I am quite looking forward to.

The christmas spirit is also starting to creep into me, slowly but surely, and I'm probably feeling more festive than I have done for a good few years now!

Yip yip for winter, birthdays and Christmas!!

Bump

2010-11-23T22:21:00.000Z

Well today has been a bit of a hectic day. After a busy morning at work, early afternoon I received the dreaded call from school to come and collect X, as she was feeling under the weather and quite upset, and she had had a head bump at lunchtime. Off I set and after working my way through the awful roadworks and ensuing queues in *work town I finally arrived to pick her up at about 2pm. As expected, there was a rather large bump on her right forehead, which would not have given me undue concern except for the fact that just as I went to leave the reception staff informed me that she had also been complaining of numbness and tingling in her right hand which had progressed gradually up her arm and into her lip and tongue!

I'm not at all a hypchondriac mother, but on arriving at home I figured it's probably better to be safe than sorry so rang that service of services, NHS Direct, who informed me she needed to go straight to A&E! Being the supportive and caring mother that I am I thought "Sod that, I'll take her to the GP instead". So, on the phone again to try and get her into an emergency appointment, only to be told by the GP receptionist that I need to take her straight to A&E!

Now, I'm not a mother that is easily defeated by the system, or one that particularly relishes the prospect of a 4 hour wait in A&E, so, being clever I thought I would take her to the Minor Injuries unit in *work town, which, whilst a little further away and through the dreaded road works again, should save me some wait. Surprise surprise, the Minor Injuries unit told me... you've guessed it.... take her to A&E!

By this time, a fair amount of time had passed, and I'm starting to think it would probably have been quicker just to take her to the *local town A&E in the first place, but, we're there now so may as well just get on with it. 52 minutes after parking the car, we are back at the car having been seen by a triage nurse, seen by a Doctor, and told 'she is fine, take it easy for 24-48hrs, and come back if she has blah blah blah list of symptoms'. Oh the joys of children!

Fortunately, she'd perked up considerably and after a quick 15 minutes in the house grabbing some dinner, was able to attend (and sing beautifully) the schools Seasonal Concert at the local theatre.

I was just glad to get home at 9pm. Sympathetic mother that I am!

Planning

2010-11-17T10:08:00.002Z

I hate planning! Really, really hate it. I don't think people ever appreciate quite how difficult it is for me to pin myself down to arrangements - and in all honesty, that is exactly what it feels like. Like I'm being forced to do something against my nature. Even if the event itself is something I'm really looking forward to, there is always a little bit of me that is resentful that I've had to plan it.

For any of you who may know anything about ENTP's or in fact, be one yourself, you may appreciate this, and considering my P influence is the strongest aspect (about 80%) it is most defnitely to be expected. Yet I struggle with it. Or rather, I don't struggle with the aspect of my personality, I struggle with the fact that I am expected by the world to time slot my life in advance. I don't want to!!!! I want to get up in the morning and decide what I am going to do with myself that day.

I appreciate that life needs some structure, and I can function reasonably well with the routine of work, school, etc but at this time of year, with several birthdays, including my own, and Christmas and New Year events to organise, I get really stressed with people trying to confirm arrangements, it seems constant! I have been really good I think, having decided the date and venue of the celebrations, but please, please, please can people not just get on with getting tickets and sort out when they are going and let me just see them there whenever!!

I may not survive the season.

Hush now

2010-11-14T21:37:00.000Z

SG has been texting again this weekend, a little too full on and a few missed (on purpose) calls as well. I've responded politely and then ignored the middle of the night ones - just can't be bothered with it really.

Recovery

2010-11-07T16:27:00.003Z

I think my age is starting to catch up with me! I was out partying for Disco's birthday this weekend, which was lovely fun, but I'm so feeling the effects today. I just don't have the recovery from 3am bedtimes that I used to! Or perhaps I need to do it more often and readjust...

Bad things - Jace Everett

2010-11-04T23:34:00.002Z

If nothing else, I am thankful to True Blood, for bringing this wonderful voice to my attention. He is just smoking! And for me, it all started with this...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2010-11-04T19:30:00.001Z

I am sooooooo bored of late!

Bored of work
Bored of men
Bored of money (or the lack thereof)
Bored of life in general.

JB steps up. Again!

2010-10-28T22:08:00.003+01:00

Hey OG, hi, may need a place to stay for an hour or two, if I get stuck could I call you?

(an hour later - when I see the text!)
Sorry love, only just got this. Of course. You welcome any time x

Thank you, managed to escape, at my mums now, was being chatted up! Aaargh. If I'm gonna date I'd ask you first x

Lol, you say the nicest things! Just hurry up and be ready :-) x

OG, honey, nearly there. Spent most of tonight talking about you, ha. Will be moving to (st near me) in next 10 days, dare you to come for dinner.

Really? How come you talking bout me? And who to? Oooh! House move eh? Exciting :-) Let me know when you're cooking! x

Yes, really, to (mate1) and my bud (mate2). Was sober at the time. I want a strong woman with her own views, a smile to melt hearts with, and a kiss to inspire dreams, apart from that I'm easy!

Lol, will let you know if I come across one :-) Take care hun, hopefully see you soon xx

Should have been you x

Well you never know your luck. One of these fine days JB... x

One of these fine days, just maybe. x

Later, on the wonders of FB...

His status update...
This town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap.
My comment...
... We've got to get out while we're young, because tramps like us, baby we were born to run... (Well drive in my case if I'm really honest!) x
Reply...
You will marry me! x
Me...
Lol, you'd be a brave man to take me on for life! x
Him...
Yeah, brave, my middle name. Think I may be fit for the task ahead, ha. x

I will certainly never understand men!

Hair today

2010-10-28T19:16:00.003+01:00

Well have been back to the GP's today, to little avail. More blood tests, which I'm sure I only got because I was nagging! We shall see what they bring, though I won't hold my breath for any answers.

I am feeling a little less depressed about the hair situation now, which is helped by the fact that it does seem to be growing back very quickly. Thank goodness!

In other news, I am feeling the lack of male body in the bed a little more than usual these last few weeks. If only I could be bothered to get off my arse and do something about it...

Ugly

2010-10-22T22:01:00.005+01:00

I have had an ugly day, full of being sick of my ugly body, my ugly face, my ugly hair and even an ugly soul. All of this undercurrent was already trickling away today before I went to the hairdressers and not only came out with a haircut that is not exactly what I wanted, and makes me feel even uglier, but also the knowledge that in the last 8 weeks, for some reason unknown to man or beast, a large bald patch has developed at the back of my head. Leaving me feeling uglier still, and also worried that I will end up completely bald and then might as well just give up.

Tears have been shed.

Something in the water

2010-10-14T22:57:00.002+01:00

I have had a bit of bizarre week - with SG (Sexy Gardener) suddenly texting out of the blue on Saturday night, and then proceeding to ring me for several hours of flirting, which was nice, although I did have to reign it in a little. I'm not prepared to really encourage too much of that, even though it's quite flattering it's also a little disrespectful at the same time, and whilst I don't mind a bit of a mutual flirt there is a fine line between that and feeling like your just providing wank fodder. Then, equally as bizarrely JB suddenly got all flirty on Facebook, stating he 'hopes to see me soon, preferably naked' for all the world to see. I responded by telling him he's all talk and no action. Both quite inconsequential really, but I find it odd that both of them should pop up at the same time. I wonder who else I'll be hearing from in the near future!

I find it interesting that this kind of contact happens to me, and for the first time it made me think about the fact that there must be something inherently flattering to the male ego about me, which is a kind of contradiction to how I feel I come across sometimes; which can be pretty sarcastic and slightly demeaning to those without the same sense of humour. It's certainly interesting to have the odd epiphany - however small that epiphany may be.

Aaaaaah!

2010-10-08T22:23:00.000+01:00

Friday is upon us. Hooray. Let the relaxing commence...

Rewind and erase

2010-10-04T22:13:00.002+01:00

My adorable friend Disco has been visiting this evening, with much tales of gossip and pending men, despite the fact that she has recently split from her ex and is nursing a broken heart. She has an unhealthy ability and desire to move out of one thing and into another (usually completely inappropriate and destined to faii) thing at a speed of light, but I can appreciate the need to halt the eternal loop of heartache however you need to, and each to their own in choosing whatever it takes to pause what seems a never ending brain overide of relentless and unanswerable questions.

For me, any discussion of broken hearts always results in reflection on he who should not be named - unfortunately. And whilst it's all such a long time ago, and whole lengthy periods of time go by without giving him a second thought, he is still somehow embedded permanently in my past and my present; and our relationship, as a short lived proper relationship and a much, much lengthier 'post-relationship' relationship has undoubtedly and irrevocably changed the person I am.

To be honest, I prefer the person I was before, and several times just lately I have found myself thinking about him and wishing I could just delete the whole thing. Literally, rewind and erase.

Nothing to report

2010-09-30T22:11:00.002+01:00

Well, my fortune cookie luck has not yet come to fruition, unless it is to stop terrifically bad luck coming my way, which would leave the impression of no luck at all - if you know what I mean! Nothing to report really.

X has been away for another week (well, Mon-Fri) to France, with the school this time. So I managed to use my evenings to catch up with a few friends, which was nice to do. Have also been out the last couple of weekends, with a wedding reception the weekend before last and then local town this weekend, though no sign of the mysterious, non calling Chuck. Shame.

So...

Life is ticking along. Work is ticking along. Kids are ticking along. Same old same old.

Fortune cookie

2010-09-12T19:53:00.000+01:00

After a busy day today at a near(ish) scarecrow festival, and a visit to Disco for some boyfriend break up (again) supporting, Chinese takeaway was on the menu. After the meal I opened the solitary fortune cookie provided to find not one, but two, fortunes awaiting my perusal. Fortune number 1 - Be prepared for a sudden, needed, and happy change in plans. Fortune number 2 - Good news is on the way.

Well, you can't get better than that can you! Fingers crossed fortune cookies are actually some mystical and magical way of perfectly predicting the future - instead of factory manufactured confectionary thoughts.

Rachel's Birthday Video

2010-09-09T18:59:00.000+01:00

This is enough to make even an old cynic like me believe in love. Just wonderful.

Cheeky one

2010-09-09T00:33:00.003+01:00

Have just got in from a few cheeky hours down at The Local's acoustic open mic night, which is always a most excellent evening of great, amateur singers and musicians, and heard this, which I haven't heard for ages and is so, so good!

New England - Billy Bragg, what more can you ask for?

Enjoy peeps!

Fuck Chuck

2010-09-08T18:12:00.001+01:00

He didn't ring. Obviously.

Introducing...

2010-09-05T12:23:00.000+01:00

...Chuck.

IF he calls...

Back again

2010-09-04T00:37:00.002+01:00

Just back from a week in sunny Cornwall, and a week of introspection, resulting in so much in my head that I want to say but can't get my fingers to type!

I saw an advert on telly for a dictaphone that then converts to a word document, I sooo need one of those but have no idea what it was called. Anyone help?

Vin

2010-08-14T20:04:00.001+01:00

Had a lovely time in Paris. And my baby is back - bringing gifts of French wine that she is forcing me to drink. Therefore, unfortunately, I am a little too drunk to post! Ooops

In communicado

2010-08-02T22:55:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I need reminding of how fabulous my baby girl is. Lily has just emailed an update from their holiday...

Hi, X is fine and behaving lovely. Her and Lily Jr get on really well and there hasnt been one cross word yet (or a Lily Jr stomp off too). X is a lovely girl, very mannerly and a pleasure. We went to quiz this evening at the camp site bar and she brought a big bag of peanuts out of her pocket money for us to share bless her.

We went to the hypermarket to stock up on food etc and they spent the rest of the day in the pool returning at 6.30pm Theres a few festivals going on in the next few days with fireworks etc so we'll go to them. Might visit a few castles and maybe the beach too but the kids are fine by the pool most of the time.

I asked X what she would miss most about you and she said your cuddles so I said I'd cuddle her if she wants, and she said that I'd never do it as good as you!

Bless her!

Preparations

2010-07-31T16:58:00.002+01:00

Passports - check.
Eurostar tickets - check.
Train tickets - check.
Travel insurance - check.
Hotel booking - check.
Euros - check.

6 sleeps to go!

TGIF

2010-07-30T18:04:00.002+01:00

Thank goodness it's Friday. I have had a hellish week at work, despite the fact that I was (supposedly) off yesterday - although spent the first 3 hours of the day dealing with stuff by phone. But hey, its Friday!!! Sod work!

My baby, X, is off to France tomorrow to spend two weeks with Lily and family, and it will be the longest she has been gone from home. I'm really looking forward to it, though that may make me sound like a heartless mother - I am sure I will miss her a little, but to be able to just have to worry about me and Y (who desn't need a great deal of looking after!) will be absolute bliss.

Happy Birthday

2010-07-19T13:59:00.003+01:00

My baby boy is 17 years old today. 17!!! I have absolutely no idea how that happened. I swear his (my) life has just flashed past. May he have many, many more. Love you Y!

Gay Pareee

2010-07-10T14:59:00.002+01:00

Woohoo! I am off to Paris in a few weeks! My friend, Lily, has very fabulously offered (of her own accord!) to take X on holiday with them to France for the first two weeks of August - which is just FABULOUS - and so Y and I are going for a short break in the middle of the fortnight for 5 days and 4 nights in Paris. I have booked the Eurostar, ordered his passport, and now just have to wait until payday to find some accommodation.

Relations

2010-07-04T15:02:00.000+01:00

I have had an unusual, but lovely weekend this weekend. Friday night saw a bunch of girlies at the local comedy night for Bea's sisters birthday, which was all good fun, especially as I caught up with mate Molly, who I haven't seen for ages.

Saturday, carnival day in our town, dawned bright and early, and after the usual Saturday morning bowling for X and Y, X and I headed into town to view the carnival procession before meeting with my cousin A, who I haven't seen for 30 years! He contacted me on Facebook a while ago now, and then a few weeks ago suggested coming to visit (this partly prompted me to contact my biological father I think). I was a bit sceptical to be honest, but its kind of difficult to refuse, and to be honest, I am glad now that he did.

He arrived on the train about 2pm, and bless him had brought presents (2 Wii games and an £18 photo frame - not to be sniffed at!!) for us all, so we headed home for a while and had a bit of a chit and a chat, before X was picked up by her daddy for the weekend, leaving us free to spend an enjoyable afternoon frequenting some of the gardens of the local pubs. And frequenting we did, barely making it back to the 10pm train in time. It was good. He is a slightly odd kettle of fish, but to be honest, it was nice to see someone from my paternal side, which, after meeting him, seems to be a very small clan indeed.

Today is being spent doing nothing after a long lie in this morning, and a happy daughter home just now after partying in the park for carnival weekend with her dad. Roast is in, telly is on, kids are happy. Perfick!

Threadbare

2010-07-01T20:58:00.002+01:00

I have been a bit quiet of late - no significant concerns, but work is crap! Really, really crap crap crap. I would happily take a redundancy notice right now - 6 months off sounds mighty fine to me right now! I feel positively worn out!

I have had a response by the way. I skim read it, didn't really like anything that was in it, so have ignored it. I don't want to particularly read it again, or respond to be honest. It will be filed away somewher for another 17yrs or so.

Karma - an email

2010-06-20T21:02:00.000+01:00

"It is amazing what you can find on the internet these days. The information seems endless. I am interested to see that your website is managed by Good Karma productions, and wonder if you have any thoughts on how not seeing or contacting your only daughter for 30 years is likely to go down with good old Karma.

You have failed me, and I hope, though doubt, that you give thought to that, and often. There really is no excuse, and coming across your website I realise I am angry. Very much so. I deserved better than you gave me.

Interestingly, my daughter, X, who is 10 now - just in case you are vaguely interested - wants to be a shopkeeper and artist. She wants to sell her art in her own shop. I guess there is something about genes that will out."

Happy Fathers Day

2010-06-20T19:47:00.002+01:00

I just emailed the father I haven't seen or heard from in 30 years. I don't know why. I don't know if I should.

I just realised it's Fathers Day.

Best Laid Plans

2010-06-13T23:11:00.002+01:00

Well, the date didn't happen. I have to say, I'd predicted a bail, and sure enough early Saturday morning pre-bail appeared in the form of a text to say that he had man flu and things didnt look good for later. The bail was confirmed by a similar text at lunchtime to say he was worse. My immediate reaction was "bullshit" and the only thing that prevented me from texting to say that actually I didn't believe him, and was subsequently pretty disappointed in him was the fact that the mother of his son had posted a comment on ye good olde facebook yesterday to say that she hoped we both had a good night. Something she would only have known from him telling her, which would imply an intention to go.

However, even assuming the best case scenario, and that he fully intended to go but was actually really ill, I'm pretty much finished with it. That was my plan, and I have no more. I won't be inviting him to any other events and I'm pretty sure that given some encouragement he might have tipped over the edge, but I'm also very sure that he won't go out of his way to push the issue himself. So, thats it. Whats done is done.

Woohoo

2010-06-07T19:29:00.001+01:00

My mortgage has just transferred from fixed rate to variable - resulting in a saving of £262 per month! For at least the next 3 months, and hopefully longer. Hurrah!!

Double figures

2010-06-01T20:15:00.003+01:00

My baby - my cute little baby girl, is 10 today. 10!!! I have no idea how that happened!

PS 1

2010-05-30T00:10:00.000+01:00

I don't believe I will ever be married, but I love to watch real life wedding tv. I always wonder how they do it.

What it is to be me

2010-05-28T10:37:00.003+01:00

My ability to over analyse and the depth to which my emotions are attached to this over analysis sometimes astounds even myself! Let’s take the last week or so as a case in point:

Monday – I send JB a thought out and non-threatening quick text to let him know I have collected theatre tickets (which I actually collected 4 days before) and so we are “good to go on Saturday”. He replied, we had a brief text chat, including him saying he was looking forward to it.

Result – one happy and confident OG.

Tues, Wed, Thurs day – Some constant rumbling through my brain of whether I want this, whether I’ll get this, whether I am too completely incompetent in relationships, whether he views this as friendship, yadeyadeyada.

Result – pootling along in the day to day.

Thurs 8pm – a text from him saying hi and asking how I was and hoping all is good.

Result – initially happy and smiley OG again, later mingled with the beginnings of doubt that this is what I want, that I am only interested in the chase and not the relationship, some mild anxiety that this may work and some that it won’t.

Thurs 11pm – text him back after getting in from work.

Result – feeling very grown up and in control at having waited to text him and thereby demonstrating that I am not some sad psycho stalker.

Thurs 11.15pm – log on to Facebook, to read comment from himself on his page earlier in the day, saying he’s had a great day including a “kiss from a princess”.

Result – immediate and horrible anxiety that he has met somebody and that I am clearly in friend category, followed by anxiety that if this is the case I now have to go to the theatre with him and pretend happy and nice, followed by annoyance at him and myself for thinking otherwise, mixed in with some sensible reasoning that he is probably talking about a friend’s daughter or some other such completely irrelevant happening.

Thurs 11.20pm – read comments on his page from a close male friend of his, referring to another OG named commenter, and saying “is that the OG you said about?” followed by JB’s response of “no mate, different OG”.

Result – am muchly happy that he has obviously been talking about me to his close male friend, which is just fabulous because that means I am important, and smile, smile, smile. before contented and settled sleep.

Friday 8am – woke to a text on my phone that he has updated his Facebook status.

Result – beginning onset of anxiety that he has not replied to my text sent last night.

Friday 8.30am – still no text response from last night.

Result – beginning to think that perhaps he is talking to his friend about me in a bad way. Anxiety that he has expressed concern about how I have been with him, that he has asked how he can extract himself from situation, that somebody else has been advising him about me, in a bad way.

Friday 9.30am – comment casually on his Facebook status, he replies equally casually and saying nothing of any significance good or bad.

Result – getting myself increasingly worked up about what to read and what to disregard, a recap and continual repeating cycle of all of the previously mentioned feelings from last night and this morning, including a frustration with myself for the constant over analysis and the inability to switch of my brain, a complete inability to focus on anything at work, combined with the need to constantly check phones and Facebook, as well as to spill this into Blogland.

The benefits of which, I guess, are a vaguely interesting, if slightly embarrassing post!

Maelstrom

2010-05-25T22:24:00.003+01:00

Last night I went to bed full of fluff! Figuratively speaking of course.

I'd had a pretty good day, after a relaxing weekend, and it was topped off by a brief but pleasant text chat with JB confirming the 12th for our hot date. So I settled to bed calm, content, and full of pleasant thoughts of times to come and the delightfulness of new men.

This morning however, it was not new loves that crept unbidden into my dreams but old ones.

I woke in a whirl of emotions from an all too real dream that involved, in brief, the return of the man that was and a gradual reawakening of us after a weekend spent together which culminated in me losing him in a crowd.

It has taken me all day to shake a strange sense of impending trouble. I have spent the morning restless, anxious, and with a turbulence in my stomach that was not related to any digestive issues in any way.

It frustrates me that my subconscious can betray me in this way. That it can let my past creep into my present, albeit through my dreams only, and that I can be affected by something that is long since dead. It's ridiculous that something as small as a dream, which means nothing, absolutely nothing at all can send me into a spin for nearly an entire day. It's certainly a good job I don't believe in premonitions, because if I did I'd be predicting a showdown where I'm forced to choose between the old and the new.

I so want to choose the new and forget the old ever existed, but it unnerves me how much it shakes me. As I said, it's a good job I don't believe in the power of dreams, no matter how real they seem.

Lets hope for a more peaceful night tonight.

What a difference a day makes

2010-05-19T22:09:00.002+01:00

Yay!! I am happy again. I finished my last assignment for my module today, and am soooo glad it is now done, submitted and out of the way! Even better that I have no more studying until September. Am so glad of the break. With work, and life in general, being what it is at the moment it's one less pressure.

Plus, I have a date with JB!!!! Yay. Well, he probably won't be calling it a date but I am, lol. We are going to see Midsummer Nights Dream at our local theatre on Saturday 12th June, courtesy of the free tickets I got today (along with free family ticket for the Christmas show!) for attending a 2 hour focus group. Hooray for free stuff. And double hooray for inviting JB and he, for bloody once, saying yes.

Happy, happy, happy!!

Funk

2010-05-18T19:18:00.002+01:00

I am feeling really, really grumpy today - increasingly so as the afternoon wears on. I am so bored of fucking issues and hot and cold and bothering with people who really have no interest, or cannot decide what they want. I'm just fed up of it!

Happy Birthday

2010-05-12T21:25:00.003+01:00

I have had, and I am sure have yet to come, a very hard week. Work is relentless at the moment and is really taking it's toll, and on top of that I have not been sleeping at all well. So, last night, armed with a good book and Ann Summers finest Pulsatron I decided to administer some medicinal light relief! I was half expecting the mission to fail, but surprisingly the blast off was extremely effective.

However, at point of detonation, and in those few minutes of the world resettling I was really, really reminded that I have had no really decent orgasms since DM, and that I can't deny we had, for the most part, some of the best sex I have ever had. This, for some inexplicable reason (which I attribute to my spunk addled (minus the spunk) brain) kickstarted the thought and I was overwhelmed with the desire to tell him so. So, after a record ten months of no contact, I texted him.

Stupid? Yes probably! Pointless? Most definitely! Regrettable? Absolutely not!

I'm at a point now where I fully accept that he is in my past and will never again be a part of my present or future, so to be honest, contact with him is really not that big a deal to me.

Half an hour ago, for no reason that is at all apparent, I suddenly realised that yesterday was his birthday. Without any thought at all, and completely unknowingly, I texted him on his birthday. Or rather, I texted him smut on his birthday.

That has kind of freaked me out a little.

Men!

2010-05-06T17:10:00.001+01:00

Bloody men!

And they say women are complicated and difficult to work out!!!

Grrr - how hard is it to just get on with things?

Sheesh!

Loss

2010-05-04T23:31:00.004+01:00

Well the JB story continues...

After a relatively quiet week or so on his side, we had a brief and unremarkable chit chat commentary on Facebook (whatever did I do before it!) which preceded the following conversation:

JB - Hi hun, worked last night, have had a shite day, heard a couple of songs that my *dead son would've liked, but hey ho x miss him so much.

OG - Aw bless you honey. Glad you worked but sorry that you having a sad *dead son day today. I can't possibly imagine how you feel. Do you want to chat? x x x

JB - Never been one to chat hun, but thank you. It don't get any easier, excuse my grammar!

OG - I thought you might say that. Maybe one of these days, might do you some good. Besides, I can chat for both of us, lol. Much love to you honey, anytime x x

JB - Big huge cuddles for you OG. I am attracted to you in a massive way, but, always a but, since *dead son I can't feel anything

OG - I'm sure he wouldn't want that for you honey, and just because we let new people in it doesn't mean we let the others go. Maybe one day , eh? xxx

JB - Yeah one day, not to far away I hope, think about you often hun x

I am pleased that he's acknowledged some attraction, which at least means I'm not completely lunatic and deluded (well not in this instance anyway!), but frustrated that he is letting his grief stop him from moving forward with life, (though I know I'm a fine one to talk about not moving forward!), and thinking it's bloody typical that I always pick the "complicated" ones! Mostly though, I'm just sad for him. Sad as I would be for any of my friends. Sad about the situation he is. Sad that he has had to, and is continuing to, suffer this loss. In all honesty, just sad.

True colours

2010-05-01T01:06:00.001+01:00

I have gone red. Very, very, very red!

Of the hair, of course.

Pictures may follow - if I'm brave enough to keep it!

Loving Mystic Meg

2010-04-23T18:12:00.002+01:00

I'm a massive believer of horoscopes! Well, when they say nice things that I want to hear of course! Take today for example...

When someone you've known for a while - but never seen as partnership material before - now seems so attractive, its the real love deal.

I like it :-)

Wasted wishes

2010-04-21T22:00:00.003+01:00

One of the things I wish I could change, if such things were possible, would be my family. Now, whilst I love them all in their own way we are not a close family. Far, far from it unfortunately. Aside from me and my sister, I have little in the way of contact with either of my brothers, not much with my mum anymore since she moved away, and over the last few years less and less with my (step)dad. And absolutely no contact, other than Christmas cards, from Aunties and Uncles and cousins. Thats the way our family is. Distant.

I am envious when I see photo's on facebook of people going on holiday with family. One of Y's friends has the epitomy of the perfect family life to me. In her family she has a younger sister and her mum and dad (my age) are still together and have been together for absolutely years, an aunty and uncle also married for a long time and with 2 daughters about her sister's age, and her gran and grandad, also still married after many years. They always have so many photos on facebook of them doing things all together. All the big occasions - Christmas, New Years Eve, kids birthdays, holidays is always all of them, all together.

I wish I had had her upbringing. I wish more that I'd been able to give my kids the same. More than anything else its the thing I cannot change and the thing I wish I could.

Drunken facebooking

2010-04-19T22:39:00.000+01:00

Notification: OG won the game of Scrabble

Comments:
JB - i bet id win at sexsrabble
OG - lol, with that spelling boyo I bet you wouldn't :-) you been on the guiness?
JB - no ive mingled with the massive, lsd, coke, bit of speed, oh an a nice earl grey
OG - lol, yeah yeah
JB - yeah! what kind of retorte is that?????????????
OG - a sarcastic 1!! get yourself on scrabble then and we'll play dirty words only :-)
JB - id rather get naked n do rude things, and yes ive had a cider, i dont normally do bright intelligent pretty girls
OG - LMAO!!!! Well thank you! I think? (I'm assuming I'm the pretty intelligent one, unless you have company!). Anytime Mr B, anytime ;-)
JB - no i wasnt talking bout you, ha im not that drunk!!!!! ha
OG - cheeky sod! bugger off to your pretty girl then :-p
JB - bugger off meaning call you, and pretty girl meaning my ipod and avenged sevenfold
OG - I repeat... lol, yeah yeah. You know you love me longtime !

Now what to make of that?!!?

No

2010-04-17T19:09:00.001+01:00

No kids!
Nothing to do !
Nowhere to be!
No money to go anywhere!

Think it will be a quiet night in for me tonight! Wine, pyjamas and back to back Gavin and Stacey on DVD. Oh the excitement of my life!!

Later...

2010-04-16T22:52:00.003+01:00

Excellent to see you and X today hun, even though I'm now known as Mr Cuddly! See you soon xx

Anytime hun. And they're only jealous cos you're my favourite cuddler! Don't be a stranger x

Ha, I won't be hun, have a busy day tomorrow, have a book to read. Will text you tomorrow evening hun xxx

Enjoy x

I think I will hun x

Back in December when I saw him last I was (re)reading one of my all time favourite books, one of those that should be on everyone's list to read, and I really thought that he would love it too, particularly as he wasn't in the greatest place of all at the time, so I had text and told him I had a present for him and then mentioned it again on his birthday in March, so I took it with me yesterday. My intentions had originally been to buy him a copy but decided to give him my own prized copy instead - I think that adds something a bit more personal to the mix as well - and I wrote the following little message in the inside cover: "J, for the times you want to get away but can't - maybe there's a reason you stay. The best of days to you Mr B, OG". He seemed pleased to get it and he also seemed to appreciate the gesture and the sentiment.

So I'm pleased that he text me, and pleased that he is pleased about his book and wanting to read it straight away. To me that is the mark of a gift that is appreciated. I hope he loves it as much as I do and that he also gets something from it other than the pleasure of reading it. I'm surprised he said he'll text tomorrow evening, and partly expecting him to do so; as I don't think he's the type to say and not do, equally I'm not expecting to hear from him again for a few months, so who knows. As I've said before, I'm not willing to push anything with anyone at the moment, and least of all someone I've known for such a long time and will continue to know for a long time to come. In this instance, perhaps for the first time in my life, I'm definitely going with "whatever will be will be". (Oooh, thinking about it I've been looking for a new saying, and that might just be the next tattoo!)

I feel happy, yeah yeah yeah

2010-04-16T19:28:00.003+01:00

Well I have just got back from a couple of hours at the pub with the lovely JB. I decided to go in the end, after nipping home from work to straighten my hair, top up my "natural, been at work all day" make up and get changed! I was hoping to pop and see him for an hour with X, but I text him about 4.30pm and he didn't reply for half an hour (which he apologised for when I saw him) so by the time I heard back from him I'd started to resign myself to not going and had to collect X from the childminders by then, so she came with me.

It was just lovely to see him to be honest. He really is absolutely one of the good guys (though he has his flaws of course, like anybody) and I always enjoy spending time with him. There were no real zing zings of passing sparks between us but we did do lots of hugging and kissing (in a friendly way) and he is someone I feel very comfortable with, with the fancying a secondary experience, though that said I still absolutely would! He made me laugh by mentioning he had had a few drinks last night, hence the naked text, but he didn't go out of his way to back track from it, and we are always quite comfortable in each other's company, making reference to the shag many years ago quite easily. He made a few references about planning going out next time, and for me to ring him etc, which I gave him much ribbing about blowing me out and how I wasn't going to be asking him to go out or come round any time soon, and he said he would text me.

So we shall see. He seems to be getting his life a little back on track, starting work again in a couple of weeks, and sounding like he is going to be raking it in, and moving into a mutual friend of ours (which helpfully is about 5 mins walk away from me!), all of which I'm really pleased for him, he has definitely had a rough trot the last couple of years, including the death of his eldest son (who was about the same age as Y), being made redundant twice and having to move back to his parents (with a mother who hates him!) for the last 6 months. So it was great to see good things happening for him and I hope they continue. I also, of course, hope that I get to see him more often (even without the added bonus of some physical stuff) as spending time with him always makes me happy, and I think he could be just what I need. Although, we've been friends for 20 years and just an increase in that would be great, a little more than friends would certainly be a little more than great!